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Is it normal to feel this anxious about telling my mom?

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  • Is it normal to feel this anxious about telling my mom?

    Asalaam u alaikum,
    The past year and half I've liked someone, btw I'm not sure if he likes me or not. This guy comes from a good family, he himself is a good person, his character is what initially attracted me towards him. My family knows his family too and they are good people. For the past few months I've been trying to build up the courage to tell my mom about him, to see if she would talk to him and whether this can go ahead. However seconds before I think I have the courage to tell her, I stop because I'm anxious as to what she will say (I will be 22 next month), in my final year of university. It's not like I'm too young, but it's not like I'm too aged either.

    Question is, why do I find it so difficult to open up to my mother? Surely every girl talks to her mom about these things? So why can't i? Is anyone else in a similar situation? How can I get over my fear?
    How can I start the conversation?
    And what if this guy doesn't even like me,when I can finally talk to my mom and she in turn speaks to his family?

    Thank you very much for your help. I am giving myself headaches thinking about this constantly!!

  • #2
    Re: Is it normal to feel this anxious about telling my mom?

    Make this dua: “Rabbi ishrah li sadri, wa yassir li amri, wa ahlul uqdatan min lisani, yafqahu qawli.” (My Lord, expand for me my breast [with assurance] and ease for me my task. And untie the knot from my tongue that they may understand my speech)

    Then go for it.

    I know it can be nerve-wracking talking to your mum, but once you've said it, then at least it's done. Just say it and get it over with. She might react better than you expected.

    If your mum contacts them and finds that the guy isn't interested, don't worry, it's not the end of the world. You would have nothing to feel ashamed or humiliated about because you didn't do anything wrong, you just wanted to see if there was a possibility of marriage happening. I think there's nothing wrong with the girl's side initiating marriage talks.

    And you never know, it could end up being a success and you could be married one day inshaAllah. God knows.

    Tell her this evening :)

    :wswrwb:

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Is it normal to feel this anxious about telling my mom?

      i guess it depends on how u were brought up and how close u are. at first it can be weird, but once u say it, it won't be bad. it might get awkward if ur mom talks to his mom and he doesn't like u, and u run into him in ur daily life. for now i guess just tell ur mom because u should be able to talk to her about anything. i've bugged my mom so many times about girls, marriage, proposals etc lol. and ur mom can casually bring up the guy and his marriage plans when talking to his mom, instead of "my daughter likes ur son" lol. surely ur mom would be happy u want to marry and have a halal relationship. don't be nervous. ur not doing anything wrong. all the best :up:

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Is it normal to feel this anxious about telling my mom?

        Go for it. You shouldnt be afraid of all the 'what ifs'

        It will be much worse if you didnt do it and end up regretting this decision later on in life

        Even if it doesnt work out, you can atleast say to yourself that you tried at the end of the day
        Believe
        there is
        good in the world

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Is it normal to feel this anxious about telling my mom?

          [QUOTE=DaughterOfAdam;6177046]Make this dua: “Rabbi ishrah li sadri, wa yassir li amri, wa ahlul uqdatan min lisani, yafqahu qawli.” (My Lord, expand for me my breast [with assurance] and ease for me my task. And untie the knot from my tongue that they may understand my speech)

          Then go for it.

          I know it can be nerve-wracking talking to your mum, but once you've said it, then at least it's done. Just say it and get it over with. She might react better than you expected.

          If your mum contacts them and finds that the guy isn't interested, don't worry, it's not the end of the world. You would have nothing to feel ashamed or humiliated about because you didn't do anything wrong, you just wanted to see if there was a possibility of marriage happening. I think there's nothing wrong with the girl's side initiating marriage talks.

          And you never know, it could end up being a success and you could be married one day inshaAllah. God knows.

          Tell her this evening :)

          :wswrwb:[/QUOTE

          Thank you very much for the Dua sister,

          about her reaction, i know she will be accepting and happy as she has mentioned him once or twice to me before but back then i blatantly rejected, for god knows what reasons.

          InshALLAH, one day.
          you know, i have had several people suggest this person to me, and heard i had a proposal from his family too, like last year but mum never told me about this. this was around the time i rejected him when mom asked me about him.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Is it normal to feel this anxious about telling my mom?

            Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
            Make this dua: “Rabbi ishrah li sadri, wa yassir li amri, wa ahlul uqdatan min lisani, yafqahu qawli.” (My Lord, expand for me my breast [with assurance] and ease for me my task. And untie the knot from my tongue that they may understand my speech)

            Then go for it.

            I know it can be nerve-wracking talking to your mum, but once you've said it, then at least it's done. Just say it and get it over with. She might react better than you expected.

            If your mum contacts them and finds that the guy isn't interested, don't worry, it's not the end of the world. You would have nothing to feel ashamed or humiliated about because you didn't do anything wrong, you just wanted to see if there was a possibility of marriage happening. I think there's nothing wrong with the girl's side initiating marriage talks.

            And you never know, it could end up being a success and you could be married one day inshaAllah. God knows.

            Tell her this evening :)

            :wswrwb:
            Thank you very much for the Dua sister,

            about her reaction, i know she will be accepting and happy as she has mentioned him once or twice to me before but back then i blatantly rejected, for god knows what reasons.

            InshALLAH, one day.
            you know, i have had several people suggest this person to me, and heard i had a proposal from his family too, like last year but mum never told me about this. this was around the time i rejected him when mom asked me about him.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Is it normal to feel this anxious about telling my mom?

              Originally posted by Mstar92 View Post
              Asalaam u alaikum,
              The past year and half I've liked someone, btw I'm not sure if he likes me or not. This guy comes from a good family, he himself is a good person, his character is what initially attracted me towards him. My family knows his family too and they are good people. For the past few months I've been trying to build up the courage to tell my mom about him, to see if she would talk to him and whether this can go ahead. However seconds before I think I have the courage to tell her, I stop because I'm anxious as to what she will say (I will be 22 next month), in my final year of university. It's not like I'm too young, but it's not like I'm too aged either.

              Question is, why do I find it so difficult to open up to my mother? Surely every girl talks to her mom about these things? So why can't i? Is anyone else in a similar situation? How can I get over my fear?
              How can I start the conversation?
              And what if this guy doesn't even like me,when I can finally talk to my mom and she in turn speaks to his family?

              Thank you very much for your help. I am giving myself headaches thinking about this constantly!!
              You'd be surprised. Every mother-daughter relationship is different. :)
              [FONT=Century Gothic][COLOR="#0066ff"][SIZE=4] We're all a little broken in our own little way and the last time I checked, broken crayons still colour the same...[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Is it normal to feel this anxious about telling my mom?

                Originally posted by HopefulOne View Post
                You'd be surprised. Every mother-daughter relationship is different. :)
                id like to think we are quite close, but in this matter we both back away , i put up a barrier and i think im afraid of what she might say to me like, wait a few years. which im ok to do, but i just dont want to her to think im desperate . by telling her now...?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Is it normal to feel this anxious about telling my mom?

                  Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
                  Make this dua: “Rabbi ishrah li sadri, wa yassir li amri, wa ahlul uqdatan min lisani, yafqahu qawli.” (My Lord, expand for me my breast [with assurance] and ease for me my task. And untie the knot from my tongue that they may understand my speech)

                  Then go for it.

                  I know it can be nerve-wracking talking to your mum, but once you've said it, then at least it's done. Just say it and get it over with. She might react better than you expected.

                  If your mum contacts them and finds that the guy isn't interested, don't worry, it's not the end of the world. You would have nothing to feel ashamed or humiliated about because you didn't do anything wrong, you just wanted to see if there was a possibility of marriage happening. I think there's nothing wrong with the girl's side initiating marriage talks.

                  And you never know, it could end up being a success and you could be married one day inshaAllah. God knows.

                  Tell her this evening :)

                  :wswrwb:
                  unfortunately i didnt have the guts to tell her and i still dont.

                  Comment

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