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How can you become 'bored' of being married?

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  • How can you become 'bored' of being married?

    Assalamu Alaikum,

    One thing I have heard many married people say that at the beginning of the marriage, the 'honeymoon' phase is only for a limited amount of time..and then the nature of your relationship changes, and it's not as 'interesting' anymore and can become 'boring'.

    Personally, I think if you marry someone who you find interesting...like someone who could be your friend as well as your spouse, who has similar interests/personality to you, then how can it become boring?

    Am I wrong in assuming that marriage can become 'boring' for people who chose their spouse based on looks/career/family background, and not on their personality or whether this person would be a fun person to spend time with? Like when you choose your friends, you choose friends who you have something in common with, you like their personalities and enjoy spending time with them, which is why you are friends with them in the first place and these friendships can last for years and you don't get bored of spending time with them. I think the same should apply to your spouse, as someone who you would enjoy being friends with.

  • #2
    Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

    Anything can become boring over time.

    This is one of the ways where marriage requires effort. If you´re gonna go to work everyday and come home and watch tv until bed time, day after day, for weeks, months, years, then you´ll become bored whether you´re married or not. You need to make an effort to do fun things together, go places, see things or do whatever it is you consider fun.

    Your husband is essentially going to be your best friend so yes, I agree, pick him like a friend. Pick somebody with similar interests and hobbies. Although differnce between a husband and a friend is maybe you see your friends a few times a month for a couple of hours at a time, but you´re stuck with your husband day in, day out lol.

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    • #3
      Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

      I think it's because you become used to having them in your life. It's exciting in the beginning because you've met each other and you're still kind of like strangers, but after marriage they sort of grow on you. Not in a bad way though, lol. I mean, I think it's sort of like you know you have them in your life so your mind is a bit more at ease. They're like how you are with your family, sort of, because after marriage, he/she becomes your family. :)
      Life's actually pretty simple: you just have to enjoy it, pray, do good, refrain from bad, and respect others. Being Muslim is not a disadvantage or an advantage - it's a responsibility.
      "So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true" (Qur'an, Surah Ar-Rum - 30:60)

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      • #4
        Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

        Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
        Assalamu Alaikum,

        One thing I have heard many married people say that at the beginning of the marriage, the 'honeymoon' phase is only for a limited amount of time..and then the nature of your relationship changes, and it's not as 'interesting' anymore and can become 'boring'.

        Personally, I think if you marry someone who you find interesting...like someone who could be your friend as well as your spouse, who has similar interests/personality to you, then how can it become boring?

        Am I wrong in assuming that marriage can become 'boring' for people who chose their spouse based on looks/career/family background, and not on their personality or whether this person would be a fun person to spend time with? Like when you choose your friends, you choose friends who you have something in common with, you like their personalities and enjoy spending time with them, which is why you are friends with them in the first place and these friendships can last for years and you don't get bored of spending time with them. I think the same should apply to your spouse, as someone who you would enjoy being friends with.
        Yes you are wrong

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        • #5
          Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

          I know this sounds like a cop-out, but if you search only for deen, insha Allah, He SWT will place the love needed to keep it going.
          As for the couple, one secret is to make sure they regularly take time out where it's just the two of them alone with nothing in mind/not doing any chore or work. When they get stuck in a routine, they will feel like it's the same whether they're with each other or not. That usually leads to either arguments or a ho-hum life, I think.

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          • #6
            Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

            Originally posted by Foodadad View Post
            I know this sounds like a cop-out, but if you search only for deen, insha Allah, He SWT will place the love needed to keep it going.
            As for the couple, one secret is to make sure they regularly take time out where it's just the two of them alone with nothing in mind/not doing any chore or work. When they get stuck in a routine, they will feel like it's the same whether they're with each other or not. That usually leads to either arguments or a ho-hum life, I think.
            Deen and hotness... dont forget the hotness. If shes beautiful u aint gonna look anywhere and not gonna get bored.

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            • #7
              Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

              Originally posted by Anti-Mage View Post
              Deen and hotness... dont forget the hotness. If shes beautiful u aint gonna look anywhere and not gonna get bored.
              Heh. You wish =p

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              • #8
                Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

                Originally posted by Foodadad View Post
                Heh. You wish =p
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                • #9
                  Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

                  Originally posted by Foodadad View Post
                  I know this sounds like a cop-out, but if you search only for deen, insha Allah, He SWT will place the love needed to keep it going.
                  As for the couple, one secret is to make sure they regularly take time out where it's just the two of them alone with nothing in mind/not doing any chore or work. When they get stuck in a routine, they will feel like it's the same whether they're with each other or not. That usually leads to either arguments or a ho-hum life, I think.
                  This is true¨, marriage is supposed to fun, it shouldn´t be a chore all the time (not that you can avoid the boring parts)

                  It also helps if they have some kind of separate life away from each other too, if your spouse is your only friend and they only person you can rely on for company then that´s not good. Take time out away from each other to go out with friends. Absence does make the heart grow fonder

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                  • #10
                    Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

                    What becomes boring as you say is have the same routine in the marriage. Mix it up.
                    "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

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                    • #11
                      Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

                      the honeymoon phase does pass - there are psychological reasons for that. we all get infatuated with new positive things and so there's a period of "new relationship" excitement. it's just a part of the human condition...we're less rational and more infatuated in the early stages of a new relationship usually.

                      personally i feel like what comes after is better...because yes, the new relationship excitement passes somewhere between 6 months and 2 years, but then you have a whole lifetime together after that insha'allah. a lot of people feel like once that infatuation or passion passes that there will be no more passion, etc. and you just get lost in the "drudgery" of dealing with kids, work, home care, relatives, and so on. to me the important thing is to maintain a strong relationship just between the two of you during this time that can withstand and nourish you when you deal with the issues of life, like taking care of the kids and home and so on. don't let all that other stuff become the only thing holding you together.

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                      • #12
                        Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

                        15 years later, we are better now then honeymoon time.
                        maybe having kids takes away from alone time with spouse, but time management is key to that
                        لآ اِلَهَ اِلّا اللّهُ مُحَمَّدٌ رَسُوُل اللّهِ

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                        • #13
                          Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

                          Routine = Boredom

                          Reduce the above by:-

                          - doing things spontaneously
                          - try different foods
                          - different clothes
                          - different outings
                          - take an interest in each other's jobs. You'd be surprised how many housewives don't know what their husbands do at work
                          - above all speak to each other as often as possible
                          - women who are housewives, avoid chatting to friends when husband is home, you had ample time during the day for that (remember that thread about the bloke in Saudi divorcing his wife over a whatsapp message?)

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                          • #14
                            Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

                            It all depends on each couple. After the 'honeymoon' phase many get busy in their work to save up for a house, etc. Then you have kids come in for the first year or so the girls are usually nurturing the infants and so are tired throughout the day and you barely get time to get out with them, but as Aloo said its all about time management at the end. You need to make plans ahead of time, for example every Friday night you and your spouse do something, rather go out, stay at home, go for a walk, cook/bake together, etc.

                            Also having a similar interests/personality is good, but not always sometimes having different interests/personality can be interesting as you both get to try out one another interest, for example the wife loves cooking the husband can cook with her and the husband likes playing games the wife can join him :)

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                            • #15
                              Re: How can you become 'bored' of being married?

                              Originally posted by Winter View Post
                              It all depends on each couple. After the 'honeymoon' phase many get busy in their work to save up for a house, etc. Then you have kids come in for the first year or so the girls are usually nurturing the infants and so are tired throughout the day and you barely get time to get out with them, but as Aloo said its all about time management at the end. You need to make plans ahead of time, for example every Friday night you and your spouse do something, rather go out, stay at home, go for a walk, cook/bake together, etc.

                              Also having a similar interests/personality is good, but not always sometimes having different interests/personality can be interesting as you both get to try out one another interest, for example the wife loves cooking the husband can cook with her and the husband likes playing games the wife can join him :)
                              I like DIY but I wouldn't trust her to not cut her fingers off with my tools :rotfl:

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