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Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

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  • #91
    Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

    Originally posted by toska View Post
    This kind of sounds like you want someone to sponsor your living and you offer not much in return... husband is suppose to have his own place and you your place?
    I doubt any man would like to be in a marriage when he sees his wife once a week or less. The thing is why do you want to get married in the first place if you want to live separately. The time he spends working should be enough for you to mind your own business

    Why you dont just work and have your own place. Only way a man would accept it, would be you being his 2nd wife.
    This is why there was a disclaimer 25+ - I think this could only be discussed with 30+ ..lol

    zainah, that can only be possible if you're to be a second wife - I can't see a single man [unless he has commitment issues] whom lives in the same town as you would agree to such arrangement. As for the kids, its better for them to get to know this person now they are young - they will be more accepting of the situation oppose to when they are older. You cant have your cake and eat it sis, something will have give..
    Life creates alittle laughter and gives many reasons to cry; it gives a little but withholds far more

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    • #92
      Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

      Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
      Everyone is different and have different circumstances, specially after a divorce.It takes a lot of courage to get back and Marry again , specially for sisters.
      So we should be understanding if they want to take things slow or in a way that they might feel comfortable.

      Yes we can advice ,but also we need to be understanding of different situations.
      :jkk: I really appreciate your post.

      It's the state of this Ummah. They just respond to say something they don't respond because they understand what I am going through.

      I can't really blame them. I do the same sometimes without realizing it.
      My heart will go on

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      • #93
        Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

        Originally posted by Musbah View Post
        Meh, after awhile it all gets old and mundane.....:apthy:
        Trust me, ill do all the permutations and combinations and bring up something new everyday.. wont let my small life go boring at all.

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        • #94
          Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

          Originally posted by Anti-Mage View Post
          Trust me, ill do all the permutations and combinations and bring up something new everyday.. wont let my small life go boring at all.
          Me too. I'm gonna make sure it doesn't get boring. I didn't wait this long for it to get boring. :/
          [FONT=Century Gothic][COLOR="#0066ff"][SIZE=4] We're all a little broken in our own little way and the last time I checked, broken crayons still colour the same...[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]

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          • #95
            Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

            Originally posted by HopefulOne View Post
            Me too. I'm gonna make sure it doesn't get boring. I didn't wait this long for it to get boring. :/
            For once we agree on something. :up:

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            • #96
              Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

              Originally posted by zainah View Post
              Salaam alaykum everyone who is an adult and mature enough to comment on this thread :p

              So this is my very first Marriage section thread.. lord have mercy on me.

              Marriage is on my mind lately.. yep. There is only one ini mini tyni thingy that stops me from getting married.

              My Freedom.

              I don't want to live with a man. I want to stay alone and keep my own house with everything in it. Just the way it is now.

              Basically how I see my marriage is living separately from each other and visit each other like once a week or two weeks.

              Will there be any men out there who wont' mind? I am not talking about married men..I don't want one of those.

              The times that we are together I will be a good wife insha'Allah, as long as he goes back to his own place again. :inlove:

              This also has to do with the fact that I am raising two kids alone from day one, so I don't want them to feel uncomfortable in their own home.
              Maybe after a while we can move in together, but as long as the kids are young I feel like I want to be alone for most of the time.
              sis there is only ONE solution to your problem.... marry someone from back home, they get the visa you get a husband....

              i ain't joking.... unless you yourself live in Bangladesh or Nepal...

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              • #97
                Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                Originally posted by Revertbrother View Post
                sis there is only ONE solution to your problem.... marry someone from back home, they get the visa you get a husband....

                i ain't joking.... unless you yourself live in Bangladesh or Nepal...
                If I wanted to marry someone from my own nationality I would have been married long time ago. I don't want to. But thanks the supports :up:
                My heart will go on

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                • #98
                  Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                  I agree with the brother who said it will attract the wrong kind of people.

                  However I also agree with those who mentioned divorcees. They might be more understanding of your situation due to having previous experience of marriage.
                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

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                  • #99
                    Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                    I believe once you find a man who you absolutely trust and feel safe with, you will think about this matter differently.

                    It just takes time, and a man will understand that you're kids have to get used to the new situation and will take it slowly. But its unrealistic to say: you can come by once a week, and thats it. But like I said, that way of thinking will change insha Allah.

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                    • Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                      Morrocons FTW!!!
                      Last edited by Revertbrother; 21-11-14, 04:07 PM.

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                      • Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                        if your talking about misyar, then i would consider it, as long as when children came into the picture things changed, and it would depend on how good you were like in deen and taqwa so i know there must be others who would.

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                        • Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                          Originally posted by hitorinoghareeb View Post
                          if your talking about misyar, then i would consider it, as long as when children came into the picture things changed, and it would depend on how good you were like in deen and taqwa so i know there must be others who would.
                          No I am not. Because I want to live with him at some point..like maybe a year later or so. Depends on how things go and how kids feel about it etc.

                          I also belief it's a bit risky because it could attract people with bad intentions.
                          My heart will go on

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                          • Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                            Originally posted by zainah View Post
                            No I am not. Because I want to live with him at some point..like maybe a year later or so. Depends on how things go and how kids feel about it etc.

                            I also belief it's a bit risky because it could attract people with bad intentions.
                            Well in sha Allah you'll be successfully in regard to your marriage but you shouldnt be thinking of attracting people with bad intentions, make duaa and find someone who really on deen, are you a revert or would you marry one? Because the brothers I know who reverted are really upstanding Allahu 3lim, not that born ones are not but from my experiences usually they are the type of brothers that are strong in deen seem bette r than most here

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                            • Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                              Even misyar in the beginning is like that but just make it clear your intentions are clear to the brother it's not misyar for good

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                              • Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                                Originally posted by zainah View Post
                                This also has to do with the fact that I am raising two kids alone from day one, so I don't want them to feel uncomfortable in their own home.
                                Maybe after a while we can move in together, but as long as the kids are young I feel like I want to be alone for most of the time.
                                :wswrwb:

                                With regards to this, I would just note that really it's when they're young that kids need a father figure, more so than when they grow older. To be raised with that balance is good for them, and as long as they are without it, we do not know what complications may develop. It's not in line with what is best and healthiest for children in the general case, at least that is my belief and it's built upon what I have read/seen as well as simply noting how if they were not mother and father, the children would not exist in the first place. There may be discomfort given a stranger will be introduced to them, but with some time they will adapt as children do.

                                But to answer the question, will you find men who will accept this arrangement but who are not married? Probably not, at least I cannot see it happening in the typically Muslim cultures I'm familiar with (Arabic and to a far lesser extent, Desi). But even outside those cultures, again probably not. No one can say it's impossible though.

                                May Allah make it easy.
                                والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                                "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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