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  • Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

    Salaam alaykum everyone who is an adult and mature enough to comment on this thread :p

    So this is my very first Marriage section thread.. lord have mercy on me.

    Marriage is on my mind lately.. yep. There is only one ini mini tyni thingy that stops me from getting married.

    My Freedom.

    I don't want to live with a man. I want to stay alone and keep my own house with everything in it. Just the way it is now.

    Basically how I see my marriage is living separately from each other and visit each other like once a week or two weeks.

    Will there be any men out there who wont' mind? I am not talking about married men..I don't want one of those.

    The times that we are together I will be a good wife insha'Allah, as long as he goes back to his own place again. :inlove:

    This also has to do with the fact that I am raising two kids alone from day one, so I don't want them to feel uncomfortable in their own home.
    Maybe after a while we can move in together, but as long as the kids are young I feel like I want to be alone for most of the time.
    My heart will go on

  • #2
    Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

    :wswrwb:

    Im not a mature adult, but perhaps you could consider being a 2nd wife?

    I can understand where you come from as a mother, and masha'Allah that's very noble of you, but you also need to consider yourself as a woman and an individual.

    May Allah swt bless you with a pious and wonderful husband :love:
    وَالْعَصْرِ

    إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

    إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

    "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

    "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

    Khanqah Habibiyah

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    • #3
      Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

      asalaamu alaykum. Some guys will be okay with it because they can have less commitments.
      visit this free Muslim marriage agency thats only for practising Muslims! >> www.puremuslimmatch.com

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

        Ameen and same for you Jenicca.

        I can't be a second wife though.
        My heart will go on

        Comment


        • #5
          This kind of sounds like you want someone to sponsor your living and you offer not much in return... husband is suppose to have his own place and you your place?
          I doubt any man would like to be in a marriage when he sees his wife once a week or less. The thing is why do you want to get married in the first place if you want to live separately. The time he spends working should be enough for you to mind your own business

          Why you dont just work and have your own place. Only way a man would accept it, would be you being his 2nd wife.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

            Originally posted by @nda View Post
            asalaamu alaykum. Some guys will be okay with it because they can have less commitments.
            that's how I see it. I see it as a win win situation. We both win here because we both will have our own lives and still have good times as a married couple.
            My heart will go on

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

              Originally posted by toska View Post
              This kind of sounds like you want someone to sponsor your living and you offer not much in return... husband is suppose to have his own place and you your place?
              I doubt any man would like to be in a marriage when he sees his wife once a week or less. The thing is why do you want to get married in the first place if you want to live separately. The time he spends working should be enough for you to mind your own business

              Why you dont just work and have your own place. Only way a man would accept it, would be you being his 2nd wife.
              You didn't read my OP did you?
              My heart will go on

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                Originally posted by zainah View Post
                I can't be a second wife though.
                Why not?

                Is it really such a bad thing?

                I understand you have every right to your opinion and that's fine, but don't miss out of something that could potentially be ideal for your situation, without a good deal of thought
                وَالْعَصْرِ

                إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                Khanqah Habibiyah

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                  asalaamu alaykum. You're right, but usually it will be a guy who had married before and divorced. Someone who didn't like the responsibilities but just wanted the benefit of having a wife who he can visit every now and then.
                  Originally posted by zainah View Post
                  that's how I see it. I see it as a win win situation. We both win here because we both will have our own lives and still have good times as a married couple.
                  visit this free Muslim marriage agency thats only for practising Muslims! >> www.puremuslimmatch.com

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                    I don't think a single, unmarried man would like an arrangement like that. If they are willing to go with this, outside of necessity, it will only be for a while, before they either desire your companionship...or naudhubillah someone else's. If Allah SWT puts love in the hearts of the couple, it may be quite difficult to live like this at times.
                    Only thing I can see is finding a husband that travels a lot. His work is such that he spends long enough abroad to feel like he's away from home, but not long enough to establish residence or have you shift with him. But that will only last as long as that particular employment does.
                    What if your children grow older and start suggesting you find a proper husband =p

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                      Wa alaykumasalaam.

                      Sounds tricky.

                      Toska has a few points that should be considered and maybe a married man would be more suited perhaps? Or waiting until the kids are older? I dunno just putting that out there.

                      لا تفكر كثيرا
                      بل استغفر كثيرا

                      -------------------------------------------------------
                      The children need your prayers more than anyone else
                      -------------------------------------------------------
                      www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by zainah View Post
                        Originally posted by toska View Post
                        This kind of sounds like you want someone to sponsor your living and you offer not much in return... husband is suppose to have his own place and you your place?
                        I doubt any man would like to be in a marriage when he sees his wife once a week or less. The thing is why do you want to get married in the first place if you want to live separately. The time he spends working should be enough for you to mind your own business

                        Why you dont just work and have your own place. Only way a man would accept it, would be you being his 2nd wife.
                        You didn't read my OP did you?
                        I did, you could have your family or someone look after kids or something. You said you have your own house now. So should be okay. Why do you want to get married in the first place?

                        If i had means to have 2nd wife. I would have no problem t have someone like you.
                        But when a man wants to marry first wife he actually expects something from her not just seeing once a week to be happyly married. Man would usually want children as well, which i assume your not into.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                          Originally posted by zainah View Post
                          Salaam alaykum everyone who is an adult and mature enough to comment on this thread :p

                          So this is my very first Marriage section thread.. lord have mercy on me.

                          Marriage is on my mind lately.. yep. There is only one ini mini tyni thingy that stops me from getting married.

                          My Freedom.

                          I don't want to live with a man. I want to stay alone and keep my own house with everything in it. Just the way it is now.
                          Then for what reason do you even want to get married?

                          Originally posted by zainah View Post
                          Basically how I see my marriage is living separately from each other and visit each other like once a week or two weeks.
                          That's really not what marriage is though.

                          Originally posted by zainah View Post
                          Will there be any men out there who wont' mind? I am not talking about married men..I don't want one of those.
                          TBH they would be your best option (if not your only option) though. Most newly weds want to spend as much time together with their partner, in the early stages especially, and your arrangement would put many off

                          Originally posted by zainah View Post
                          The times that we are together I will be a good wife insha'Allah, as long as he goes back to his own place again. :inlove:
                          I'm not sure what the criteria for "good wife" is here, and from the sounds of the arrangement, being a male myself, I don't really wanna go down that road anyway, as it wouldn't really be even marriage any more in my eyes.

                          Originally posted by zainah View Post
                          This also has to do with the fact that I am raising two kids alone from day one, so I don't want them to feel uncomfortable in their own home.
                          Maybe after a while we can move in together, but as long as the kids are young I feel like I want to be alone for most of the time.
                          This is the most understandable comment you made in the whole post to me. From this point of view I can understand your anxiety to share a house, but still I would say you have it backwards, in my opinion the best time to move in a husband who isn't the father of your children is when they are young, not when they are older. Also, from the sound of it, since your considering marriage instead of deciding to just raise these kids alone, I'm thinking it's out of a desire to fulfil your emotional/physical need of intimacy, and if that it is the case, once again, I'm telling you it would be better to move the husband in while they are young, since it would be super awkward to grow up having a man who doesn't live with you regularly come visit your mother saying he is her husband and then leaving once they have had their alone time. This will inevitably raise many questions as they grow up, and really isn't necessary.

                          Also, if you find the right man, he would be a huge asset to the house and to the raising of the children, you should focus more on that, because if your intention is to marry but keep your life the same (except for your newly acquired conjugal and financial rights), then my advise is stay away from marriage for now your clearly not there yet. Going from non-married to married necessarily means change, if you don't want change, you don't really want marriage.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                            @ Zainah - this is kind of a misyar marriage you are talking about.
                            The thing with this is , you find a single man ,chances are he would definitely be looking for more commitment, if not what is he going to do the rest of the time.

                            Yep i did read the OP -you asked if any man is out there , i am sure there are, but problem with this is you can attract all sorts of people who are not serious and who can take advantage etc....
                            This is why being a second wife would suit you best.

                            I understand you got strict preferences ,but it will not be wise.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Long distance realationship (25+ thread!)

                              asalaamu alaykum. Foodadod is right, a businessman who often travels would probably like the idea. But single never married bros would probably not go ahead unless you told them they don't need to finance you, in which case someone might do it. But remember you would get complications both ways because at some time, they would want commitment, and if you didn't give it, they will seek it elsewhere. In which case, you would have to accept being a 2nd wife (they might marry again in secret even).
                              visit this free Muslim marriage agency thats only for practising Muslims! >> www.puremuslimmatch.com

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