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Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

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  • Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

    Assalam o alaykum

    This has been bothering me a while and i cannot seem to find much answers on the net so thought i would ask here.

    In pakistan i see there is a 'tradition' of when a girl gets married obviously the parents will give her bedroom furniture/other things she needs BUT these days they seem to give absolutely everything from cutlery to a fan just because 'people will talk' and say things such as oh look they only gave their daughter this much how little of them etc..

    I want to ask is this haram/wrong to give all these items just because you are doing it to please all your neighbours and not because your daughter actually needs them?

    Thank you

  • #2
    Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

    Wa alaykum assalam

    Not haram in itself...but a waste of money definitely. Wasting money isn't good islamically.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

      :wswrwb:

      It's called jahaiz (dowry) and it's a dumb practice taken from Hinduism, as far as I know.

      And, no I don't think it's haram.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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      • #4
        Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

        :wswrwb:

        How is this different from the mahr? Are they different?
        Life's actually pretty simple: you just have to enjoy it, pray, do good, refrain from bad, and respect others. Being Muslim is not a disadvantage or an advantage - it's a responsibility.
        "So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true" (Qur'an, Surah Ar-Rum - 30:60)

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        • #5
          Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

          Originally posted by starrynight11 View Post
          :wswrwb:

          How is this different from the mahr? Are they different?
          Guy gives the mahr. Girl's family aren't supposed to give anything.
          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

            Most parents just do it out of practice, its the only way they know of showing love to the bride. So instead of buying her a brand new ipad or laptop which she might need or even a car, they will buy her furniture and kitchen stuff. Its what they are familiar with. I have seen it both ways, lot of families now a days don't bother giving all the furniture. That tradition is dying out but usually with the first daughter parents have the desire to fulfill all the marriage tradition, including gift giving. again the content of the gift is define by what the parents have seen before. I learned during my wedding that my parents had next to no information about marriage and tradition that is because they never had to deal with it before. Many of my friends told me they had similar experience with their parents. Everyone is clueless but no one wants to show it. so they copy what they saw others due & that is how a tradition is born.

            I hope parents realize no one notices those cutler and dish set parents give. No one goes in kitchen and opens the cupboard to check what parents gave unless the grooms immediate family are mean and into that stuff. on flip side there is some logic to this. It never made sense to me before but after I got married the furniture my family got me gave me a sense of comfort and belonging. I did feel like a stranger in my husband/inlaws house & did feel awkward about taking up more space or being free about using things, even food. I didn't feel comfortable waltzing in kitchen and eating whats there for first few months. My mom observed this or must have experienced it herself, that she always brought me food/fruits and got me a minifridge. I can tell you I am lot more comfortable around my "own" stuff because those are MINE vs. things that belonged in my inlaws house before me.

            so there is a logic to it. You don't notice it until you are in that spot. Our marriages are arranged, so hardly know eachother. Most people will not feel comfortable in a strangers house & those few things helps increase your presence. ofcourse everything should be with in once mean

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            • #7
              Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

              Wa alaikum salam

              If they'r giving household items then that is good and useful.

              It is what you will need in your new house that matters.
              “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people so that you protect yourself from their evils.”


              Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu anhu)

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

                Yeah we have a similar tradition in our family as well and I guess it must be an overall Pakistani thing, they do this thing where gifts are pretty much exchanged between both families. It's usually the boys side who buys gifts for the bride, her parents and siblings and then out of politeness her family buy stuff for him, his family and his siblings. It's supposed to be good manners and build bridges and all that and I totally get that, it's when they show off that it irritates me. I mean it is ONLY supposed to be for her immediate family but sometimes the guy will buy presents for her grandparents too or all the elders, as in aunties and uncles, and one guy who got married to my cousin bought something for all the females in her family. Therefore every single aunt and female cousin (and theres a lot of us) got some gold jewellery. Sorry but that is taking it waaaay too far, I'm gonna forbid my future husband from doing that if he thinks about doing it!

                Oh wait this was about household items, yeah never heard of that... Probably cos most women usually end up moving in with her in-laws
                Last edited by Asma28; 19-11-14, 09:36 AM.

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                • #9
                  Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

                  future wife ,i only demand a ps4



                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

                    Originally posted by fakepromises View Post
                    Assalam o alaykum

                    This has been bothering me a while and i cannot seem to find much answers on the net so thought i would ask here.

                    In pakistan i see there is a 'tradition' of when a girl gets married obviously the parents will give her bedroom furniture/other things she needs BUT these days they seem to give absolutely everything from cutlery to a fan just because 'people will talk' and say things such as oh look they only gave their daughter this much how little of them etc..

                    I want to ask is this haram/wrong to give all these items just because you are doing it to please all your neighbours and not because your daughter actually needs them?

                    Thank you
                    Wailaikumsalaaam.

                    What you have mentioned isnt that bad.

                    From what I know, furniture is bought on some occasions by the girls family and then they take it out so EVERYONE can see - which is pure dumb

                    giving furniture etc - is alright - but from wife to husbands family and then to show it - nope - didnt allow that rubbish at mine.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

                      Originally posted by Kya View Post
                      on flip side there is some logic to this. It never made sense to me before but after I got married the furniture my family got me gave me a sense of comfort and belonging. I did feel like a stranger in my husband/inlaws house & did feel awkward about taking up more space or being free about using things, even food. I didn't feel comfortable waltzing in kitchen and eating whats there for first few months. My mom observed this or must have experienced it herself, that she always brought me food/fruits and got me a minifridge. I can tell you I am lot more comfortable around my "own" stuff because those are MINE vs. things that belonged in my inlaws house before me.

                      so there is a logic to it. You don't notice it until you are in that spot. Our marriages are arranged, so hardly know eachother. Most people will not feel comfortable in a strangers house & those few things helps increase your presence. ofcourse everything should be with in once mean
                      That's exaclty it. When I got married my inlaws said I didn't need anything and I took their word for it. But then not everyone like me touching their stuff, it was super awkward.

                      This is also why people prefer their son in laws have a house, then their daughter isn't a guest in someone else home, she is in her own home. 'Cause it's all well and good when things are going well, but if there is a fight or friction, then all those aspects come into play, Your living in our house, you use our stuff, dont' ruin my stuff, you didn't put it away properly and now it broke, etc, etc.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

                        Originally posted by Asma28 View Post
                        Yeah we have a similar tradition in our family as well and I guess it must be an overall Pakistani thing, they do this thing where gifts are pretty much exchanged between both families. It's usually the boys side who buys gifts for the bride, her parents and siblings and then out of politeness her family buy stuff for him, his family and his siblings. It's supposed to be good manners and build bridges and all that and I totally get that, it's when they show off that it irritates me. I mean it is ONLY supposed to be for her immediate family but sometimes the guy will buy presents for her grandparents too or all the elders, as in aunties and uncles, and one guy who got married to my cousin bought something for all the females in her family. Therefore every single aunt and female cousin (and theres a lot of us) got some gold jewellery. Sorry but that is taking it waaaay too far, I'm gonna forbid my future husband from doing that if he thinks about doing it!

                        Oh wait this was about household items, yeah never heard of that... Probably cos most women usually end up moving in with her in-laws
                        Lol my family goes and buys endless clothes for endless relatives who have nothing to do with the wedding at all.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

                          Originally posted by raze599 View Post
                          Lol my family goes and buys endless clothes for endless relatives who have nothing to do with the wedding at all.
                          lol... why??

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

                            Originally posted by Asma28 View Post
                            lol... why??
                            Its gift to show your appreciation for attending the wedding or helping out. We brought gifts for all our out of town guest and immediate uncle/aunts who played greater part in the wedding process & to us felt like they deserved special recognition. I am also planning on doing similar with many of my friends but I have been lazy, hopefully before my 1 year anniversary I will pass those out.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Marriage in pakistan.. 'gifting' household items?

                              Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                              :wswrwb:

                              It's called jahaiz (dowry) and it's a dumb practice taken from Hinduism, as far as I know.

                              And, no I don't think it's haram.
                              I gift my daughter household items on her marriage, how this is dumb?
                              "Europe died in Bosnia and was buried in Syria. Bodies of innocent children washing ashore are the
                              western civilization's tombstones"


                              Rajab Tayyab Erdogan

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