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  • Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

    So, basically, I'm quite confused on how where meant to exactly find a spouse?

    The whole prospect seems so daunting, I just think in my own situation I'm kind of like in a lost 'space' if you will.

    I understand the best way to get married is to have the right connections, and also sometimes it just happens, its qadr, it unfolds in own way. But right now, I'm a little impatient and a bit stuck regarding my own circumstances.

    I know we're not meant to talk with no mahram men unnecessarily, and knowing myself I'm not like a total noob, I can conversate with men appropriately, but if I ever let it get too far, I know my conscious would somehow kick in and draw me away so that gate it out the window.
    So, basically, I don't live with my father, I've never actually grown up with a dad, I have a brother who's older than me, but he aint even practicing so I cant count on him to look for someone.

    (Also, sometimes when I read about everyone having meetings with their dads and entire families and whatnot. My family arrangements wouldn't allow that so is that the norm then, like having your fathers initiate/ mediate everything?)
    and I'm almost 100% certain I wouldn't be interested in the prospects that my mother would bring forth for me

    On top of that, I don't even have many friends lol, I'm not a complete loner but I just don't find myself incredibly drawn towards being around people, and sisters etc. and even then I don't think they'd have that many connections with ppl to help me get married.
    So that leaves me to own affairs, this guy once said jokily (not to me - someone else) "So what, do you expect Allah to POST you a husband?" LOL.


    Funnily enough, I actually do, but I guess I gotta do my part, but I don't know, guyzzzzzzzzz. my lovelies, lol (ignore me, bros and sissess - just me being a foool)

    Loool

  • #2
    Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

    Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
    So, basically, I'm quite confused on how where meant to exactly find a spouse?

    The whole prospect seems so daunting, I just think in my own situation I'm kind of like in a lost 'space' if you will.

    I understand the best way to get married is to have the right connections, and also sometimes it just happens, its qadr, it unfolds in own way. But right now, I'm a little impatient and a bit stuck regarding my own circumstances.

    I know we're not meant to talk with no mahram men unnecessarily, and knowing myself I'm not like a total noob, I can conversate with men appropriately, but if I ever let it get too far, I know my conscious would somehow kick in and draw me away so that gate it out the window.
    So, basically, I don't live with my father, I've never actually grown up with a dad, I have a brother who's older than me, but he aint even practicing so I cant count on him to look for someone.

    (Also, sometimes when I read about everyone having meetings with their dads and entire families and whatnot. My family arrangements wouldn't allow that so is that the norm then, like having your fathers initiate/ mediate everything?)
    and I'm almost 100% certain I wouldn't be interested in the prospects that my mother would bring forth for me

    On top of that, I don't even have many friends lol, I'm not a complete loner but I just don't find myself incredibly drawn towards being around people, and sisters etc. and even then I don't think they'd have that many connections with ppl to help me get married.
    So that leaves me to own affairs, this guy once said jokily (not to me - someone else) "So what, do you expect Allah to POST you a husband?" LOL.


    Funnily enough, I actually do, but I guess I gotta do my part, but I don't know, guyzzzzzzzzz. my lovelies, lol (ignore me, bros and sissess - just me being a foool)

    Loool
    But .. but .. but... arent you married yet ??!!
    how did you get a son named abdul malik ?

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

      Originally posted by Anti-Mage View Post
      But .. but .. but... arent you married yet ??!!
      how did you get a son named abdul malik ?
      That's my kunya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


      I don't have a child, never been married to even have one!

      Its from the sunnah to have a kunya. I reckon I should change it, everyone keeps asking me that, is there anyway to change it?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

        Well you don't live with your dad, but you live with your mum. Your mum should have some friends/acquaintances who have sons who are ready to get married,

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

          Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
          That's my kunya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


          I don't have a child, never been married to even have one!

          Its from the sunnah to have a kunya. I reckon I should change it, everyone keeps asking me that, is there anyway to change it?

          Nah uh, keep it :up:

          Everyone thinks im married too ;)

          Where are you from again?? Lemme keep my eyes opeeeeeeeeeen. What are your requirements lol
          The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “It will be said to the companion of the Qur’an: ‘Read, and ascend, and recite as you used to recite in the [previous] world, for your status will be according to the last verse that you recite.’” [At-Tirmidhi (2914) and Abu Dawood (1464)]

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

            Originally posted by raze599 View Post
            Well you don't live with your dad, but you live with your mum. Your mum should have some friends/acquaintances who have sons who are ready to get married,
            But none that I'm interested in, I'm sure. Defo. Defo. Defooooooo x10000 lol

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

              Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
              But none that I'm interested in, I'm sure. Defo. Defo. Defooooooo x10000 lol
              Uni ISOC?

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

                Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
                That's my kunya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                I don't have a child, never been married to even have one!

                Its from the sunnah to have a kunya. I reckon I should change it, everyone keeps asking me that, is there anyway to change it?
                Okay, i have a kunya too .. but nothing that makes me a father before marriage
                And i think this is the only reason you are not getting married. You are on nobodies hunt list coz we thinks you marrieds and have babies already.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

                  Originally posted by raze599 View Post
                  Uni ISOC?

                  You know....that is a totally great viable option.

                  But heres the catch:


                  How is anything meant to be done, theres tons of cute guys in my uni isoc (alhamdulilah (???) lool), pkay maybe not tons but there are a few, but I'm uber shy.


                  Not like crazy head down, block all guys out of my life type of shy, and trust me I've met sisters who almost gasp at the sight of guys looking at them or being around them, I'm chill, I don't mind, I try and stick to the limits but I'm still a tad shy and even then I'd never really approach anyone or enquire further.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

                    Originally posted by iRepIslam View Post
                    Nah uh, keep it :up:

                    Everyone thinks im married too ;)

                    Where are you from again?? Lemme keep my eyes opeeeeeeeeeen. What are your requirements lol
                    Lol, you need to get married first before arranging peoples marriage, lololololol.
                    If you cant do stuff for yourself how are you gonna do it for others.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

                      Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
                      You know....that is a totally great viable option.

                      But heres the catch:


                      How is anything meant to be done, theres tons of cute guys in my uni (alhamdulilah (???) lool), but I'm uber shy.


                      Not like crazy head down, block all guys out of my life type of shy, and trust me I've met sisters who almost gasp at the sight of guys looking at them or being around them, I'm chill, I don't mind, I try and stick to the limits but I'm still a tad shy and even then I'd never really approach anyone or enquire further.
                      Contact the sister in charge of your ISOC and ask her if anyone is looking to get married from the brothers side.
                      The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “It will be said to the companion of the Qur’an: ‘Read, and ascend, and recite as you used to recite in the [previous] world, for your status will be according to the last verse that you recite.’” [At-Tirmidhi (2914) and Abu Dawood (1464)]

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

                        Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
                        You know....that is a totally great viable option.

                        But heres the catch:


                        How is anything meant to be done, theres tons of cute guys in my uni (alhamdulilah (???) lool), but I'm uber shy.


                        Not like crazy head down, block all guys out of my life type of shy, and trust me I've met sisters who almost gasp at the sight of guys looking at them or being around them, I'm chill, I don't mind, I try and stick to the limits but I'm still a tad shy and even then I'd never really approach anyone or enquire further.
                        Tell someone higher up in the female ISoc, they'll tell the guys side of the ISoc, the word will spread and your identity shall be protected until someone is interested lol

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

                          Originally posted by Anti-Mage View Post
                          Lol, you need to get married first before arranging peoples marriage, lololololol.
                          If you cant do stuff for yourself how are you gonna do it for others.
                          i dont need too, and i cant atm. i wanna get my sisters married off first. :insha:
                          The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “It will be said to the companion of the Qur’an: ‘Read, and ascend, and recite as you used to recite in the [previous] world, for your status will be according to the last verse that you recite.’” [At-Tirmidhi (2914) and Abu Dawood (1464)]

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

                            Originally posted by raze599 View Post
                            Tell someone higher up in the female ISoc, they'll tell the guys side of the ISoc, the word will spread and your identity shall be protected until someone is interested lol
                            I could. I do have contacts with the head of the isoc actually, shes a sweetheart and a lovely sister, I suppose I could but what if.....


                            I don't know. I'm a tad scared.

                            Loooooool

                            How does it work? Do you know anyone whos gotten married through that way?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Confused, how are we meant to get married>>>

                              Originally posted by iRepIslam View Post
                              i dont need too, and i cant atm. i wanna get my sisters married off first. :insha:
                              :insha:
                              If i were in your place i would race with them in finding a spouse.

                              it'll be like , whos gonna get married first. whos gonna be a mother first ... vroooom vrooom

                              Comment

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