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How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

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  • #31
    Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

    Always ask for a picture beforehand. In this case, just tell them that you feel you aren't right for each other. Remember that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, so what doesn't seem attractive to you may be attractive to another. Therefore, there is no reason to tell the person he/she is not attractive. When I was in a similar situation (having spoken to a person online and then seen his picture, also online) I simply told him I wasn't interested in him. (I hadn't met him in person. Sometimes, you can just do Istikhara and then see that things just drift apart by themselves. Once I didn't like the guy so much and was getting second thoughts after meeting him- he wasn't exactly attractive but wasn't ugly either - but I didn't want to hurt his feelings by rejecting him. However I had prayed the istikhara. Things got messed up between us (from his side) and sometime later he was again contacting my family and asking me to marry him but we all decided that we didn't want to go through with it. So, I realized that, having prayed the istikhara, everything would work out in my favor. Therefore, do the istikhara prayer. And don't be afraid to reject a person you cannot accept. Remember, you'll be living with him/her for the rest of your life, so if he/she's unacceptable to you, don't proceed with the marriage. However, you might want to wait a while before you actually reject them. Like, look at their picture for a while. Maybe he/she will grow on you and you'll start liking the way he/she looks after a while and find that he/she isn't unattractive after all. That doesn't mean you need to keep them waiting for months. Just tell them you need a week or two to think things through and you'll give your final decision after a week or two.

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    • #32
      Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

      Originally posted by umm salabil View Post
      Always ask for a picture beforehand. In this case, just tell them that you feel you aren't right for each other. Remember that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, so what doesn't seem attractive to you may be attractive to another. Therefore, there is no reason to tell the person he/she is not attractive. When I was in a similar situation (having spoken to a person online and then seen his picture, also online) I simply told him I wasn't interested in him. (I hadn't met him in person. Sometimes, you can just do Istikhara and then see that things just drift apart by themselves. Once I didn't like the guy so much and was getting second thoughts after meeting him- he wasn't exactly attractive but wasn't ugly either - but I didn't want to hurt his feelings by rejecting him. However I had prayed the istikhara. Things got messed up between us (from his side) and sometime later he was again contacting my family and asking me to marry him but we all decided that we didn't want to go through with it. So, I realized that, having prayed the istikhara, everything would work out in my favor. Therefore, do the istikhara prayer. And don't be afraid to reject a person you cannot accept. Remember, you'll be living with him/her for the rest of your life, so if he/she's unacceptable to you, don't proceed with the marriage. However, you might want to wait a while before you actually reject them. Like, look at their picture for a while. Maybe he/she will grow on you and you'll start liking the way he/she looks after a while and find that he/she isn't unattractive after all. That doesn't mean you need to keep them waiting for months. Just tell them you need a week or two to think things through and you'll give your final decision after a week or two.
      Unacceptable to you? Lool
      And strive because the sweetness of life lies in the struggle - Imam al-Shafi'i

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      • #33
        Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

        just be like "Its not you its me"
        They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

          Originally posted by ibzy View Post
          just be like "Its not you its me"
          Is this some romantic flick
          about its not you its me
          kmt

          OP this is in your hands, don't hurt her feelings or make her lose confidence but just reject it

          salams
          bye
          Through fire and water… From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth… Until at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountain side… Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time… The stars wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as a life age of the earth… But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done.

          http://media.giphy.com/media/125pZ6JB0FVrxe/giphy.gif

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          • #35
            Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

            Originally posted by Thedon! View Post
            Is this some romantic flick
            about its not you its me
            kmt

            OP this is in your hands, don't hurt her feelings or make her lose confidence but just reject it

            salams
            bye
            kissing your teeth isnt healthy habibi.
            They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

              Originally posted by ibzy View Post
              kissing your teeth isnt healthy habibi.
              Don't worry I brushed them straight after
              and thanks for the tip habibti.
              Through fire and water… From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth… Until at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountain side… Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time… The stars wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as a life age of the earth… But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done.

              http://media.giphy.com/media/125pZ6JB0FVrxe/giphy.gif

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

                Originally posted by Thedon! View Post
                Don't worry I brushed them straight after
                and thanks for the tip habibti.
                oooOOoooOOOOoooo
                They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

                  Originally posted by ibzy View Post
                  oooOOoooOOOOoooo
                  kill'em

                  okay bye gotta stop hijacking threads.
                  Through fire and water… From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth… Until at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountain side… Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time… The stars wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as a life age of the earth… But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done.

                  http://media.giphy.com/media/125pZ6JB0FVrxe/giphy.gif

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

                    Originally posted by Strive View Post
                    Unacceptable to you? Lool
                    what? I didn't understand

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

                      Originally posted by umm salabil View Post
                      what? I didn't understand
                      The wording was funny
                      And strive because the sweetness of life lies in the struggle - Imam al-Shafi'i

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

                        Tell your parents to tell their parents that it will not work out

                        And avoid her after for the rest of your life lol (but seriously, do the first bit)
                        Believe
                        there is
                        good in the world

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

                          Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
                          Just tell your dad to tell her dad that you no longer wish to proceed further. No need to give an explanation.

                          May Allah grant that sister a good spouse soon, who will find her beautiful, appreciate her personality and treat her like a princess. Ameen.
                          for real? no dua for me:(? also this is just hypothetical situation. i just want to be ready in case i find myself in this situation.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

                            Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
                            for real? no dua for me:(? also this is just hypothetical situation. i just want to be ready in case i find myself in this situation.
                            Hmm, I don't know how your mind works, but for some people, once they get to know a potential's personality and they like the potential spouse for who they are, then they are more able to overlook what they look like because they already like that person.

                            But I guess it depends on you and what's really important to you.

                            May Allah grant you good spouse. Ameen.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

                              Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
                              Just tell your dad to tell her dad that you no longer wish to proceed further. No need to give an explanation.

                              May Allah grant that sister a good spouse soon, who will find her beautiful, appreciate her personality and treat her like a princess. Ameen.
                              treat her like a queen, daughters are the princesses ;)

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: How to reject a potential because you find them unattractive

                                "I'm sorry, Istikhaara said no". Job done, now run lol
                                I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

                                Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

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