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  • Wife wants to move out, I don't.

    I live in a 6 bedroom house with my wife, 2 kids and parents and am the only son in the family. I have no siblings and would rather stay with my parents because

    a) it's much easier financially

    B) we have a baby sitter if we need it anytime.

    C) we have plenty of space and can't afford a house like the one we live in now.

    D) my parents ask nothing if my wife. She doesn't have to cook, or serve them in any way.

    E) It is shameful being that I am the only boy.



    My wife says she wants privacy, but I feel she is being disrespectful by splitting up the family. My parents would also have to sell there house because of this.

    What kills me the most is I feel my wife is not a good wife because of this. 90% of the people in my culture with 1 son stay together even in apartments with there wives, many of them have 1000x worse mother n laws even my wife will admit to that.

    I even know many were 2 brothers live in the same roof, and wives don't complain. I don't have proof but I think my mother n law is encouraging my wife to move out. They talk on phone for 30 minutes every single day despite being 1000 mikes away.

    What should I do guys? Am very stressed out a out this.

  • #2
    Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

    This should have been dealt with before nikah akhi.
    There is rest only in the aakhira.
    Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

    - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

    If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
    and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
    then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

    - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

    I saw a dog without any clothes on .
    That's right, a nude dog.
    The Deepweb is disgusting.
    - Unknown -


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    • #3
      Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

      :salams:

      Ask her why she wants to move out?

      Have you told her how you feel?
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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      • #4
        Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

        Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
        :salams:

        Ask her why she wants to move out?

        Have you told her how you feel?
        He said she wants privacy
        Nothing is impossible with Allah

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        • #5
          Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

          Originally posted by muslimgirl93 View Post
          He said she wants privacy
          I'm sure there's more to that?


          There's six bedrooms in the house, I'd set up a salon or something in one of those rooms.
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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          • #6
            Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
            I'm sure there's more to that?


            There's six bedrooms in the house, I'd set up a salon or something in one of those rooms.
            But also 6 people, and more if allah blesses them with more kids...but yeah it may not be the only reason
            Last edited by muslimgirl93; 14-11-14, 11:32 PM.
            Nothing is impossible with Allah

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            • #7
              Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

              does she mean privacy as in wants her own space away from you? or are your parents walking in etc not respecting boundaries? sometimes women just want a place they can call their own home,

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              • #8
                Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

                I admit having a house where you are the queen is tempting (lol), I won't say no if offered/

                You can't really sit in the lounge with your feet up on the table like a mess with a mug in your hand, (I enjoy it :-/ and then the father in law comes in. That would be a disgrace, a shame. lol

                On the other hand, it's sounds like a big house, and it's their only child. Would she like it if her kids left her like that? old and alone in a care home/big empty house?

                I don't think so. Treat others how you'd like to be treated especially during old age :insha: Obviously this requires a lot of sabr, it's tough. I struggle lol
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

                  Boxingjudge please don't take my answers the wrong way. Communicate with your family and be gentle in your approaches. Just remind her that you're parents are your responsibility as well.

                  Be patient and understanding. Most importantly make lots of dua to Allah swt.
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

                    Originally posted by Superwoman View Post
                    does she mean privacy as in wants her own space away from you? or are your parents walking in etc not respecting boundaries? sometimes women just want a place they can call their own home,
                    She just says she wants her own home and wants us to live as a family away from my parents. I am very stressed out about it, if I was only thinking about myself I would want to move out too being that I like my privacy. I think the best way however is to weigh things out and that is why I am in favor of living with family.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

                      ur wife is entitel to privacy and if she wanting she can ask for her own house but yea you realy shud hav settled this before nikah

                      i think brother bestt way to dealing with this is asking ur parents to give u and wife more privacy. this i very simply sulotion, if privacy is the probelem then ask for more privacy from your parent.

                      but is vry wrong for you to complain of your wife on here , why does her want to have more privacy making her a bad wife to you?

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                      • #12
                        Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

                        Originally posted by sanabsanab View Post
                        ur wife is entitel to privacy and if she wanting she can ask for her own house but yea you realy shud hav settled this before nikah

                        i think brother bestt way to dealing with this is asking ur parents to give u and wife more privacy. this i very simply sulotion, if privacy is the probelem then ask for more privacy from your parent.

                        but is vry wrong for you to complain of your wife on here , why does her want to have more privacy making her a bad wife to you?
                        We have enough privacy, we live in a 5000 square foot house. I am not saying she is bad, but she isn't good either for putting me in this position. In my opinion I think she is being selfish and ungrateful, this is a forum and it's better to talk about things like this on a forum than to people I know.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

                          Originally posted by Boxing Judge View Post
                          We have enough privacy, we live in a 5000 square foot house. I am not saying she is bad, but she isn't good either for putting me in this position. In my opinion I think she is being selfish and ungrateful, this is a forum and it's better to talk about things like this on a forum than to people I know.
                          I wouldn't call her selfish and ungrateful, its perfectly fine islamically for her to ask for her own house. However of course theres the issue with your elderly parents.

                          You must admit the privacy of a big house and your own house however big or small it is doesn't compare. You can do whatever you want however you want in your own house and nobody will know. Its not like that in a big in laws house.

                          My advice just calmly explain the whole situation to her, don't accuse her of being selfish or anything. Regardless if you've done it in the past. Sit her down, talk calmly and gently. Say to her don't say anything now, take a week to think it over. This may be the best way to get her to consider the whole situation

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                          • #14
                            Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

                            Originally posted by Boxing Judge View Post
                            We have enough privacy, we live in a 5000 square foot house. I am not saying she is bad, but she isn't good either for putting me in this position. In my opinion I think she is being selfish and ungrateful, this is a forum and it's better to talk about things like this on a forum than to people I know.
                            It sounds like you are unreasonable. The woman has given you two children and you speak about her in this way. There appears to be a general lack of respect in your marriage.

                            I'm sure there is a bigger issue than 'wanting her own space and privacy'. Do your parents interfere when the two of you are having disagreements or discussing childrearing issues? Has she ever had the chance to be 'the woman of the house' and run things her way, or are these decisions up to your mother? I wouldn't mind living with in-laws, but I would mind these things.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Wife wants to move out, I don't.

                              brother your wife is being unreasonable, especially if your house is that big and the fact that they aren't asking you to tell her to cook. As posters have advised it is something that should have been discussed before marriage. Are your parents giving her enough privacy. Are they entering her room without permission etc.? If they aren't then I think you should put your foot down and tell her using wisdom that you are staying put.

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