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How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being mean

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  • How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being mean

    :salams

    So this person I knew since the seventh grade has been hinting that he wants to marry me. I've been hinting that I don't want to. He started messaging me on twitter, and I told him I don't feel comfortable talking to guys on twitter. He deleted the messages, so I thought it was over, but then today his mom and sister were sitting in my living room. I didn't know they were his mom and sister until they mentioned it. Nobody brought up marriage in front of me but I was questioned. When they were speaking to my mom though all they were talking about was marriage, and me.

    Guys this is really awkward for me.. like really awkward and frustrating. How do I tell them I'm not interested?

    Btw I know I made a leaving thread and everything, but this is an emergency okay :cower:
    And you guys are like marriage experts.

    Ibn Umar was asked, “Did the sahaba laugh?” He said, “Yes, and the faith in their hearts was like mountains.”

    "You can not be the ummah that will call the world to goodness if you hate everybody else" - Nouman Ali Khan

  • #2
    Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

    :wswrwb: Ukhti,

    Welcome back! :)

    Does the brother have good deen and character, or one that you're pleased with? If he does, maybe it's worth having a serious marriage conversation with him.

    But, if you really don't like him, tell your mom and dad openly and honestly. You have that right. And, at this point, it's important to be upfront about this with your parents. Although it's natural to feel awkward about this, don't let it stop you from doing the right thing and speaking up.
    Life's actually pretty simple: you just have to enjoy it, pray, do good, refrain from bad, and respect others. Being Muslim is not a disadvantage or an advantage - it's a responsibility.
    "So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true" (Qur'an, Surah Ar-Rum - 30:60)

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

      :wswrwb:

      Doesn't seem like they brought a proposal, so no need to stress. You probably thinking too much into it.

      And if they do propose, then tell your mom to tell them straight No. That's that.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

        Originally posted by starrynight11 View Post
        :wswrwb: Ukhti,

        Welcome back! :)

        Does the brother have good deen and character, or one that you're pleased with? If he does, maybe it's worth having a serious marriage conversation with him.

        But, if you really don't like him, tell your mom and dad openly and honestly. You have that right. And, at this point, it's important to be upfront about this with your parents. Don't feel awkward about it.
        lol I don't deserve a welcome back bud. It's been like 2 days xD

        He does have good deen, but I'm not ready.

        And it's awkward because I've been dropping hints that I'm not ready.. and if I was to tell his family I'm not interested I'm afraid that'd strain his mother's relationship with my mom because apparently they're friends.

        Ibn Umar was asked, “Did the sahaba laugh?” He said, “Yes, and the faith in their hearts was like mountains.”

        "You can not be the ummah that will call the world to goodness if you hate everybody else" - Nouman Ali Khan

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

          :wswrwb:

          Speaking from a male perspective. You have to be direct, if you give subtle hints we won't get the message lol. Just say "nah, not interested".. and that'll be the end of that.
          "The organisation that is called as "the state" puts effort to destroy jihad in Sham as they destroyed it in Iraq because of their obvious transgressions against Quran and Sunnah." Abu Khalid as-Suri (Rahimahullah)

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

            Originally posted by Salams2All View Post
            And it's awkward because I've been dropping hints that I'm not ready.. and if I was to tell his family I'm not interested I'm afraid that'd strain his mother's relationship with my mom because apparently they're friends.
            It won't if you do it tactfully, like tell them you ain't ready or not considering marriage for next 2 years.
            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

              Originally posted by Muslim First View Post
              :wswrwb:

              Speaking from a male perspective. You have to be direct, if you give subtle hints we won't get the message lol. Just say "nah, not interested".. and that'll be the end of that.
              True... "Subtlety" is not a man's strong point.........

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

                Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                It won't if you do it tactfully, like tell them you ain't ready or not considering marriage for next 2 years.
                then what if he asked me in 2 years and I'm still not ready.

                Originally posted by Muslim First View Post
                :wswrwb:

                Speaking from a male perspective. You have to be direct, if you give subtle hints we won't get the message lol. Just say "nah, not interested".. and that'll be the end of that.
                I still see these people around though.

                Ibn Umar was asked, “Did the sahaba laugh?” He said, “Yes, and the faith in their hearts was like mountains.”

                "You can not be the ummah that will call the world to goodness if you hate everybody else" - Nouman Ali Khan

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

                  Originally posted by Salams2All View Post
                  lol I don't deserve a welcome back bud. It's been like 2 days xD

                  He does have good deen, but I'm not ready.

                  And it's awkward because I've been dropping hints that I'm not ready.. and if I was to tell his family I'm not interested I'm afraid that'd strain his mother's relationship with my mom because apparently they're friends.
                  Lol, fair enough.

                  If that's the case, if I was in your place, I would tell my parents that I wasn't ready. Maybe say something like: 'I would be interested in this proposal, but I don't feel ready for marriage at this time. However, once I am ready, I will let you know and I will reconsider the proposal.' Hopefully, your parents will understand and respect that. Your parents can then tell that boy's parents the same message. They should understand, :insha: Get your parents involved to release some of that anxiety and frustration.
                  Life's actually pretty simple: you just have to enjoy it, pray, do good, refrain from bad, and respect others. Being Muslim is not a disadvantage or an advantage - it's a responsibility.
                  "So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true" (Qur'an, Surah Ar-Rum - 30:60)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

                    Originally posted by starrynight11 View Post
                    Lol, fair enough.

                    If that's the case, if I was in your place, I would tell my parents that I wasn't ready. Maybe say something like: 'I would be interested in this proposal, but I don't feel ready for marriage at this time. However, once I am ready, I will let you know and I will reconsider the proposal.' Hopefully, your parents will understand and respect that. Your parents can then tell that boy's parents the same message. They should understand, :insha: Get your parents involved to release some of that anxiety and frustration.
                    I should couple this with being more upfront. I'm not interested in the proposal.. I dunno what it is I'm just not.

                    Ibn Umar was asked, “Did the sahaba laugh?” He said, “Yes, and the faith in their hearts was like mountains.”

                    "You can not be the ummah that will call the world to goodness if you hate everybody else" - Nouman Ali Khan

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

                      I feel you are more compatible with someone else.
                      [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

                      [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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                      • #12
                        Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

                        Originally posted by Salams2All View Post
                        then what if he asked me in 2 years and I'm still not ready.



                        I still see these people around though.
                        Dang.. you just gotta tell it how it is. It's nothing personal, I just don't wanna marry him. But I know it's easier said than done, I was in that same situation, awkward as hell but you just have to be upfront. If people get offended, oh well..
                        "The organisation that is called as "the state" puts effort to destroy jihad in Sham as they destroyed it in Iraq because of their obvious transgressions against Quran and Sunnah." Abu Khalid as-Suri (Rahimahullah)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

                          Originally posted by Muslim First View Post
                          Dang.. you just gotta tell it how it is. It's nothing personal, I just don't wanna marry him. But I know it's easier said than done, I was in that same situation, awkward as hell but you just have to be upfront. If people get offended, oh well..
                          It hurts my heart though :/

                          I hate hurting peoples' feeling or making things awkward.

                          I think they actually think it's going to happen.

                          Ibn Umar was asked, “Did the sahaba laugh?” He said, “Yes, and the faith in their hearts was like mountains.”

                          "You can not be the ummah that will call the world to goodness if you hate everybody else" - Nouman Ali Khan

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

                            Originally posted by Salams2All View Post
                            I should couple this with being more upfront. I'm not interested in the proposal.. I dunno what it is I'm just not.
                            Well, if you're not interested in this proposal at all, then as the others have said, be honest about it. Tell your parents that you're not interested in that proposal without making excuses. Don't lead the other family on, otherwise they'll still 'harass' you and it would be a form of deception. Just be honest and straightforward, Ukhti.
                            Life's actually pretty simple: you just have to enjoy it, pray, do good, refrain from bad, and respect others. Being Muslim is not a disadvantage or an advantage - it's a responsibility.
                            "So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true" (Qur'an, Surah Ar-Rum - 30:60)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: How to make someone get the hint that you don't wanna marry them without being me

                              Originally posted by starrynight11 View Post
                              Well, if you're not interested in this proposal at all, then as the others have said, be honest about it. Tell your parents that you're not interested in that proposal without making excuses. Don't lead the other family on, otherwise they'll still 'harass' you and it would be a form of deception. Just be honest and straightforward, Ukhti.
                              Okay I'll try inshaAllah.

                              Seriously make dua for me guys.

                              Ibn Umar was asked, “Did the sahaba laugh?” He said, “Yes, and the faith in their hearts was like mountains.”

                              "You can not be the ummah that will call the world to goodness if you hate everybody else" - Nouman Ali Khan

                              Comment

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