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I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

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  • #46
    Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

    Learn to excercise self control. And, make dua for getting married soon.

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    • #47
      Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

      Originally posted by 146sunshine View Post
      This isn't a joking matter. I'm going through a serious problem and it seems you guys are turning it into a joke. If your going to make fun of me then please leave my thread. I'm looking for sincere people to give me sincere advice.
      I know, right! Some people on here really irk me the wrong way! Some people on here are so inconsiderate, so rude, so unreasonable, so patronising, Ergh. I'm so fed up with some of the moderators on here too, many of them need to fix their attitudes towards certain people. I don't even think many of the mods on here deserve the duty of being a moderator, argh!! I'm not even saying this merely out of anger, I say this with truth! Some of their comments are so sarcky, and sarcastic and they close threads which are perfectly fine and leave others which are clearly unsuitable!


      I'll be taking this up with sajid actually, I actually enjoy this forum, but because of poor moderation and rude people
      I've left of posting as frequently as I would have (that and I'm just not bothered for the whole backlash).

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      • #48
        Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

        Just know, sex is overrated unless you're in love with the person

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        • #49
          Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

          Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
          I know, right! Some people on here really irk me the wrong way! Some people on here are so inconsiderate, so rude, so unreasonable, so patronising, Ergh. I'm so fed up with some of the moderators on here too, many of them need to fix their attitudes towards certain people. I don't even think many of the mods on here deserve the duty of being a moderator, argh!! I'm not even saying this merely out of anger, I say this with truth! Some of their comments are so sarcky, and sarcastic and they close threads which are perfectly fine and leave others which are clearly unsuitable!


          I'll be taking this up with sajid actually, I actually enjoy this forum, but because of poor moderation and rude people
          I've left of posting as frequently as I would have (that and I'm just not bothered for the whole backlash).
          Don't involve the mods in your complaint. It won't end well for you.
          [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

          [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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          • #50
            Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

            Cut back on what media outlets you use. If you're getting tempted by what you see in music videos and TV, then cut back on viewing those things. Watch yourself when you go to the checkout aisles at Wal-Mart-- don't look at the magazine racks. Don't look at billboards when you're driving somewhere.
            "Wert thou to follow the common run of those on earth, they will lead thee away from the way of Allah. They follow nothing but conjecture: they do nothing but lie." (surah 6:116)

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            • #51
              Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

              Originally posted by 146sunshine View Post
              Assalamualaikum,
              I am a 22 year old female and something embarrassing has been going on with me. Since I have turned 22 I feel my sexual desires starting to kick in. I am DESPERATE FOR GETTING MARRIED. But unfortunately each time I have been getting a proposal people have been so DEMANDING with doctor, money, etc. That they reject me. I know that if one has sexual desires to marry as soon as possible. However my family and I are seriously searching but people have become so PICKY that I am not getting married yet (I'm not picky I just want a good Muslim man). Anyhow I know the next best thing is to fast but the issue is I am not able to fast at the moment because of a serious medical condition that I have to take care of that my doctor won't let me fast. Anyhow what is the next best thing for me to control my desires for sex? I long to get close to a man but what can I do if people have become so picky its not my fault! It's also sad how sexualized our society has become especially where I live in America sex sells. Even when you go outside you see really dirty things right in front of your face along with music and tv shows to make it worse. I just don't know what to do and when my time will come for me to get married!!!
              Wa alaykum assalaam,
              The prophet pbuh grew up in arabia, and the arabs at that time were in jahillliyah where women were not treated with respect and there was not modest clothing.

              Wake up everyday with the intention to fast, because if you are still not able to fast, your intention remains that you want to please Allah swt and attain taqwa.

              Secondly, find righteous company, drink a lot of water, and create barriers towards sins. For example, if you watch inapprorpiate things on youtube, or chat on inapprorpiate sites, or watch in appropriate tv shows, then block them. Set up a password on the blocking software, make the password difficult, store password on piece of paper, and keep it safe with a friend (not with yourself, or else you will unblock the bad sites).

              If you are listening to music, then delete your music. Remember, the logical thing is right there, but the emotional aspect you have to control.

              If you stay chaste, you will have a righetous partner in Jannah, and you will be a beautiful lady in Jannah, if you die upon being a chaste person.

              If you avoid watching filth, your eyes will stay safe from watching filth, and it will be easier for you to see the world in perspective, and have light on the day of judgment, and may Allah make this possible for me and you, be able to see jannah and most importantly the face of Allah swt.

              If you avoid listening to music, it will be easier for you to fall in love with the Quran and listen to the Quran and obey Allah swt, and realized how women are disgraced in the music industry.

              Of course you know all this, but I'm reminding you because it benefits.



              Finally, I advise you to actually message a sister, and tell her, I want to block the following sites, or here's the plan, do you think its effective? And share your feelings, tell them you feel lazy or you feel afraid etc.

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              • #52
                Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

                Originally posted by 146sunshine View Post
                Its the same thing with girls too now. All these proposals I get are rejecting me because of job, money, looks, etc. They all want money, looks, nice jobs, Indian/Pakistani descent, and the list goes on.... Doesn't anyone want a good Muslims with good deen? Where did the good people go? Where did the good boys go? ARE ANY OF YOU OUT THERE?!

                I'm here :), you know how the saying goes, all the good men are either married or gay, I'm married n polygamous.

                lol, not sure if my wifes agrees, about the good part, not sure if it normal or only my situation, but my wife says I'm the most irritating person. Lmao

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                • #53
                  Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

                  Sister, it is not embarassing it is just that most people are afraid to speak up. It is hard for men and women these days. We as Muslims are not doing enough to protect ourselves and our communities. This is why so many people are falling into sins. Imams should have matrimonial services at every mosque, places where people can meet and exchange mahram numbers, get to know each other. All this is missing in our society and it is pushing people into sin. I would suggest you keep yourself busy such as make a purpose in your life...work, study, find charitable organisations, volunteer etc...there is soooo much we could be doing instead of wasting time. If you keep your mind occupied with the needs of other people, you will find over time it is easier to forget about your own desires. In the meantime, continue your search for a good muslim man...utilise friends, family, matrimonial websites, local mosques...use everyone and everything you can to meet potential suitors.
                  I would only say don't make a hasty decision just because of longing.
                  The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it."

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                  • #54
                    Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

                    As a brother has previously mentioned, try to stop watching media and listening to music. I think watching sexualised things makes you long for these things more. It is all about learning discipline, yes it is incredibly hard but you can do it. Keep searching for a man but also think that you want to be with a man who is disciplined and doesn't watch dirty things etc and do the same. It took a lot of courage for you to post such a thing and ask for advice and my honest advice would be to build discipline, find outlets such as work, study, volunteering, keep yourself busy and keep your mind on Quran, put it on when you find it hard.
                    If it is pornography you watch, you need to change your way of thinking through something like cognitive behaviour therapy. Find a Muslim counsellor if you feel an addiction as some people do become addicted to things. I would say one common thing in todays world is that our minds think about sex in the wrong way because everything around us portrays it in the wrong way, so to change your way of thinking would be to ponder on the darker side of sexuality, how women are exploited and used...none of them are really happy. It is actually quite horrible and sad with all the human trafficking etc when you think about all this. It actually becomes a put off rather than a turn on. It is just made beautiful for people to be attracted to sinning. In truth sexual activity is only enjoyable and satisfying with a loved one when you know the other person wants to be with you as a person and not just for your body. It will never be satisfying with someone you don't love and are not married to. It is all about how you think about things and keep that in your mind.
                    The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it."

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                    • #55
                      Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

                      Just join the gym and exercise A LOT every day, and I mean A LOT until your legs get sore and focus on studying/ibada. Get yourself tired. It's generally an energy level problem. Also don't wear tight pants.

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                      • #56
                        Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

                        Originally posted by euphoria View Post
                        Just join the gym and exercise A LOT every day, and I mean A LOT until your legs get sore and focus on studying/ibada. Get yourself tired. It's generally an energy level problem. Also don't wear tight pants.
                        ^This, Never skip leg day.
                        Also go for dead-lifts, they really help.

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                        • #57
                          Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

                          Originally posted by 146sunshine View Post
                          This isn't a joking matter. I'm going through a serious problem and it seems you guys are turning it into a joke. If your going to make fun of me then please leave my thread. I'm looking for sincere people to give me sincere advice.
                          Ok, I am going to go out on the limb here and say it since nobody else did. Since you cannot suppress sexual desire by fasting due to medical reasons and you are sincerely trying to get married and not have any fortune in doing so, then manually stimulating yourself to fruition would be ok for you to do until you can get yourself married. And this is better for you to release the sexual tension personally rather than having the Shaytan whispering to you to release it by making zina. In the Hanbali school, this is permissible in your type of situation. And Allah Knows Best.
                          Last edited by Musbah; 12-11-14, 06:56 PM.
                          "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

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                          • #58
                            Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

                            Originally posted by Musbah View Post
                            Ok, I am going to go out on the limb here and say it since nobody else did. Since you cannot suppress sexual desire by fasting due to medical reasons and you are sincerely trying to get married and not have any fortune in doing so, then manually stimulating yourself to fruition would be ok for you to do until you can get yourself married. In the Hanbali school, this is permissible in your type of situation. And Allah Knows Best.
                            Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool omg.
                            [FONT=Century Gothic][COLOR="#0066ff"][SIZE=4] We're all a little broken in our own little way and the last time I checked, broken crayons still colour the same...[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]

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                            • #59
                              Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

                              Originally posted by Musbah View Post
                              Ok, I am going to go out on the limb here and say it since nobody else did. Since you cannot suppress sexual desire by fasting due to medical reasons and you are sincerely trying to get married and not have any fortune in doing so, then manually stimulating yourself to fruition would be ok for you to do until you can get yourself married. And this is better for you to release the sexual tension personally rather than having the Shaytan whispering to you to release it by making zina. In the Hanbali school, this is permissible in your type of situation. And Allah Knows Best.
                              Lololololololol, No way you said that. Also whats manually ? is there different driving modes ? manual and auto ?

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Re: I NEED help in controlling my sexual desires!!!!

                                Originally posted by Anti-Mage View Post
                                Lololololololol, No way you said that. Also whats manually ? is there different driving modes ? manual and auto ?
                                I was trying not to be crude in the way I said it. Manually would be by hand. Automatic would be by battery operated products.
                                "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

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