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should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

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  • should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

    Since its an important part of marriage according to both Islam and secular scholars can it be discussed in the premarriage meeting? I'm not talking about lewd talk but rather highlighting expectations, fears, aversions, past histories, having children, etc. Isn't it better than finding out weeks after the nikkah and then living the rest of your life with the wrong person?

  • #2
    Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

    If a person has physical disabilities or disease which may render that person sterile, then yes. It's something to be discussed beforehand.

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    • #3
      Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

      :salams

      Depend on what you mean. If it's something severe like a dysfunction/illness, then yes. But, I don't think "fear" is something to discuss with a potential. Also, having children won't really fall in to that category.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

        Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
        :salams

        Depend on what you mean. If it's something severe like a dysfunction/illness, then yes. But, I don't think "fear" is something to discuss with a potential. Also, having children won't really fall in to that category.
        What if you wanted to assess wider compatibility issues since that could eventually lead to divorce or worse yet adultery. Its important to note that up until even our parents' generation sex was really only for reproducing. Its only been in the last generation or two that people realized the importance of pleasure. Heck even in the west sex was a chore or a duty until the 1950s.

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        • #5
          Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

          Originally posted by Vitriolic_Sage View Post
          What if you wanted to assess wider compatibility issues since that could eventually lead to divorce or worse yet adultery. Its important to note that up until even our parents' generation sex was really only for reproducing. Its only been in the last generation or two that people realized the importance of pleasure. Heck even in the west sex was a chore or a duty until the 1950s.
          Try bringing it up to the wali, you might not have to worry about any compatibility issues after that.

          The fate of your "consummation after marriage" thread should answer your question.
          Last edited by Muslimah~S; 26-09-14, 01:54 AM.

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          • #6
            Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

            Originally posted by Vitriolic_Sage View Post
            What if you wanted to assess wider compatibility issues since that could eventually lead to divorce or worse yet adultery. Its important to note that up until even our parents' generation sex was really only for reproducing. Its only been in the last generation or two that people realized the importance of pleasure. Heck even in the west sex was a chore or a duty until the 1950s.
            What? Never heard of that one before.

            You probably think that because up until our parents' generation, people had haya (even in non-Muslim societies). Now, behayahi and besharmi is every where (even in Muslim societies). Unfortunate.

            And, what "wide compatibility issues"?
            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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            • #7
              Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

              do istikhara and inshaAllah you will dodge freaks and overly lusty ones

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

                Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                What? Never heard of that one before.
                There's no way people back in the day were getting it on. The world was slower, people were boring, cars were ugly and slow. And before that people rode horses. Its not about besharami people per set, even the most religious people nowadays acknowledge the importance of attraction etc in marriage. 50 years ago this was not the case in the Muslim world. 100 years ago it wasn't the case in Europe or UK. you married someone because your parents liked theirs.

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                • #9
                  Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

                  Originally posted by مسلمة View Post
                  Try bringing it up to the wali, you might not have to worry about any compatibility issues after that.

                  The fate of your "consummation after marriage" thread should answer your question.
                  That's just stupid. What would an old timer uncle-ji know about sex? I can see his answer already 'beta, just do the seks to make bacchas...bas khalas...don't try to be like pehipty paisa.'

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                  • #10
                    Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

                    Originally posted by Vitriolic_Sage View Post
                    There's no way people back in the day were getting it on. The world was slower, people were boring, cars were ugly and slow. And before that people rode horses. Its not about besharami people per set, even the most religious people nowadays acknowledge the importance of attraction etc in marriage. 50 years ago this was not the case in the Muslim world. 100 years ago it wasn't the case in Europe or UK. you married someone because your parents liked theirs.
                    How would you know that when you're only 30 years old? How would you know what people were doing in their privacy 50/100 years ago?

                    Let's be real, Allah has inherently placed in us the desire for the opposite gender and a halal way to satisfy our sexual needs, which leads to physical intimacy. It's not exactly rocket science that needs to be discovered or "realized" (as you put it).
                    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

                      Originally posted by Vitriolic_Sage View Post
                      That's just stupid. What would an old timer uncle-ji know about sex? I can see his answer already 'beta, just do the seks to make bacchas...bas khalas...don't try to be like pehipty paisa.'
                      More, like he'll knock you out, or at least, show you the door...
                      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?


                        Below 2 posts by enchanted_1984 & .mirror. , shud be enuff to answer ur query !

                        However, since u r a curious lad, I believe what reference Ahadith told us is to meet the potential and decide then.

                        U cant really discuss ALL things abt sex before. Bcoz, hopefully, both parties will have not much of knowledge or lets say experience in that subject.

                        Besides, leave that to explore after marriage. It will be fun, & there r less chances to freak out the other.

                        Not everyone is comfortable discussing the sex compatibility before marriage.

                        This goes for "expectations, fears, aversions, having children" ...

                        For "past histories" , if both the parties are marrying for 1st time AND are religious, this shudnt be a problem.

                        Hope it helps ...

                        :jkk:





                        Originally posted by enchanted_1984 View Post
                        If a person has physical disabilities or disease which may render that person sterile, then yes. It's something to be discussed beforehand.
                        Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                        :salams

                        Depend on what you mean. If it's something severe like a dysfunction/illness, then yes. But, I don't think "fear" is something to discuss with a potential. Also, having children won't really fall in to that category.
                        Originally posted by Vitriolic_Sage View Post
                        Since its an important part of marriage according to both Islam and secular scholars can it be discussed in the premarriage meeting? I'm not talking about lewd talk but rather highlighting expectations, fears, aversions, past histories, having children, etc. Isn't it better than finding out weeks after the nikkah and then living the rest of your life with the wrong person?
                        Every Saint has a Past ...

                        Every Sinner has a Future ...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

                          Originally posted by مسلمة View Post
                          Try bringing it up to the wali, you might not have to worry about any compatibility issues after that.

                          The fate of your "consummation after marriage" thread should answer your question.



                          Wait, was that sarcasm ? If so then ... :rotfl:

                          Edited: As it wasnt sarcasm, so
                          !!!
                          Last edited by _Sinner_; 26-09-14, 07:54 AM.
                          Every Saint has a Past ...

                          Every Sinner has a Future ...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

                            If she believes , sex is only for reproducing and/or is like a zombie in the bed. Then you can probably divorce her and marry someone else..



                            Asking a wali about these questions is an stupid idea. Many women have double personalities. They behave and act all innocent in front of their fathers , elders and behind their backs , they are different. Every father believes that his daughter is innocent, pure and angelic.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: should sexual issues be discussed before marriage?

                              ^ This is true. Information these days is everywhere. Women know it all.

                              But fathers do not believe such things. If you brought it up, they'd probably think you too deviant for their daughters and send you packing.

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