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What should I be looking for in a spouse?

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  • #31
    Re: What should I be looking for in a spouse?

    Originally posted by al-siddiq View Post
    There's a few things you should do.

    -Ask the community people about him if you can. Find a way to get people who have seen him or know him and ask what he's really like.

    -You need to pay attention to details of how he acts and what he does. A man with good akhlaq has some very natural traits, like softness in speech and kindness, and he won't try to flirt and he'll likely have a level of shyness/haya, etc.

    -Ask him questions about life, try to find questions that would interst him. Then watch how he responds (not what he actually says but how he says it).


    Also ask some of the sisters here who are married, especially that one sister from London she seems to have some good pointers.
    Jazakallah for this! Fantastic pointers. I think its difficult to ask people who know the potential, especially if they're out of town or from a different culture. Any ideas on this?

    Thanks

    Comment


    • #32
      Re: What should I be looking for in a spouse?

      nothing much just one thing

      he should be GOD FEARING
      Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

      Comment


      • #33
        Re: What should I be looking for in a spouse?

        I have to wait 6 weeks till I meet him!!!!!
        I'm so excited and dont actually have the sabr lool

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: What should I be looking for in a spouse?

          Originally posted by amiracoolhaque View Post
          -prays punctually
          -attends masjid
          -good to family
          - has a weekend job at least
          - smiles a lot


          missing any key ones?
          Yes,

          He has to have a Good Character/Akhlaq,

          Rasulullah :saw: told us to choose a spouse based on their practice of the Deen and Good Akhlaq, above all else.

          :jkk:
          http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

          "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

          – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: What should I be looking for in a spouse?

            Originally posted by al-siddiq View Post
            In all my marriage conversations I have never asked if the person prays, attends the masjid, or has a degree.

            Rather the questions I asked are intellectual and lifestyle-based questions. If you know how a person thinks and what a person truly believes, then you know it will manifest in their actions.

            You want to know what he thinks about marriage and why he is getting married. You want to understand his akhlaq and his character. You want to know if he is serious in his deen, so you ask him about why he believes in islam and what he thinks about the situation of the ummah and other such questions. And you want to know if he is generous (even if he is poor), so that you know he will always spend well on you.
            Those are stuff you find out from Wali/Relatives, people who know them,

            Intellectual Lifestyle questions don't really mean much, you can have a prospect with super High IQ, yet dumb as a doughnut when it comes to Islam,

            priority should be given to Islamic knowledge and practice, if that is sound, the rest will fall into place.

            :jkk:
            http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

            "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

            – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: What should I be looking for in a spouse?

              Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
              Those are stuff you find out from Wali/Relatives, people who know them,

              Intellectual Lifestyle questions don't really mean much, you can have a prospect with super High IQ, yet dumb as a doughnut when it comes to Islam,

              priority should be given to Islamic knowledge and practice, if that is sound, the rest will fall into place.

              :jkk:
              No akhi, intellectual questions and those relating to lifestyle are the priority in questions asked.

              This is because man's sulook (actions/behavior) is driven by what he/she believes, their aqeedah, and their basic concepts. So questions that dig into how they think and what they think about are the first priority. As for questions about lifestyle, these are important due to the fact that you need to live with a person and so they might have certain lifestyle choices which you are not incompatible with. Their akhlaq, their generosity, their usage of time, etc are all very crucial.
              If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

              Humililty, Sincerity, and the quest for Truth. There is no purpose in life but to seek the pleasure of Allah.
              There is a possibility a female might use this account to read something!

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: What should I be looking for in a spouse?

                Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                Happy now?

                A
                abdomen
                Adam's apple
                adenoids
                adrenal gland
                anatomy
                ankle
                anus
                appendix
                arch
                arm
                artery

                B
                back
                ball of the foot
                belly
                belly button
                big toe
                bladder
                blood
                blood vessels
                body
                bone
                brain
                breast
                buttocks

                C
                calf
                capillary
                carpal
                cartilage
                cell
                cervical vertebrae
                cheek
                chest
                chin
                circulatory system
                clavicle
                coccyx
                collar bone

                D
                diaphragm
                digestive system

                E
                ear
                ear lobe
                elbow


                E cont.
                endocrine system
                esophagus
                eye
                eyebrow
                eyelashes
                eyelid

                F
                face
                fallopian tubes
                feet
                femur
                fibula
                filling
                finger
                fingernail
                follicle
                foot
                forehead

                G
                gallbladder
                glands
                groin
                gums

                H
                hair
                hand
                head
                heart
                heel
                hip
                humerus

                I
                immune system
                instep
                index finger
                intestines
                iris

                J
                jaw

                K
                kidney
                knee


                L
                larynx
                leg
                ligament
                lip
                liver
                lobe
                lumbar vertebrae
                lungs
                lymph node

                M
                mandible
                metacarpal
                metatarsal
                molar
                mouth
                muscle

                N
                nail
                navel
                neck
                nerves
                nipple
                nose
                nostril

                O
                organs
                ovary

                P
                palm
                pancreas
                patella
                pelvis
                phalanges
                pharynx
                pinky
                pituitary
                pore
                pupil

                R
                radius
                rectum
                red blood cells
                respiratory system
                ribs


                S
                sacrum
                scalp
                scapula
                senses
                shin
                shoulder
                shoulder blade
                skeleton
                skin
                skull
                sole
                spinal column
                spinal cord
                spine
                spleen
                sternum
                stomach

                T
                tarsal
                teeth
                tendon
                testes
                thigh
                thorax
                throat
                thumb
                thyroid
                tibia
                tissue
                toe
                toenail
                tongue
                tonsils
                tooth
                torso
                trachea

                U
                ulna
                ureter
                urethra
                urinary system
                uterus
                uvula

                V
                vein
                vertebra

                W
                waist
                white blood cells
                wrist
                :masha: You must have a lot of time on your hands...
                Life's actually pretty simple: you just have to enjoy it, pray, do good, refrain from bad, and respect others. Being Muslim is not a disadvantage or an advantage - it's a responsibility.
                "So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true" (Qur'an, Surah Ar-Rum - 30:60)

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: What should I be looking for in a spouse?

                  Originally posted by starrynight11 View Post
                  :masha: You must have a lot of time on your hands...
                  Yup, took like 30 seconds.

                  Copy paste job. :up:
                  Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                  "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                  - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: What should I be looking for in a spouse?

                    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                    Yup, took like 30 seconds.

                    Copy paste job. :up:
                    You wrote that entire list in 30 seconds!? :shock:





                    JK. I'm using your own trick against you lol

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: What should I be looking for in a spouse?

                      Originally posted by al-siddiq View Post
                      No akhi, intellectual questions and those relating to lifestyle are the priority in questions asked.

                      This is because man's sulook (actions/behavior) is driven by what he/she believes, their aqeedah, and their basic concepts. So questions that dig into how they think and what they think about are the first priority. As for questions about lifestyle, these are important due to the fact that you need to live with a person and so they might have certain lifestyle choices which you are not incompatible with. Their akhlaq, their generosity, their usage of time, etc are all very crucial.
                      I was referring to Careers and Secular Knowledge when you said "Intellectual questions"

                      if you asked such Questions to many of the Righteous in the past, they would have failed in answering them, but they were successful in Dunya and AKhira,

                      insha'allah,

                      as for the so called "intellectuals", there are many, but they lost their direction in Life and have Messed up priorities, heading down the slippery path of Failure,

                      Nauzubillah min zaliq

                      :jkk:
                      http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                      "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                      – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: What should I be looking for in a spouse?

                        most important not selfish and knows how to compromise

                        Comment

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