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Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

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  • #31
    Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

    Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
    Yes, a man should be open about this, but c'mon you cant be serious to question the man all the time,that shows a lack of trust and borderlines controlling behaviour.
    You will anyway get the answer from the way he acts.Women are sherlock in these things.
    And it is very hard for man to look after spouses equally if he hides it from each other.
    there you go then

    if i was in a position where i doubted where he is and what he's doing then i will be asking often.
    you talk about trust but then for a man to go and marry without informing 1st wife is breaking a big trust, and if he does that he deserves to be asked every hour and interrogated by his 1st wife
    Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
    __________________________________________________ _____________________________
    If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

    You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



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    • #32
      Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

      Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
      there you go then

      if i was in a position where i doubted where he is and what he's doing then i will be asking often.
      you talk about trust but then for a man to go and marry without informing 1st wife is breaking a big trust, and if he does that he deserves to be asked every hour and interrogated by his 1st wife
      Yes my point ML is , what if he is not doing it and then you keep interrogating him all the time thinking he is in it.He keeps saying no, but you keep asking him again and again.

      Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

      **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

      Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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      • #33
        Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

        Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
        Yes my point ML is , what if he is not doing it and then you keep interrogating him all the time thinking he is in it.He keeps saying no, but you keep asking him again and again.
        then i think the husband would have to ask himself WHY she is doing all this. what state is the marrriage taht the wife feels so insecure
        Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
        __________________________________________________ _____________________________
        If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

        You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



        please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

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        • #34
          Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

          Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
          then i think the husband would have to ask himself WHY she is doing all this. what state is the marrriage taht the wife feels so insecure
          Lol,you are a tough cookie
          Last edited by muzzybee; 17-09-14, 06:58 AM.

          Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

          **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

          Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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          • #35
            Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

            Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
            Lol,you are a tough cookie
            you live and learn
            Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
            __________________________________________________ _____________________________
            If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

            You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



            please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

              Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
              you live and learn
              its all good : )

              Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

              **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

              Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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              • #37
                Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

                Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                so a lesson is to ask teh husband EVERY DAY whether he is married or not????
                No , its not possible to do that everyday.

                Imagine a wife nagging a husband with that question 10 times everyday :spunch:

                What I said was technically , lying means when you are asked something and you give wrong information intentionally.

                But , on a serious note I think if he has another wife , there will be some hints . She needs to confront about that to her husband if she finds some of those.

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                • #38
                  Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

                  If a man is doing it with the intention of fulfilling the Sunnah, he shouldn't sneak around. Tell your wife and explain why even though you don't owe her an explanation.
                  Mrs B

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                  • #39
                    Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

                    Originally posted by MuslimaHana View Post
                    So, I know islam allows men to have more than one wife. And although I wouldn't want it for myself, I guess I have to get over it and try understand it. I've been told and searched online that Apparently a man can marry a second wife secretly. I don't understand how it is halal, that you can marry a wife and say your how devoted and committed to the first and the slyly and schemingly marry another. How is this permissible?

                    This would make the first wife feel horrible and betrayed. You should at least ask her and if she disagrees divorce.

                    Please tell me this isn't permissible in islam
                    I hope you realize inshAllah the weight that sentence will have for you on the Day of Judgment, a positive weight for you inshAllah which you can present to Allah to show your sincerity in loving the ayaat of Allah and the ahadith of His messenger.

                    I swear, seeing the self-discipline of those who love Allah to change how they feel about something to bring it in line with Islam just for the sake of Allah, that is such a beautiful and great thing! So may Allah bless you for that.


                    To answer your question, from a technical perspective this might be allowed. However, (and this is a big however) Allah will account the husband if he harms his first wife or did not look at this issue deeply. Why would any righteous man marry another wife without speaking to his first wife, especially if he knows it would cause anger and hatred?

                    In the situation you are talking about, where a woman would feel horrible and betrayed, then where is this husband's sense? Does he not fear Allah with his relationship with his first wife, does he not comprehend that she has been there with him and been a source of love and pleasure for him, and he does not consult her or speak to her or prepare or her or any of this?


                    Ukhti, my advice to you is that marry a man who fears Allah before anything else, because I can tell you if He fears Allah He will think long and hard about taking on responsibility of even marrying you, let alone having children or marrying another woman.

                    And if you yourself are a good and loving Muslim woman and wife, your husband will inshAllah always come to you for advice on anything.


                    Anyways I hope this helps keep the question in context inshAllah!
                    If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

                    Humililty, Sincerity, and the quest for Truth. There is no purpose in life but to seek the pleasure of Allah.
                    There is a possibility a female might use this account to read something!

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                    • #40
                      Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

                      Imagine a girl gets married and her husband gets married again without her knowing? that'd suck tbh. And shows the lack of compassion the person has for his first wife.
                      "The organisation that is called as "the state" puts effort to destroy jihad in Sham as they destroyed it in Iraq because of their obvious transgressions against Quran and Sunnah." Abu Khalid as-Suri (Rahimahullah)

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                      • #41
                        Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

                        The only reason I can think of a man keeping it a secret is because the first wife will say no. If the first wife is non the wiser and experiences no change in her relationship then this shows that at least he is treating her fairly/no differently to before. If this secret continued for several years then the only thing she can complain about is not being informed of his decision. It's hurt feelings, we encounter them all the time and life continues.

                        I think providing the husband is following the Sunnah then him maintaining and protecting two or more women/families outweighs the hurt and betrayal that the first wife might feel if she ever found out. I don't advocate this method but I don't see it as a major issue either.

                        The problem we have is far to many men do not follow the Sunnah and far too many woman think only from their own perspective. Both these positions need to change before anything positive comes from polygamy.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

                          Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                          then i think the husband would have to ask himself WHY she is doing all this. what state is the marrriage taht the wife feels so insecure
                          On the flip side, the problem could be the wife.

                          She might have seen him talk to a woman or receive a woman's call (and this could be all for a necessary reason) and then she starts having these suspicions. And, the husband obviously haven't done anything that would warrant her to ask him if he's got a second wife. If my wife did that over and over again, I'd think she's acting very untrustworthy.

                          Just throwing that view out there.
                          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                          • #43
                            Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

                            Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                            On the flip side, the problem could be the wife.

                            She might have seen him talk to a woman or receive a woman's call (and this could be all for a necessary reason) and then she starts having these suspicions. And, the husband obviously haven't done anything that would warrant her to ask him if he's got a second wife. If my wife did that over and over again, I'd think she's acting very untrustworthy.

                            Just throwing that view out there.
                            true but i bet he would think the same if he saw her talking to the .......butchers, or the male teacher at the childrens school

                            key = communication
                            Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                            __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                            If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                            You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



                            please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: Marrying a second wife without other knowing?

                              Okay. I do understand what you mean, thank you very much.

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