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Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

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  • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

    Originally posted by al-siddiq View Post
    :salams

    ***I hope to actually add some Islamic concepts to the question here, for the sake of people who want to actually understand this topic inshAllah, so if you like it you can read it, if you don't you can reject it***


    Polygamy is a door Allah opened, and from His mercy it is a door you can thus use to fulfill marriage. Allah could have chosen to close this door but He did not.

    So, because it is open any sincere Muslim would always contemplate and consider it in a deep way, and an unequivocal rejection of it shows a lack of thinking and/or ignorance on the part of the person.


    This door that Allah has opened allows you, as a Muslim woman, more options when it comes to marriage. Thus, you can pursue a man in marriage who is good, even if he is already married. Imagine a man like Abu bakr siddiq, or uthmaan ibn affan, available to more than one Muslim woman to marry herself to. It is not a door that Allah gave to men, which means that if a Muslim woman gets married we have no hope of getting her (unless her husband passes away or she divorces, and even then it is up to her). In this way, Muslim women have greater options to seek the best Muslim man possible.


    As an example, I know a Muslim brother who is also one of my teachers, who has 2 wives. He is a great man, and if you talk to his second wife, she will probably tell you she would not consider anyone but him. This is because he has transformed her life, and the positive change he brought through his deen to her is something she values greatly, and she wouldn't have picked any single unmarried man to him.


    The reason for the modern resistance of polygamy has to do with a few key points:

    1] The natural jealousy of women exploited. Women have natural jealousy, but like any emotion or feeling, Allah teaches us how to direct them and control them. Thus men have physical desires, for example, but Allah asks us to control them in a correct way. However, modern society is based on freedom, so we do not learn how to maintain personal discipline, and instead our feelings and desires are given free-reign. In this way, a Muslim woman today often won't think about setting aside her jealousy for the sake of seeking something good for her akhira, but rather she will let her jealousy dictate her decision-making.

    2] Lack of clear vision of akhira. As human beings, we are all subject to the influence of short-term thinking. So we will look at things as they are, or look at a situation as we see it now, instead of looking at the effects in the long term. You will notice how different some sisters here have replied versus others. This is because some of the sisters are deep thinkers who have thought carefully about the issue and looked at it from the perspective of their future, especially in akhira. They have a broad and refined world-view that comes from Islamic thinking. Conversely, others have not engaged in this, or have maintained the short-term thinking perpetuated by modern society which leads to actions that are not as fruitful.

    3] The influence of the secular liberalist culture upon Muslim women, which has attacked all of the Islamic institutions, and the social system of Islam is no exception. Thus women have continually been sold the liberalist dream of monogamy in contracts (yet sleeping around outside contracts), individualism, looking-out-for-personal-interests, absolute independence and freedom, etc. This pressure, both intellectual and social, makes Muslim women (especially in heavily Western-influenced lands) much more unlikely to consider this option.

    Parents who resist polygamy should, from an islamic perspective, be opposed if they do not give a serious islamic reason. This is especially true if the brother in question is very good with his deen, because the hadith prohibits the wali from rejecting a good brother, whether he is polygamous or not, if his deen is good.

    Anyways, I just thought to add more to the discussion, and I'm not making this longer because people don't read posts that are too long it seems. This is already probably too long =/.

    Dear Akhi...nope..its not too long! You have a good view there and anything from you is welcome. I personally think that you could make a good husband though....LOL......can I be your second wife? *runs away from the wife who is wielding a machete
    Oh Beloved...take away what I want.
    Take away what I do.
    Take away what I need.
    Take away everything
    that takes me from you...-Rumi

    Comment


    • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

      Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
      I think women dont like polygamy is because they think men just use polygamy to get more and more and more ||||||||||||| intimacy.
      Simple as that.
      Most women cant comprehend that.
      yep...bout 89.9 percent of men that I know and see does that. There was a case where the man has 4 wives, and when he found a younger girl he divorced his poor old 1st wife just to get the girl.....
      Oh Beloved...take away what I want.
      Take away what I do.
      Take away what I need.
      Take away everything
      that takes me from you...-Rumi

      Comment


      • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

        Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
        i think its because we haVE read of too many horror stores where husbands use polygamy without any consideration at all to the feelings of the 1st wife

        us women are more into the sisterhoood then you think and it would disturb me if i knew i was marrying someone whose wife was in turmoild over being a second wife.
        Any sensible woman who enters into a marriage as a co-wife shoudl ensure that thre is harmony within the 1st marriage. if there isnt, there would be difficulties in the 2nd marriage i feel
        YEAH!!! come to think of it...4 wives, having a close relationship together like sister is a very dangerous pact for the husband! LOL I mean, there is only one guy and 4 of the women. and if the is doing anything wrong, the Women have the power to do something to him!! And the man have to work double quadruple hard to support his wives physically, mentally, spiritually,..zaheer...batheen....everthing and not to mention if each wives bear him a lot of kids....LOL
        Oh Beloved...take away what I want.
        Take away what I do.
        Take away what I need.
        Take away everything
        that takes me from you...-Rumi

        Comment


        • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

          Originally posted by sanabsanab View Post
          2nd mayybe depending on our situatioon but 3rd and 4ths? haha am i getting marry to millinaire? i hope so :p but i still wouldn't allow 3rd and 4th

          actualy if i ONLY got marry to my husband for his money then yay he can have all the wife he want, so long as i'm getting my money heehee
          TRUEEEEEEEEEE marry a millionare, as long as we get the money....the wives can go out shopping together..LOL
          its actually really easy being a woman in Islam as long as the men carry out their responsibilty!
          Oh Beloved...take away what I want.
          Take away what I do.
          Take away what I need.
          Take away everything
          that takes me from you...-Rumi

          Comment


          • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

            Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
            some men marry a 2nd time because they married parents choice (usually back home ) 1st time around
            they have never really found ;emotional contentement within the marriage so they look for that 2nd time around
            AHh...that happened a lot here too and a recurring story plot in many of our tv dramas
            Oh Beloved...take away what I want.
            Take away what I do.
            Take away what I need.
            Take away everything
            that takes me from you...-Rumi

            Comment


            • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

              Originally posted by first View Post
              Most women wouldn't want to have a sister wife. However, I don't think it's healthy for siblings to not grow up together. There would be divisions among the siblings themselves.

              Another thing to consider, in a scenario the first wife is ok with the second wife, and the second wife talked to the first wife, shouldn't they be friends? Shouldn't they live together and co-parent each other's children? I don't understand why it must be antagonistic.



              What if the husband is a scholar, and wants to have a lot of children, so he can raise proper scholars of islam? Maybe he just wants to help women get closer to Allah, and increase the amount of pious children?
              Unfortunately I dont know and I dont recognized my little half bothers and sisters. I dont know where they are. Knowing how terrible my dad second wife is, makes me worry..I just hope she dont abuse or sell them...
              Oh Beloved...take away what I want.
              Take away what I do.
              Take away what I need.
              Take away everything
              that takes me from you...-Rumi

              Comment


              • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

                Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                :salams

                OP, if you can consider it and he's popping the question, then why don't you ask to meet his wife and see if she's OK with it?
                I cant...I feel quite a huge amount of guilt. He has a perfect family, the wife eventhough is older than me but she waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more beautiful than me and lovely teenaged sons and daughters. I dont wanna spoilt their happiness. And teenagers can be quite rebellious. I dont want trouble. Whenever a married approaches me I will always reminds them to remember their family first... if not his wife...REMEMBER THE CHILDREN AND HOW WOULD THEY FEEL.
                I know how it feels.
                Men, if you have children, you gotta remember,...one day you are going to be old, if your wife or old wife couldnt accept you, remember your kids. Will they accept you? I have nothing but hatred for my father but the hate has subsided. I just cant see him for now..
                Oh Beloved...take away what I want.
                Take away what I do.
                Take away what I need.
                Take away everything
                that takes me from you...-Rumi

                Comment


                • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

                  Originally posted by revertbrother View Post
                  a sofa set with two chair and one big sofa, so i lay down on the biggest couch and they bring me food and one wife feeds me grapes and the other one gives me foot massage while i enjoy reading newspaper!
                  rofl lmao
                  Oh Beloved...take away what I want.
                  Take away what I do.
                  Take away what I need.
                  Take away everything
                  that takes me from you...-Rumi

                  Comment


                  • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

                    Originally posted by Zulia View Post
                    yep...bout 89.9 percent of men that I know and see does that. There was a case where the man has 4 wives, and when he found a younger girl he divorced his poor old 1st wife just to get the girl.....
                    The thing is Zulia, Men anyway come across physical , so even if they marry one or four everyone thinks of the physical aspect of marriage and man seems to have an advantage.
                    But what you need to realise is this aspect is totally dominated by emotions and just like it affects a woman it affects a man.

                    So on the outside yes polygamy can come across as a dream for a man , but their is a lot of turmoil and responsibility that he knows he has to deal with.

                    A man can love more than one person,it is in their system , so sisters should not worry about the concept of polygamy, if at all the man is at a severe test when it comes to the responsibility.

                    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                    Comment


                    • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

                      Originally posted by ChesireCat View Post
                      :salams

                      I have always been open to this alhamdulillah and even moreso now after seeing so many such marriages here in Gaza. And its all good.

                      life is short...if good comes ur way, take it :)

                      i met a sister recently, who's brother is married to two women (on different occasions obviously) , both these womens first husband were shaheed, and he was fine with it, and he took not one but two women in such situations...can u imagine that? , ....i was so happy to know this ma shaa Allah :)
                      i AM HAAAAAAPPY too for them.....Alhamdulillah, ma y Allah bless them and bless the with many pious and strong children
                      Oh Beloved...take away what I want.
                      Take away what I do.
                      Take away what I need.
                      Take away everything
                      that takes me from you...-Rumi

                      Comment


                      • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

                        Originally posted by Dhaniswara View Post
                        :salams As a father I would decline every married man's proposal for my daughter. There is too many rosks and problems in these polygamous marriages. And luckily I have a fatwa in my favor ready from Islamqa for anyone who tells me the hadith about turning down religious suitors and corruption in the land. . http://islamqa.info/en/174496 I am so so worried about the difficulties in polygynous marriages that even if this man was the imam of the kaaba I would refuse him. No household and husband of many wives is ever secure of fitnah and heartache
                        wa alaikummusalam!
                        Masha Allah... you are a great father. I wish I had a father like you. Thank you
                        Oh Beloved...take away what I want.
                        Take away what I do.
                        Take away what I need.
                        Take away everything
                        that takes me from you...-Rumi

                        Comment


                        • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

                          Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                          The thing is Zulia, Men anyway come across physical , so even if they marry one or four everyone thinks of the physical aspect of marriage and man seems to have an advantage.
                          But what you need to realise is this aspect is totally dominated by emotions and just like it affects a woman it affects a man.

                          So on the outside yes polygamy can come across as a dream for a man , but their is a lot of turmoil and responsibility that he knows he has to deal with.

                          A man can love more than one person,it is in their system , so sisters should not worry about the concept of polygamy, if at all the man is at a severe test when it comes to the responsibility.
                          If only ALL men would think like you!
                          Oh Beloved...take away what I want.
                          Take away what I do.
                          Take away what I need.
                          Take away everything
                          that takes me from you...-Rumi

                          Comment


                          • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

                            Originally posted by Zulia View Post

                            Dear Akhi...nope..its not too long! You have a good view there and anything from you is welcome. I personally think that you could make a good husband though....LOL......can I be your second wife? *runs away from the wife who is wielding a machete
                            wow
                            ive said a few things onn this forum but evenn I wouldn't say that :shock:
                            Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                            __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                            If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                            You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



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                            Comment


                            • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

                              Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                              wow
                              ive said a few things onn this forum but evenn I wouldn't say that :shock:
                              She didn't even make a runner afterwards, she must be serious Lol

                              Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                              **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                              Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                              Comment


                              • Re: Sisters, Would You Agree to become the Second, or Third, or Fourth Wife???

                                Originally posted by ChesireCat View Post
                                :salams

                                I have always been open to this alhamdulillah and even moreso now after seeing so many such marriages here in Gaza. And its all good.

                                life is short...if good comes ur way, take it :)

                                i met a sister recently, who's brother is married to two women (on different occasions obviously) , both these womens first husband were shaheed, and he was fine with it, and he took not one but two women in such situations...can u imagine that? , ....i was so happy to know this ma shaa Allah :)
                                Would you have thought like this , before
                                Last edited by muzzybee; 17-09-14, 07:38 AM.

                                Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                                **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                                Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                                Comment

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