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How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

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  • #16
    Originally posted by Abu-Yahya View Post
    Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
    Ibn al-Qayyim said, I heard ibn Taymiyyah say:

    Zuhd is to leave alone those things which will not benefit you in the next life.

    And Wara’a is to leave the things you fear might harm you in the next life.

    Maybe I'm generalizing but lower social class tend to be less intellectual. I want my spouse to be in similar intellectual level
    Asalamu Alaykum Warahmatullah.

    Alhamdulilah. Zuhd is good, but why would you want your wife to be stupid? Am I misunderstanding anything?

    I would want my wife to be extremely good in everything. The better she is the better for me. When it comes to knowledge and wisdom, then if she is more rational then she will most likely treat you and respect you more, and be a better learned Muslim. She will be able to educate your children better, and know what is right and wrong.

    It's like asking, how beautiful do you want your wife to be? Of course you would always want the best, especially in terms of Islam.
    No, he said he wants a wife that has zuhd. And then he said he thinks most of the women who have zuhd that are from a low social class, and that he doesn't want to marry someone from a low social class as they are not that intellectual. (Not my words)
    اللهُمَّ أَعِزَّ الإِسْلامَ وَالمُسْلِمِينَ

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    • #17
      Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

      Originally posted by The Awakening View Post
      No, he said he wants a wife that has zuhd. And then he said he thinks most of the women who have zuhd that are from a low social class, and that he doesn't want to marry someone from a low social class as they are not that intellectual. (Not my words)
      Not my words (any longer) too because they've been clarified.
      I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

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      • #18
        Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
        Originally posted by The Awakening View Post
        No, he said he wants a wife that has zuhd. And then he said he thinks most of the women who have zuhd that are from a low social class, and that he doesn't want to marry someone from a low social class as they are not that intellectual. (Not my words)
        Not my words (any longer) too because they've been clarified.
        Sorry, I hadn't seen your posts when I posted that. Forgive me.
        اللهُمَّ أَعِزَّ الإِسْلامَ وَالمُسْلِمِينَ

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        • #19
          Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

          OP, do keep in mind that if you married a woman of a lower social class with good deen, then she can easily learn and be educated in worldly matters if you'd be willing to teach her.

          But if you marry someone educated but doesn't have good deen, unfortunately it's not that easy to just become religious when one has had bad habits for a lifetime.
          www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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          • #20
            Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

            Originally posted by Grimmjow View Post
            OP, do keep in mind that if you married a woman of a lower social class with good deen, then she can easily learn and be educated in worldly matters if you'd be willing to teach her.

            But if you marry someone educated but doesn't have good deen, unfortunately it's not that easy to just become religious when one has had bad habits for a lifetime.
            Well yeah that's true. But my case is a bit different. The woman has good deen, it's just not in the level I'm looking for. Would it be worth it to take a chance if she states she's willing to improve?
            I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

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            • #21
              Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

              Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
              Well yeah that's true. But my case is a bit different. The woman has good deen, it's just not in the level I'm looking for. Would it be worth it to take a chance if she states she's willing to improve?
              Well, I can't answer that (because I don't want to be responsible if I gave you bad advice). However, what exactly is "your level?" If you're a really practising dude who prays tahajjud and she doesn't pray tahajjud, is that not your level? Or is it that you do the basics and she doesn't do some of the obligatory (I,e wear modest hijab, gender interaction, etc)?

              You'll have to evaluate that and balance it with everything else.
              www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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              • #22
                Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
                Well yeah that's true. But my case is a bit different. The woman has good deen, it's just not in the level I'm looking for. Would it be worth it to take a chance if she states she's willing to improve?
                That is up to you. Marriage is a whole package, you need to calculate her value and wether she is worth getting married over someone who might be better for you.

                By zuhd you mean eating lenctiles everyday and live in a ruin? Wearing old clothes with holes and patches, and only making ghusl when very necessary due to saving water? Like ascetism? If this is not what you mean by zuhd then it shouldn't be a problem for most women but you should ask them first. Figure out if your wives can live the rest of their lives in a tent.

                Khayr, you will run into many marriage problems unless you and your wife both follow the way of the salaf us saliheen, because if you do, then marriage problems will not last long.

                If you claim to be a modernist guy, then you should improve yourself first and marry someone good for you in your deen. It's important for the marriage to work that you always go back to the quran and sunnah in every aspect of life.

                And basically don't just focus on zuhd, islam is many things. And a woman is many things, zuhd isn't everything.
                Sisters don't rep or joke with me.

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                • #23
                  Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                  Originally posted by Grimmjow View Post
                  Well, I can't answer that (because I don't want to be responsible if I gave you bad advice). However, what exactly is "your level?" If you're a really practising dude who prays tahajjud and she doesn't pray tahajjud, is that not your level? Or is it that you do the basics and she doesn't do some of the obligatory (I,e wear modest hijab, gender interaction, etc)?

                  You'll have to evaluate that and balance it with everything else.
                  well, it's a little bit of both. she still wears "fashion" hijab, takes selfies, sings, free mixing, etc. but in the other hand there's a possibility that she could leave those things as her deen increase with time. and she has utmost trust in allah so that's a very big point. as you say, I have to find the balance here. istikharah too but that goes without saying.

                  Originally posted by Abu-Yahya View Post
                  That is up to you. Marriage is a whole package, you need to calculate her value and wether she is worth getting married over someone who might be better for you.

                  By zuhd you mean eating lenctiles everyday and live in a ruin? Wearing old clothes with holes and patches, and only making ghusl when very necessary due to saving water? Like ascetism? If this is not what you mean by zuhd then it shouldn't be a problem for most women but you should ask them first. Figure out if your wives can live the rest of their lives in a tent.

                  Khayr, you will run into many marriage problems unless you and your wife both follow the way of the salaf us saliheen, because if you do, then marriage problems will not last long.

                  If you claim to be a modernist guy, then you should improve yourself first and marry someone good for you in your deen. It's important for the marriage to work that you always go back to the quran and sunnah in every aspect of life.

                  And basically don't just focus on zuhd, islam is many things. And a woman is many things, zuhd isn't everything.
                  lol I actually laughed at your asceticism description. no of course it's not like that. it just means leaving worldly things that don't improve your deen, live modestly, not obsessed with wealth, etc. and I'm not sure if I can live with a woman with no intention toward that, even though she practices all obligations as a muslimah.
                  I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

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                  • #24
                    Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                    ^^^ From an objective point of view, this woman you are talking about does not sound too much like the woman you want.
                    www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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                    • #25
                      How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                      ^ Agreed.
                      اللهُمَّ أَعِزَّ الإِسْلامَ وَالمُسْلِمِينَ

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                      • #26
                        Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                        to be honest i haven't met her and we don't know each other yet. i know those things from a little stalking on the web :p so i can't confirm anything yet, who knows if she has made taubah yesterday. i know of her through a wali (who knows her personally and wouldn't have recommended me to her if he thought this would not work).
                        Last edited by budi.sudaryo; 14-09-14, 03:04 AM.
                        I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                          I agree with the rest. If the little you know about her is bad then I wonder what's beneath the surface.
                          Public sinners tend to be very bad in private, because you tend to show the best sides of yourself in public, so your fitnabook.com visit has pretty much answered your istikharaa it seems.
                          Sisters don't rep or joke with me.

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                          • #28
                            Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                            Double post
                            Sisters don't rep or joke with me.

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                            • #29
                              Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                              Preferably more religious and more knowledgeable about Islam than me. I wouldn't want someone who is a laid back Muslim.

                              I'll never be that lucky though :(

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                              • #30
                                Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                                damn brotha u got high standards

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