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How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

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  • How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

    Assalamualaikum,

    Would you accept a spouse that has a lower religiosity than you? If so, how much lower?

    I asked because I'm what you'd call a mid-high class, modern man, but I've also been staying away from useless worldly pleasures like movies, expensive clothing, etc. and want to keep it that way. And I want my future wife to be able to keep up with me in that regards. Now the thing is modern women who practice zuhd like that are terribly rare. Most of zuhd women come from lower social class and social class is important to me to as it also relates to lifestyle, mannerism, worldview, etc.

    So how much should we be willing to sacrifice religious compatibility for other positive traits in a spouse?
    I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

  • #2
    Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

    :salams

    What's a mid-high class, modern man? Define that.

    And, you can be wealthy and educated and still be religious. Both can go together.

    A better thing to reflect upon is, how religious are you in applying Sunnah in your life and fulfilling all the obligations?
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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    • #3
      Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

      Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
      :salams

      What's a mid-high class, modern man? Define that.

      And, you can be wealthy and educated and still be religious. Both can go together.

      A better thing to reflect upon is, how religious are you in applying Sunnah in your life and fulfilling all the obligations?
      Waalaikumsalam wr wb.

      I'm sorry if that phrase is ambiguous. What I mean is higher-than-average income, well-read, educated.

      As for fulfilling sunnah and obligations alhamdulillah that's not a problem. I pray 5 times in the mosque, read quran and Islamic books regularly, etc. Laa hawla walaa quwwata illaa billaah.

      I know it's possible to be wealthy and educated and religious, and many women are like that. But those who practice zuhd and wara' fully are rare. In fact I haven't known any.
      I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

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      • #4
        How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

        Sorry, what does zuhd mean? Also why do you care so much about social class? :-/
        اللهُمَّ أَعِزَّ الإِسْلامَ وَالمُسْلِمِينَ

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        • #5
          Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

          More than me. Def more than me.

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          • #6
            Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

            Originally posted by The Awakening View Post
            Sorry, what does zuhd mean? Also why do you care so much about social class? :-/
            I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

              Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
              Ibn al-Qayyim said, I heard ibn Taymiyyah say:

              Zuhd is to leave alone those things which will not benefit you in the next life.

              And Wara’a is to leave the things you fear might harm you in the next life.

              Maybe I'm generalizing but lower social class tend to be less intellectual. I want my spouse to be in similar intellectual level
              That is extremely insulting. You may be of a higher social class but that sentence is very ignorant.
              www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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              • #8
                Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
                Ibn al-Qayyim said, I heard ibn Taymiyyah say:

                Zuhd is to leave alone those things which will not benefit you in the next life.

                And Wara’a is to leave the things you fear might harm you in the next life.

                Maybe I'm generalizing but lower social class tend to be less intellectual. I want my spouse to be in similar intellectual level
                Thank you for the clarification. But like Grimmjow said, your last sentence is very offensive and makes you appear arrogant.
                اللهُمَّ أَعِزَّ الإِسْلامَ وَالمُسْلِمِينَ

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                  Originally posted by Grimmjow View Post
                  That is extremely insulting. You may be of a higher social class but that sentence is very ignorant.
                  I apologize, I realize that's a poor generalization :(
                  I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                    Apparently "less intellectual" in English can mean stupid. Sorry I wasn't aware of that. In my language, an "intelektual" is often used for a person who has high education and deeply well-read and that's what I meant. Doesn't mean that nullify the fact that I was generalizing but I hope that clears things up.

                    To get back to the topic, that's obviously not the only issue of different social classes. I read a research that a relationship between same social class is more likely to work and last.
                    I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                      Look for someone who is on your level of deen. :insha: It will bring peace in your marriage.

                      If not, then at least someone lower, but she must have willingness to learn and grow. And, don't marry anyone who completely doesn't want to change her ways, even after knowing they are wrong.
                      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                        Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
                        Ibn al-Qayyim said, I heard ibn Taymiyyah say:

                        Zuhd is to leave alone those things which will not benefit you in the next life.

                        And Wara’a is to leave the things you fear might harm you in the next life.

                        Maybe I'm generalizing but lower social class tend to be less intellectual. I want my spouse to be in similar intellectual level
                        Asalamu Alaykum Warahmatullah.

                        Alhamdulilah. Zuhd is good, but why would you want your wife to be stupid? Am I misunderstanding anything?

                        I would want my wife to be extremely good in everything. The better she is the better for me. When it comes to knowledge and wisdom, then if she is more rational then she will most likely treat you and respect you more, and be a better learned Muslim. She will be able to educate your children better, and know what is right and wrong.

                        It's like asking, how beautiful do you want your wife to be? Of course you would always want the best, especially in terms of Islam.
                        Sisters don't rep or joke with me.

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                        • #13
                          Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                          [QUOTE=budi.sudaryo;6076299]Ibn al-Qayyim said, I heard ibn Taymiyyah say:

                          Zuhd is to leave alone those things which will not benefit you in the next life.

                          And Wara’a is to leave the things you fear might harm you in the next life.

                          Maybe I'm generalizing but lower social class tend to be less intellectual. I want my spouse to be in similar intellectual level[/QUOTE]

                          Hey this to me is looking down on ppl and sounds a little arrogant, please get this view out of your head pls.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                            Originally posted by Abu-Yahya View Post
                            Asalamu Alaykum Warahmatullah.

                            Alhamdulilah. Zuhd is good, but why would you want your wife to be stupid? Am I misunderstanding anything?

                            I would want my wife to be extremely good in everything. The better she is the better for me. When it comes to knowledge and wisdom, then if she is more rational then she will most likely treat you and respect you more, and be a better learned Muslim. She will be able to educate your children better, and know what is right and wrong.

                            It's like asking, how beautiful do you want your wife to be? Of course you would always want the best, especially in terms of Islam.
                            Waalaykumsalam wr wb,

                            The sentence you quoted means I want someone with similar intellectual level, so no I do not want my wife to be stupid :)

                            Regarding zuhd, what do you think of marrying a woman who doesn't practice zuhd yet (although generally her deen is good) when you're a zuhd person yourself? Would that hinder your zuhd-ness?
                            I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: How equal would you like your religiosity and your spouse's be?

                              [QUOTE=xFedal;6076344]
                              Originally posted by budi.sudaryo View Post
                              Ibn al-Qayyim said, I heard ibn Taymiyyah say:

                              Zuhd is to leave alone those things which will not benefit you in the next life.

                              And Wara’a is to leave the things you fear might harm you in the next life.

                              Maybe I'm generalizing but lower social class tend to be less intellectual. I want my spouse to be in similar intellectual level[/QUOTE]

                              Hey this to me is looking down on ppl and sounds a little arrogant, please get this view out of your head pls.
                              Astaghfirullah, may Allah forgive my ignorance..
                              I'm on a strict time management regiment and have to limit my time online. Therefore I have to reply selectively. Please don't be offended if I ignore your questions. :jkk:

                              Comment

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