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  • Hubby hates my relatives

    Basically my husband hates my side of the family maybe due to him not being close to his relatives I come a very tight family and my hubby thinks I should be like him. The thing is my uncle my dad's brother invited us round for the evening today my hubby does nit wanna go cos he hates his wife, hubby says she is too mouthy and controlls her husband and he does not wanna associate with people like that. And says that he is really pissed off that they gave a present for my baby daughter that is broken that could have been a health hazard for her as she is a baby. My uncles wife does have a problem she stares too much and my husband thinks she's is always plotting to break families up. If I mention to him if we can go he argues with me. Now the thing is my uncle has invited us round many times and we never turn up he rang me yesterday and told us to go round today I have to let hi know and I have run out of excuses what do I do.
    Hubby is protective with baby says she can't go and that my uncles wife will give her her Nazar and will try to poison her, he keep coming up with other the top excuses. And they live far and I don't drive. If I keep asking him he just argues with me so I need an excuse not to go

  • #2
    Re: Hubby hates my relatives

    How often do you go and see your family?

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    • #3
      Re: Hubby hates my relatives

      You should go. Family is important. Family will be important for your children. Why deprive yourself and your children the benefits of a family just because your husband is insecure about the closeness of your family.
      ''....And from the best ways of dealing with the ignorant is to ignore and avoid them. This is because if you debate with them, they beat you, and if you beat them they will end up hating you, and will not admit you are correct. Therefore ignore them''

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      • #4
        Re: Hubby hates my relatives

        Originally posted by Marmite View Post
        Basically my husband hates my side of the family maybe due to him not being close to his relatives I come a very tight family and my hubby thinks I should be like him. The thing is my uncle my dad's brother invited us round for the evening today my hubby does nit wanna go cos he hates his wife, hubby says she is too mouthy and controlls her husband and he does not wanna associate with people like that. And says that he is really pissed off that they gave a present for my baby daughter that is broken that could have been a health hazard for her as she is a baby. My uncles wife does have a problem she stares too much and my husband thinks she's is always plotting to break families up. If I mention to him if we can go he argues with me. Now the thing is my uncle has invited us round many times and we never turn up he rang me yesterday and told us to go round today I have to let hi know and I have run out of excuses what do I do.
        Hubby is protective with baby says she can't go and that my uncles wife will give her her Nazar and will try to poison her, he keep coming up with other the top excuses. And they live far and I don't drive. If I keep asking him he just argues with me so I need an excuse not to go
        it can be very akward when in a situtaion like this do you think he making stories just because he dont want to go ?because from experience men notice things sometimes that us women dont ,me and hubby have both made agrement that if there is somebody we unsure of we just listen to eachother ,we will visit as its family but not leave our kids alone ect , sometimes you will have to be around people in the family you dont like or dont trust but aslong as you cautious and dont leave the baby alone and tell hubby you will make the babys food yourself and say it will be a quick visit and see if he ok with that? if not then just obey your husband but tell him when he in a good mood that you miss your family and would like to visit and you will be careful of the baby an he can be with you to protect you
        Last edited by Revert08; 11-09-14, 10:34 AM.

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        • #5
          Re: Hubby hates my relatives

          also tell him its not good to cut ties with family

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          • #6
            Re: Hubby hates my relatives

            Hates a very strong word...maybe he just dislikes.

            In any case from what I'm reading your husband needs to resolve some issues within himself.

            It's not difficult to be civil for a short period of time...it's your family so it should be important to you to visit them, your husband should know this and should put his issues to one side for a few hours.

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            • #7
              Re: Hubby hates my relatives

              Originally posted by Marmite View Post
              Basically my husband hates my side of the family maybe due to him not being close to his relatives I come a very tight family and my hubby thinks I should be like him. The thing is my uncle my dad's brother invited us round for the evening today my hubby does nit wanna go cos he hates his wife, hubby says she is too mouthy and controlls her husband and he does not wanna associate with people like that. And says that he is really pissed off that they gave a present for my baby daughter that is broken that could have been a health hazard for her as she is a baby. My uncles wife does have a problem she stares too much and my husband thinks she's is always plotting to break families up. If I mention to him if we can go he argues with me. Now the thing is my uncle has invited us round many times and we never turn up he rang me yesterday and told us to go round today I have to let hi know and I have run out of excuses what do I do.
              Hubby is protective with baby says she can't go and that my uncles wife will give her her Nazar and will try to poison her, he keep coming up with other the top excuses. And they live far and I don't drive. If I keep asking him he just argues with me so I need an excuse not to go
              Hello sister your husband has a right to stop you from going, I think you should stop and listen to him, your relatives seem dodgy as well like the aunty seemed a little controlling and giving broken presents, doesn't sound cool.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Hubby hates my relatives

                Originally posted by xFedal View Post
                Hello sister your husband has a right to stop you from going, I think you should stop and listen to him, your relatives seem dodgy as well like the aunty seemed a little controlling and giving broken presents, doesn't sound cool.
                Also 'not cool' to break ties with the family. You can't just say her relatives seem dodgy over 1or 2 examples.

                OP, just because your husband isn't close to his family, doesn't mean you shouldn't be close to yours. Maintain contact with them and try to soften your husbands opinion of them over time.

                Also, not to say that he is, but sometimes the start of an abusive relationship can manifest in isolating you from family and become controlling of your life. Please be wary if this is the case. You haven't given detailed info so it's hard to say. Please take care and do what's best for your situation.
                "Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so too" Essay on Tolerance, Voltaire

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                • #9
                  Re: Hubby hates my relatives

                  The first half of your post sounds like my life. My husband is not close to his family & I am the exact opposite. I have no problem bullying, yelling, jumping in family problem to solve it because that is what family does. Its there for each other. His family on the other hand stays away from each other, only has polite exchange and looks the other way when one is in trouble unless they are specifically asked to jump in.

                  After marriage we had lot of invitation from my relatives & he didn't like it but still went. I always wanted to go over to my parents & they invited us over often. He always complained about going & how his stomach hurts after eating all the biryani..etc. I got mad because my family was putting money & time into hosting nice dinner and here his grumpy self is constantly complaining. So I told him off once, that he needs to be more appreciative of what others are doing for him instead of being a grumpy old man. That helped

                  I also tell my parents to invite him (not invite him thru me). So they call him up or I give the phone to him & they ask him to come. If he says yes, then he has to keep his word. If he says no, then he needs to come up with his excuse. I would highly suggest you to tell your uncle casually to ask him because you don't know his schedule. Don't mention he doesn't like going but say, "can you ask him if he is free, he isn't around, here is his number"...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Hubby hates my relatives

                    Originally posted by Kya View Post
                    The first half of your post sounds like my life. My husband is not close to his family & I am the exact opposite. I have no problem bullying, yelling, jumping in family problem to solve it because that is what family does. Its there for each other. His family on the other hand stays away from each other, only has polite exchange and looks the other way when one is in trouble unless they are specifically asked to jump in.

                    After marriage we had lot of invitation from my relatives & he didn't like it but still went. I always wanted to go over to my parents & they invited us over often. He always complained about going & how his stomach hurts after eating all the biryani..etc. I got mad because my family was putting money & time into hosting nice dinner and here his grumpy self is constantly complaining. So I told him off once, that he needs to be more appreciative of what others are doing for him instead of being a grumpy old man. That helped

                    I also tell my parents to invite him (not invite him thru me). So they call him up or I give the phone to him & they ask him to come. If he says yes, then he has to keep his word. If he says no, then he needs to come up with his excuse. I would highly suggest you to tell your uncle casually to ask him because you don't know his schedule. Don't mention he doesn't like going but say, "can you ask him if he is free, he isn't around, here is his number"...
                    I can understand why he gets annoyed, especially if you are having to go often. Also I would be very peeved if my wife decided to play such games with me

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                    • #11
                      Re: Hubby hates my relatives

                      Originally posted by seagulls1999 View Post
                      I can understand why he gets annoyed, especially if you are having to go often. Also I would be very peeved if my wife decided to play such games with me
                      How is that game? that's called being obedient wife & letting the men make decision on whether to go or not. Who am I to accept invitation & decide how we spend our sat afternoon, when he is the head of the family?

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                      • #12
                        Re: Hubby hates my relatives

                        Originally posted by Kya View Post
                        How is that game? that's called being obedient wife & letting the men make decision on whether to go or not. Who am I to accept invitation & decide how we spend our sat afternoon, when he is the head of the family?
                        read paragraph 2 of your own post. If that is obedience then I wouldn't like to see disobedience

                        But khair, from your attitude I don't think you will take advice and reminders, therefore I will depart.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Hubby hates my relatives

                          Originally posted by seagulls1999 View Post
                          read paragraph 2 of your own post. If that is obedience then I wouldn't like to see disobedience

                          But khair, from your attitude I don't think you will take advice and reminders, therefore I will depart.
                          You think getting advice from your wife and being reminded to be "good and appreciative" is disobedient?? Even the best of people need advice and reminded on what is right and how to get their act straight. If your wife/husband can't give you constructive criticism to make you a better person then what good is he/she. If I was being unreasonable about something I would expect my husband (forget husband even a small children) to speak up against me and make me realize my flaw. What kind of tyrant is this to not have your wife point out your mistake so you can fix it. I gave advice to my father, I sure can give to my husband when he needs it & I expect no less from others when its my turn.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Hubby hates my relatives

                            Originally posted by Kya View Post
                            You think getting advice from your wife and being reminded to be "good and appreciative" is disobedient?? Even the best of people need advice and reminded on what is right and how to get their act straight. If your wife/husband can't give you constructive criticism to make you a better person then what good is he/she. If I was being unreasonable about something I would expect my husband (forget husband even a small children) to speak up against me and make me realize my flaw. What kind of tyrant is this to not have your wife point out your mistake so you can fix it. I gave advice to my father, I sure can give to my husband when he needs it & I expect no less from others when its my turn.
                            There is advice and there is manipulation

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                            • #15
                              Re: Hubby hates my relatives

                              i think what people are forgeting is he not sure about hes wifes auntie ,he dont trust her and he could have a good reason for it,sometimes we can get a sense if somebody evil and not to be trusted and its easier to sense it when their not your own family ,hence he seems concerned ,i dont think he should stop visiting family over it ,but hes wife needs to understand and listen to hes concerns and reasure him that she will not leave the baby with her and will make the babys food herself ,and tell him they can make the visit short .she should also remind him not to cut ties with family when hes in a good mood to listen and explain that she misses them

                              but if she demands he must see her family and ignores hes concerns and accuse him of being jealous as he dont have a family ,then he will feel hes wife dont trust him ,and men like their wives to trust and respect them and to listen to their views ,they also like to protect us

                              if hes turning you against your family to control you then thats a different story ,but with such short info we can not know this ,OP how is he with other family memembers ?

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