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  • About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

    :salams

    Can't they just put it in their daughter's or son's marriage contract that their spouse has to let them finish uni after marriage?
    That way they can be married and control their desire for companionship.

    Doesn't this make more sense than trying to deny their basic human needs for 6 or 7 years?
    And everyone would be happy that way and it would cut down on parent-child family problems!


    ------------

    Okay, about men's money then -

    ---- 1. Americans who are able usually help pay for their children's living expenses when they first get married/go to college because they know most teens can't afford it. It's expected in our culture that kids move out at 18 and that parents help out their kids until they are established.

    ---- 2. Even those who don't, usually new couples will work together to pay for college and the apartment together.


    What is "wrong" with either of these two options if it saves us from one of the biggest sins a Muslim can ever commit? If these sacrifices stop us from zinaa, can't parents put away their pride?!
    Last edited by |Sister|; 07-09-14, 02:19 AM.

  • #2
    Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

    Originally posted by |Sister| View Post
    :salams

    Can't they just put it in their daughter's or son's marriage contract that their spouse has to let them finish uni after marriage?
    That way they can be married and control their desire for companionship.

    Doesn't this make more sense than trying to deny their basic human needs for 6 or 7 years?
    And everyone would be happy that way and it would cut down on parent-child family problems!
    I was just thinking about this and university. My parents want me to go next year to University although I don't want to because of all the fees.
    At the same time I just wanna get a job for 1 year at least then get married.
    I can't even do what you said above which makes so much sense lol :/
    Through fire and water… From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth… Until at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountain side… Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time… The stars wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as a life age of the earth… But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done.

    http://media.giphy.com/media/125pZ6JB0FVrxe/giphy.gif

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    • #3
      Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

      ^ Ya, its not even about the post-secondary aspect, some parents want their children to get established and "on their feet" before marriage that can take awhile though.
      17-07

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      • #4
        Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

        Originally posted by SheSaid View Post
        ^ Ya, its not even about the post-secondary aspect, some parents want their children to get established and "on their feet" before marriage that can take awhile though.
        I understand that and that makes sense aswell.
        At the same time I don't wanna spend 3-5 years at Uni then coming out to find I won't get a job for like 2 years lol.
        I think I'd rather have a mediocre job after my A-Levels and see what happens after that, but idk
        Through fire and water… From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth… Until at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountain side… Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time… The stars wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as a life age of the earth… But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done.

        http://media.giphy.com/media/125pZ6JB0FVrxe/giphy.gif

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

          man must provide , hence he MUST have degree and job.



          Comment


          • #6
            Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

            Originally posted by noobz View Post
            man must provide , hence he MUST have degree and job.
            Must have a degree? Lol sounds so cultural and a bit stupid at the same time.
            Job part, obviously I agree with.
            Through fire and water… From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth… Until at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountain side… Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time… The stars wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as a life age of the earth… But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done.

            http://media.giphy.com/media/125pZ6JB0FVrxe/giphy.gif

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

              Originally posted by Thedon! View Post
              Must have a degree? Lol sounds so cultural and a bit stupid at the same time.
              Job part, obviously I agree with.
              u cant get a good job without a degree , unless ur an inestment banker.



              Comment


              • #8
                Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

                Updated OP

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                • #9
                  Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

                  Originally posted by SheSaid View Post
                  ^ Ya, its not even about the post-secondary aspect, some parents want their children to get established and "on their feet" before marriage that can take awhile though.
                  I think too many parents make excuses. They always delay it and make some excuse.

                  Must have degree, job, etc

                  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kFGftL9OoXM

                  The above sums it up
                  Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
                  ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

                  www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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                  • #10
                    Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

                    Originally posted by noobz View Post
                    u cant get a good job without a degree , unless ur an inestment banker.
                    Your statement didn't make sense. You need to actually have a degree to become an investment banker, especially in the fields of "Economics" or of some sort.
                    And you can get a good job actually, especially in finance (Depending on the A level grades too) And also, isn't enough that you can live off providing for your wife and yourself?
                    Last edited by Thedon!; 07-09-14, 02:23 AM.
                    Through fire and water… From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak I fought with the Balrog of Morgoth… Until at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountain side… Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time… The stars wheeled overhead, and every day was as long as a life age of the earth… But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done.

                    http://media.giphy.com/media/125pZ6JB0FVrxe/giphy.gif

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

                      my sis got married before she finished college.... my bro-in-law was also still studying at university...they both worked to pay for the bills. they didn't get to live lavishly but now he has a good job so my sister takes care of the family while he works....you can do it but it's harder and requires more work/dedication

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                      • #12
                        Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

                        If these sacrifices stop us from zinaa, can't parents put away their pride?!
                        the issue is from the womans parents side on this ......

                        they feel insecure sending to marry daughter off to any tom or harry ....... and then they wonder why they left for syria.



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                        • #13
                          Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

                          I know of a girl whose mahr was actually to let her finish uni. I think she had gotten married right when she started but her mom didn't want the marriage to cause a hindrance so that was what they agreed upon.

                          It's tough to do both I suppose. It's just as important to be 'established' as it is to complete half your deen in my opinion.
                          Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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                          • #14
                            Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

                            Originally posted by Thedon! View Post
                            Your statement didn't make sense. You need to actually have a degree to become an investment banker, especially in the fields of "Economics" or of some sort.
                            And you can get a good job actually, especially in finance (Depending on the A level grades too) And also, isn't enough that you can live off providing for your wife and yourself?
                            well that would depend on the wife , u cant expect to marry a woman who lives in a normal way to marry u and then make ends meet.

                            A levels is like a degree which every other kid has , u get a degree , u get a bit differentiated , u get a PhD , then ur finally having some value out of the millions who also have a PhD



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                            • #15
                              Re: About parents who won't let their children marry before degree

                              :salams

                              Well, speaking for many Desi parents, they don't care about the fitnah outside or the struggle youth have to go through to stay chaste. They live in their own little world, where they think their kids are merrily going to colleges and getting A+ and are gonna get a fab job. This whole notion of desires and hormones, they aren't aware of.

                              Though, I am sure there are many who do understand this (for example, ones who maybe grew up in the West, or religious ones). Or, some just want to get their kids married off young cause that's the tradition (for example, I know a few Yemeni brothers who got married while still in college, so I am guessing that's the norm for them).
                              Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                              "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                              - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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