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Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

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  • #16
    Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

    all of them hurt tbh, but i rather go with option 1
    unconditional love for all of mankind.

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    • #17
      Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

      Originally posted by someonehere View Post
      The OP is not interested in marriage. Her parents are just pushing her to look at prospects.
      salaams to all


      then speak to ur parents first
      let them know u dont want to get married & are going to reject everyone who comes to see u.

      if they see ur serious, they will realise its pointless setting up meeting with potentials

      and Allah ta'ala knows best
      jazakallah
      Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
      very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

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      • #18
        Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

        Wa alaykum asalam,

        Preferably before he meets you because he may develop an interest if he meets you therefore you saying 'no' later wouldn't be pleasant for him. So option 1 for sure.
        My Lord sanctify my flawed heart
        As You have sanctified Your house,
        Make my heart as protected and as honoured
        In which permission of entry
        Is only granted to a few,
        Please Allah, allow my heart
        To be preserved only for You.



        ---


        It hurts, to watch you leave so soon,
        when I don't know, if I will ever see you again
        In Jannah, we will meet :love:


        If I have ever offended, hurt or insulted you, forgive me for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى‎

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        • #19
          Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

          Originally posted by AliaB View Post
          Parents wouldn't take no for an answer from me, especially if I haven't even given the prospective any careful consideration. They would only accept a no if it was accompanied with a vaild reason such as "he has two heads" and even that is negotiable.
          I just don't want to get married, at least not at the moment ("never say never"). Well-meaning people tell the guy to come and visit our house and then I feel bad for the guy who is actually just here for no reason.
          sister, know your rights.. If people want to be hurt for silly reasons let them indulge themselves in their jahil ways. You can not be interested for whatever reason you want. This is how some people end up feeling cornered or trapped because they give out in the end. Allah have mercy on you.

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          • #20
            Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

            Option 2 seems the most reasonable
            Abu Malik at-Ash'ari reported:

            The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Cleanliness is half of faith

            and al-Hamdu Lillah (all praise and gratitude is for Allah alone) fills the scale, and Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah)

            and al-Hamdu Lillah fill up what is between the heavens and the earth, and prayer is a light,

            and charity is proof (of one's faith)

            and endurance is a brightness and the Holy Qur'an is a proof on your behalf or against you.

            All men go out early in the morning and sell themselves, thereby setting themselves free or destroying themselves.



            حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ مَنْصُورٍ، حَدَّثَنَا حَبَّانُ بْنُ هِلاَلٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبَانٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، أَنَّ زَيْدًا، حَدَّثَهُ أَنَّ أَبَا سَلاَّمٍ حَدَّثَهُ عَنْ أَبِي مَالِكٍ الأَشْعَرِيِّ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ الطُّهُورُ شَطْرُ الإِيمَانِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلأُ الْمِيزَانَ ‏.‏ وَسُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلآنِ - أَوْ تَمْلأُ - مَا بَيْنَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالأَرْضِ وَالصَّلاَةُ نُورٌ وَالصَّدَقَةُ بُرْهَانٌ وَالصَّبْرُ ضِيَاءٌ وَالْقُرْآنُ حُجَّةٌ لَكَ أَوْ عَلَيْكَ كُلُّ النَّاسِ يَغْدُو فَبَائِعٌ نَفْسَهُ فَمُعْتِقُهَا أَوْ مُوبِقُهَا ‏"‏ ‏.‏

            Reference : Sahih Muslim 223
            In-book reference : Book 2, Hadith 1
            USC-MSA web (English) reference : Book 2, Hadith 432
            (deprecated numbering scheme)

            أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

            Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


            Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

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            • #21
              Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

              Why is option 3 even an option?
              Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.

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              • #22
                Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

                option one without a shadow of doubt. Option two will still build a persons hopes up. Its a complete waste of yours and their time. I know in these situations people definitely don't like time wasters!
                check out this blog>>>http://myworldmuslimah.wordpress.com/

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                • #23
                  Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

                  Option 1 ofcourse.

                  Why whould you even waste your time? And why whould you give the guy false hope?
                  Brothers want like 4 wives, can't even handle like 5 prayers.

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                  • #24
                    Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

                    Just say to your mum and dad that you have no interest. They can pass the message along. It's not difficult. Why waste anyone's time?

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                    • #25
                      Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

                      I would rather a person tell me they are not interested from jump. He might not like it at first but he will appreciate the fact that you didn't waste his time.

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                      • #26
                        Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

                        Would never approach a proposal unless I know she was interested too.
                        La illaha ilallah

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

                          Originally posted by AliaB View Post
                          Salaam,

                          If I meet a prospective and I KNOW before I even meet them that I have no interest in marrying him, what is the best thing to do?
                          - Tell him before he even gets to your house that he's better off staying at home
                          - Let him come over and be polite and hospitable, then tell him a few days later
                          - Keep it going for a few weeks until he starts to ask for confirmation or planning engagement functions, then tell him it's a no.

                          I'm asking because the first option seems brash and rude, the second would waste some money on a gift (an arab tradition when entering someone's house for the first time) and make them feel that it was because of their looks or what they said or what they wore when really they didn't do anything wrong and it has nothing to do with that. The third wastes a lot of the person's time - wouldn't they rather have moved on already?

                          I'm asking because I've actually tried all of these and every time, the guy is offended. If I reject him pointblank straight away, he feels cheated like, you didn't even give me a chance, and if it's later, it's also very annoying because he wants to know why and he thinks he can negotiate. And I genuinely don't want to inconvenience people or give them too much stress.

                          Also; I played no part in getting anyone to ask for my hand, they get referred to my house by aunties who are kindly concerned about my age. :(
                          Tell him in a text message. Quick and clean...
                          "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

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                          • #28
                            Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

                            tell em that you did an istikhara and it didnt come good so "sorry"
                            Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

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                            • #29
                              Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

                              That's what walis are for

                              BUT

                              if you have no intention of marrying (as someone suggested) then you need to tell your parents and stop this

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                              • #30
                                Re: Brothers (or anyone): How would you rather be rejected?

                                I let my people do the rejecting for me

                                Dont want him to cry in front of me, tis embarrassing.

                                especially if you are on the other end of the phone laughing ur face off
                                My ♥ only lets الله‎ in

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