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  • What can happen if a woman leaves ...

    her husband ;if he 's taking 2nd wife and leave their kids with him ? Genuine question
    ****Not meaning to use the kids as a tool to get back to an ex or prevent him from taking 2nd wife though***

    But I 'd like to know ( out of curosity ) if u saw that happening around u .share stories or views about this situation

    I 'll share what I have seen around me breifly

    1- usually the husband come back running to his 1st wife and forgot about 2nd marriage which I find it disgusting to take him back nvm my view but yeah that happens a lot

    2- husbands find it more difficult to remarry if their kids living with them 24/7

    3- women with no kids would rhink 1000 times before considering a man with kids

    4- end up being a single dad ;at least for many years

    5- ppl give him hard time advising him to take back his ex wife bcz no one would care for thesr kids more than their mom

    6- the husband would do his best to convince his ex wife to take the kids, even by offering a large amount of money

    Im asking coz this situation starts to be the norm in Gulf States, women leave without kids after it was the opposite

    I may share more later
    Last edited by myeverything; 26-08-14, 10:32 PM.
    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

  • #2
    Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

    But why punish the children?

    Let's assume the woman does that to 'teach him a lesson'. The children most of the time are closer to their mother. The mother usually cooks for them, helps them out with homework, and generally speaking spends more bonding time with them. Abandoning your children all of a sudden like that will hurt them.

    And also when a man remarries it could be difficult for him to see past the new wife's flaws. She could be neglecting/abusing the children (worst case scenario). Or even alienate them from their father, or he (himself) would possibly want to spend more 'quality time' with the new wife and this could result in him being neglient of his role as a father intentionally/unintentionally. So again this could harm the children more so than the father.

    Or he could simply get a housemaid and/nanny to lessen his and the new wife's burden.
    Last edited by ceeri_sista; 26-08-14, 10:52 PM.

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    • #3
      Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

      Originally posted by ceeri_sista View Post
      But why punish the children?

      Let's assume the woman does that to 'teach him a lesson'. The children most of the time are closer to their mother. The mother usually cooks for them, helps them out with homework, and generally speaking spends more bonding time with them. Abandoning your children all of a sudden like that will hurt them.

      And also when a man remarries it could be difficult for him to see past the new wife's flaws. She could be neglecting/abusing the children (worst case scenario). Or even alienate them from their father, or he (himself) would possibly want to spend more 'quality time' with the new wife and this could result in him being neglient of his role as a father intentionally/unintentionally. So again this could harm the children more so than the father.

      Or he could simply get a housemaid and/nanny to lessen his and the new wife's burden.
      then maybe he will put his kids first instead of his own selfish desires :)
      O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

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      • #4
        Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

        By selfish desires we mean taking a second wife?
        [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

        [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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        • #5
          Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

          Originally posted by *sheba* View Post
          then maybe he will put his kids first instead of his own selfish desires :)
          One can only hope ukhti. Unfortunately some men almost completely neglect their children when a new wife comes along.

          To answer the OP- From what I have seen the first wife was patient did her part despite her husband being unjust and as you said the husband returned to the first wife.
          Last edited by ceeri_sista; 26-08-14, 11:01 PM.

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          • #6
            Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

            Originally posted by |Abdur Raheem| View Post
            By selfish desires we mean taking a second wife?
            selfish desire - the act of neglecting what is best for his family (as the 'leader') and doing what is best for him only.
            Originally posted by ceeri_sista View Post
            One can only hope ukhti. Unfortunately some men almost completely neglect their children when a new wife comes along.
            yeah. pretty sad. and step mothers that are hateful to kids, can't get my head around this.
            O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

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            • #7
              Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

              Sister it's not about punishing the kids or teaching the husband s lesson or at least that what many of these women claim

              They say simply he's the father and he has to take his own responsibility
              And I'm not sinning by doing this. I 'd visit them regularly and check they are ok

              And believe it or not even with having housemaid or a nanny ,women ( who has no kids) rarely consider a giy with kids from.previous marriage ;as living with them forever
              How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

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              • #8
                Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

                Originally posted by *sheba* View Post
                selfish desire - the act of neglecting what is best for his family (as the 'leader') and doing what is best for him only.
                If him taking another wife isn't beneficial to the family then yes, that's selfish. No one should marry again unless there is some benefit to it. If the first wife wants to leave due to his second marriage, that would make the second marriage pointless and selfish.
                [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

                [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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                • #9
                  Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

                  One young lady said I was about to leave not even thinking to leave my kids with them a bit but seeing him being so interested in making sure I take the kids with me. I decide to let them stay with him ;as he is a trustworthy good dad
                  Then he went all crazy. Doing his best with me to take them. I said no and its final just plz take good care of our kids and fear Allah in them .
                  The end
                  He got rejected many times only bcz of his kids
                  How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

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                  • #10
                    Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

                    Originally posted by myeverything View Post
                    One young lady said I was about to leave not even thinking to leave my kids with them a bit but seeing him being so interested in making sure I take the kids with me. I decide to let them stay with him ;as he is a trustworthy good dad
                    Then he went all crazy. Doing his best with me to take them. I said no and its final just plz take good care of our kids and fear Allah in them .
                    The end
                    He got rejected many times only bcz of his kids
                    Wait, why did the the dad want the kids to stay with the mom?
                    www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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                    • #11
                      Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

                      Originally posted by Grimmjow View Post
                      Wait, why did the the dad want the kids to stay with the mom?
                      Maybe because he was afraid of being rejected, like what actually did happen.
                      [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

                      [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

                        Originally posted by ceeri_sista View Post
                        One can only hope ukhti. Unfortunately some men almost completely neglect their children when a new wife comes along.

                        To answer the OP- From what I have seen the first wife was patient did her part despite her husband being unjust and as you said the husband returned to the first wife.
                        I take it that you know a lot of men who have multiple wives?

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                        • #13
                          Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

                          If a wife is going to leave me the biggest blessing she could give me is the kids.
                          Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.

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                          • #14
                            Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

                            Who would not want to keep their kids?

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                            • #15
                              Re: What can happen if a woman leaves ...

                              Originally posted by myeverything View Post
                              One young lady said I was about to leave not even thinking to leave my kids with them a bit but seeing him being so interested in making sure I take the kids with me. I decide to let them stay with him ;as he is a trustworthy good dad
                              Then he went all crazy. Doing his best with me to take them. I said no and its final just plz take good care of our kids and fear Allah in them .
                              The end
                              He got rejected many times only bcz of his kids
                              That sounds like a good tool to use
                              Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.

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