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She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

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  • She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

    Question?

    I m in a great mess up, where, which to choose. I was in love with a christian girl, now she embraced islam. I want to marry her with my parents wish, which is not possible. My parents not at all ready to accept our relationship. I too doesn't want to hurt my mother(father deceased). Because she's the one who enlightened me to understand Allah the almighty. She struggle for us a lot. So, I prayed isthikara namaz to know what Allah wills for me. First time I saw the girl whom I want to marry,unfortunately next time I saw somebody else. I cannot judge myself what should I do. Whether to go against my mother & marry her or to give her up when she need me in desparate(She is newly converted muslim). I m afraid that leaving her may be make her to revert back to past life. I trust that she will not do, but the circumstances makes a person which they never wills. I am at an end neither swallow nor throw it out. So I want you to suggest me a way where I can keep both of them happy.

    Answer :

    Praise be to Allaah.

    We suggest that you should continue in your attempt to convince your mother to accept your marriage to this girl. If she insists on refusing then it is good for you to obey your mother and do as she wishes. There are many women and a man does not have to marry a particular woman. So obedience to your mother should take precedence in this case, because that means that you will be honouring her and treating her kindly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour”

    [al-Isra’ 17:23]

    Ahmad (15577) narrated that Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go and fight (in jihad) and I have come to consult you.” He said, “Do you have a mother?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Stay with her for Paradise is at her feet.”

    Shaykh Shu’ayb al-Arna’oot said: its isnaad is hasan.

    It was also narrated by Ibn Maajah (2781) as follows: “I went to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Go back and honour her.’ Then I approached him from the other side and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Go back and honour her.’ Then I approached him from in front and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Stay by her feet, for Paradise is there.’” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah.

    Ibn Abi Shaybah narrated in his Musannaf that Abu Talhah al-Asadi said: I was sitting with Ibn ‘Abbaas and two Bedouins came to him and spoke with him. One of them said: “I was looking for a camel of mine and I stayed with some people. I liked a girl of theirs so I married her, and my parents swore that they would never accept her. I swore that I would free a thousand slaves give one thousand gifts and slaughter one thousand camels if I divorced her.” Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “I am not going to tell you to divorce your wife or to disobey your parents.” He said, “What should I do with this woman?” He said: “Honour your parents.”

    Something similar was narrated from Abu’l-Darda’. If this had to do with divorcing a woman after marrying her, it is more apt that you should obey your mother before marriage takes place.

    And Allaah knows best.

    Read the original text here.

  • #2
    Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

    this is not true i was in exact situation and we went to ask lots of imans and they said aslong as im muslim my husband could marry me ,and you dont have to obey parents if they telling you to do something unislamic ,and not letting a man marry a muslim women becuase of race is not islamic ,prophet Muhammad SAW used to encourage mixed marriages ,parents can not stop there sons marrying a muslim women ,we was told my husband mother was in the wrong for trying to stop us marry(however we did wait n make lots of dua and she could see he would marry me one day so she accepted eventally alhamdulillah)

    also my advice to ANY man in that situation is your the one who has to spend the rest of your life to her so you should be making these chioces yourself ,i agree you can listen to there advice ,but be a man and stand your ground they will accept it if you be pateint and stand your ground ,also when you marry parents are not allowed to boss your wife or get involed with your marriage or family ,many parents think they have control over your marriage WRONG its a big sin and men need to stand there ground and give there wife her rights also ,

    my husband is very happy he stood hes ground and married me now we happy alhamdulillah ,if he would of listened to hes mum an married a women from hes culture he would not be happy now as he is not attracted to them mentally or physically,and we all want and deserve a happy marriage insha Allah

    yes we have t be kind to parents and obey them if they ask you todo something withing islam but you dont have to obey them when its haram or to do with your marriage
    Last edited by Revert08; 22-08-14, 11:47 AM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

      Question
      Last edited by samraz26; 19-09-14, 01:59 AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

        Parents can be so selfish and self-centred. The fatwa in the OP encourages him to pander to his mothers unreasonableness. Poor advice yet again.

        No wonder most people dont have time for scholars anymore, they are clueless. Just knowing the rules doesn't mean you understand the best way to implement them.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

          Question
          Last edited by samraz26; 19-09-14, 01:59 AM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

            Originally posted by samraz26 View Post
            Abdullah bin Abu Aufa narrated: “A man said, ‘O Allah’s Messenger! There is a young man who is dying and is commanded to recite La ilaha illallah, but he is unable to recite it.’ The Prophet (S.A.W) went to the young man and ordered him, ‘Say: La ilaha illallah!’ He replied ‘I cannot.’ The Prophet asked him why and he said, ‘My heart is sealed; every time I want to recite it, my heart prevents me from doing so.’ The Prophet asked him, ‘Why?’ The young man said, ‘Because of my ‘Uquq (undutiful treatment) towards my mother.’ The Prophet (S.A.W) sent for her and asked, ‘What if I command that a great fire is started and you were asked to invoke Allah to forgive your son, or else he will be thrown in it?’ She said, ‘In that case, I will invoke Allah for him, O Allah’s Messenger!’ The Prophet said, ‘Then bear witness to Allah and then to me that you have forgiven him.’ She said, ‘I bear witness to You (O Allah) and then to Your Messenger that I have forgiven my son,’ The Prophet (S.A.W) said to the young man, ‘Say: La ilaha illallah!’ That man said, ‘La ilaha illallahu Wahdahu la Sharika Lahu. The Prophet (S.A.W) said thrice, ‘All praise is due to Allah for saving you from the Fire.’” (At-Tabarani).,

            Ibn ‘Abbas said: “Allah opens two doors (to Paradise) for every Muslim who is dutiful to his (or her) two Muslim parents, awaiting the reward with Allah Alone, and one door if he (or she) had one surviving parent (to whom he or she is dutiful). Furthermore, if one makes one of his parents angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until his parents forgive him.” He was asked, “Even if they were unjust to their child?” He said, “Even if they were unjust.’” (Al- Baihaqi)
            What does that have to do with parents being self-centred and wanting to control their childrens lives? Parents are to be respected but they are not infallible angels any more than their children are.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

              Question
              Last edited by samraz26; 19-09-14, 01:59 AM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

                Originally posted by samraz26 View Post
                :sub: allah taala mentions obedience to parents right after obedience to himself in the quran, thats how high we parents are...we are not 'selfish' subhanallah...there is no one more deserving of the title 'selfish' than who disregards his mother's hard excruciating painful effort bringing him up and then ends up hurting her feelings...
                just as allah is controlling, after allah the parents also have a right to control their children's lives too
                Allah is controlling in the way of doing good. You should not control your child simply because you can. Please be merciful to him and understanding.
                [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

                [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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                • #9
                  Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

                  Originally posted by samraz26 View Post
                  :sub: allah taala mentions obedience to parents right after obedience to himself in the quran, thats how high we parents are...we are not 'selfish' subhanallah...there is no one more deserving of the title 'selfish' than who disregards his mother's hard excruciating painful effort bringing him up and then ends up hurting her feelings...
                  just as allah is controlling, after allah the parents also have a right to control their children's lives too
                  sister you are mistaken yes we have to respect and honour our parents but it dont mean they allowed to control our lives and they are not allowed to get involved in our marriages its a sin,hence muslim men have to provide a seperate house for hes wife .also when a women is married she has to obey her husband before her parents .marriage is very important in Islam and no parents can force a daughter into marriage and if there son wants to marry a pious muslim women they can not refuse and the son dont have to obey

                  as mufti menk says a mum is key to Jannah but she can also drag you to hellfire ,

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

                    http://youtu.be/fuOKlKg-xqg mufti menk let them marry who they want

                    mufti menk on mother in law opressing your wife http://youtu.be/HyfnTcdx_bM

                    http://youtu.be/gs5K40Gb8kw

                    innteracial marriages
                    http://youtu.be/98U-jS-l0xk

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

                      Originally posted by samraz26 View Post
                      :sub: allah taala mentions obedience to parents right after obedience to himself in the quran, thats how high we parents are...we are not 'selfish' subhanallah...there is no one more deserving of the title 'selfish' than who disregards his mother's hard excruciating painful effort bringing him up and then ends up hurting her feelings...
                      just as allah is controlling, after allah the parents also have a right to control their children's lives too
                      So because you're a parent you think you deserve some sort of medal? First bring up a child correctly and help them become a balanced and secure adult before you start looking for the accolades.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

                        Why fall in love with a Christian girl? What's there to love? Lol

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

                          Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
                          Why fall in love with a Christian girl? What's there to love? Lol
                          she is a muslim now and maybe he fell in love with her character? and now she is muslim whats wrong with him wanting to marry her? aslong as she reverted for Allah alone i dont see the problem ?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

                            Originally posted by R0nin View Post
                            So because you're a parent you think you deserve some sort of medal? First bring up a child correctly and help them become a balanced and secure adult before you start looking for the accolades.
                            true im a mother and my job is to give my children there rights and insha Allah when they older they will give me mine too ,i would never pressure my kids to marry somebosy they dont want ,i will just advice them to marry for deen and character ,the trouble is with alot of muslim parents is the racisim which is disgusting behaviour

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses : IslamQA

                              Originally posted by Revert08 View Post
                              she is a muslim now and maybe he fell in love with her character? and now she is muslim whats wrong with him wanting to marry her? aslong as she reverted for Allah alone i dont see the problem ?

                              Comment

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