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  • wife past troubles me

    ASA
    I am married 5 years with 2 kids. How do you deal with wife intimate past with several guys. I didn't know anything about before marriage.
    In my past I never touched or been with a girl through out college and uni years. I always wanted a girl the way I saw myself. I started to practice early in my life since high school. I found about her past during early on marriage . It's really hurting me now. I have been bottling it for past five years and it's killing me inside. I thought I could manage but the thought of 4 5 guys gives me butterfly. I haven't spoken to anyone about it. I do take digs at her when I'm angry, which I know is wrong. Another point I feel as though I'm the only one putting so much effort into this relationship. As a person I thinks she is not like that now. But I am driving her away. I find it hard to enjoy her.

    What shall I do.......divorce???? It's becoming unbearable.

    sorry guys. Feel so much better just writing it.

  • #2
    wife past troubles me

    ASA
    I am married 5 years with 2 kids. How do you deal with wife intimate past with several guys. I didn't know anything about before marriage.
    In my past I never touched or been with a girl through out college and uni years. I always wanted a girl the way I saw myself. I started to practice early in my life since high school. I found about her past during early on marriage . It's really hurting me now. I have been bottling it for past five years and it's killing me inside. I thought I could manage but the thought of 4 5 guys gives me butterfly. I haven't spoken to anyone about it. I do take digs at her when I'm angry, which I know is wrong. Another point I feel as though I'm the only one putting so much effort into this relationship. As a person I thinks she is not like that now. But I am driving her away. I find it hard to enjoy her.

    What shall I do.......divorce???? It's becoming unbearable.

    sorry guys. Feel so much better just writing it.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: wife past

      wa alaikum assalam.

      Is she a good wife now? Don't mind me asking.

      Divorce na bruh!!! That's like the last last last option.
      Not first thing in mind.
      Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometime helps me and sometime opposes me

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: wife past troubles me

        I feel sorry for you brother. This is why people who only want to marry chaste woman are absolutely right and the "repented" nonsense here needs to stop.
        You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

        You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: wife past troubles me

          Originally posted by Linkdeutscher View Post
          I feel sorry for you brother. This is why people who only want to marry chaste woman are absolutely right and the "repented" nonsense here needs to stop.
          I hope you meant to say 4 to 5 guys and not 45. But anyways, look, that was her past before she met you and married you. Yes she could of told you of it if you deemed it so important before you got married to her but it's over and done with. You have two kids that really need you both in their lives so why cause damage to them for something that was done years ago. Don't make this such an issue now and throw digs her way which will only make her resent you and cause issues in the marriage. The shaytan is beating you over the head with this stick since he knows it bothers you so much. Move on with your marriage and work on making it better rather than trying to tear it down.
          "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: wife past troubles me

            Agree with Musbah.

            Think about your children. I'm sure you don't want them growing up in a broken home. Try and find some way to forget about it. Don't think about it :)

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: wife past troubles me

              why did you not ask before you were married her?
              Is worth it to throw away your marriage and break up your childrens happiness because you cannot overcome your own?
              please brother just ignore it, her past is her past for a reason

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: wife past troubles me

                Originally posted by Linkdeutscher View Post
                I feel sorry for you brother. This is why people who only want to marry chaste woman are absolutely right and the "repented" nonsense here needs to stop.
                and what about if man has a past, hopefuly this means a man with past does not deserve to marry a virgin woman yes??

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: wife past troubles me

                  If you found out about it early in the marriage, you should have done something about it then. No sense in bringing it up five years and two kids later.
                  Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: wife past troubles me

                    Originally posted by sanabsanab View Post
                    and what about if man has a past, hopefuly this means a man with past does not deserve to marry a virgin woman yes??
                    Of course. But the OP said he never even touched a woman so this was something very unfair. But he should have done something about it earlier. Move on OP, this life is just temporary, prepare for yourself for the true life in the akhira.
                    You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                    You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: wife past troubles me

                      Originally posted by Plumeria View Post
                      If you found out about it early in the marriage, you should have done something about it then. No sense in bringing it up five years and two kids later.
                      I agree with this

                      No sense complaining now. If you wanted to do something should have done it when you found out and never had kids

                      Now you would be better staying for the kids
                      Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
                      ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

                      www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: wife past troubles me

                        Keep her and marry again to some one else. If you have the means to. Insha Allah
                        It is said that a new marriage opens up a new book of deeds to your life and your past sins are forgiven (one of my community told me). Allah knows best

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: wife past troubles me

                          Originally posted by zaky View Post
                          ASA
                          I am married 5 years with 2 kids. How do you deal with wife intimate past with several guys. I didn't know anything about before marriage.
                          In my past I never touched or been with a girl through out college and uni years. I always wanted a girl the way I saw myself. I started to practice early in my life since high school. I found about her past during early on marriage . It's really hurting me now. I have been bottling it for past five years and it's killing me inside. I thought I could manage but the thought of 4 5 guys gives me butterfly. I haven't spoken to anyone about it. I do take digs at her when I'm angry, which I know is wrong. Another point I feel as though I'm the only one putting so much effort into this relationship. As a person I thinks she is not like that now. But I am driving her away. I find it hard to enjoy her.

                          What shall I do.......divorce???? It's becoming unbearable.

                          sorry guys. Feel so much better just writing it.
                          Brother what you have said is a lesson for us all of harsh reality and something I get very angry about with people for
                          And no not the past of your wife here but the finding out early but waiting for 5 years and 2 kids

                          Quite simply brother people get carried away with the excitement of marriage and what that brings, this excitement doesn't last and then the ''nit picking'' starts and all of a sudden we focus on she cant cook, he listens to his mother too much etc etc

                          Be honest with yourself and your wife and your kids ask yourself is it bothering you now because the early excitement is gone and maybe you are bored?

                          either way you need to address it and if its divorce so be it but remember be true

                          sorry if I have been harsh here, I have just witnessed a divorce based on what I said above and it could have been avoided

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: wife past troubles me

                            If it bothered you that much then you should have told her that or let her go from the beginning. You said yourself you don't think she's like that now. Anyway, you throwing it in her face is really rude and childish.
                            "Why Do We Fill Our Hearts With Everything But Allah And Expect Not To Fall Apart"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: wife past troubles me

                              Originally posted by Talwaar
                              Never too late for talaq
                              Unfortunately it isn't just about the op alone, there are two kids in question as well.
                              Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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