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  • "Are you family oriented"

    what does potentials ask this question? why would this help in your decision to choosing a spouse?
    family orientated means are you close to your own family yes?

    of course, most naturally most people will be close to their own family
    but why does people require this in a spouse?
    loving your own family has no guarentees that they will also love your family as their own

    so me never understand why such a question is asked so many times by potentials hehe

  • #2
    Re: "Are you family oriented"

    Originally posted by sanabsanab View Post
    what does potentials ask this question? why would this help in your decision to choosing a spouse?
    family orientated means are you close to your own family yes?

    of course, most naturally most people will be close to their own family
    but why does people require this in a spouse?
    loving your own family has no guarentees that they will also love your family as their own

    so me never understand why such a question is asked so many times by potentials hehe
    Exactly I know of one situation where the father of the family cares a lot about his brothers and parents even though they mistreat him.

    Yet he neglects his own family.
    Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
    ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

    www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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    • #3
      Re: "Are you family oriented"

      They want to whether you will get on with their family. ..
      You know not be the type of girl to go out, be chummy chummy with all.his family. ..I think it's more to do with that
      No Longer On UF

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      • #4
        Re: "Are you family oriented"

        firestar101 - same in my family this is the case, ebveryone will call themself family orientated but only with their own, with married family they might mistreat but this will not make them unfamily oriented as they will still be devoted to their own parents

        Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
        They want to whether you will get on with their family. ..
        You know not be the type of girl to go out, be chummy chummy with all.his family. ..I think it's more to do with that
        but the two are unrelate d, asking for family oriented does not guarentee he/she will bond with your family

        another silly question asking is 'i hope he/sje will love my parents as their own'

        yes your spouse will respect your parent and treat them as if they were her own but will she love them as much as she love her own? i don't think is possible to love someone more than your own aparents

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        • #5
          Re: "Are you family oriented"

          I don't see the fuss here tbh, generally speaking

          family orientated generally mans are you happy around family, disputes with individuals or clashes etc are a given we are all human and we tend to argue most with those closest to us

          Often it refers to the whole live alone, dine alone, have nothing to do with family type scenario and it happens

          And when I married I hoped my wife would love my parents like I do or be as close as she was with her own as she was coming to my house. I never expected her to love hers less or for mine to replace hers (although I do know that some do in fact get on better with in laws)

          Its no different than saying I love my nephews and nieces as my own, I don't think anyone thinks if my child and a nephew or niece was drowning that I would ignore mine, its just terminology

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          • #6
            Re: "Are you family oriented"

            They want to know whether you'll live with his family and cook and clean for all of them :up:
            Oh Allah,
            Make me want that which is beneficial for me...
            And make beneficial for me that which I want.

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            • #7
              Re: "Are you family oriented"

              Originally posted by Al Qadr View Post
              They want to know whether you'll live with his family and cook and clean for all of them :up:
              not necessarily
              Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
              __________________________________________________ _____________________________
              If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

              You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



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              • #8
                Re: "Are you family oriented"

                Family are the most important people in your life, they are your blood. So ofcourse a potential would need to know how strong your relationship with family is, how close you are with everyone, if you help them in times of need etc. That's the sign of a strong, responsible person who has their values straight.

                I know so many people in my family who hardly get along with anyone because they alienate themselves from everyone and they've got a bad personality, generally speaking. Those are the ones you need to avoid.

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                • #9
                  Re: "Are you family oriented"

                  Originally posted by Al Qadr View Post
                  They want to know whether you'll live with his family and cook and clean for all of them :up:
                  Lol this is what I was going to say. Maybe asking if you are 'family oriented' is the politically correct way if asking 'are you going to be my family's slave and answer at their every beck and call?!'

                  With the way people are today, you never know.
                  Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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                  • #10
                    Re: "Are you family oriented"

                    If by starting your own family, then yes, if by looking after your siblings and parents yes, if by looking after her family.....depends on what their like but most likely yes.

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                    • #11
                      "Are you family oriented"

                      I'm gonna ask that question in regards to immediate and extended family.. By family orientated I mean does he like being around his family and all these dawats and invites lol, I don't want a guy who is anti social and doesn't even interact with my the guys in the fam, I like a guy who enjoys these types of gatherings coz wallah there's so many of them in my family, newly married or not we will give the whole family an invite and you have to come lol
                      إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

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                      • #12
                        Re: "Are you family oriented"

                        The question is to know how mature you are to handle a family. Another similar question is like: Do you make coffee for you father? Do you help your mother in cooking? What will you do if your mother sick and cannot walk? Some people know well how to handle such cases. Some people just don't know what to do.
                        ~ Don’t trade a house in Jannah :insha:, for a lowly house in this transient world ~

                        They want to extinguish the light of Allah with their mouths, but Allah will perfect His light, although the disbelievers dislike it (61 : 8)

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                        • #13
                          Re: "Are you family oriented"

                          Originally posted by Al Qadr View Post
                          They want to know whether you'll live with his family and cook and clean for all of them :up:
                          haha which is also my understanding but still the question is wrong, if you wanting to know if she will look after your family then simply ask for awife who will lolok after your family

                          Originally posted by Mockingjay View Post
                          The question is to know how mature you are to handle a family. Another similar question is like: Do you make coffee for you father? Do you help your mother in cooking? What will you do if your mother sick and cannot walk? Some people know well how to handle such cases. Some people just don't know what to do.

                          you mean they hope this is how she will do for his family? if mother is sick and cannot walk will she help his mother??
                          what if wife is working, is she also expecting to look after his parents too?
                          why son cannot look after his own parent?

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                          • #14
                            Re: "Are you family oriented"

                            Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
                            They want to whether you will get on with their family. ..
                            You know not be the type of girl to go out, be chummy chummy with all.his family. ..I think it's more to do with that
                            But then, wouldn't the better quearies be "are you friendly/ outgoing? " or "do you see yourself spending a lot of time doing activities with extended family?
                            Fabi-ayyiala -i rabbikuma tukaththibani
                            Then which of the favors of your Lord will ye deny?
                            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr8DR8frP_s

                            You are not here just to fill space or to be a background character in someone else's movie. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you. We are all connected, and we are all affected by the decisions and even the existence of those around us.

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                            • #15
                              Re: "Are you family oriented"

                              Originally posted by nousername View Post
                              But then, wouldn't the better quearies be "are you friendly/ outgoing? " or "do you see yourself spending a lot of time doing activities with extended family?
                              exactly

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