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How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

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  • #46
    Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

    Originally posted by Musbah View Post
    I have a exceptionally clean background so it wouldn't bother me.
    You never stole candy bars back in early teen years?
    "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

    Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

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    • #47
      Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

      The Whole point of having a wali is that he does background checks on your potential spouse, and a brother should do the same with a potential wife, people arent always who they claim they are or who others claim they are its not easy to get genuine and sincere advice about a potential these days, too many ppl marrying for ulterior motives.

      Originally posted by Tahiyah View Post
      do you think it would be wrong to ask him to have an aids test or STD test done? lol.. wow... somehow this kills the romance before it starts
      for sure its something every muslim should do, even those who havent had relations before because its not only through intimacy that HIV is contracted.

      question is though, are these doubts about the background check or are they just doubts about marrying the brother in general, pray istikarah and leave it with Allah, uncertainty isnt a good thing you should feel so sure and have no doubts at all insha Allah.
      "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

      The Prophet :saw: said:

      "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

      muslim

      Narrated 'Abdullah:

      The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


      "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

      By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

      [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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      • #48
        Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

        Originally posted by Tahiyah View Post
        Lets say you have been talking to someone for some time and have reached the point where your seriously considering marrying that person...you have already been through all the formal stuff and have said things to each other like..is there anything you would like to know about me, etc? feeling confident that you are making a good choice and then you find out that this person did a background check on you. would you feel violated or would you be understanding? especially if that person told you they felt confident in trusting you to a life of marriage and had no further questions.

        i mean, i can understand in these times, there are crazies out there...but you and this person have talked alot and you found out this background check was a recent thing.

        would you be bothered?
        It depends on what kind of background check, what does it include?

        Is it a simple DBS kinda one?
        Or a much more vigorous one.

        Either way I don't think I'd mind (I have nothing to hide tbh) but I'd expect him to have one too then.
        As for the STI test - YES, big fat yes (can't afford the risk).
        My Lord sanctify my flawed heart
        As You have sanctified Your house,
        Make my heart as protected and as honoured
        In which permission of entry
        Is only granted to a few,
        Please Allah, allow my heart
        To be preserved only for You.



        ---


        It hurts, to watch you leave so soon,
        when I don't know, if I will ever see you again
        In Jannah, we will meet :love:


        If I have ever offended, hurt or insulted you, forgive me for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى‎

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        • #49
          Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

          He can go ahead but he won't have much to find out.

          Muahahaha

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          • #50
            Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

            Like a crb check?

            لا تفكر كثيرا
            بل استغفر كثيرا

            -------------------------------------------------------
            The children need your prayers more than anyone else
            -------------------------------------------------------
            www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

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            • #51
              Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

              Originally posted by Tahiyah View Post
              ouch, so did they end up not marrying due to this? i wonder if a man does this on a sister, is he really curious she has a criminal background or checking on past divorces she may not of told him about. anyhow....its best to be upfront and honest about everything, thats why we say things like....is there anything you would like to know about me incase I forgot to mention something
              yes , they rejected .....



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              • #52
                Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

                Originally posted by Tahiyah View Post
                Lets say you have been talking to someone for some time and have reached the point where your seriously considering marrying that person...you have already been through all the formal stuff and have said things to each other like..is there anything you would like to know about me, etc? feeling confident that you are making a good choice and then you find out that this person did a background check on you. would you feel violated or would you be understanding? especially if that person told you they felt confident in trusting you to a life of marriage and had no further questions.

                i mean, i can understand in these times, there are crazies out there...but you and this person have talked alot and you found out this background check was a recent thing.

                would you be bothered?
                What do you mean 'background check.'

                If you mean to ask people in society what they are like, then you should be doing that anyways as it is one of the suggestions, and one of the exceptions to backbiting is telling a person the truth about someone if they are seeking to marry them!
                If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

                Humililty, Sincerity, and the quest for Truth. There is no purpose in life but to seek the pleasure of Allah.
                There is a possibility a female might use this account to read something!

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                • #53
                  Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

                  Don't feel shy about protecting your health, blood tests are a must. If it's awkward, tell him you'll do one and see what he says. Background checks like asking people about his Character or Government records like Address, Job, Criminal records? Would it be rude to ask people in your potential's social circle what kind of a person they are, and how would one know if the info is correct?

                  If all else fails get this creature on the case https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzzjgBAaWZw

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                  • #54
                    Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

                    If I do a background check on this person, why would I mind him doing a background check on me?

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                    • #55
                      Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

                      I wouldn't be offended at all, because I haven't nothing to hide and I would do the same thing.

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                      • #56
                        Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

                        salaams to all

                        its a good sign
                        means they are serious

                        its actually advisable to do a check
                        youre going to be spending the rest of your life with this person
                        you should know if theres things that would make him/her unsuitable

                        and since many people deceive-esp when it comes to marriage
                        its good to do a proper check

                        and Allah ta'ala knows best
                        jazakallah
                        Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                        very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

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                        • #57
                          Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

                          Originally posted by F_R View Post
                          Like a crb check?
                          More than that, CRB takes time to update

                          sigpic

                          Allahumma anta Rabbi la ilaha illa anta Khalaqtani wa ana'abduka, wa ana 'ala 'ahdika wa Wa'dika mastata'tu A'uidhubika min sharri ma sana'tu.' abu'u Laka bi ni 'matika wa'ala abu'u bidhanbi; faghfirli fa'innahu la yaghfiru-dh-dhunuba illa anta.
                          O Allah, You are my Lord, none has the right to be worshipped except You, You created me and I am Your servant and I abide to Your covenant and promise as best I can, I take refuge in You from the evil of which I have committed. I acknowledge Your favour upon me and I acknowledgemy sin, so forgive me, for verilynone can forgive sin except You.



                          We are accountable for every letter we post here, so think before posting and maintain modesty.

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                          • #58
                            Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

                            ^ It doesn't if you have an annual subscription ;)
                            My Lord sanctify my flawed heart
                            As You have sanctified Your house,
                            Make my heart as protected and as honoured
                            In which permission of entry
                            Is only granted to a few,
                            Please Allah, allow my heart
                            To be preserved only for You.



                            ---


                            It hurts, to watch you leave so soon,
                            when I don't know, if I will ever see you again
                            In Jannah, we will meet :love:


                            If I have ever offended, hurt or insulted you, forgive me for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى‎

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

                              :salams

                              Hmm...I think it's kid of strange. But, not a huge deal, I guess...
                              Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                              "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                              - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                              • #60
                                Re: How would you feel if a potential spouse did a background check on you?

                                I dunno how I'd even find out if someone did a CRB check on me as a potential spouse. I didn't even know that was possible- I thought that was just done by potential employers.

                                I've never considered doing any criminal record check in the past. Call me old fashioned but for the most part, I want to be able to take the guy at his word otherwise there's really no point. If I sense in conversation that he's deceitful or hiding something then that would put me off anyway, regardless of what it was he was hiding.

                                I once had a rishta who was a convert so he admitted he wasn't a virgin and I said I'd want him to have an STD test. I even made a thread about it on here and other people agreed, then I sent him the thread and verbally he didn't seem to mind, but I don't think he ever had the test and eventually I turned him down for other reasons anyway.

                                If a guy ran any kinda test on me, he wouldn't find anything anyway, but it would seem odd to me that he felt the need to run such checks in the first place rather than take me at my word- that kinda tells me something about him. He may have valid reasons for doing that but generally speaking I don't like it when I'm being second guessed or I'm not taken at my word; I get enough of that from my mum there's no way I'd accept that in a spouse.
                                The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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