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i need maher and divorce help plz

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  • i need maher and divorce help plz

    Aslam alakum brothers and sisters:
    I am in a very tough position right now, ok so 2 years ago I got married to this girl. . my faimly and her mother agreed on $30,000 for the maher, well as soon as the sheik came and did all the paper work and to marry us, we were expected to have the wedding ceremony a few weeks after..the wedding ceremony never happened because I think she got cold feet which was fine but now we got locked in a marriage contract. .the girl ended up changing her mind and not wanting to get married but she is waiting on me to divorce her so I can pay her the maher. .
    Alot of people are telling me that I have to pay her half of the maher since we never had intercourse and never even lived togather. .in our custom we wait to have intercourse and live with each other after the wedding ceremony(which never happened).

    She dose not want to be with me but she dose not want to divorce me, She wants me to divorce her so she can get paid from the $30,000 maher we agreed on..get it?
    I feel like im getting scammed and I want to just move on with my life but why should I have to pay her when she is the one who dose not want to be with me? We have never lived with each other or anything at all..

  • #2
    Re: i need maher and divorce help plz

    if you haven't had intercourse then you don't have to pay her a penny

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: i need maher and divorce help plz

      Originally posted by seagulls1999 View Post
      if you haven't had intercourse then you don't have to pay her a penny
      Exactly. Thought maher means you are paying her to marry you, not divorce you.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: i need maher and divorce help plz

        well I found this for you

        2 yrs is a long time, if you don't want to divorce you can ask her to take khula in which case she might not get anything,

        talk to your imam and do istikhara about it, did you have a legal ceremony or just nikah,

        http://islamqa.info/en/75026

        5026: Ruling on what comes before consummating the marriage with one’s wife; is it haraam to have intercourse after doing the marriage contract?

        I heard someone say, when a young man asked him what the rights of the one who has had made a marriage contract are, he replied: Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
        “Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father’s sisters, your mother’s sisters, your brother’s daughters, your sister’s daughters, your foster mothers who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives’ mothers, your stepdaughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in — but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters)” [al-Nisa’ 4:23]
        Here Allaah differentiates between those to whom you have gone in (consummated the marriage) and those to whom you have not gone in. Is it permissible for the the one who has had made a marriage contract to have intercourse or touch (his wife)?
        I read previously that it is permissible for the one who has had made a marriage contract to do everything because she is his wife, and if the wife gets pregnant before the wedding party, the child is legitimate and has the right to inherit. Is the evidence for this answer correct?.
        Praise be to Allaah.

        Firstly:

        The speaker whom you mention is not correct with regard to the ruling or to the evidence quoted. The verse which he quoted as evidence is describing the women whom a man is forbidden to marry. Allaah states that it is haraam to marry mothers, daughters and paternal aunts. Among others whom Allaah says men are forbidden to marry are the daughters of a wife with whom one has consummated the marriage. If a man makes a marriage contract with a woman and she has a daughter, then he leaves her before consummating the marriage with her, then it is permissible for him to marry her daughter, but if he leaves the mother after consummating the marriage with her, then it is not permissible for him to marry her daughter, rather she is permanently forbidden to him.

        This is what the verse means. The verse has nothing to do with what is permitted for the husband to do with his wife with whom he has made a marriage contract. Rather the verse speaks of those women whom a man is forbidden to marry, and states that in order for a stepdaughter – the daughter of a wife – to become his mahram (one whom he is forbidden to marry), it is stipulated that he have consummated the marriage with her mother, and if he has not consummated the marriage with her mother, then it is permissible for him to marry her (the daughter).

        Any person who is asked about something that he does not know must say “I do not know.” It is not permissible for anyone to say about Islam something that is not true, or to say that something is haraam when Allaah has permitted it, or to say that something is halaal when Allaah has forbidden it.

        Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

        “And follow not (O man, i.e., say not, or do not, or witness not) that of which you have no knowledge. Verily, the hearing, and the sight, and the heart of each of those ones will be questioned (by Allaah)”

        [al-Isra’ 17:36]

        “Say (O Muhammad): (But) the things that my Lord has indeed forbidden are Al‑Fawaahish (great evil sins and every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse) whether committed openly or secretly, sins (of all kinds), unrighteous oppression, joining partners (in worship) with Allaah for which He has given no authority, and saying things about Allaah of which you have no knowledge”

        [al-A’raaf 7:33]

        Secondly:

        With regard to the one who has made a marriage contract with his wife, it is permissible for him to do everything, as she is his wife and he is her husband. If she dies he will inherit from her and if he dies, she will inherit from him, and she is entitled to the mahr in full. But it is better for the one who has made a marriage contract not to consummate the marriage until the marriage has been announced, because consummating the marriage before it has been announced may lead to many evils. The wife may be a virgin and lose her virginity, or she may become pregnant from this intercourse, then she may get divorced or her husband may die, and this will cause anxiety to her family and will cause great embarrassment. Hence the one who has made a marriage contract may touch and kiss his wife, but he should refrain from intercourse, not because it is haraam, but because of the bad things that may result from it.

        For more information please see the answer to question no. 3215.

        Thirdly:

        A number of practical rulings have to do with not consummating the marriage.

        ‘Iddah: if a man divorces his wife before consummating the marriage with her, she does not have to observe any ‘iddah, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

        “O you who believe! When you marry believing women, and then divorce them before you have sexual intercourse with them, no ‘Iddah [divorce prescribed period] have you to count in respect of them. So give them a present, and set them free (i.e. divorce) in a handsome manner”

        [al-Ahzaab 33:49]

        Mahr (dowry): if a man divorces his wife before consummating the marriage with her, then she is entitled to half of the agreed upon dowry, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

        “And if you divorce them before you have touched (had a sexual relation with) them, and you have appointed unto them the Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), then pay half of that (Mahr), unless they (the women) agree to forego it, or he (the husband), in whose hands is the marriage tie, agrees to forego and give her full appointed Mahr. And to forego and give (her the full Mahr) is nearer to At-Taqwa (piety, righteousness)”

        [al-Baqarah 2:237]

        If no mahr has been stipulated, then she is entitled to a gift according to what he can afford, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

        “There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage). But bestow on them (a suitable gift), the rich according to his means, and the poor according to his means, a gift of reasonable amount is a duty on the doers of good”

        [al-Baqarah 2:236]

        But if the husband dies, then she is entitled to the mahr in full, if it was agreed upon, and if they had not agreed on the mahr, then she is entitled to a mahr like that of her peers.

        It was narrated from ‘Alqamah from Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he was asked about a man who married a woman but did not stipulate a dowry, and he did not consummate the marriage with her before he died. Ibn Mas’ood said: She should have a dowry like that of her peers, without exaggeration or falling short, and she has to observe the ‘iddah, and the inheritance is hers. Ma’qil ibn Sinaan al-Ashja’i stood up and said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed a ruling concerning Birwa’ bint Waashiq – one of our womenfolk – similar to what you have said. Ibn Mas’ood rejoiced at that.

        Narrated by Abu Dawood (2114), al-Tirmidhi (1145), al-Nasaa’i (3355), Ibn Maajah (1891). Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel (1939).

        And Allaah knows best.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: i need maher and divorce help plz

          117780: She is asking for a divorce for no reason. Can he take back the mahr?

          I got married to a relative of mine and we stayed together for a short period of time. Problems started between us because she did not respect me and did not accept my religious and social advices to her. Then I had to travel for work, and I finished all the needed procedures for her visa to follow me. But she refused to come to me and is insisting on divorce. I tried many times to reconcile her and our relatives interfered but it all was in vain.
          My question:
          -Is it her right to take the delayed part of the dowry? Knowing that it is her who is insisting on divorce?
          -What are my rights over her as a husband and after separating?
          -Is it permissible for me to ask for the gold I bought and gave her in our engagement party?
          -Is it permissible for me to ask them to give the cost of the visa back? It cost me more than US$ 3000.
          Praise be to Allaah.

          Firstly:

          Once the marriage contract has been done, then each spouse has rights and duties with regard to the other. One of these duties is that the wife must obey her husband and go to join him, and she should allow him to be intimate with her. He is obliged to provide her with accommodation and spend on her, and there are other duties which have been discussed in the answer to question no. 10680.

          Secondly:

          It is not permissible for a woman to ask for a divorce except when there is a reason which makes it permissible for her to do so, because of the report narrated by Abu Dawood (2226), al-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn Majaah (2055) from Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”

          Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

          “When it is absolutely necessary” means when there is some hardship and reason for resorting to asking for a divorce.

          Thirdly:

          If you do not want to divorce your wife and there is no shortcoming on your part that calls for divorce, then you may refuse to give her a divorce (talaaq) and tell your wife to seek khula’ and give up the deferred portion of the mahr, or the gold, or all the gold and other things that you gave her.

          But you should pay attention to the ties of kinship that exist between you, and not burden her family with more than they can afford. If you limit it to taking back the gold and withholding the deferred portion of the mahr, that is good. See the answer to question no. 26247.

          We ask Allaah to recompense you with good and to help you to find a righteous wife who will be a delight to you.

          And Allaah knows best.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: i need maher and divorce help plz

            $30000 for Mahr?
            Whoever says “SubhanAllah wa bihamdihi” a hundred times during the day, his sins are wiped away, even if they are like the foam of the sea. [Sahih al-Bukhari; #7:168, Sahih Muslim; #4:2071]

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: i need maher and divorce help plz

              Originally posted by heavyweight View Post
              $30000 for Mahr?

              :vomit:

              Still he might me be a multi millionaire.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: i need maher and divorce help plz

                Hey guys thats for the great response, ill be back later to add more details because I dont have much time at the moment but a quick side not I beleive my marriage was a scam from the beginning in a way but im not sure because she texted me yesterday with some info that I will post up tommorow but I have moved on amd will be gettin married to what I believe the love of my life soon, more about her layer

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: i need maher and divorce help plz

                  U need to ask a sheikh .
                  Last edited by myeverything; 10-08-14, 06:30 AM.
                  How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: i need maher and divorce help plz

                    Originally posted by westbank23 View Post
                    Aslam alakum brothers and sisters:
                    I am in a very tough position right now, ok so 2 years ago I got married to this girl. . my faimly and her mother agreed on $30,000 for the maher, well as soon as the sheik came and did all the paper work and to marry us, we were expected to have the wedding ceremony a few weeks after..the wedding ceremony never happened because I think she got cold feet which was fine but now we got locked in a marriage contract. .the girl ended up changing her mind and not wanting to get married but she is waiting on me to divorce her so I can pay her the maher. .
                    Alot of people are telling me that I have to pay her half of the maher since we never had intercourse and never even lived togather. .in our custom we wait to have intercourse and live with each other after the wedding ceremony(which never happened).

                    She dose not want to be with me but she dose not want to divorce me, She wants me to divorce her so she can get paid from the $30,000 maher we agreed on..get it?
                    I feel like im getting scammed and I want to just move on with my life but why should I have to pay her when she is the one who dose not want to be with me? We have never lived with each other or anything at all..

                    salaams to all

                    why u asking us here?
                    this is a question u have to ask the ulama/sheikhs

                    pls consult them quickly & dont ask people here
                    we are not qualified to give the correct answer

                    and Allah ta'ala knows best
                    jazakallah
                    Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
                    very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: i need maher and divorce help plz

                      Originally posted by westbank23 View Post
                      Aslam alakum brothers and sisters:
                      I am in a very tough position right now, ok so 2 years ago I got married to this girl. . my faimly and her mother agreed on $30,000 for the maher, well as soon as the sheik came and did all the paper work and to marry us, we were expected to have the wedding ceremony a few weeks after..the wedding ceremony never happened because I think she got cold feet which was fine but now we got locked in a marriage contract. .the girl ended up changing her mind and not wanting to get married but she is waiting on me to divorce her so I can pay her the maher. .
                      Alot of people are telling me that I have to pay her half of the maher since we never had intercourse and never even lived togather. .in our custom we wait to have intercourse and live with each other after the wedding ceremony(which never happened).

                      She dose not want to be with me but she dose not want to divorce me, She wants me to divorce her so she can get paid from the $30,000 maher we agreed on..get it?
                      I feel like im getting scammed and I want to just move on with my life but why should I have to pay her when she is the one who dose not want to be with me? We have never lived with each other or anything at all..
                      unfortunaly for you my brother you did get scammed and it wasn't a little scam it was huge one. Dont give the girl any maher destroy the nikka contract you was a victim a fraud.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: i need maher and divorce help plz

                        Originally posted by westbank23 View Post
                        Aslam alakum brothers and sisters:
                        I am in a very tough position right now, ok so 2 years ago I got married to this girl. . my faimly and her mother agreed on $30,000 for the maher, well as soon as the sheik came and did all the paper work and to marry us, we were expected to have the wedding ceremony a few weeks after..the wedding ceremony never happened because I think she got cold feet which was fine but now we got locked in a marriage contract. .the girl ended up changing her mind and not wanting to get married but she is waiting on me to divorce her so I can pay her the maher. .
                        Alot of people are telling me that I have to pay her half of the maher since we never had intercourse and never even lived togather. .in our custom we wait to have intercourse and live with each other after the wedding ceremony(which never happened).

                        She dose not want to be with me but she dose not want to divorce me, She wants me to divorce her so she can get paid from the $30,000 maher we agreed on..get it?
                        I feel like im getting scammed and I want to just move on with my life but why should I have to pay her when she is the one who dose not want to be with me? We have never lived with each other or anything at all..


                        Consult with an Imam or somebody that is qualified. .May Allah provide you a pious wife.
                        Last edited by Fliban; 25-08-14, 06:06 AM.

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