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Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

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  • Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

    When I first joined I made a thread on the marriage section and I swore it would be my last, but it didn't exactly work out.

    So yes, I am one of the single females who complain about single. I am my own worst nightmare now

    I'm tired of being single. Fed up. Been single all my life. Everyone I know is either getting married or they are in serious relationships and it's not fair. It's funny because before I became a Muslim I was totally opposed to getting married. I think it was because I didn't want to do the whole dating process, or getting used by some guy. But with being a Muslim, it seems like the whole process of finding a spouse and getting married is a lot better. But since this won't happen for me anytime soon, it's getting kind of frustrating. I really want to fall in love :( I'm kinda developing feelings for this one guy I used to talk to a lot because of it . I won't since it's haram and I know I would feel so much regret if I ever pursued a relationship with him.

    Anyone have any advice on how to push those thoughts away? I should keep myself busy but I think about this stuff if I'm cleaning, or if I'm out doing stuff, so it's not like I sit in my room and daydream all day lol. Meh
    Last edited by brightesthour; 03-08-14, 06:42 AM.

  • #2
    Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

    :salams

    Why can't you get married anytime soon?
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

      Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
      :salams

      Why can't you get married anytime soon?
      Not mature enough for marriage. I've never even had a job or lived on my own before, don't think anyone would be interested in marrying someone like that

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

        I think you're confusing the definition of "maturity" that is required of a Muslimah. I would say majority of the Muslim sisters who get married, esp. in Africa, South Asia, Arab world, have not liven alone or gotten a job. So, that's not a factor to worry about.

        I know this is how it's done among non-Muslims, but that's not the case with us. We look for other things and prepare for other qualities.

        I would advice you to start learning about Islam :insha: Like really get in to it. And, if possible, take the step and tell your family as well.

        If anything a brother looks for in a Muslim wife is piety, not job or if she lives alone or how much education she has. So work on becoming a stronger Muslimah and take it from there. Do you have a masjid around you? If not, then maybe some legit Muslim organization where you can meet up with sisters?

        don't think anyone would be interested in marrying someone like that
        You don't know that, though. Don't put yourself down so much, :insha: I see you put underestimate yourself a lot in other threads as well. Not good.
        Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

        "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
        - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

          :salams


          Yeah....I'd daydream about marriage a lot before. Not joking when I tell you this....but Ummah forum has kind put me off the thought of marriage and women. Many people here share depressing stories about zina and divorce and problems and complaints and this and that. My brain kind of got fed up from what I was reading. The daydreaming has sort of stopped at this point.

          :jkk: Ummah, you guys are miracle workers. :up:
          [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

          [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

            Originally posted by brightesthour View Post
            Not mature enough for marriage. I've never even had a job or lived on my own before, don't think anyone would be interested in marrying someone like that
            non of these are criteria for marriage, well maturity is but that refers to age and puberty moreso

            also if I may the only issue that isn't ''attractive'' is the bit about the person you have been speaking to feel maybe get feeling for the not living alone and working etc is what some men would be pleased about

            also are you a revert? I only ask because I am married to a revert and have a 16 year old very handsome son lol

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

              Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
              I think you're confusing the definition of "maturity" that is required of a Muslimah. I would say majority of the Muslim sisters who get married, esp. in Africa, South Asia, Arab world, have not liven alone or gotten a job. So, that's not a factor to worry about.

              I know this is how it's done among non-Muslims, but that's not the case with us. We look for other things and prepare for other qualities.

              I would advice you to start learning about Islam :insha: Like really get in to it. And, if possible, take the step and tell your family as well.

              If anything a brother looks for in a Muslim wife is piety, not job or if she lives alone or how much education she has. So work on becoming a stronger Muslimah and take it from there. Do you have a masjid around you? If not, then maybe some legit Muslim organization where you can meet up with sisters?



              You don't know that, though. Don't put yourself down so much, :insha: I see you put underestimate yourself a lot in other threads as well. Not good.
              That's true but here in America you have to be financially stable and working in order to get married. I know my mom would be against me getting married because I don't have any life experience. I don't know how to pay bills, I can't cook, just to name a couple. I would feel bad if I got married and the husband had to go to work everyday with me sitting at home, doesn't seem fair. So I'd like to have some sort of job to help him out. Which is hard to do if you've never worked a day in your life, I can't even get one now.

              There is a masjid but never been there before. I don't want to say anything offensive but I worry about becoming friends with sisters who aren't practicing Muslims. Just because they are at a masjid doesn't necessarily mean anything, and I would like a friend who will encourage me to be a better Muslim. I don't want to only come across Muslimahs who hardly practice and lead me into doing haram activities. So I only talk to Muslimahs on here.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

                Originally posted by Abdur Raheem :) View Post
                :salams


                Yeah....I'd daydream about marriage a lot before. Not joking when I tell you this....but Ummah forum has kind put me off the thought of marriage and women. Many people here share depressing stories about zina and divorce and problems and complaints and this and that. My brain kind of got fed up from what I was reading. The daydreaming has sort of stopped at this point.

                :jkk: Ummah, you guys are miracle workers. :up:
                It hasn't necessarily been anything that people have said that have made me interested in marriage. I think I realized that spending my life alone would be very lonely. I worry about getting cheated on but I hope to meet the right one. I don't want that fear to put me off of marriage forever.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

                  Originally posted by brightesthour View Post
                  . I would feel bad if I got married and the husband had to go to work everyday with me sitting at home, doesn't seem fair.
                  You can read a lot of Islamic books and listen to a lot of lectures. Taking care of the home is highly rewarding for women anyway.
                  [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

                  [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

                    Originally posted by brightesthour View Post
                    It hasn't necessarily been anything that people have said that have made me interested in marriage. I think I realized that spending my life alone would be very lonely. I worry about getting cheated on but I hope to meet the right one. I don't want that fear to put me off of marriage forever.
                    Probably my biggest fear about marriage. I hear stories about this sort of stuff happening almost everyday. Oh wait...you're American right?

                    Insha'Allah you should get married as soon as possible. Don't worry about the maturity thing....you could just marry some guy at your level of maturity to make things work?
                    m
                    [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

                    [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

                      Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                      non of these are criteria for marriage, well maturity is but that refers to age and puberty moreso

                      also if I may the only issue that isn't ''attractive'' is the bit about the person you have been speaking to feel maybe get feeling for the not living alone and working etc is what some men would be pleased about

                      also are you a revert? I only ask because I am married to a revert and have a 16 year old very handsome son lol
                      My mom always tells me to marry a rich guy because then I'll never have to work, clean, or cook because I'm awful at those things lol. Wonder why I put myself down so much

                      But yeah. I don't know, I've never met a Muslim western man before so I don't want to generalize but I would assume a lot of them would want a woman who works and has gone to college. I plan on going to college but not ready for it now.

                      You have a 16 year old son? I thought you were in your late 20's or something lol. And I don't mean that in a bad way lol
                      Last edited by brightesthour; 03-08-14, 06:58 AM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

                        Originally posted by brightesthour View Post
                        My mom always tells me to marry a rich guy
                        Aw heck naw.
                        [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

                        [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

                          Originally posted by Abdur Raheem :) View Post
                          Probably my biggest fear about marriage. I hear stories about this sort of stuff happening almost everyday. Oh wait...you're American right?

                          Insha'Allah you should get married as soon as possible. Don't worry about the maturity thing....you could just marry some guy at your level of maturity to make things work?
                          m
                          Mine is getting abused :/. A potential spouse can seem like the sweetest person ever, but could be abusive to his wife after getting married. You just don't know what's going on in another person's head

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

                            Originally posted by brightesthour View Post
                            Mine is getting abused :/. A potential spouse can seem like the sweetest person ever, but could be abusive to his wife after getting married. You just don't know what's going on in another person's head
                            I'm sorry, what does that mean?

                            Yeah, that's why I'm worried about women in regards to marriage. I don't understand how some men can be so evil to be abusive to another human being who they are supposed to be spending their life with. You really can never tell what's going on in a person's head....
                            [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

                            [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Oh I hate myself for making this thread..but it had to be done

                              Originally posted by Abdur Raheem :) View Post
                              I'm sorry, what does that mean?

                              Yeah, that's why I'm worried about women in regards to marriage. I don't understand how some men can be so evil to be abusive to another human being who they are supposed to be spending their life with. You really can never tell what's going on in a person's head....
                              My fear is getting hit, screamed at, getting called names. That kinda abuse, mental and physical. I know, it's pretty scary

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