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Are looks really that important?

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  • #31
    Re: Are looks really that important?

    Looks are really important. Call me shallow if you want but I wont marry someone I'm not physically attracted to.

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    • #32
      Re: Are looks really that important?

      Looks are important but you shouldnt only marry someone for looks obviously coz once you grown old and looks fade away you will be living with their personality.

      DEEN/Personality
      then looks for me :)
      The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “It will be said to the companion of the Qur’an: ‘Read, and ascend, and recite as you used to recite in the [previous] world, for your status will be according to the last verse that you recite.’” [At-Tirmidhi (2914) and Abu Dawood (1464)]

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      • #33
        Re: Are looks really that important?

        Originally posted by kh4N View Post
        Looks are really important. Call me shallow if you want but I wont marry someone I'm not physically attracted to.
        you are shallow akhi

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        • #34
          Re: Are looks really that important?

          I keep asking myself this question.

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          • #35
            Re: Are looks really that important?

            Originally posted by Revertbrother View Post
            you are shallow akhi
            I want to have deep conversations with her about her feelings while we lay on our backs in the beach watching the sun set together.





            Not.

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            • #36
              Re: Are looks really that important?

              Yes. very much.
              Gone with the wind.

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              • #37
                Re: Are looks really that important?

                Originally posted by kh4N View Post
                Looks are really important. Call me shallow if you want but I wont marry someone I'm not physically attracted to.
                That doesn't make you shallow Akhi. Loving someone ONLY for their looks makes you shallow.
                [SIZE=4][COLOR="#FF0000"][FONT=Book Antiqua][CENTER][B][URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?459504-Immensely-rewarding-dhikr!!!&highlight="]IMMENSELY REWARDING DHIKR!!![/URL][/B][/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

                [FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR="#2F4F4F"][CENTER]Before you post, think..."Will this help me when I stand before Allah?" If it doesn't, then you're wasting time....[/CENTER][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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                • #38
                  Re: Are looks really that important?

                  It's not about 'looks' as a feeling of attraction. I believe that being physically attracted to your spouse is very important or at least not being put off.
                  That doesn't mean that one's husband/wife has to be beautiful to everyone. Maybe their 'looks' aren't great but he/she is still attractive to you.
                  And yes, other things are more important but it doesn't mean that this isn't. For example I would still love my husband if he gains weight or turns less handsome with age and would probably not even realise the change but I can imagine not being attracted to each other would really affect our life negatively. Even having the best intention you can't force yourself to enjoy a kiss (not mentioning anything else) with someone who puts you off.
                  There's nothing shallow about caring about your looks, it's a Sunna to beautify yourself for your spouse and totally in place to enjoy each other physically.

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                  • #39
                    Re: Are looks really that important?

                    If her looks start deterioating while I'm still a lion then she shouldn't have a problem with me desiring to fulfill other sunnahs.
                    Last edited by kh4N; 29-07-14, 03:42 PM.

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                    • #40
                      Re: Are looks really that important?

                      Originally posted by iRepIslam View Post
                      Looks are important but you shouldnt only marry someone for looks obviously coz once you grown old and looks fade away you will be living with their personality.

                      DEEN/Personality
                      then looks for me :)
                      Yes i thought this would be obvious. Also if you marry someone for looks i feel you will actually lose out a lot more. It would a very boring relationship if you were with someone because they are pretty/handsome. For me the initial attraction is important, nice features or average or whatever, it is not the be all end all, i have to like what they look like yes as i will look at them everyday. But if i cannot not laugh or have a good conversation or ever get on with them in terms of Islam, interests, hobbies (to an extent), then it will not be a marriage to me. Marriage requires work, a lot of hard work i know that, but it also involves spending time together and building a relationship.

                      I remember reading an article where this guy said he went out with a really beautiful woman, she was aesthetically pleasing and could get any guy she wanted, but underneath it all she was the most boring person in the world he was ever with. He was saying she had no substance and constantly needed validation on her appearance, constantly admired herself. I know this was a non Muslim, but he ended up marrying a woman who most would consider average. But he got on most better with her, showing that personality wins all the time and it is what makes you love to love a person more. Our looks is what attracts the mate (like in nature), but once we delve deeper after the initial attraction, we really find out what we like or dislike about a person.

                      Anyone who goes for someone based on looks i feel is more of a loser, as they would never know if that person had a really good personality and kind heart. I ultimately believe they are at more of a lose.

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                      • #41
                        Re: Are looks really that important?

                        Originally posted by Phia86 View Post
                        Yes i thought this would be obvious. Also if you marry someone for looks i feel you will actually lose out a lot more. It would a very boring relationship if you were with someone because they are pretty/handsome. For me the initial attraction is important, nice features or average or whatever, it is not the be all end all, i have to like what they look like yes as i will look at them everyday. But if i cannot not laugh or have a good conversation or ever get on with them in terms of Islam, interests, hobbies (to an extent), then it will not be a marriage to me. Marriage requires work, a lot of hard work i know that, but it also involves spending time together and building a relationship.

                        I remember reading an article where this guy said he went out with a really beautiful woman, she was aesthetically pleasing and could get any guy she wanted, but underneath it all she was the most boring person in the world he was ever with. He was saying she had no substance and constantly needed validation on her appearance, constantly admired herself. I know this was a non Muslim, but he ended up marrying a woman who most would consider average. But he got on most better with her, showing that personality wins all the time and it is what makes you love to love a person more. Our looks is what attracts the mate (like in nature), but once we delve deeper after the initial attraction, we really find out what we like or dislike about a person.

                        Anyone who goes for someone based on looks i feel is more of a loser, as they would never know if that person had a really good personality and kind heart. I ultimately believe they are at more of a lose.
                        I think for Muslims, since most of us havent dated or been in a relationship or had deep friendships with the opposite gender dont see the value of personality. so when we finally think of marriage we think of the looks just a little too much, which I blame on the years of suppressing raging hormones, and constantly being bombarded by what society deems as "beautiful" people on tv.

                        non-Muslims usually (atleast the ones I've seen) dont MARRY for looks, (the non celebrities) while they do other "short term stuff" purely out of looks until they finally think of getting married but I think even they realize that looks arent everything after going through relationship after relationship.
                        Last edited by ss91; 29-07-14, 04:38 PM.
                        "The duty of the man who investigates the writings of scientists, if learning the truth is his goal, is to make himself an enemy of all that he reads, and,.. attack it from every side. He should also suspect himself as he performs his critical examination of it, so that he may avoid falling into either prejudice or leniency."
                        -Alhazen Ibn Al-Haythem

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                        • #42
                          Re: Are looks really that important?

                          Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
                          As salamu alaykum,

                          I was having a discussion with a brother recently and he mentioned it is important to be with someone you are attracted to. I disagree with him as there are more important things. But I can see his point as it does help to lower the gaze.

                          Personally, I feel if the right sister comes along that has a nice personality, deen, can make me laugh, then I would overlook her looks. All I really want is someone that cares about me and is affectionate. You do not need looks for that.

                          I know men are more visual and sisters are different, but this can vary depending on the person.

                          I also feel way too many brothers are too fussy over looks. I have observed this myself. I can sort if understand as they need to be able to lower the gaze. But there are some really good sisters out there that get overlooked just because they may not be pretty enough. And they also deserve love of a spouse in their life.

                          It is a shame. There are any brothers and sisters out there that would be a good match for each other and could help each other in Deen a lot, but it never works out due to how one of them looks or both.
                          Wa Aalaikum Assalam

                          This answer is clear. The West (and now many people 'back home') have become enamored with superficiality.

                          For men it plays straight on their instinct, thus it is much easier to exploit men into looking at things purely physically. And because the deen does recommend attraction, they take this understanding and run with it to an extreme such that the ruling has gone beyond its purpose. One should marry a sister as long as one does not find her unattractive, not that she must be attractive!

                          For women it played differently, they are sold the idea that men are animals and they cannot get an emotional/intellectual connection, hence they are sold on a drive they have that is much lesser. Thus many women start looking at purely physical attraction, even though it is not in line with their biological reality. This issue, however, is conceptual more than anything else and would be fixed when righteous men make clear their deen to society.


                          We underestimate what Western values have done to Muslims around the world. Our innate disposition is getting lost.
                          If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

                          Humililty, Sincerity, and the quest for Truth. There is no purpose in life but to seek the pleasure of Allah.
                          There is a possibility a female might use this account to read something!

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                          • #43
                            Re: Are looks really that important?

                            Originally posted by ss91 View Post
                            I think for Muslims, since most of us havent dated or been in a relationship or had deep friendships with the opposite gender dont see the value of personality. so when we finally think of marriage we think of the looks just a little too much, which I blame on the years of suppressing raging hormones, and constantly being bombarded by what society deems as "beautiful" people on tv.

                            non-Muslims usually (atleast the ones I've seen) dont MARRY for looks, (the non celebrities) while they do other "short term stuff" purely out of looks until they finally think of getting married but I think even they realize that looks arent everything after going through relationship after relationship.
                            This is very true, i was telling my sister the same thing. I blame media, hollywood, bollywood, celebrity culture, etc for conditioning Muslims on their expectations of looks, this goes for non Muslims also. People think that there are people who have prefect small noses and big eyes and high cheeks who are skinny and curvy in the right places, or the the men are handsome and look like models. I remember reading a study where they say that men could not tell the difference between which woman had surgery or not. We as women can tell but some men could not tell at all. I know not all women notice, but some do.

                            Now i know some Muslims have unrealistic expectations, I have a friend who really does, i mean seriously she thinks men on screen are real and they exist in the real world. But i keep telling her that even the men on screen have had surgery to look the way they do. I will honestly be shocked if she gets married as she deems nearly all men not her type just based on their looks.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: Are looks really that important?

                              Originally posted by Phia86 View Post
                              This is very true, i was telling my sister the same thing. I blame media, hollywood, bollywood, celebrity culture, etc for conditioning Muslims on their expectations of looks, this goes for non Muslims also. People think that there are people who have prefect small noses and big eyes and high cheeks who are skinny and curvy in the right places, or the the men are handsome and look like models. I remember reading a study where they say that men could not tell the difference between which woman had surgery or not. We as women can tell but some men could not tell at all. I know not all women notice, but some do.

                              Now i know some Muslims have unrealistic expectations, I have a friend who really does, i mean seriously she thinks men on screen are real and they exist in the real world. But i keep telling her that even the men on screen have had surgery to look the way they do. I will honestly be shocked if she gets married as she deems nearly all men not her type just based on their looks.
                              if she herself looks pretty then ask her to PM me please....

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: Are looks really that important?

                                Very important
                                But then so is deen and character.

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