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  • Are looks really that important?

    As salamu alaykum,

    I was having a discussion with a brother recently and he mentioned it is important to be with someone you are attracted to. I disagree with him as there are more important things. But I can see his point as it does help to lower the gaze.

    Personally, I feel if the right sister comes along that has a nice personality, deen, can make me laugh, then I would overlook her looks. All I really want is someone that cares about me and is affectionate. You do not need looks for that.

    I know men are more visual and sisters are different, but this can vary depending on the person.

    I also feel way too many brothers are too fussy over looks. I have observed this myself. I can sort if understand as they need to be able to lower the gaze. But there are some really good sisters out there that get overlooked just because they may not be pretty enough. And they also deserve love of a spouse in their life.

    It is a shame. There are any brothers and sisters out there that would be a good match for each other and could help each other in Deen a lot, but it never works out due to how one of them looks or both.
    Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
    ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

    www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

  • #2
    Are look really that important?

    beauty is important, but you shouldn't let ot be the driving force when looking for a spouse..
    They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

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    • #3
      Re: Are look really that important?

      unless your looking like frikin shrek hah ha no way if a sister is ugly its a no go many white revert sisters are damageing sometimes like the pinnicle of ugliness if your ugly its a no go are for me soory sisters beauty is very important

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      • #4
        Re: Are look really that important?

        If that's sincerely how you feel about it, then you don't have to change your feelings.
        www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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        • #5
          Re: Are look really that important?

          :wswrwb:

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          • #6
            Re: Are look really that important?

            I think society really drives this as well and especially if you look at the advertising industry (and especially perfume ads or hair removal), it's all about women looking a certain way to attract a man and it's all very superficial and places undue pressure both on women to push them to look a certain unnatural anorexic way and entices men to have unrealistic expectations too (sorry guys; but women are not naturally hairless y'know!).

            It's nice to know not all men are like that and there are some decent, more discerning ones out there (unlike post #3 LOL).

            The way I see it; I want to pick someone that I like the look of, but in saying that, I view compatibility as a whole package so a combination of deen, good character, hopefully decent background and looks. I think I find good character attractive in a way so that even if someone is not as good looking in his appearance but I really like his character, then I'd still find him attractive on that basis it's basically what I like about the whole package and not based on taking one thing as a deal breaker.

            My problem in finding someone has never been looks though; by which I mean my looks were never a problem (not tryna boast here, I'm not exceptionally good in the looks department but it's just that other factors led to rishtas not panning out)- of course disability is a much bigger turn off to brothers (or their families), much more of a turn off than not looking as good.
            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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            • #7
              Re: Are look really that important?

              I like cake
              Last edited by DaughterOfAdam; 20-11-14, 09:37 PM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Are look really that important?

                Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
                As salamu alaykum,

                I was having a discussion with a brother recently and he mentioned it is important to be with someone you are attracted to. I disagree with him as there are more important things. But I can see his point as it does help to lower the gaze.

                Personally, I feel if the right sister comes along that has a nice personality, deen, can make me laugh, then I would overlook her looks. All I really want is someone that cares about me and is affectionate. You do not need looks for that.

                I know men are more visual and sisters are different, but this can vary depending on the person.

                I also feel way too many brothers are too fussy over looks. I have observed this myself. I can sort if understand as they need to be able to lower the gaze. But there are some really good sisters out there that get overlooked just because they may not be pretty enough. And they also deserve love of a spouse in their life.

                It is a shame. There are any brothers and sisters out there that would be a good match for each other and could help each other in Deen a lot, but it never works out due to how one of them looks or both.
                sister you shouldnt worry too much about looks.. i agree there should be attraction between the man and the woman, but there are other things more important and the most important aspect is deen( piety).
                infact there is a hadeeth ... The Prophet warned about (marrying) a beautiful woman from a bad origin, saying: “Beware of the green manure.” The Companions asked: “What is the green manure?” He said: “A beautiful woman of bad origin (i.e. upbringing).” [Reported by Ad-Daaraqutnee]

                and on the other hand, he praised a woman with good religious qualities, saying: “Shall I not inform you of the best treasure that a man gathers – A righteous wife.” [Reported by Al-Haakim] , And he said: “Choose for your seeds (a good mother), for indeed breeding is a strategy.” [Reported by Ibn Maajah]

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                • #9
                  Re: Are look really that important?

                  Originally posted by slaveofAlRahman View Post
                  sister you shouldnt worry too much about looks.. i agree there should be attraction between the man and the woman, but there are other things more important and the most important aspect is deen( piety).
                  infact there is a hadeeth ... The Prophet warned about (marrying) a beautiful woman from a bad origin, saying: “Beware of the green manure.” The Companions asked: “What is the green manure?” He said: “A beautiful woman of bad origin (i.e. upbringing).” [Reported by Ad-Daaraqutnee]

                  and on the other hand, he praised a woman with good religious qualities, saying: “Shall I not inform you of the best treasure that a man gathers – A righteous wife.” [Reported by Al-Haakim] , And he said: “Choose for your seeds (a good mother), for indeed breeding is a strategy.” [Reported by Ibn Maajah]
                  He's a brother.
                  www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Are look really that important?

                    looks are important to a degree,
                    you have to be attracted,
                    but you know some people can grown on you over time

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Are look really that important?

                      I wanna say no and I know a lot of people on here will say no, they are not important but realistically if you were presented with an attractive potential spouse and an ugly one most people will be more reluctant to pick the ugly one

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                      • #12
                        Re: Are look really that important?

                        Originally posted by Asma28 View Post
                        I wanna say no and I know a lot of people on here will say no, they are not important but realistically if you were presented with an attractive potential spouse and an ugly one most people will be more reluctant to pick the ugly one
                        ugly?? everyone is attracted to someone so in a way no ones ugly

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Are look really that important?

                          I don't want to judge you OP, but you have mentioned several times that you struggle a lot right? with women around you and other desires or something?

                          So make sure you do isthikhaara, mutual attraction is important BUT I think for men it is more important that they have a slight attraction at least to towards the person they get married. It's definitely true that women are more capable of leaving with it and being more faithful.

                          It would be devastating if he regrets marrying a woman he is not attracted to and fantasises he was with someone 'better' looking instead. It would be unfair because that affection towards her from him will be lost very quick.

                          Also men lose interest very quick, I didn't get this from any random survey, I just know these things because I specialise in the neurology department

                          *outta
                          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                          • #14
                            Re: Are look really that important?

                            Originally posted by slaveofAlRahman View Post
                            ugly?? everyone is attracted to someone so in a way no ones ugly
                            yea beauty is in the eye of the beholder

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Are look really that important?

                              Originally posted by slaveofAlRahman View Post
                              ugly?? everyone is attracted to someone so in a way no ones ugly
                              Alright good point

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