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Self-image issues of wife

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  • #91
    Re: Self-image issues of wife

    Originally posted by first View Post
    Salaam and a blessed Ramadan to everyone.

    When a husband tells his wife how beautiful she is, and then she replies by saying "I don't believe you." How should a husband respond? How can a husband make his wife feel better about the way she looks?

    Jazak
    Ok.

    The thing about women with low self sell esteem is that you can tell them they Re beautiful and it won't help because anyone can be told they are attractive. It happens all the time on talk shows where they take a woman with low self worth who's maybe overweight and unattractive and tell her you are gorgeous. Now naturally any girl hearing this will see that it's something people say to be nice.

    You compliments have to be worth something meaning you don't give it out willy nilly to every hairy Harriet and grizzly Greta. Why do you think women are so flattered when "bad boys" find them attractive? Sad but true

    So if you want t compliment her you have to actually convince her you find her attractive so don't say anything about inner beauty.
    Last edited by hadmatter; 10-07-14, 08:38 PM.
    Allah sent down his tranquillity upon him and supported him with angels you did not see and made the word of those who disbelieved the lowest, while the word of Allah - that is the highest. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.

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    • #92
      Re: Self-image issues of wife

      Originally posted by Vitriolic_Sage View Post
      I'd like to meet the guy who thinks a 300 pound girl is "attractive". Then again, I don't because he'd probably eat me.
      150 kg isn't even _that_ much. I mean yeah it's obese etc. but there's plenty of plus size girls that just look astonishing with their curves. In fact...yeah this is agreat ramadan talk..but it's not uncommon that slim tiny men like big women. Just watch Monster house.
      6:62 "Then are they restored unto Allah, their Lord, the Just. Surely His is the judgment. And He is the most swift of reckoners."

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      • #93
        Re: Self-image issues of wife

        Originally posted by Vitriolic_Sage View Post
        I'd like to meet the guy who thinks a 300 pound girl is "attractive". Then again, I don't because he'd probably eat me.
        Put a 690 pound man in front of her.. He will find her pretty

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        • #94
          Re: Self-image issues of wife

          Originally posted by brightesthour View Post
          Yeah and I wouldn't want someone to be with me because they have 'fetish' for no so attractive females lol
          There are men with strange choices...

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          • #95
            Re: Self-image issues of wife

            Originally posted by Revertbrother View Post
            There are men with strange choices...
            That isn't comforting

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            • #96
              Re: Self-image issues of wife

              Originally posted by Revertbrother View Post
              Put a 690 pound man in front of her.. He will find her pretty
              No he'll want to ear her.
              "We cast the truth against the falsehood, so that it breaks its head, and lo! it vanishes; and woe to you for what you describe." Qur'an 21:18

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              • #97
                Re: Self-image issues of wife

                People say tell her through actions. What actions ? Examples..

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                • #98
                  Re: Self-image issues of wife

                  Originally posted by Nulbreaker View Post
                  Yes well some women are weak and unfortunately they care more about the opinion of others than their own husbands.
                  I don't think it's so much that she doesn't care (I'm pretty sure she is smiling inside).

                  A lot of these name callings happen at childhood, usually by the closest family members; parents, siblings and usually more so aunts, uncles and cousins as they tend to be competitive. These negative comments have been internalised, so it will take more than "you are beautiful" to turn that around. She may change as he continues to be consistent - but as soon as he mentions a second wife or his eyes wonder she will go back to feeling ugly again.

                  I know, because I'm a bit like that. When I am told I am beautiful, I'm like meh, whatever.

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                  • #99
                    Re: Self-image issues of wife

                    Write poetry.
                    Sisters don't rep or joke with me.

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                    • Re: Self-image issues of wife

                      Originally posted by first View Post
                      Salaam and a blessed Ramadan to everyone.

                      When a husband tells his wife how beautiful she is, and then she replies by saying "I don't believe you." How should a husband respond? How can a husband make his wife feel better about the way she looks?

                      Jazak
                      Walaikom salam First. First of all i think theres a secret i think someone already posted about women. If she responds by saying i dont believe you she probably does not believe you. however, she may also very well want to hear you say it more. She likes to hear it. She wants you to show her that she is beautiful. You show her by making her feel beautiful.

                      A woman wanting her husband to show or make her feel beautiful is not the same as a woman NOT believing she is beautiful. She may very well know that she is beautiful but she wants to know that from the one person she has given her heart to.

                      Compliment her. genuinely. We can sense a fake compliment, always! But i would say more then telling her how beautiful attractive she is show her. Do the things that would make her feel that you are attracted to her. And you are attracted to her because she is beautiful (is the message she will get). Telling her might reach her mind but showing her will touch her heart.

                      Its a pretty private subject. Do some thinking on your own. Read some books. Understand her.

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                      • Re: Self-image issues of wife

                        Society puts way too much pressure for women on their looks, especially in the west. They have been (subconsciously) comparing themselves with other women on TV who wear a lot of make up, go through plastic surgery and photoshop to cover their imperfections (I do lower my gaze but I also feel like I understand why women sometimes feel this way) and therefore sometimes feel like they are not up to the societies beauty standards. So when her husband tells them she is beautiful she may not believe it because of this.

                        For sister who go through this I think it will benefit if you are watching TV to reduce watching TV (like soap oprahs and things like that), understand that everyone is beautiful in their own way and everyone has imperfections and their husband should reassure them and say that they are beautiful.

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