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  • they're taking our men/women

    just wanted to have a discussion on this topic, it's probably been done before but anyways… do people still hold this idea that if someone marries an individual from their community their robbing them of opportunities? i'm aware this maybe a problem for reverts when dealing with cultural muslims. do you think more people are distancing themselves from this mindset, is progress being made?

    lets keep this civil, share your thoughts.
    sharing is caring.

    :banbear: + :hidban::hidban::hidban:

  • #2
    Re: they're taking our men/women

    This is my usual reaction

    "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

    Civil enough?

    Do not invest your hopes in anyone but Allah and do not fear anything but the consequences and repercussions of your sins!

    Uthmaan R.A

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    • #3
      Re: they're taking our men/women

      Originally posted by skeptical View Post
      just wanted to have a discussion on this topic, it's probably been done before but anyways… do people still hold this idea that if someone marries an individual from their community their robbing them of opportunities i'm aware this a problem for reverts when dealing with cultural muslims. do you think more people are distancing themselves from this mindset, is progress being made?

      lets keep this civil, share your thoughts.

      thank you akhi.....
      :there:

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: they're taking our men/women

        Originally posted by Sheikh_Google View Post
        This is my usual reaction

        "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

        Civil enough?
        ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

        Originally posted by Revertbrother View Post
        thank you akhi.....
        :there:
        no problem, put it there *fist-bump
        sharing is caring.

        :banbear: + :hidban::hidban::hidban:

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: they're taking our men/women

          They're not "your" men and women anyway.

          I really dislike this attitude (not intended at you OP). It's like the job market. If someone gets the job and you didn't, you don't have the justification to whine "but he took the job!" because, well, that person was better than you and more qualified.

          Likewise, unless it's a forced marriage, people from cultural communities who choose to marry someone outside of their culture do it of their own will. Why? Well, because that person they're marrying was more compatible with them than you were.
          www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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          • #6
            Re: they're taking our men/women

            :start:

            Personally, I find the whole notion/mindset behind "taking our men/women" the height of absurdity; it implies a kind of ignorant mentality in which what is ours/could be ours is given to someone else wherein we know that in Islam this belief has no place because what is ours cannot miss us:
            Hudhaifa b. Usaid reported directly from Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) that lie said: When the drop of (semen) remains in the womb for forty or fifty (days) or forty nights, the angel comes and says: My Lord, will he be good or evil? And both these things would be written. Then the angel says: My Lord, would he be male or female? And both these things are written. And his deeds and actions, his death, his livelihood; these are also recorded. Then his document of destiny is rolled and there is no, addition to and subtraction from it. (Sahih Muslim Book 033, Number 6392).
            I'd say "the deeds and actions" include the act of marrying and whom the person marries and livelihood is rizq and of course that is written for every person and the person you marry represents your rizq and nikah brings blessings of rizq.

            I can't answer though for whether enough progress is being made because every individual is different and their families and communities are different. Depends, I suppose, on a number of factors; but globalization and Internet has at least made for some progress in this area.

            :jkk:

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            • #7
              Re: they're taking our men/women

              No were all Muslims so it doesn't matter but I've noticed that this kind of mentality is rampant on this forum.
              17-07

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              • #8
                Re: they're taking our men/women

                It annoys me when I come accross those attitudes. Tyey're essentially racist which have no place in Islam. However, I will tell you it's an easy trap many fall into due to such deep rooted cultural indoctrination and well, interacial marriages are very uncommon in the Pakistani community that i've personally experienced too which factors in.

                So don't always be quick to judge people are bad, sometimes it's just a really bad case of culture deeply rooted in a person.

                You also have to remember, there is a very strong inportance placed on the tradition and culture. In that respect, South Asians are very similar. Whereas you may have Caucasians 'shocked' at how big the weddings get. Sometimes they're non-muslim extended families and find it hard to understand the religious concept of segregation too.

                So things aren't as necessarily straight forwards as some think imo.

                These things however in the eyes of Islam are secondary to irrelevant. You should be marrying for deen first and keeping it small which avouds this.
                I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

                Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

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                • #9
                  Re: they're taking our men/women

                  I don't belong to anyone. We're a slave to Allah, not a slave to our nationality.
                  8 powerful habits to succeed


                  1. Wake up early!
                  2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
                  3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
                  4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
                  5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
                  6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
                  7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
                  8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This is also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

                  NEW UPDATE

                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


                  Watch this when you're distressed!

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                  • #10
                    Re: they're taking our men/women

                    I THINK it only matters when women of a certain culture are not allowed to marry out but the men are.
                    Thats when it starts to create a problem

                    like in my community i can tell you of many i nstances where the men have married women of other cultures but there still exists double standards towards the females hence family are quite firm on insisting that the females can only marry within their culture.

                    in my community this is one of many factors contributing to a shortage of prospective grooms for bengali sisters
                    Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                    __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                    If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                    You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



                    please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

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                    • #11
                      Re: they're taking our men/women

                      Absolutely agree with Muslima London

                      Why on earth do they keep the women bound to the already small pool of normal men? It frustrates to me death. My mother is one of them - she'd rather I marry a visa chaser, who might be a total weirdo than a none Bengali. (Whilst I do understand where she is coming from, she doesn't understand me!) It's just madness. I wish I was never brought here. If they wanted no western influence on us, they should never have brought us here. I blame people like her for causing us to age needlessly - she blames me and I blame her.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: they're taking our men/women

                        Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                        I THINK it only matters when women of a certain culture are not allowed to marry out but the men are.
                        Thats when it starts to create a problem

                        like in my community i can tell you of many i nstances where the men have married women of other cultures but there still exists double standards towards the females hence family are quite firm on insisting that the females can only marry within their culture.

                        in my community this is one of many factors contributing to a shortage of prospective grooms for bengali sisters
                        I agree with you on that one.

                        That is what annoys me about your culture. The women seem to be off limits.

                        But it needs change.

                        Not saying it does not happen in other cultures. But you have to admit it is a huge issue in your culture.
                        Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
                        ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

                        www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: they're taking our men/women

                          Edited
                          Last edited by firestar101; 24-06-14, 12:02 PM.
                          Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
                          ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

                          www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: they're taking our men/women

                            Originally posted by skeptical View Post
                            just wanted to have a discussion on this topic, it's probably been done before but anyways… do people still hold this idea that if someone marries an individual from their community their robbing them of opportunities? i'm aware this maybe a problem for reverts when dealing with cultural muslims. do you think more people are distancing themselves from this mindset, is progress being made?

                            lets keep this civil, share your thoughts.
                            Assuming you're talking about the UK. Still? No one held to it to begin with. Back in the day they married cousins so it didn't matter.
                            "We cast the truth against the falsehood, so that it breaks its head, and lo! it vanishes; and woe to you for what you describe." Qur'an 21:18

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: they're taking our men/women

                              Originally posted by In my Opinion View Post
                              Absolutely agree with Muslima London

                              Why on earth do they keep the women bound to the already small pool of normal men? It frustrates to me death. My mother is one of them - she'd rather I marry a visa chaser, who might be a total weirdo than a none Bengali. (Whilst I do understand where she is coming from, she doesn't understand me!) It's just madness. I wish I was never brought here. If they wanted no western influence on us, they should never have brought us here. I blame people like her for causing us to age needlessly - she blames me and I blame her.
                              my aunts son is married to a pakistani but this same aunt is adamant that her neice (who is over 30) cannot marry out of the culture.
                              just bizzarre

                              and yes, we do have a smaller pool of bengali men who are eligible because some of htem still do go back home to get married
                              Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                              __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                              If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                              You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



                              please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

                              Comment

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