Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

[Nulbreaker]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

don't misunderstand sister.

what he said will make people think they are in charge "your destiny is YOURS to make"

this only puts people under stress. the beautiful thing about the qadr of ALlah is that ALlah wants you to not feel that way. you should be at ease. put your effort in and know that it is NOT in yours to make anything.

also i made my comment in question form so we may all learn if someone more knowledgeable comes to explain it.


also we have to weigh the risk, if there is even a slight chance of that statement being kufr then we should want to inquire and educate ourselves.

and on a final note, if you feel strongly about not wanting to learn then ignore the comment and let those who want to learn, learn.

You do not understand qadr and should not be advising others on something you clearly don't understand yourself. I suggest sitting down with a good Imam and going through it.

"Every new-born child is born in a state of fitrah. Then his parents make him a Jew, a Christian or a Magian, just as an animal is born intact. Do you observe any among them that are maimed (at birth)?" Muslim

That clearly tells you a child's path is chosen by his parent, despite being born in a state of fitrah and there are many similar examples about man choosing his destiny

"For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah . Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron." Qur'an. 13:11

etc, etc.

[Nulbreaker]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

They wouldn't be my top choice, but every ethnicity has negative stereotypes attributed to it. And when I said westernized arab, I was talking about a person who may not practice their own culture, most of the negative things I hear from Arabs are those who have put their culture over their religion.

You are right, the main criteria should always be deen but we can't help having a preference or being effected by negative experiences. It's only natural to build walls in an attempt to protect yourself if you've been hurt by someone from a certain race, family, town or even city, like London for example, terrible people:)

[Nulbreaker]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

yeah, many people don't even know where Bosnia is. Many of them think there is a war still going on here. The white people you know should make some kind of research and see what is really the origin of the peoples of former Yugoslavia countries.

So what about finding wives from Bosnia? This seems tempting to those of us who hate the culture of our parents. Would going to Bosnia to find a wife be a good idea?

[Tawheed_Luvr]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

Sorry to be blunt but I'm finding this to be quite ridiculous.

She cant fathom marrying outsider her own 'race'? So is this just a preference for white skin or what?

Bosnians/Albanians are sometimes white (though also sometimes darker) but are not the same race and have very different cultures. A British white person has far more in common with the average British desi person than a white Albanian.

Despite claims to the contrary, I do find this to all be rather racist.

[Nulbreaker]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

I have been thinking a lot, and trying to figure it out. I don't know what to do.
I am no racist really, I love all people. I just can't imagine to marry outside my race (what caucasian that is). I would really want to change it, but failed miserably and now I give up. I can't do it. It is so hard to meet someone the same race, and most often we are not compatible for some reason, and here we go again. It's frustrating.
Please don't judge me, I am who I am, and I can't lie and pretend that I can do something I cannot.
I would just like to hear some advice if you have any, without being judgemental...

I've seen the profile for an Italian brother. Is that any good to you?

[thatgirlZahraa]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

Sorry to be blunt but I'm finding this to be quite ridiculous.

She cant fathom marrying outsider her own 'race'? So is this just a preference for white skin or what?

Bosnians/Albanians are sometimes white (though also sometimes darker) but are not the same race and have very different cultures. A British white person has far more in common with the average British desi person than a white Albanian.

Despite claims to the contrary, I do find this to all be rather racist.

Maybe it's not about culture, maybe that's what she's physically attracted to and there's NOTHING racist about that, we all have preferences.

[LailaTheMuslim]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

i do find some of the posts here racist, like the nonsense abt avoiding arabs

[Jade Vine]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

So you want an proper English fellow?

You'll actually be surprised there is quite a lot around but the issue here is they often pursue born Muslim women. In all my time am yet to see a White - White Muslim couple. Never seen this type of relationship before tbh.
At least from what I've seen, white guys tend to have a liking for Asian women or East African born Muslim women.


Are you willing to branch out? Perhaps to other European ethnic groups?

Don't give up sister. There's always someone for everyone.

I don't prefer one nationality over another, it's just that English is my first foreign language and it would be easier to use the language I can speak instead of learning a new one.
Nulbreaker, I am not sure I follow you, finding wives in Bosnia, it is possible of course. The problem is that there are so many negative experiences with Arab and Middle Eastern men here, that girls can hardly take the decision to try that. There are positive experiences, although very few.
Tawheed_luvr, Europeans are like that. I have many colleagues originally from France, Italy and Germany that look more Middle Eastern than any Bosnian I met. And if they are not white well, I am not sure if white people really exist. It's not like only blonde people are white, and what you say about Bosnians or Albanians is true for any other white people, including Americans, Australians, etc. (excluding maybe only Scandinavians at some point).
Nulbreaker, where did you find that guy :) you have some kind of database or something :) Can he speak English or French?

[Jade Vine]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

i do find some of the posts here racist, like the nonsense abt avoiding arabs

I avoid Arabs, but actually that doesn't have anything to do with their skin color, some of them are very attractive. But experience of many of my friends and acquaintances are very negative, they have been treated pretty badly, and the culture clash was so hard that very few marriages actually worked (I know about 3 marriages that worked and 54 that failed). It's too much of a risk and I am not willing to take it, no matter how good looking they may be.

[Asma28]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

Why would anyone judge you, its a preference thing. Just as some people won't marry someone too tall, too short, too dark, too fat, too uneducated etc they can also reject on race. May appear racist to some people but its not, its preference. If you can't get attracted to other races then naturally there will be a problem marrying them. Sadly there are many asians who openly say they'd prefer not to marry a black muslim brother or sister.

[Nulbreaker]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

Nulbreaker, where did you find that guy :) you have some kind of database or something :) Can he speak English or French?

I am on several facebook groups. He's in Italy, speaks English but looks more American than Italian.

[TurkishTatar]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

I am one...and tried many of them...

Have you tried looking around Turks or Or the many Muslim Russians Ethnicity?


Are you living in area where there are no other Bosnians? Have you tried to get a male relative of yours to Network potential suitors?

[UmmAbdulMalik]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

I am on several facebook groups. He's in Italy, speaks English but looks more American than Italian.

Lol



I genuinly propose that no SISTER (notice: excluding brothers.) marries from outside to another non western country.

Not saying he's a passport digger but U can NEVER be certain.


Lol Jade I agree, Arab guys are good looking, exceptionally actually ma shaa Allah but the culture and all the customs and whatever I can't get round.
Btw I applaud you for doing thorough digging and research and not behaving on mere impulse, like 'Ooo he likes me , I'll go for him'. It's not like that and should never be like that especially because your a revert, most guys will dig you automatically.
Like some revert women marry very quickly and divorce very quickly because of culture shock, lack of integration within the family, and often more times than not their used for their citizenship.
Be careful sister, and do careful research on all potnetials. And only marry someone whom you and your wali are certain of and you are happy with.

[Perseveranze]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Can't really do anything about having a racial preference or force yourself to like something. It's blameless.

I think it's just more of a shame than anything else.

[TurkishTatar]

Re: Muslim and white - why is it so hard to find a partner?

AAAAAAAAAAAaAnd its not racist. Drop the Race card. Its her own personal preference.