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Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

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  • #46
    Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

    Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
    Sis


    For most Asians, I've realized there's an inbred mentality of complete servitude and 'worship' to their parents, which is arguably wrong in some cases because some parents go beyond bounds and end up making the sons life and wife a living nightmare.
    Too much generalising. It is insulting by the way.

    I could easily generalise your culture. You are somali are you not? I could easily say something about them which could com across as insulting

    And I am from a pskistani background and I am nothing like you describe and neither are many people I know.

    You hear a few bad stories about asians and all of a sudden you assume the majority of asians are the same.
    Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
    ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

    www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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    • #47
      Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

      Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
      Too much generalising. It is insulting by the way.

      I could easily generalise your culture. You are somali are you not? I could easily say something about them which could com across as insulting

      And I am from a pskistani background and I am nothing like you describe and neither are many people I know.

      You hear a few bad stories about asians and all of a sudden you assume the majority of asians are the same.
      lol
      www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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      • #48
        Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

        Originally posted by Grimmjow View Post
        lol
        whats so funny
        Ya Muqallib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi Alaa Deenik
        ( O changer of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your deen)

        www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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        • #49
          Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

          Originally posted by Revertbrother View Post
          well..... hmmm....
          most of my problem is related to my health and my current job... I have my own house (alhamdulillah) but don't wanna stay in my country...

          and yeah that thing about Living with parents aftrt marriage is true cos my parents too are forcingbme to get married to a non Muslim and they will support me... since all of us work... lol...
          alhamdulillah....

          oh.... and every lecture I hear on Muslim marriage I always hear them saying divorce rate is high....

          that's why searching for a revert... (no hassel)
          InshAllah Allah (swt) will send someone to you.

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          • #50
            Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

            Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
            whats so funny
            Don't wanna derail the thread but I felt like it was the pot calling the kettle black haha
            www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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            • #51
              Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

              Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
              Too much generalising. It is insulting by the way.

              I could easily generalise your culture. You are somali are you not? I could easily say something about them which could com across as insulting

              And I am from a pskistani background and I am nothing like you describe and neither are many people I know.

              You hear a few bad stories about asians and all of a sudden you assume the majority of asians are the same.
              you are Pakistani??!! :shock:

              Peace !

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              • #52
                Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

                Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
                Too much generalising. It is insulting by the way.

                I could easily generalise your culture. You are somali are you not? I could easily say something about them which could com across as insulting

                And I am from a pskistani background and I am nothing like you describe and neither are many people I know.

                You hear a few bad stories about asians and all of a sudden you assume the majority of asians are the same.
                Not fully Somali bro.


                But I hear you, apologises if that was insulting.
                However, this is the mentality I've seen amongst culturally orientated Asians, and it really is true.
                Even the Western ones are similar - sure not all, but they 'dare say a thing back to Mother dear' even if she's behind all the corruption in your marriage.

                Sad stuff man.

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                • #53
                  Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post

                  Not fully Somali bro.
                  Just curious who's Somali? Your father or mother?

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                  • #54
                    Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

                    The first time I had heard of this still happening on a large scale was on this forum, but it probably has to do with the majority being Asian. I can understand the need if you are like extremely poor or other obvious reasons, but I'll admit I was shocked to hear about it on this forum, as the majority seems to be from the West, specifically Britain, so I could not understand why it happens.

                    Seriously, in my opinion, if you are not able to afford a roof over your head, than you are simply not able to afford marriage. I can not imagine one to have a proper marital life like this. It also seriously restricts your wife, especially if she wears a hijab/niqaab etc. . I can also imagine it can cause massive frictions and problems between everyone. So I mostly see negative things about it and I'm glad that I am from a culture where this is not the norm, but rather the exception.

                    So my question does it really happen on a large scale or are people here exaggerating? Also, in which "Asian group" is this common anyway?
                    Allahumma ighfir lil muslimeena wal-muslimaat, wal-mu'mineena wal-mu'minaat, al-ahyaa'i minhom wal-amwat
                    If God grants me life, I shall see to it that even the lonely shepherd in the mountains of San’a shall have his share in the wealth of the community
                    Umar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb

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                    • #55
                      Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

                      Originally posted by hadmatter View Post
                      :rotfl: I thought Somali culture was messed up
                      LOOL sis exactly i thought our culture was a mess but alhamdullilah we dont do this:banbear:
                      I will never ever marry a man who wants me to stay at his parents home thats just a joke looool mate get ur own house
                      Last edited by Badriya; 21-06-14, 01:13 AM.

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                      • #56
                        Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

                        dont know what culture you are from rainyday but its definitely part of the asian culture for men to stay at home after marriage

                        of course its not mandatory and yes it is very irritating but its the done thing in india and pakistan - in the muslim, hindu and sikh religions.

                        daughters marry into the 'khandhans' and they've carried on that custom over here in the UK. although here they use the excuse 'houses are too pricey so you're better off living with your in-laws for a while or indefinitely' but yeah, most sisters would still prefer it if the husband moves into his own house one day.

                        if you go onto matrimonial sites there are some men who openly declare they have no intention of leaving after marriage and therefore are seeking a wife 'willing' to live with her in-laws. yeah, something tells me these men will be single for a while.

                        the ones that irritate me the most are the ones who say 'my parents are old/ageing so you don't expect me to leave them do you' and i'm like 'err, but its ok for the woman to leave her ageing parents?' so damn irritating!

                        and the thing that gets to me is that its the wife who will end up doing all the looking after, not the sons whose beloved parents it is!
                        Last edited by Asma28; 21-06-14, 01:33 AM.

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                        • #57
                          Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

                          Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
                          Too much generalising. It is insulting by the way.

                          I could easily generalise your culture. You are somali are you not? I could easily say something about them which could com across as insulting

                          And I am from a pskistani background and I am nothing like you describe and neither are many people I know.

                          You hear a few bad stories about asians and all of a sudden you assume the majority of asians are the same.
                          but you're a scottish pakistani, the scottish pakistanis are wayyy more relaxed. honestly, all my family in scotland are scottish first and pakistani second but all the pakistanis here in london - even the ones born and bred here - are a good mixture of both east and west. usually more east when it comes to marriage and family :s

                          i bet most people in your family speak english right or only english?

                          all i'm saying is that i hear more bad stories about pakistani families than good. in fact, i rarely hear a good story. even when it concerns british born pakistanis. they all heavily apply the culture over here, especially when it suits them. quite sad really.
                          Last edited by Asma28; 21-06-14, 06:38 PM.

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                          • #58
                            Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

                            Originally posted by firestar101 View Post
                            Too much generalising. It is insulting by the way.

                            I could easily generalise your culture. You are somali are you not? I could easily say something about them which could com across as insulting

                            And I am from a pskistani background and I am nothing like you describe and neither are many people I know.

                            You hear a few bad stories about asians and all of a sudden you assume the majority of asians are the same.
                            I can say a lot of terrible things about Somali families although it's best not to say anything. I do feel there are a number of insulting things posted in this thread about South Asians.

                            Girls in this thread say they want their own house. Fine, that's not an unreasonable request. But how do you suspect your husband will have his own house; one that is brought and paid for without riba? A very, very, very, very small minority of the actual population is able to do so, nevermind a nice Muslim man.

                            "Allah curses the one who accepts Riba (usury and interest), the giver of it, the two witnesses of it, and the one who writes it." (The Sunan compilers and At-Tirmithi graded it Sahih)

                            "One dirham of Riba that a man devours, while knowing it is Riba, is more severe (in crime) than thirty-six acts of fornication (or adultery)." (Ahmad with a Sahih chain of narration)
                            Last edited by wizard.of.oz; 21-06-14, 02:08 AM.

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                            • #59
                              Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

                              How'd the parents get the house?

                              Originally posted by wizard.of.oz View Post
                              I can say a lot of terrible things about Somali families although it's best not to say anything. I do feel there are a number of insulting things posted in this thread about South Asians.

                              Girls in this thread say they want their own house. Fine, that's not an unreasonable request. But how do you suspect your husband will have his own house; one that is brought and paid for without riba? A very, very, very, very small minority of the actual population is able to do so, nevermind a nice Muslim man.

                              "Allah curses the one who accepts Riba (usury and interest), the giver of it, the two witnesses of it, and the one who writes it." (The Sunan compilers and At-Tirmithi graded it Sahih)

                              "One dirham of Riba that a man devours, while knowing it is Riba, is more severe (in crime) than thirty-six acts of fornication (or adultery)." (Ahmad with a Sahih chain of narration)
                              Nothing is impossible with Allah

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                              • #60
                                Re: Why do men want to get married but stay living at home

                                Yeah it be a south asian thing... Yeah, although the situation can differ and some situations ask for it, you need to do what is best for not only your parents but your wife and her parents. Also depends on the situation of my wife's family and mine. Ideally I want to live apart from my parents, but close enough so that I can come to their aid and my wife's parents aid, should no one else be able to support them. This is the age of technology and communication, there is no reason that one needs to live with ones parents unless it is of a situation where they need close care. Insha'Allah, I will not force my wife to provide this support, should she do it out of the goodness of her heart, than Alhamdullilah but it is my duty not hers. There's so many avenues one just needs to think about it. I think the really sad part is that the earlier generation try to make you look like the bad guy should , say the wife doesn't cook and clean and pretty much be a servant to her husbands family, she is a terrible wife, this has no basis in islam and rooted from culture, may those who think it leave this thought.
                                Last edited by `Mohammed; 21-06-14, 02:28 AM.

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