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Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

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  • Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

    As the title suggests.
    I'm 23 currently and will be, inshAllah starting a PhD program next year, which will take about 3-4 years. So Ill be about 27-28 by the time I'm done. If I want to get married, say, 26, would it be possible given I dont have a "Job". I will be making a PhD student salary which covers my tuition, and living costs. However, to support someone else with that, we will have to live very frugally for a while.

    So would sisters in my generation be able to handle that life style for a while? or do you all think I'm better off to hold marriage a little later once I have a job and have built up a savings, so say about 30/31 but then the issue with that is, most sisters would consider that "old". Usually all the guys get married between 25-27 nowadays.

  • #2
    Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

    In general I'd say most women would prefer a husband who can support them financially but that doesn't mean to say its impossible for it to happen to you. Many people marry for love or attraction after all and there are a fair few sisters out there who don't have a high list of demands. Look around, theres bound to be someone out there.

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    • #3
      Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

      yes, many will

      it's not like you havent got a reason

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      • #4
        Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

        Originally posted by Asma28 View Post
        In general I'd say most women would prefer a husband who can support them financially but that doesn't mean to say its impossible for it to happen to you. Many people marry for love or attraction after all and there are a fair few sisters out there who don't have a high list of demands. Look around, theres bound to be someone out there.
        Well I would be able to support her financially while I'm studying, as I will have a form of income as a stipend but the issue would be that if she is used to living lavishly that wont happen until after I graduate and start working.

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        • #5
          Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

          Originally posted by Azraael View Post
          As the title suggests.
          I'm 23 currently and will be, inshAllah starting a PhD program next year, which will take about 3-4 years. So Ill be about 27-28 by the time I'm done. If I want to get married, say, 26, would it be possible given I dont have a "Job". I will be making a PhD student salary which covers my tuition, and living costs. However, to support someone else with that, we will have to live very frugally for a while.

          So would sisters in my generation be able to handle that life style for a while? or do you all think I'm better off to hold marriage a little later once I have a job and have built up a savings, so say about 30/31 but then the issue with that is, most sisters would consider that "old". Usually all the guys get married between 25-27 nowadays.
          For some reason, I feel like ummah sisters may not a reliable depiction of the majority out there so its best not to rely on what you read here if you get a negative response. There are plenty of attractive, good-hearted girls/women who would have no issue with it and marry you for who you are, not how much you make. Your income is better than none at all, and its not going to be like that for the long-term. So do try to get married earlier as it will help you out in other ways--someone to help with house chores or to lower your gaze, for example. If for whatever reason it does not work out, 30-31 is not old for a male to get married. It's even better as that would mean you're more mature and experienced in life.
          Last edited by dzj1; 19-06-14, 04:37 PM.

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          • #6
            Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

            If she is understanding of the fact that living frugally is only temporary, it should be ok. Make sure she realizes that beforehand.

            I knew a guy who married during his PhD and his wife was a dentist so she took over running the household for a few years. Now he's done and is supporting his family.
            Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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            • #7
              Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

              Asalaamu Alaikum,

              31 isn't that old... it's quite common to see much older brothers and younger sisters marrying.
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              • #8
                Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

                Assalamu Alaykum brother, in my opinion I would advise you to get married as soon as possible. To delay it may lead you to sin and Alhamdulillah marriage protects us from this. If you find a sister, explain how life may be initially while you are continuing with your studies, but if she doesn't like that and demands more, then perhaps she's not the right one for you. We should all try to marry someone because of their iman that will help lead us to a house in Paradise not their income which will buy you a 5 bedroom house in the Hampton's.

                May Allah make it easy for you and grant you a pious spouse. Ameen

                And remember have Sabr brother...'O you who believe! Seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient.' [2:153]
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                • #9
                  Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

                  Some would, some won't. Everyone is an individual.
                  www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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                  • #10
                    Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

                    Originally posted by islamourdeen View Post
                    Assalamu Alaykum brother, in my opinion I would advise you to get married as soon as possible. To delay it may lead you to sin and Alhamdulillah marriage protects us from this. If you find a sister, explain how life may be initially while you are continuing with your studies, but if she doesn't like that and demands more, then perhaps she's not the right one for you. We should all try to marry someone because of their iman that will help lead us to a house in Paradise not their income which will buy you a 5 bedroom house in the Hampton's.

                    May Allah make it easy for you and grant you a pious spouse. Ameen

                    And remember have Sabr brother...'O you who believe! Seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient.' [2:153]
                    :jkk: for the advice. especially for the reminder using the Quranic verse. Truly the time we live in now, patience is more important than ever.

                    The other hurdle other than finding a girl that would be willing, is the cultural aspect. Desi (paki, indians, bengalis) arent even considered marriage material until he has started working. so convincing finding the girl is one thing, convincing her parents on why they should let her marry me is another.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

                      Originally posted by Azraael View Post
                      :jkk: for the advice. especially for the reminder using the Quranic verse. Truly the time we live in now, patience is more important than ever.

                      The other hurdle other than finding a girl that would be willing, is the cultural aspect. Desi (paki, indians, bengalis) arent even considered marriage material until he has started working. so convincing finding the girl is one thing, convincing her parents on why they should let her marry me is another.
                      Do you just have to limit it to Desis? Can't you look for marriage among women of other cultures?
                      www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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                      • #12
                        Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

                        Originally posted by Grimmjow View Post
                        Do you just have to limit it to Desis? Can't you look for marriage among women of other cultures?
                        Well my mother would prefer I marry a desi girl. My dad wont care as much, as long as she is Muslim.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

                          Originally posted by Azraael View Post
                          Well my mother would prefer I marry a desi girl. My dad wont care as much, as long as she is Muslim.
                          That's good; at least they're not forcing you to look for just one culture.

                          You should expand your search; it would make things easier.
                          www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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                          • #14
                            Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

                            Originally posted by Azraael View Post
                            the issue with that is, most sisters would consider that "old". Usually all the guys get married between 25-27 nowadays.
                            ayeeee.....

                            respect elder people.... we are still unmarried and it hurts when someone calls us old.....

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                            • #15
                              Re: Will Sisters consider marrying a guy who is in the middle of his PhD

                              Originally posted by Revertbrother View Post
                              ayeeee.....

                              respect elder people.... we are still unmarried and it hurts when someone calls us old.....
                              Some times it hurts. ..other times i am beyond caring
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                              "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

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