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  • police social services and marriage

    Salam to all.

    I am unfortunately in a very bad place right now. If it was not for the faith in the almighty it don't think I would be able to stay as calm as I am trying right now.

    Been married approx 18 months. Wife is the youngest sibling and unfortunately not well. She is the "spoilt" one in her family - very stubborn and gets her own way with everything.

    Her parents are very unfair. When she gets upset for the slightest of things she goes back to her parents and basically slags me off to them.

    Approx 2 wks ago I went round to her parents house and her mum did not open the door instead swore at me and said get of my land before I get my sons to beat you up ! Her mother has threatened to have me killed historically also.

    We have Alhumdulillah a 12 wk old son but my wife has called police on many occasions and had me arrested many times also for alleged incidents of assault/domestic violence.

    The last time was over a month ago where I got home and I was rather happy due to a purchase of another investment property to which her response was "what about my house and car". Things got argumentative so I left to allow her to calm down.

    I have another property so I've stayed there since and she has gone back to her mothers again.

    An uncle of mine (not related) but respected highly in the community has spoken to the father of my wife and he has stated that I cannot see my wife as he is not giving permission to do so. He went on to say that I need to buy a house and car under his daughters name before anything happens now . My thoughts to this are simple - halal prostitution - my apologies but that's my wife and she's fine usually but whenever her mother speaks to her it's suddenly a case of has he transferred any assets to your name etc and my wife comes back different.

    I've reluctantly not contacted my wife it her family once now and we have a meeting with social services next few days where in accordance with my solicitor if I tell the truth re my wife's actions and show proof - cctv images from one of my restaurants it's very likely that the child will be taken away.

    I have not seen my son for over 2 weeks now and I am being controlled by her and her family.

    Close ppl around her family and myself have all said to leave her and move on etc. Obviously I care about my wife unconditionally.

    What advice is there guys ?

    I have out my faith in the almighty but the demands now are ridiculous and wrong surely ? I have another house but she don't want to stay there and she's wanting a 40k car for cash in her name.

    I have told her I will not give her a talaaq if she's certain and will let her parents influence her also then go via the Khula route.

    Any advice brothers and sisters ?

  • #2
    Re: police social services and marriage

    Originally posted by Qaz View Post
    Been married approx 18 months. Wife is the youngest sibling and unfortunately not well. She is the "spoilt" one in her family - very stubborn and gets her own way with everything.
    did you know this before you married her? why on earth would you marry someone you knew was spoilt?

    spoilt people are the worst, i have a friend who is spoilt and i feel sorry for her future husband... if she ever does get married, she keeps getting rejected!

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: police social services and marriage

      You should refer to your local Imam as to what you should do now, and see if he can help bring about some peace....

      But let this be a lesson, you should properly investigate the person you are marrying, and if they are spoilt, then stay well clear - because the last thing you want is sum1 demanding big houses, expensive cars this and to live an extravagant lifestyle.
      Allah is always watching [VIDEO]

      How To Weep For The Fear Of Allah

      Please remember to share these links with people you know so they can also benefit from them. :jkk:

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      • #4
        police social services and marriage

        I never knew it was to this extent.

        Have taken advice and am playing the waiting game I guess.

        Received 2 private calls from what sounded like a pay phone less than half an hour ago - naturally getting very concerned and thinkin she may have had a fall out with her family now.

        Taken comments on board will not justify was hoping to gain some advice tht would be relevant etc.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: police social services and marriage

          Originally posted by Qaz View Post

          I have out my faith in the almighty but the demands now are ridiculous and wrong surely ? I have another house but she don't want to stay there and she's wanting a 40k car for cash in her name.

          I have told her I will not give her a talaaq if she's certain and will let her parents influence her also then go via the Khula route.

          Any advice brothers and sisters ?
          sounds like their only interested in money lol. if I were you, I would say good riddance to them.
          Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

          -Quran (57:20)

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: police social services and marriage

            Why are there so many troubled marriages?

            Seriously.

            So much problems, lack of compatibility, so many issues


            Why do people enter these marriages for?
            Most people enter because they're fooled by this silly infatuation, lovey dovey rubbish.
            Ah.

            Annoys my brains man.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: police social services and marriage

              as salaam alaykum,

              is there a way that you can met with your wife with an imam or someone? Maybe she is being told by family to make these ridiculous demands. IDK
              I wouldnt say leave her or divorce her - until you both have tried to work at your marriage. I wouldnt advice just handing over money etc - you have the responsibility to feed, clothe and accommodate her and your child - which you are doing.

              I think speaking to someone with more knowledge would be the first step in this instance.
              No Longer On UF

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: police social services and marriage

                Originally posted by UmmAbdulMalik View Post
                Why are there so many troubled marriages?
                .
                Naturally, on UF people tend to voice their concerns on UF when they have an issue within their marriage. Hence why you see so much issues about marriage.

                No one will come on UF and say ''OMG, we're so happy with our marriage. Can ppl advise us on how to move forward. We've seen both of our parents and they all smile a lot too'' because no one complains about happiness. People seek advice when they are having issues as opposed to when they are content or happy with their marriage. And usually UF is the first point of contact for some cuz 1) it's anonymous and 2) it's a Muslim forum.

                It is like the news/papers, constantly bombard people with bad news (immigration e.g.) to the extent where people think that things are really really bad.
                Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: police social services and marriage

                  Go to her house with an imam. Have him remind her parents that she is your wife now & you can speak to her whenever you want.

                  have one on one talk with her explaining/understanding what she wants

                  Do not transfer money/house under her name. if she is so concern about that, it makes me wonder if she will just run off with those property later

                  have sabar & give her time to see her way. Also have one strong conversation with her & then walk away (not divorce but temporary seperation, during that time don't contact her or run after her). Being ignored will put her in spot & reevaluate life

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: police social services and marriage

                    It seems the days when people would actually do their homework on the person are long gone, they just want all the love & romance stuff but once the honeymoon period is over, then the cracks start showing...
                    Allah is always watching [VIDEO]

                    How To Weep For The Fear Of Allah

                    Please remember to share these links with people you know so they can also benefit from them. :jkk:

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: police social services and marriage

                      You need to stop contact with her. That way she won't have control over you. She'll give in and call you. You need her to meet you on your "turf" to gain control. Don't meet up with her at her parents. Tell her what you want from the marriage. She either accepts your terms and moves back home or she can go back to her parents. She will try to use your child against you and won't let you see him/her. Don't show your feelings to her about this. Be firm. Tell her they can both come home and you will provide for them. If she wants to stay at her parents then you don't want to see her. Tell her you will provide for the child if you are given rights to see him/her. By doing this you are still in control of your finances, she has no hold over you and you are in control.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        police social services and marriage

                        Mixed responses !

                        Shabana your advice - Alhumdulillah.

                        I attended the last social services meeting and emailed as pathetic as it sounds my wife the previous day and outlined that I will not creat any further issues and tell social services things that will go against her and our son.

                        I attended the meeting and supported their concerns regardless of the fact that I have done nothing wrong. Social were interested in one thing only which was an incident where I left home as my wife started to argue with me to allow her to cool down - unfortunately she chased after a few mins in the evening and left our son alone - I covered her up with my jacket etc but she took the car key and drove off. Subsequently I took our son away as I knew use to the noise and drama the police would be on route and the potential for another arrest when I've done nothing wrong again.

                        When they asked her she denied it etc and I said I can't remember - however I was arrested the same day and the content of the allegations on this occasion being a lot worse than previously ever before - naturally I told the police nothing but the truth.

                        There is so much evidence that I have and my solicitor confirms that there is very little chance that my wife would keep custody if I tell social all the truth etc. I have cctv footage pictures and so on that is more than ample.

                        I have not done this to prevent the child bein taken away from his mother as I think this would have the worse possible affect on our son, however after the meeting I called my wife witheld as I'm blocked ! Very calmly and asked if I can please see my son to which I believe her sister and mother in the background told her to tell me go through solicitors !

                        I was more than shocked and I said I have not instigated nor made matters worse and you continue alongside your family to not allow me to see my son.

                        I then said ok I've had enough I am now to tell social all the truth from the threats the abuse and so on that I've already logged with the police. Everytime I've had scars and evidence to prove my innocent and everytime the police have stated we can't do anything unless you press charges. Naturally I can't have my wife or her mother arrested ! Ethically alone is one thing but the other issues are her family are well just very well known to the police in and out of prison and they would not ever hesitate if either were arrested.

                        I feel I should be honest with solicitors which I have been but now also go via social services and tell them as well as show them the truth also.

                        I don't want my child growing up in such a bad environment etc .

                        I have told my wife that I am not going to give her a talaaq ever and that if she's so adamant get a Khula - I've stated your parents have not once sat down with me instead they have abused me in many ways and also via other people .

                        Her father although a nice person and quite religious in my opinion defeats the purpose as he has openly stated he cannot do nothing. The mother calls all the shots in the household.

                        I have not seen my son for some time now and unfortunately it is beginning to hurt me.

                        I have sent my wife one last email and stated that I have tried to be more than far and that now I just don't care and feel I have to be truthful and honest to all.

                        There is a lot more in the whole situation that I'm sure would be more than sufficient to a lot of people making comments like "leave her" etc.

                        I probably tauba would if there was not a child involved but Alhumdulillah I can honestly state that I really have not done anything wrong whatsoever. If her family did not get involved and always "guide" her we would have no issues. The family is very materialistic etc and it seems like I've perhaps said earlier they are happy to "sell" their daughter in a halal fashion - until the next time where they will demand something else I believe. It's like they want to squeeze what they can not realising their daughter is the one who will suffer - my wife has multiple sceloris and gets very depressed etc at times. Very confused also.

                        Any thoughts ?

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