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Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

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  • Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

    :start:
    It is the saying of Nabi :saw:, ‘Listen! Women should be married off only by their (Shar’ee) guardians (Wali) and their marriage should take place only with suitable matches.’ (Akfaa).’
    (Daaraqutni and Bayhaqi)

    Minhaj Ul Talibeen, Book of Marriage, Chapter One, Section Six

    In order to determine whether the suitor is a good match, the following must be taken into consideration:

    1. Absence of redhibitory defects of body.

    2. Liberty. A slave is not a suitable match for a free woman, nor an enfranchised slave for a woman born free.



    4. Character. A man of notorious misconduct is not a suitable match for an honest woman.

    5. Profession. A man exercising a humble profession is not a suitable match for the daughter of a man in a more distinguished profession.

    Thus a sweeper, a barber, a watchman, a shepherd, or a servant at a bathhouse, is not a suitable match for the daughter of a tailor; while the tailor in his turn is no match for the daughter of a merchant or a second-hand dealer, who in their turn are no suitable match for the daughter of a learned man or a judge.
    "You must convince your heart that whatever Allah has decreed is most appropriate and most beneficial for you." ~ Imam Al Ghazali.


  • #2
    Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

    JazakAllahu Khair. This is important information, as some believe that only deen matters, while there are many other considerations that you need to keep in mind.
    Sisters don't rep or joke with me.

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    • #3
      Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

      so Arab women would degrade herself by marrying other ethnicity? Every other point seems reasonable, then the summary just takes a down turn.

      congratulation on a sensible title.
      "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

      Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

        but doesn't the Qur'an allow you to marry the slaves if you don't have the money to marry a free women. I'm not really sure about the some of the points of the post.
        Abu Malik at-Ash'ari reported:

        The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Cleanliness is half of faith

        and al-Hamdu Lillah (all praise and gratitude is for Allah alone) fills the scale, and Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah)

        and al-Hamdu Lillah fill up what is between the heavens and the earth, and prayer is a light,

        and charity is proof (of one's faith)

        and endurance is a brightness and the Holy Qur'an is a proof on your behalf or against you.

        All men go out early in the morning and sell themselves, thereby setting themselves free or destroying themselves.



        حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ مَنْصُورٍ، حَدَّثَنَا حَبَّانُ بْنُ هِلاَلٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبَانٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، أَنَّ زَيْدًا، حَدَّثَهُ أَنَّ أَبَا سَلاَّمٍ حَدَّثَهُ عَنْ أَبِي مَالِكٍ الأَشْعَرِيِّ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ الطُّهُورُ شَطْرُ الإِيمَانِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلأُ الْمِيزَانَ ‏.‏ وَسُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلآنِ - أَوْ تَمْلأُ - مَا بَيْنَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالأَرْضِ وَالصَّلاَةُ نُورٌ وَالصَّدَقَةُ بُرْهَانٌ وَالصَّبْرُ ضِيَاءٌ وَالْقُرْآنُ حُجَّةٌ لَكَ أَوْ عَلَيْكَ كُلُّ النَّاسِ يَغْدُو فَبَائِعٌ نَفْسَهُ فَمُعْتِقُهَا أَوْ مُوبِقُهَا ‏"‏ ‏.‏

        Reference : Sahih Muslim 223
        In-book reference : Book 2, Hadith 1
        USC-MSA web (English) reference : Book 2, Hadith 432
        (deprecated numbering scheme)

        أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

        Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


        Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

          Some of the marriages of the sahaabah do not conform to this.

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          • #6
            Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

            What on earth

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

              Originally posted by samin62 View Post
              so Arab women would degrade herself by marrying other ethnicity? Every other point seems reasonable, then the summary just takes a down turn.

              congratulation on a sensible title.
              You must also remember in what age these books were written and what social classes existed in those days. do not be shocked by it in fact this exist till this day in most muslim countries in some respect.

              So don't be shocked if you hear this class talk in fiqh books. Former slave tribes don't marry into ''normal'' tribes , metal workers don't marry nomadic tribes. The problem is that these fiqh text books reflect a very different age and the muslim from the west looks at this and think racist muslims or this is against the sunnah when in fact this is not the case.

              the books don't talk about the forbidden nature of these things but rather compatibility

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

                Originally posted by samin62 View Post
                so Arab women would degrade herself by marrying other ethnicity? Every other point seems reasonable, then the summary just takes a down turn.

                congratulation on a sensible title.
                This is from a primary Shafi'i fiqh book by Imam Nawawi رحمه الله. I also read the Hanafi stance similar to this, but I can't recall the exact reference for it.

                No she wouldn't be degrading herself by marrying another ethnicity. Because the same rule applies to women of other ethnicities. Example Persian women should marry only in their own ethnicity.

                "You must convince your heart that whatever Allah has decreed is most appropriate and most beneficial for you." ~ Imam Al Ghazali.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by مسلمة View Post
                  Some of the marriages of the sahaabah do not conform to this.
                  That's a very good point.

                  I get point 4 and I can kinda get point 5 slightly, once you start thinking 'why?' (e.g not being able to sustain her lifestyle that she was brought up in by her family) but again, I'm a bit hesitant...

                  I'd preferably like a few egs by each so I can understand it :insha:
                  ⚔ Even in death may you be triumphant ⚔
                  U.F Sadaqah Jariyah Project

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                  • #10
                    Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

                    Originally posted by AhlulQuran88 View Post
                    You must also remember in what age these books were written and what social classes existed in those days. do not be shocked by it in fact this exist till this day in most muslim countries in some respect.

                    So don't be shocked if you hear this class talk in fiqh books. Former slave tribes don't marry into ''normal'' tribes , metal workers don't marry nomadic tribes. The problem is that these fiqh text books reflect a very different age and the muslim from the west looks at this and think racist muslims or this is against the sunnah.
                    that context is very obvious akhie. If it is being spread as ilm then I need certain things explained when they just doesn't make sense. I have seen happy marriages, a lot of them where none of those conditions were taken into account. How come such rigid rules are being passed as Islamic Guidelines?
                    "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

                    Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

                      Originally posted by مسلمة View Post
                      Some of the marriages of the sahaabah do not conform to this.
                      So?

                      The sahabah had a very high divorce rate yet the fiqh books say that divorce is makruh.

                      The sahabah had a lot of polygamy yet the fiqh books of several madhabs recommend monogamy.
                      "You must convince your heart that whatever Allah has decreed is most appropriate and most beneficial for you." ~ Imam Al Ghazali.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

                        Originally posted by Repentant View Post
                        This is from a primary Shafi'i fiqh book by Imam Nawawi رحمه الله. I also read the Hanafi stance similar to this, but I can't recall the exact reference for it.

                        No she wouldn't be degrading herself by marrying another ethnicity. Because the same rule applies to women of other ethnicities. Example Persian women should marry only in their own ethnicity.
                        ok, so a thinking we would love to avoid. The idea of sticking to ones ethnicity exclusively.
                        "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

                        Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

                          Originally posted by samin62 View Post
                          that context is very obvious akhie. If it is being spread as ilm then I need certain things explained when they just doesn't make sense. I have seen happy marriages, a lot of them where none of those conditions were taken into account. How come such rigid rules are being passed as Islamic Guidelines?
                          Akhie this is knowledge and just as we measured distance in leagues and measured volume in handfuls fiqh progresses. They are not rigid rules they are statements and fiqh that reflected a time and period of the world where class structure is how things worked.

                          We live in a different time and cultural atmosphere and much of those issues of compatibility don't apply and i feel in the West we are much futher than the East in those respect.
                          In much of the tribal areas of the muslim world these rules still in apply in every aspect. Take the Bantu tribes of Somalia, no Somali tribe marries them because of they are descendants of freed slaves. I don't agree with that mentality but that is the East for you

                          Inshalah simply see this as a window into the great mind of imam Nawawi and how he attempted to keep muslim marriages flourishing.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

                            Originally posted by samin62 View Post
                            ok, so a thinking we would love to avoid. The idea of sticking to ones ethnicity exclusively.
                            I personally don't get the fuss. This has been the way of the world since millennia. To marry someone just like you. This was especially true before the era of globalisation when people spent their whole lives confined to a few dozen square miles of land.

                            I grew up seeing people around me married to each other and speaking each other's language, of the same colour and with the same customs.

                            Then I went to school and saw kids from mixed families and I just found them to be a weird lot. Unfortunately people told me I was racist for thinking that although I had no racism or hate in me against anyone. And for a time being I actually thought I was being racist. It was later on that I figured out that I preferred compatibility between spouses.

                            Its all western hype over a perfectly Islamic recommendation.
                            "You must convince your heart that whatever Allah has decreed is most appropriate and most beneficial for you." ~ Imam Al Ghazali.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Women Should Marry Suitable Matches

                              Originally posted by AhlulQuran88 View Post
                              Akhie this is knowledge and just as we measured distance in leagues and measured volume in handfuls fiqh progresses. They are not rigid rules they are statements and fiqh that reflected a time and period of the world where class structure is how things worked.

                              We live in a different time and cultural atmosphere and much of those issues of compatibility don't apply and i feel in the West we are much futher than the East in those respect.
                              In much of the tribal areas of the muslim world these rules still in apply in every aspect. Take the Bantu tribes of Somalia, no Somali tribe marries them because of they are descendants of freed slaves. I don't agree with that mentality but that is the East for you

                              Inshalah simply see this as a window into the great mind of imam Nawawi and how he attempted to keep muslim marriages flourishing.
                              you explained it to me :jkk:

                              hence post 12, we try to move towards the attitude of the salafs
                              "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

                              Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

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