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  • I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

    I am 23 years she is 15 years older than me.
    She likes me and wants to marry me.
    Her family also knows me pretty well and they would love to see me as her husband.
    I also want to marry her; the reason is not lust but i see her as my future wife.
    She has all the qualities to be a perfect wife and plus Islamicaly (deen) she is more knowledgeable compare to me.
    The age difference doesn't bother me, we enjoy each other company and difference never pops out.
    I respect her and see her probably in the same way as prophet saw his first wife.

    When i spoke with my sister she informed me about women is 40s and how things change and told me to think about it not rush.
    I am kinda scared to open this topic in front of my parents and just in case they don't accept it.
    I prayed istikhara and didn't see any bad signs or anything.
    I think for my age pretty mature.

    Any brothers who have married an older woman please advice me.
    Any sisters married younger man please advice me and pros/cons of woman in 40s.

  • #2
    Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

    I wouldn't advise it

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

      You're a man, so you don't need the permission of parents. If you feel happy with her deen, character and her beauty induces you to marry. Then do so. Just make sure though you've put all your cards on the table about what you want and expect from marriage, so you're both clear. If you both agree, then marry.

      The only thing you need to remember is your Islamic obligations as a husband to your wife, and that should include being able to provide for her with a stable income and any children you have. Keep praying istikhara and explain to family when you're FULLY happy that you've made your choice and don't delay Nikah.
      I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

      Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

        I see no problems with it , but every situation is different.
        Is this her first marriage , if so you need to find out why she was not married all this while, If she is a divorcee or a widower then you need to be aware of the responsibilities.

        you need to get all the issues out in the open before you commit,
        The older a woman gets its harder to have kids , so you need to get all these discussed and clarified , which i am sure you have.

        InshaAllah things work out for you

        Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

        **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

        Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

          at wizard of oz Any reason why not?

          Allahamdulliah I have a decent job and can provide for the family
          I know i don't need my parents permission but would be happy if they blessed me
          Last edited by Mohammad786; 13-03-14, 12:39 PM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

            Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
            I see no problems with it , but every situation is different.
            Is this her first marriage , if so you need to find out why she was not married all this while, If she is a divorcee or a widower then you need to be aware of the responsibilities.

            you need to get all the issues out in the open before you commit,
            The older a woman gets its harder to have kids , so you need to get all these discussed and clarified , which i am sure you have.

            InshaAllah things work out for you
            She was married for a month or less
            After marriage she found out her husband was already married with a child.
            Which broke her confident and avoided marriage for while, some how I made way into her life.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

              Originally posted by Mohammad786 View Post
              at wizard of oz Any reason why not?

              Allahamdulliah I have a decent job and can provide for the family
              I know i don't need my parents permission but would be happy if they blessed me
              I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

              Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

                Originally posted by Mohammad786 View Post
                She was married for a month or less
                After marriage she found out her husband was already married with a child.
                Which broke her confident and avoided marriage for while, some how I made way into her life.
                If she's Muslim, why was this a problem?

                Also, when you say 'somehow I made my way into her life'. Explain.
                I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

                Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

                  Originally posted by Constant Hope View Post
                  If she's Muslim, why was this a problem?

                  Also, when you say 'somehow I made my way into her life'. Explain.
                  Sorry didnt explain properly.
                  I was like a friend for her and slowly she started to develop feeling for me.
                  As she gave up on men and marriage after her first marriage.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

                    Originally posted by Mohammad786 View Post
                    Sorry didnt explain properly.
                    I was like a friend for her and slowly she started to develop feeling for me.
                    As she gave up on men and marriage after her first marriage.
                    Nah buddy. You still not explaining enough. Gender mixing and getting buddy, buddy is haram. So how exactly did you act as a friend and for long enough that she'd develop romantic feelings?

                    This now all sounds completely fishy to me and like you're on an infatuated 'cougar hunt'
                    I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

                    Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

                      Originally posted by Constant Hope View Post
                      Nah buddy. You still not explaining enough. Gender mixing and getting buddy, buddy is haram. So how exactly did you act as a friend and for long enough that she'd develop romantic feelings?

                      This now all sounds completely fishy to me and like you're on an infatuated 'cougar hunt'
                      Please don't jump to conclusions or judge me
                      I might not have explain my point correctly.
                      Her family and my family know each other, one of her sister is married to one of my relative. Her mum sees me as her son.
                      Nothing about this relationship was due to lust.
                      If you want more details private message me and don't say anything you dont have knowledge about.
                      Sorry for sounding rude

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

                        Originally posted by Mohammad786 View Post
                        Please don't jump to conclusions or judge me
                        I might not have explain my point correctly.
                        Her family and my family know each other, one of her sister is married to one of my relative. Her mum sees me as her son.
                        Nothing about this relationship was due to lust.
                        If you want more details private message me and don't say anything you dont have knowledge about.
                        Sorry for sounding rude
                        Nah, it's fine. I'm not offended, but your situations too odd. At this point however I guess it doesn't matter. Even if Islamically you didn't bother following every protocol properly, trying to now would be your best bet and I think you've done that as much as possible in the later stages; That said, she needs to be with her male guardian at all times during your meetings, even if she doesn't need their permission now to marry due to divorce.

                        Age isn't the problem in marriage. Incompatibility usually is. Wanting different things from life etc. Here, use these links, keep praying istikhara and if you feel you're happy with everything, get the nikah done ASAP, and you can choose when to have the wedding celebrations, but realise that it's Sunnah to do the walima within 3 days of the consummation of a marriage, just in case you wish to marry next year or later in the summer.

                        http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...e-wrong-person
                        http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ital-Questions
                        I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

                        Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

                          Originally posted by Mohammad786 View Post
                          She was married for a month or less
                          After marriage she found out her husband was already married with a child.
                          Which broke her confident and avoided marriage for while, some how I made way into her life.
                          Well this is the thing , i mean both parties are ok and you know her history of what happened with her previous marriage.
                          So its your call bro.

                          Well age is not a problem , it is only a problem if you want it to be.

                          Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                          **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                          Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

                            Originally posted by Constant Hope View Post
                            Nah, it's fine. I'm not offended, but your situations too odd. At this point however I guess it doesn't matter. Even if Islamically you didn't bother following every protocol properly, trying to now would be your best bet and I think you've done that as much as possible in the later stages; That said, she needs to be with her male guardian at all times during your meetings, even if she doesn't need their permission now to marry due to divorce.

                            Age isn't the problem in marriage. Incompatibility usually is. Wanting different things from life etc. Here, use these links, keep praying istikhara and if you feel you're happy with everything, get the nikah done ASAP, and you can choose when to have the wedding celebrations, but realise that it's Sunnah to do the walima within 3 days of the consummation of a marriage, just in case you wish to marry next year or later in the summer.

                            http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...e-wrong-person
                            http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ital-Questions
                            Thank you for your support
                            Inshallah allah knows the best

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: I am 23 years and she is 15 years older

                              Originally posted by Mohammad786 View Post
                              I am 23 years she is 15 years older than me.
                              She likes me and wants to marry me.
                              Her family also knows me pretty well and they would love to see me as her husband.
                              I also want to marry her; the reason is not lust but i see her as my future wife.
                              She has all the qualities to be a perfect wife and plus Islamicaly (deen) she is more knowledgeable compare to me.
                              The age difference doesn't bother me, we enjoy each other company and difference never pops out.
                              I respect her and see her probably in the same way as prophet saw his first wife.

                              When i spoke with my sister she informed me about women is 40s and how things change and told me to think about it not rush.
                              I am kinda scared to open this topic in front of my parents and just in case they don't accept it.
                              I prayed istikhara and didn't see any bad signs or anything.
                              I think for my age pretty mature.

                              Any brothers who have married an older woman please advice me.
                              Any sisters married younger man please advice me and pros/cons of woman in 40s.
                              :salams

                              Since this is what our beloved RasulAllah :saw: did and Hadrhat Khadija radiAllahu anha was his most beloved wife , I think it can be a very good thing. :)

                              I haven't married younger, but from what I've seen, older wives tend to be much more patient with their husbands. More understanding and accommodating of their rights and their happiness than someone who is younger(though there is good in marrying a younger sister as well). Having been married and divorced, she may also appreciate you as a husband moreso than someone who has not been married.

                              If she has all the qualities you have been searching for in a wife(especially the deeni ones), then hopefully it will be a success for both of you :insha: .

                              Comment

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