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  • My parents won't let us be together..

    As many of you know it's much harder to convince the girls side of the family about your marraige. But in this case no chance...

    Recently I've been caught by my girlfriends father astaghfirullah I know it's wrong but he wants to see my parents.. I've told my parents that I am madly in love with this girl as we've been through a lot together and I know she's the one as she respects me like a wife respects her husband, anything I say goes, I adore life out of her...
    I know it's wrong while being boyfriend and girlfriend an I've talked to my parents about nikah they said no you're too young etc as I'm 18 years old. I understand my age seem a bit daunting and immature but I am serious about this girl so much I want her to have jannat under her feet for my children... Were both serious about each other, her family are willing to accept me, mine aren't willing to accept her though as they think I'm young dumb and immature, but this girl has made me
    CHange my ways so much as in reading namaaZ, not fighting, being very calm and patient...

    Fellow brothers and sisters what do I do? I want to marry this girl but all my parents say is think about your studies bla bla, if my relationship was halal as in nikah wise It would
    Motivate me more to study but my parents keep saying no... I wouldn't even mind getting engaged with her but my parents are too hard on my decisions...

  • #2
    Re: My parents won't let us be together..

    Your milking the love cow. moo.

    God bless your wise parents.
    La illaha ilallah

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: My parents won't let us be together..

      :salams

      What advice do you want to hear from us?

      Are you strong enough to put up with what we are going to say? It may not be what you want to hear.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: My parents won't let us be together..

        Originally posted by Hassaneye View Post
        As many of you know it's much harder to convince the girls side of the family about your marraige. But in this case no chance...

        Recently I've been caught by my girlfriends father astaghfirullah I know it's wrong but he wants to see my parents.. I've told my parents that I am madly in love with this girl as we've been through a lot together and I know she's the one as she respects me like a wife respects her husband, anything I say goes, I adore life out of her...
        I know it's wrong while being boyfriend and girlfriend an I've talked to my parents about nikah they said no you're too young etc as I'm 18 years old. I understand my age seem a bit daunting and immature but I am serious about this girl so much I want her to have jannat under her feet for my children... Were both serious about each other, her family are willing to accept me, mine aren't willing to accept her though as they think I'm young dumb and immature, but this girl has made me
        CHange my ways so much as in reading namaaZ, not fighting, being very calm and patient...

        Fellow brothers and sisters what do I do? I want to marry this girl but all my parents say is think about your studies bla bla, if my relationship was halal as in nikah wise It would
        Motivate me more to study but my parents keep saying no... I wouldn't even mind getting engaged with her but my parents are too hard on my decisions...
        Focusing on your studies is not "blah blah". That was a 'lil red flag that perhaps you are not ready. It's not all about love in marriage, there's much more to it. Focus on your studies and when your parents see how you're committed you are perhaps they will nudge a little inshallah. You have to find a way to motivate yourself to study regardless of this outcome. An education will be very valuable to your wife and children.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: My parents won't let us be together..

          Originally posted by Hassaneye View Post
          As many of you know it's much harder to convince the girls side of the family about your marraige. But in this case no chance...

          Recently I've been caught by my girlfriends father astaghfirullah I know it's wrong but he wants to see my parents.. I've told my parents that I am madly in love with this girl as we've been through a lot together and I know she's the one as she respects me like a wife respects her husband, anything I say goes, I adore life out of her...
          I know it's wrong while being boyfriend and girlfriend an I've talked to my parents about nikah they said no you're too young etc as I'm 18 years old. I understand my age seem a bit daunting and immature but I am serious about this girl so much I want her to have jannat under her feet for my children... Were both serious about each other, her family are willing to accept me, mine aren't willing to accept her though as they think I'm young dumb and immature, but this girl has made me
          CHange my ways so much as in reading namaaZ, not fighting, being very calm and patient...

          Fellow brothers and sisters what do I do? I want to marry this girl but all my parents say is think about your studies bla bla, if my relationship was halal as in nikah wise It would
          Motivate me more to study but my parents keep saying no... I wouldn't even mind getting engaged with her but my parents are too hard on my decisions...
          maaaan let me tell you. what your feeling now, is "LUST" not true love. Trust me.
          Love comes after years of marriage. you think its love cuz your probably infatuated by her. I was in the same position before. Except the girl didn't like me.
          "The duty of the man who investigates the writings of scientists, if learning the truth is his goal, is to make himself an enemy of all that he reads, and,.. attack it from every side. He should also suspect himself as he performs his critical examination of it, so that he may avoid falling into either prejudice or leniency."
          -Alhazen Ibn Al-Haythem

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: My parents won't let us be together..

            You don't love her, you actually hate her as well as yourself. You wouldn't be sinning with her if you loved her.

            Let her go and focus on your deen. Show your parents that you're not immature and maybe in the future you guys can get married but you're not ready right now.

            Stop rushing. Do you even have enough money to support her once you get married?

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: My parents won't let us be together..

              Originally posted by Hassaneye View Post
              As many of you know it's much harder to convince the girls side of the family about your marraige. But in this case no chance...

              Recently I've been caught by my girlfriends father astaghfirullah I know it's wrong but he wants to see my parents.. I've told my parents that I am madly in love with this girl as we've been through a lot together and I know she's the one as she respects me like a wife respects her husband, anything I say goes, I adore life out of her...
              I know it's wrong while being boyfriend and girlfriend an I've talked to my parents about nikah they said no you're too young etc as I'm 18 years old. I understand my age seem a bit daunting and immature but I am serious about this girl so much I want her to have jannat under her feet for my children... Were both serious about each other, her family are willing to accept me, mine aren't willing to accept her though as they think I'm young dumb and immature, but this girl has made me
              CHange my ways so much as in reading namaaZ, not fighting, being very calm and patient...

              Fellow brothers and sisters what do I do? I want to marry this girl but all my parents say is think about your studies bla bla, if my relationship was halal as in nikah wise It would
              Motivate me more to study but my parents keep saying no... I wouldn't even mind getting engaged with her but my parents are too hard on my decisions...
              Salam, do ur parents have any other girl for you in their minds? Like a couzie for example?
              It appears they are concerned for you and you are young afterall. Thery're probably worried that you'd be having babies while you yourselves aren't mature enough?
              Pray isthikharah, and if the outcome is on your side tell them, they can say no but you consulted with Allah and u believe she's meant 4 u.
              They're just worried about you. I feel sorry for the father of the girl, a lot of parents fear a day when their kids will shame them going after naughty boys like u who didn't have the wisdom of doing things Allah's way.
              Anyways, try ur best and make du'aa... In shaa Allah
              "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

              "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: My parents won't let us be together..

                Originally posted by ss91 View Post
                maaaan let me tell you. what your feeling now, is "LUST" not true love. Trust me.
                Love comes after years of marriage. you think its love cuz your probably infatuated by her. I was in the same position before. Except the girl didn't like me.
                Its not always lust I'm sure. Love doesn't only appear after years of marraige, love becomes deeper after years of marraige.
                This is why marraige is pescribed because love is a thing that can destroy hearts if used incorrectly.
                Lust is just a desire.
                "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

                "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: My parents won't let us be together..

                  Originally posted by Ostranenie View Post
                  You don't love her, you actually hate her as well as yourself. You wouldn't be sinning with her if you loved her.

                  Let her go and focus on your deen. Show your parents that you're not immature and maybe in the future you guys can get married but you're not ready right now.

                  Stop rushing. Do you even have enough money to support her once you get married?
                  The father of the girl, what's he supposed to do now he knows a man has used his daughter and now won't marry her?
                  I think he should marry her. After repenting and seeking guidance from Allah
                  "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

                  "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: My parents won't let us be together..

                    Originally posted by candyapple View Post
                    Its not always lust I'm sure. Love doesn't only appear after years of marraige, love becomes deeper after years of marraige.
                    This is why marraige is pescribed because love is a thing that can destroy hearts if used incorrectly.
                    Lust is just a desire.
                    I humbly disagree. For him to say I love her is an overstatement. Sure he "likes" her but I would say a man isn't truly entitled to say he loves a girl unless he is aware of all her faults and has seen her at her worst as well as her best. and if he still likes her, then that is "love".

                    people (especially guys) well mostly guys, throw the L-word around without realizing its true meaning.
                    "The duty of the man who investigates the writings of scientists, if learning the truth is his goal, is to make himself an enemy of all that he reads, and,.. attack it from every side. He should also suspect himself as he performs his critical examination of it, so that he may avoid falling into either prejudice or leniency."
                    -Alhazen Ibn Al-Haythem

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: My parents won't let us be together..

                      Originally posted by Hassaneye View Post
                      As many of you know it's much harder to convince the girls side of the family about your marraige. But in this case no chance...

                      Recently I've been caught by my girlfriends father astaghfirullah I know it's wrong but he wants to see my parents.. I've told my parents that I am madly in love with this girl as we've been through a lot together and I know she's the one as she respects me like a wife respects her husband, anything I say goes, I adore life out of her...
                      I know it's wrong while being boyfriend and girlfriend an I've talked to my parents about nikah they said no you're too young etc as I'm 18 years old. I understand my age seem a bit daunting and immature but I am serious about this girl so much I want her to have jannat under her feet for my children... Were both serious about each other, her family are willing to accept me, mine aren't willing to accept her though as they think I'm young dumb and immature, but this girl has made me
                      CHange my ways so much as in reading namaaZ, not fighting, being very calm and patient...

                      Fellow brothers and sisters what do I do? I want to marry this girl but all my parents say is think about your studies bla bla, if my relationship was halal as in nikah wise It would
                      Motivate me more to study but my parents keep saying no... I wouldn't even mind getting engaged with her but my parents are too hard on my decisions...
                      I'm actually a big supporter of 'young marriage'.
                      My husband and I were both 18. I assume your 'girlfriend' Will be a similar age as you.

                      Clearly for you its better to be married young than sinning behind their backs anyway. Unfortunately your parents can't see your need to get married.
                      Recently a friends daughter is 16 and married to her 17 year old husband.

                      Young marriages more than work, and even if you divorce later in front of Allah you are clean and thats what matters. Not 100% of marriages work.

                      Your parents are not on board though. Since you are a man though you can choose your wife, but being young and without family support is too hard for that and will cause too many problems.

                      My advice to you though is, cut off your haram relationship. I know its hard but cut it.
                      Turn to Allah in sincere repentance and ask him to bring you together if its best foe you. And if not then to distance you too.
                      If its meant to be it'll happen at the appointed time and not a second earlier no matter how hard you push.

                      Once you cut the relationship you can think more clearly and decide if you want to formally ask for her even without your parents support.

                      Being young and needing to study are hardly reasonable to prevent a marriage.
                      It's better to be a garbage collector and married and providing than a doctor who's sinning
                      Last edited by redball; 04-03-14, 02:10 AM.
                      Falling over toys....

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: My parents won't let us be together..

                        Originally posted by ss91 View Post
                        I humbly disagree. For him to say I love her is an overstatement. Sure he "likes" her but I would say a man isn't truly entitled to say he loves a girl unless he is aware of all her faults and has seen her at her worst as well as her best. and if he still likes her, then that is "love".

                        people (especially guys) well mostly guys, throw the L-word around without realizing its true meaning.
                        I humbly too disagree with you. Because Allah created a wife from the husbands ribs so even before marraige if a person "loves" another with a genuine love (I see it happen all the time) (and they do eventually marry)

                        I guess what I'm saying is that the love between a man and a girl exists in relationships and becomes stronger and deeper over the years weather you are by law "married" or not its not just a matter of lust.
                        Lust is when u think someones really hot and u want to relieve ur desires with them, I'm sorry for putting it bluntly.
                        Love is when u want to spend a lifetime together, weather a person is going about it the correct way or the wrong way, love exists outside of marraiges
                        "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

                        "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: My parents won't let us be together..

                          Maybe you need the beating her father threatens you with
                          How dare they challenge me with their primitive skills? They're just as good as dead

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: My parents won't let us be together..

                            Originally posted by candyapple View Post
                            I humbly too disagree with you. Because Allah created a wife from the husbands ribs so even before marraige if a person "loves" another with a genuine love (I see it happen all the time) (and they do eventually marry)

                            I guess what I'm saying is that the love between a man and a girl exists in relationships and becomes stronger and deeper over the years weather you are by law "married" or not its not just a matter of lust.
                            Lust is when u think someones really hot and u want to relieve ur desires with them, I'm sorry for putting it bluntly.
                            Love is when u want to spend a lifetime together, weather a person is going about it the correct way or the wrong way, love exists outside of marraiges
                            I agree with your definition of lust and love. But my point is we most of the time confuse lust and love together.

                            Your wrong about a person genuinely loving someone before marriage. Because in most marriages (for muslims and non-muslims) the groom always claims that he "loves" the bride before they get married. However, after the lovey dovey phase is over (after like 6 months to a year) the little habits that both the wife and husband have begin to irritate each other. if they both truly loved each other, they would overlook it and it won't bother them.

                            If what your saying is true, then Non-muslims in the west will have the best marriages, because the groom spends time with the bride, tells everyone how much he loves her and they eventually get married. But in the west, in America at least, the divorce rate is over 50%!

                            Also, the Prophet (PBUH) said a woman is married for 4 reasons, Wealth, Lineage, Beauty, and Piety and he advised to marry a pious woman. Why? because that will lead to true love. He didn't say marry the girl you love, he advised marry the girl that is pious.
                            "The duty of the man who investigates the writings of scientists, if learning the truth is his goal, is to make himself an enemy of all that he reads, and,.. attack it from every side. He should also suspect himself as he performs his critical examination of it, so that he may avoid falling into either prejudice or leniency."
                            -Alhazen Ibn Al-Haythem

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: My parents won't let us be together..

                              Crying a riverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr for you.

                              Move on. And learn from this that everything Islam says is haram is because it is NOT good for you.
                              O people who take pleasure in a life that will vanish, falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity~ Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya

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