Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

    salam

    I'm currently a college student. I met this girl a couple months ago and she's really changed my life. We both are muslim but she is afghan and i am indian and Arab. Honestly i really want to marry this girl because she makes me want to be a better person and better muslim. She is beautiful and the i love how faithful she is to her religion and her family. She is very devout and after meeting her i also became a much better muslim. I recently told her that I like her and i want to marry her. She told me it's not likely that her parents wont approve because first of all i'm not afghan and she needs to set an example for her younger siblings because she didn't go to college to meet guys. But i really do think she likes me. She really smiled when i said i wanted to ask her dad to marry her.

    I have never told a girl that i wanted to marry her let alone go to her dad to ask for her hand. She said she would talk to her mom because her dad is in the east coast at the moment.
    Is there anyone who is afghan who can offer me any advice? When she does arrange some time for me to meet her dad how do i go about asking her to marry me? am i supposed to bring my parents? should i bring my sheikh? ( he is afghan)

    i really want to get married the Islamic way and i would honestly do anything for her. We have been good friends for about three or four months now ( we have only hung out together with other friends, never alone and she's really changed my life. Her parents speak pashto and i'd be more than willing to learn if that's what it takes. If i have to drive down to her parents house and a hundred times i'd be willing to do that too

    What should i do to compensate for the fact that i'm not afghan? Everyone including my sheikh back home( who is afghan) told me that he has seen countless instances in which afghan parents did not accept the request for marriage because the other person was not afghan

    any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks for your time

  • #2
    Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

    Originally posted by syed21 View Post
    salam

    I'm currently a college student. I met this girl a couple months ago and she's really changed my life. We both are muslim but she is afghan and i am indian and Arab. Honestly i really want to marry this girl because she makes me want to be a better person and better muslim. She is beautiful and the i love how faithful she is to her religion and her family. She is very devout and after meeting her i also became a much better muslim. I recently told her that I like her and i want to marry her. She told me it's not likely that her parents wont approve because first of all i'm not afghan and she needs to set an example for her younger siblings because she didn't go to college to meet guys. But i really do think she likes me. She really smiled when i said i wanted to ask her dad to marry her.

    I have never told a girl that i wanted to marry her let alone go to her dad to ask for her hand. She said she would talk to her mom because her dad is in the east coast at the moment.
    Is there anyone who is afghan who can offer me any advice? When she does arrange some time for me to meet her dad how do i go about asking her to marry me? am i supposed to bring my parents? should i bring my sheikh? ( he is afghan)

    i really want to get married the Islamic way and i would honestly do anything for her. We have been good friends for about three or four months now ( we have only hung out together with other friends, never alone and she's really changed my life. Her parents speak pashto and i'd be more than willing to learn if that's what it takes. If i have to drive down to her parents house and a hundred times i'd be willing to do that too

    What should i do to compensate for the fact that i'm not afghan? Everyone including my sheikh back home( who is afghan) told me that he has seen countless instances in which afghan parents did not accept the request for marriage because the other person was not afghan

    any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks for your time
    When she smiled she was probably flattered but that doesn't mean she wants to marry you.
    I'm sorry but the way it sounds...she probably doesn't want to marry you because she is making excuses and doesn't want to outright reject you because she's being too nice.

    but I could be wrong.

    to solve this problem, you need to outright ask her, if her parents would hypothetically consider you, would she consider marrying you.
    dont beat around the bush well you didnt...but since she is making an excuse you need to find out if SHE would consider you.
    "The duty of the man who investigates the writings of scientists, if learning the truth is his goal, is to make himself an enemy of all that he reads, and,.. attack it from every side. He should also suspect himself as he performs his critical examination of it, so that he may avoid falling into either prejudice or leniency."
    -Alhazen Ibn Al-Haythem

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

      Originally posted by syed21 View Post
      What should i do to compensate for the fact that i'm not afghan? Everyone including my sheikh back home( who is afghan) told me that he has seen countless instances in which afghan parents did not accept the request for marriage because the other person was not afghan
      Just get over her. Parents have the right to object to their child's choice based on a worldly reason (http://islamqa.info/en/98768) if the child doesn't fear fitnah.

      And since her family is Afghan then they likely follow Hanafi fiqh and due to this I think your chances are low because its in Hanafi fiqh books that a parent can object to their children's marriage due to the partner being of a different race and its obligatory on the children to obey their parents. I may be wrong but parents even have the right to separate their daughter from a spouse they didn't want her to marry due to differences in race.

      Originally posted by syed21 View Post
      salam

      I'm currently a college student. I met this girl a couple months ago and she's really changed my life. We both are muslim but she is afghan and i am indian and Arab. Honestly i really want to marry this girl because she makes me want to be a better person and better muslim. She is beautiful and the i love how faithful she is to her religion and her family. She is very devout and after meeting her i also became a much better muslim. I recently told her that I like her and i want to marry her. She told me it's not likely that her parents wont approve because first of all i'm not afghan and she needs to set an example for her younger siblings because she didn't go to college to meet guys. But i really do think she likes me. She really smiled when i said i wanted to ask her dad to marry her.
      What I don't understand is how can someone be devout and faithful if they interact with a non-mahram in the backdrop of a haram environment? If you see a girl who you feel attracted to you go straight to her wali, you don't ask after meeting her for a couple of months when she changes your life.

      Nor would you be allowed to see her beauty before you actually propose to her. Even the Hanafi madhab does not allow a beautiful woman out without a niqab.
      "You must convince your heart that whatever Allah has decreed is most appropriate and most beneficial for you." ~ Imam Al Ghazali.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

        Suppose she would be willing to marry me. I was just typing fast so i didn't type the whole story. My question was more towards how do i go about asking her parents to marry me if she does arrange it. I am a muslim but until now i have just been dating girls the american way so this is new to me. I'm confused about the process and why afghans are not willing to accept other cultures in marriage because i hear this time and time again, how can i get past that?

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

          Originally posted by Repentant View Post
          Just get over her. Parents have the right to object to their child's choice based on a worldly reason (http://islamqa.info/en/98768) if the child doesn't fear fitnah.

          And since her family is Afghan then they likely follow Hanafi fiqh and due to this I think your chances are low because its in Hanafi fiqh books that a parent can object to their children's marriage due to the partner being of a different race and its obligatory on the children to obey their parents. I may be wrong but parents even have the right to separate their daughter from a spouse they didn't want her to marry due to differences in race.



          What I don't understand is how can someone be devout and faithful if they interact with a non-mahram in the backdrop of a haram environment? If you see a girl who you feel attracted to you go straight to her wali, you don't ask after meeting her for a couple of months when she changes your life.

          Nor would you be allowed to see her beauty before you actually propose to her. Even the Hanafi madhab does not allow a beautiful woman out without a niqab.
          It should be noted that not all people of Afghanistan follow Hanafi fiqh. There are significant populations in Wardak, Nuristan and Kunar that are predominantly Hanbali.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

            Did she only smile? That could be a bad sign bro. It's weak that race comes into it. Keep us updated.
            [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1aGGYunNIQ[/url]

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

              Originally posted by sangar View Post
              It should be noted that not all people of Afghanistan follow Hanafi fiqh. There are significant populations in Wardak, Nuristan and Kunar that are predominantly Hanbali.
              Wallahu Alam

              There are numerous students of knowledge of the Hanbali madhab on this forum http://forums.islamicawakening.com/f...nt-race-52696/.

              And it is said that the official position of the Hanbali madhab is that a potential can be rejected on the grounds of being from a different race. In fact the asker even mentioned that early Hanbali scholars demanded that a couple must be of the same race for the nikah to be valid, although you should ask just in case I am mistaken.
              "You must convince your heart that whatever Allah has decreed is most appropriate and most beneficial for you." ~ Imam Al Ghazali.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

                Originally posted by sangar View Post
                It should be noted that not all people of Afghanistan follow Hanafi fiqh. There are significant populations in Wardak, Nuristan and Kunar that are predominantly Hanbali.
                I would think that they would be Ahlul Hadith instead of Hanbali
                How dare they challenge me with their primitive skills? They're just as good as dead

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

                  Originally posted by Repentant View Post
                  Just get over her. Parents have the right to object to their child's choice based on a worldly reason (http://islamqa.info/en/98768) if the child doesn't fear fitnah.

                  And since her family is Afghan then they likely follow Hanafi fiqh and due to this I think your chances are low because its in Hanafi fiqh books that a parent can object to their children's marriage due to the partner being of a different race and its obligatory on the children to obey their parents. I may be wrong but parents even have the right to separate their daughter from a spouse they didn't want her to marry due to differences in race.



                  What I don't understand is how can someone be devout and faithful if they interact with a non-mahram in the backdrop of a haram environment? If you see a girl who you feel attracted to you go straight to her wali, you don't ask after meeting her for a couple of months when she changes your life.

                  Nor would you be allowed to see her beauty before you actually propose to her. Even the Hanafi madhab does not allow a beautiful woman out without a niqab.
                  Talk about being a total Debbie Downer ...
                  Fabi-ayyiala -i rabbikuma tukaththibani
                  Then which of the favors of your Lord will ye deny?
                  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr8DR8frP_s

                  You are not here just to fill space or to be a background character in someone else's movie. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you. We are all connected, and we are all affected by the decisions and even the existence of those around us.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

                    Originally posted by Repentant View Post
                    Just get over her. Parents have the right to object to their child's choice based on a worldly reason (http://islamqa.info/en/98768) if the child doesn't fear fitnah.

                    And since her family is Afghan then they likely follow Hanafi fiqh and due to this I think your chances are low because its in Hanafi fiqh books that a parent can object to their children's marriage due to the partner being of a different race and its obligatory on the children to obey their parents. I may be wrong but parents even have the right to separate their daughter from a spouse they didn't want her to marry due to differences in race.



                    What I don't understand is how can someone be devout and faithful if they interact with a non-mahram in the backdrop of a haram environment? If you see a girl who you feel attracted to you go straight to her wali, you don't ask after meeting her for a couple of months when she changes your life.

                    Nor would you be allowed to see her beauty before you actually propose to her. Even the Hanafi madhab does not allow a beautiful woman out without a niqab.
                    why would i get over her if i haven't even asked her parents yet? and can you please use explain to me what these terms your saying are i dont know what hanafi fiqh is mahram. and what is wahli?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

                      Originally posted by nousername View Post
                      Talk about being a total Debbie Downer ...
                      I don't want to be a cause of depression I am just telling him about fiqh as it is and his low prospect as a consequence of that. Rather tell him first than get his hopes up too high.
                      "You must convince your heart that whatever Allah has decreed is most appropriate and most beneficial for you." ~ Imam Al Ghazali.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

                        Originally posted by syed21 View Post
                        why would i get over her if i haven't even asked her parents yet? and can you please use explain to me what these terms your saying are i dont know what hanafi fiqh is mahram. and what is wahli?
                        Wali: Guardian

                        Mahram: Non-marriageable relative

                        Fiqh: Islamic Jurisprudence

                        Hanafi: One of the 4 Islamic schools of jurisprudence
                        "You must convince your heart that whatever Allah has decreed is most appropriate and most beneficial for you." ~ Imam Al Ghazali.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

                          im new to this i don't know how culture and reliogen ties in thats why im asking you. i've been dating and partying my whole life and i'm trying to change and do everything the islamic way now. im slowly learning more about islam. i havent drank or done anything haram in about four months and thats really hard to do in this college town. alhamdullah its gotten easier since ive been hanging around the right people

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

                            Originally posted by syed21 View Post
                            im new to this i don't know how culture and reliogen ties in thats why im asking you. i've been dating and partying my whole life and i'm trying to change and do everything the islamic way now. im slowly learning more about islam. i havent drank or done anything haram in about four months and thats really hard to do in this college town. alhamdullah its gotten easier since ive been hanging around the right people
                            oh....in that case before jumping into marriage you should learn about your religion.
                            Fabi-ayyiala -i rabbikuma tukaththibani
                            Then which of the favors of your Lord will ye deny?
                            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr8DR8frP_s

                            You are not here just to fill space or to be a background character in someone else's movie. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you. We are all connected, and we are all affected by the decisions and even the existence of those around us.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: asking an afghan girls parents for her hand please help

                              So since no one decieded to answer the miskin here's my advice =P

                              Bro talk to your shaykh and get him to approach the family first, you can go with him but usually how it works is that the he would meet them and discuss it and they'd think about it. Yes chances are slim but hi what do you have to lose from asking, and remember this, persistence is key, persistence is key, persistence is key!

                              Besides that, after your shaykh approaches them get him to ask them to get you a time for your parents to meet there's in shaa Allah they speak english to or else the meetings kinda gonna suck lol...

                              try your best, learn pashto (pilmsleurs a good start, I think its eastern pashto spoken in the northern parts of paksitan ect) and finally make du'a, du'a is the weapon of the believer =)

                              May Allah swt make things easy for you =)
                              Narrated by Ibn 'Abbas [B][COLOR="#00FF00"]
                              [SIZE=3] I heard the Prophet saying, "If the son of Adam (the human being) had two valley of money, he would wish for a third, for nothing can fill the belly of Adam's son except dust, and Allah forgives him who repents to Him."[/COLOR][/B] [8: 76: 444] Sahih Al Bukhari[SIZE=3][/SIZE]

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X