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Beware of the Marriage Bandits

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  • #16
    Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

    Originally posted by Aliyah101 View Post
    I am shocked too. As soon as someone tries to get in between you and your family red flags should go off.

    We need to let the Walis do their job and look out for those with no families
    I agree completely

    I just don't understand why some of these sisters are soo naive though. We have scholars on- line, books, reading materials.
    You just have to google something n all the info is at your fingertips

    Lack If education, n that is exactly why we must have women who are educated in this ummah.
    There are many many vultures, sick men out there and women have to wise up to it.

    Re: second case. ???? Like what's that about
    Why is the husband going missing and are there no phones around where he lives.
    Feel sorry for the revert sisters. I think they really need to take time out after reverting to find our about the faith, before marrying. I can see how marriage can be a protection for them but if they do not marry a person according to isldmic teachings then it becomes a difficulty

    As for the bandits. Allah will deal with those dawgs
    Brothers should give then a beating they don't forget in a hurry
    Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
    __________________________________________________ _____________________________
    If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

    You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



    please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

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    • #17
      Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

      There are a lot of shaytanic men out there. But at the same time women need to be smarter about getting married.
      Don't believe everything that comes out of a suitors mouth. Do background checks ask around the community. Check court documents if he has been married before. Ask maids in the area if this brother has been married before.

      Sisters should be treating a suitor like she is hiring secret service agents.

      Just don't marry a guy because your friend or relative said he was a good guy. Do your own digging.
      Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.Ē
      (Surah Az Zumar, (Chapter 39: Verse 53)

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      • #18
        Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

        :,( poor women.

        I have a (silly) question, these "marriage bandits" - are they Muslims or are they Non Muslims pretending to be Muslim?

        If they are Muslims why do they marry several sisters at once? I dnt grt : (
        My Lord sanctify my flawed heart
        As You have sanctified Your house,
        Make my heart as protected and as honoured
        In which permission of entry
        Is only granted to a few,
        Please Allah, allow my heart
        To be preserved only for You.



        ---


        It hurts, to watch you leave so soon,
        when I don't know, if I will ever see you again
        In Jannah, we will meet :love:


        If I have ever offended, hurt or insulted you, forgive me for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى‎

        Comment


        • #19
          Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

          Originally posted by sis_niqabi View Post
          There are a lot of shaytanic men out there. But at the same time women need to be smarter about getting married.
          Don't believe everything that comes out of a suitors mouth. Do background checks ask around the community. Check court documents if he has been married before. Ask maids in the area if this brother has been married before.

          Sisters should be treating a suitor like she is hiring secret service agents.

          Just don't marry a guy because your friend or relative said he was a good guy. Do your own digging.
          That couldn't be truer, but how do we "dig" with such limited info all we have is his name :/
          My Lord sanctify my flawed heart
          As You have sanctified Your house,
          Make my heart as protected and as honoured
          In which permission of entry
          Is only granted to a few,
          Please Allah, allow my heart
          To be preserved only for You.



          ---


          It hurts, to watch you leave so soon,
          when I don't know, if I will ever see you again
          In Jannah, we will meet :love:


          If I have ever offended, hurt or insulted you, forgive me for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى‎

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

            Originally posted by sunrise786 View Post
            :,( poor women.

            I have a (silly) question, these "marriage bandits" - are they Muslims or are they Non Muslims pretending to be Muslim?

            If they are Muslims why do they marry several sisters at once? I dnt grt : (
            Mainly Muslims but can sometimes be non-Muslims too.

            I've seen some of these brothers... Beard, hat, thowb just below the knees etc - look like 'practicing brothers' but then trying to justify marrying women behind the back of their families because the father is a 'deviant' etc. Allah knows best what drives them to do such actions.

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

              Originally posted by MWarrior View Post
              Mainly Muslims but can sometimes be non-Muslims too.

              I've seen some of these brothers... Beard, hat, thowb just below the knees etc - look like 'practicing brothers' but then trying to justify marrying women behind the back of their families because the father is a 'deviant' etc. Allah knows best what drives them to do such actions.
              :| whoever says that about my father better run.

              At the same time I guess some parents make marriage more of an obstacle than it needs to be hence these women falling for the words of the "practicing" brothers.

              May Allah protect us from these vile people.
              My Lord sanctify my flawed heart
              As You have sanctified Your house,
              Make my heart as protected and as honoured
              In which permission of entry
              Is only granted to a few,
              Please Allah, allow my heart
              To be preserved only for You.



              ---


              It hurts, to watch you leave so soon,
              when I don't know, if I will ever see you again
              In Jannah, we will meet :love:


              If I have ever offended, hurt or insulted you, forgive me for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى‎

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

                Originally posted by InTheBegining View Post
                Can we please take it easy on the sisters. Am sure they are just vulnerable people more than naive. There were reverts who didn't really know the deen properly and were mislead. Just say Alhamdulilah Allah sw has not put you in that situation.
                Originally posted by Meriadoc View Post
                :jkk: it's very easy to see it from the outside and say 'she should have done xyz' or 'how silly of her'. Fact of the matter is that when you are in these types of relationships, the guy's manipulation really takes over until you lose all sense of your identity. So much so that even your family can no longer recognise you. You become a shell of your former self. Their emotional, psychological and physical abuse really impacts on your thinking- so rational thoughts may not be there. Particularly if they isolate you from your family etc. You start to believe what they say as being true.
                Originally posted by |Sister| View Post
                I agree. It's so easy to say "oh that's so stupid I would never fall for that". It's pure arrogance. Anyone can fall for a trick or become numbed by emotional abuse and manipulation. Even grown men have succumbed to Stockholm syndrome. To mock inexperienced and vulnerable women for being naive is downright disgusting.
                Okay. I've edited out the ''naive'' part.
                But nowhere did anyone mock them for being naive. We just stated they were.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

                  Originally posted by |Sister| View Post
                  I agree. It's so easy to say "oh that's so stupid I would never fall for that". It's pure arrogance. Anyone can fall for a trick or become numbed by emotional abuse and manipulation. Even grown men have succumbed to Stockholm syndrome. To mock inexperienced and vulnerable women for being naive is downright disgusting.
                  I think it was sister *asiya who had an avatar which said something like don't tell people your problems, 80% don't care and the other 20% are glad you have them. I guess there is some truth in that.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

                    Appalling. Does anyone if these people actually consider themselves Muslim or whether they're posing as Muslims? :/ I mean are they truly justifying their actions or were these things they said just to get what they wanted?

                    Re. the sisters who find themselves in these situations: Idk what to say, I'm sure it's not that straightforward for all these cases, it seems that sometimes this can be months of manipulation of already vulnerable Sisters for whatever reason. Getting into the situation at first is where they need to make sure they're speaking to people who truly care about them, I've seen how girls can get over a guy who is clearly no good thinking friends just want to destroy their relationship. Once they're in, I can appreciate how difficult it must be to get out, especially probably after isolating their family and the abuse they have been subjected to.

                    The justice in countries like the UK just isn't enough, I can't help thinking about what punishment they'd get in an Islamic state. I hope they're bought to justice, despicable animals.
                    Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                    O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                    We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

                      Originally posted by sunrise786 View Post
                      :| whoever says that about my father better run.

                      At the same time I guess some parents make marriage more of an obstacle than it needs to be hence these women falling for the words of the "practicing" brothers.

                      May Allah protect us from these vile people.
                      Then if a father is not an appropriate wali them the sister should ask a prsctising member of her family, or go straight to the local mosque herself n appoint her own wali.

                      But your right there. Anyone who criticises my dad will get a good slap from me
                      Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                      __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                      If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                      You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



                      please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

                        Originally posted by مسلمة View Post
                        I think it was sister *asiya who had an avatar which said something like don't tell people your problems, 80% don't care and the other 20% are glad you have them. I guess there is some truth in that.
                        I don't think this is true at all in this case. SubhanAllah the whole ''naive'' comment is getting blown way out of proportion.
                        Everyone who commented her showed concern and nobody was glad they were targeted, abused and used. - That's not nice to say at all btw.
                        If any Muslim doesn't care or is glad about another Muslims problems they need to doubt their iman.
                        Last edited by Rebel101; 01-01-14, 12:36 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

                          I don't think that rebel was being unkind. But you can't deny there is a level of naiviry in those sisters

                          But doesn't mean we don't feel sorry for them
                          Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                          __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                          If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                          You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



                          please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

                            Originally posted by Rebel101 View Post
                            I don't think this is true at all in this case. SubhanAllah the whole ''naive'' comment is getting blown way out of proportion.
                            Everyone who commented her showed concern and nobody was glad they were targeted, abused and used. - That's not nice to say at all btw.
                            If any Muslim is glad about another Muslims problems they need to doubt their iman.
                            It was sort of a general comment sis. I didn't really pay much attention to the posts in this thread.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

                              im surprised people are discovering the disaster
                              in france no imam will marry anyone if the couple is not married at the council because of that. The sister gets married and then morrning of the wedding night "bye bye", it is not a divorce it is throwing garbage when you're finished.

                              I will not blame the sisters who didn't know it is the fault of the community who didn't help or guide them properly especially the reverts.
                              But i see a lot of sisters saying "i will not get married at the council" well you'll pay the bill and when it happens deal with it. It is not like the leaders of the community have not sent warnings because everyday imams receive call from sisters abused or parents whose daughter has been abandonned..

                              Even walis can see so much of a brother, they aren't mind readers, what can you say if you see a bearded guy in a qamis, saying "in cha Allah" "bismillah"?

                              Nikkah is not a religious ceremony but a civil mariage. So you dont need an imam, you need wali, witnesses and contract signed in due . All details can be sorted out with an attorney or lawyer to respect the islamic guidelines for inheritance, divorce, custody etc...
                              My Blog http://historyeyesopened.tumblr.com/ Watch out sister Nousername
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                              • #30
                                Re: Beware of the Marriage Bandits

                                The saddest thing about this all Is that they use Islam as a cover, when Allah hates oppression.

                                Women are left having bad feelings about Islam because of these people, because there is no "recourse" and there is stigmatisation within the Muslim community against these women.

                                Not all of us know what it is like to have to live on your own and fend for yourself and children without support or wider support from other family members.

                                We should thank Allah if we have mahrams and husbands who care for our wellbeing and look out for us. Even if our fathers/brothers make the wrong choice for us (bad husband); if they have our best interests at heart, they can always follow it up with a lot of support when those problems occur.

                                This reminds of those sisters now in places like Afghanistan and Syria. It's not always about being naive. These woman who have lost their husbands, fathers and brothers. Men are like wolves ready to pounce on them.

                                May Allah protect the Ummah, Ameen.
                                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZVEydn3RKk

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