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HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

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    HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

    Assalaamu Aleikum,
    I am new on this informative forum which I just discovered.
    I have been through a lot in my young life and ask Allah to forgive me. Allah has punished me and I am now HIV+.
    I had dreamt of having a family- A husband and kids but now wonder if this will ever be in my situation. People have told me no one will marry me. I feel sad. I have wasted my life, may Allah forgive me, and please make duaa for me that Allah has mercy on me.
    Are there any duaas that I can say to help with this heartache and to get me closer to Allah.
    And is it a sin to want to marry- I would want my husband to know my status before marriage so I don't have any weight on my conscious. Pls help.
    There is so much I wish I could say, but I am overcome with grief and remorse and shame!!!
    Is there anyone who has married despite this condition? Please share experiences if it is ok.
    Jazakallah

    #2
    Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

    Originally posted by Repentantgirl View Post
    Assalaamu Aleikum,
    I am new on this informative forum which I just discovered.
    I have been through a lot in my young life and ask Allah to forgive me. Allah has punished me and I am now HIV+.
    I had dreamt of having a family- A husband and kids but now wonder if this will ever be in my situation. People have told me no one will marry me. I feel sad. I have wasted my life, may Allah forgive me, and please make duaa for me that Allah has mercy on me.
    Are there any duaas that I can say to help with this heartache and to get me closer to Allah.
    And is it a sin to want to marry- I would want my husband to know my status before marriage so I don't have any weight on my conscious. Pls help.
    There is so much I wish I could say, but I am overcome with grief and remorse and shame!!!
    Is there anyone who has married despite this condition? Please share experiences if it is ok.
    Jazakallah
    Asalamualikum ukhtii,

    I can not in anyway relate to you, but if it helps know that you will be in my prayers Insha'Allah. Make dua, dua can work miracles and keep asking for forgiveness. Also you can still have the children you wanted I'A, if not through marriage then through raising an orphan

    Comment


      #3
      Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

      Many people in the same situation as you have gotten married.

      It might be harder than usual but iA you will find someone.

      Sometimes people look for people in similar circumstances and it helps with the process and understandin etc.

      You'll find many threads on the forum, posted by people in similar circumstances to yours.

      Yarhamukillah.
      There is rest only in the aakhira.
      Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

      - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

      If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
      and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
      then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

      - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

      I saw a dog without any clothes on .
      That's right, a nude dog.
      The Deepweb is disgusting.
      - Unknown -


      Links
      The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
      Inheritors of Qur'aan

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        #4
        Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

        wsalaam

        I hope you find this link helpful:

        Source: http://www.islam-qa.com/en/69742
        He should not marry until he has explained his situation and said, “I have such and such a disease.” If they agree to that then all well and good, otherwise the marriage should not go ahead, because if he conceals his situation from them, then he has deceived them and cheated them, and this woman may transmit the disease to her husband, or the husband may transmit it to his wife, and it may be transmitted to their children after that. But if she agrees to marry you and accepts the will and decree of Allaah, there is nothing wrong with that.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

          Originally posted by Repentantgirl View Post
          Assalaamu Aleikum,
          I am new on this informative forum which I just discovered.
          I have been through a lot in my young life and ask Allah to forgive me. Allah has punished me and I am now HIV+.
          I had dreamt of having a family- A husband and kids but now wonder if this will ever be in my situation. People have told me no one will marry me. I feel sad. I have wasted my life, may Allah forgive me, and please make duaa for me that Allah has mercy on me.
          Are there any duaas that I can say to help with this heartache and to get me closer to Allah.
          And is it a sin to want to marry- I would want my husband to know my status before marriage so I don't have any weight on my conscious. Pls help.
          There is so much I wish I could say, but I am overcome with grief and remorse and shame!!!
          Is there anyone who has married despite this condition? Please share experiences if it is ok.
          Jazakallah

          wa alayki assalam sister

          There is nothing wrong with you wanting to marry.

          We all are sinners in this world sis, but those who repent are the best :)

          Make lots of dua and continue to seek forgiveness, as repentance is always beneficial to us.

          I am not aware of a person who has married and had hiv but sis, anything is possible with a sincere heart to Allah aza wa jal :) He is the most merciful and always wants best for His believers . He neevr punishes us. It is just that sometimes, we cannot understand why we are in such a situation.

          Keep your eeman strong, focus on deen and make dua.

          When making dua, use the names of Allah, Al Jabbar will heal your broken heart...there are so many names we can use in our duas to make them even more effective.

          Do you have famliy support?
          Last edited by Slave4akhirah; 27-08-13, 02:57 PM.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

            Wa alaikumussalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh.

            Definitely any potential would have to know that you have this, otherwise it would add to your sin in that you would have knowingly put someone else in danger of this.

            But that said, all I can advise is constant repentance and lots of patience. Good can come about in the end, and even if it is not in this short life we live here, it can be in a later, better one. No one is beyond being forgiven, and Allah (swt) can lift any situation.

            May Allah accept your repentance and lessen your burden sister.
            والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

            "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

            Comment


              #7
              Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

              Originally posted by Repentantgirl View Post
              Assalaamu Aleikum,
              I am new on this informative forum which I just discovered.
              I have been through a lot in my young life and ask Allah to forgive me. Allah has punished me and I am now HIV+.
              I had dreamt of having a family- A husband and kids but now wonder if this will ever be in my situation. People have told me no one will marry me. I feel sad. I have wasted my life, may Allah forgive me, and please make duaa for me that Allah has mercy on me.
              Are there any duaas that I can say to help with this heartache and to get me closer to Allah.
              And is it a sin to want to marry- I would want my husband to know my status before marriage so I don't have any weight on my conscious. Pls help.
              There is so much I wish I could say, but I am overcome with grief and remorse and shame!!!
              Is there anyone who has married despite this condition? Please share experiences if it is ok.
              Jazakallah
              People will marry you. You just have to find someone "like" you. Besides this is the 21st century, there are many ways to lessen the chances of it spreading. Trust me sis, everything will be fine inshallah

              Comment


                #8
                Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

                Salaam,
                My mother knows and she has been supportive. She has done HIV work before so she understands better. She encourages me to stay positive.
                Apart from her, I cannot tell anyone as they will freak out. I do not know what else to do. Alhamdollillah I am in great health, but just knowing I have this thing kills me inside- Allah knows best.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

                  Originally posted by Repentantgirl View Post
                  Salaam,
                  My mother knows and she has been supportive. She has done HIV work before so she understands better. She encourages me to stay positive.
                  Apart from her, I cannot tell anyone as they will freak out. I do not know what else to do. Alhamdollillah I am in great health, but just knowing I have this thing kills me inside- Allah knows best.
                  wa alayki assalam
                  alhamdulillah that your mum is supportive sis :) this is a big big blessing. She is right about staying positive though so carry on and keep your faith in Allah.

                  It cannot be easy to deal with, I could not begin to understand in all honesty sis, but it does require a lot of sabr also. The reality is though, stressing over it will not change things, so try and move on from this as the stress does no good and also, its just a big fat waste of time in all honesty. Easier said than done I know. Try and focus on teh better things in life , the good things instead in shaa Allah.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

                    Salam,

                    I am very sorry that you are going through this and I really hope you don't have to be alone for the rest of your life due to one mistake, especially if you have repented and turned your life around.

                    You've gotten some good advice above. All I can add is a few things. Its a good thing you will tell your future spouse ahead of time, they deserve to know. If a family is what you want, than inshallah it in't impossible. Are you taking the prescribed drug therapy (HAARTs)? If you are treated during the pregnancy from the beginning, than there is a very, very low chance the baby will contract the disease.

                    Also many people believe a myth that it is impossible for a man to contract hiv from a woman, but this isn't true,. It is a lot harder for a man to contract it from a woman than a woman from a man (I won't go into why), but it can happen. So if he knows about your condition and is ok with still marrying you, you have to take extra precautions to keep him safe and healthy and make sure to always use protection. When you are ready to have a baby, you should talk to your doctor about maybe artificial insamination. But before you do anything please talk to your doctor, do some research (don't just take my word for it).

                    Also if you come across men who are not willing to marry you because of this, I wouldn't hold it against them, they might feel that this a risk they can't take, also there are a lot of misconception surrounding the disease.

                    Please don't lose hope and inshallah things will work out. Continue to make dua.q

                    hope this helps a little.
                    Last edited by Primrose; 27-08-13, 03:46 PM.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

                      Originally posted by Repentantgirl View Post
                      Assalaamu Aleikum,
                      I am new on this informative forum which I just discovered.
                      I have been through a lot in my young life and ask Allah to forgive me. Allah has punished me and I am now HIV+.
                      I had dreamt of having a family- A husband and kids but now wonder if this will ever be in my situation. People have told me no one will marry me. I feel sad. I have wasted my life, may Allah forgive me, and please make duaa for me that Allah has mercy on me.
                      Are there any duaas that I can say to help with this heartache and to get me closer to Allah.
                      And is it a sin to want to marry- I would want my husband to know my status before marriage so I don't have any weight on my conscious. Pls help.
                      There is so much I wish I could say, but I am overcome with grief and remorse and shame!!!
                      Is there anyone who has married despite this condition? Please share experiences if it is ok.
                      Jazakallah

                      Pray whole night everyday. You have lived your youth now it's time to beg infront of your lord. Pray whole night bow infront of him, talk to him, show humility cry. maybe Allah will have mercy on you. Allah forgives all sins except enjoining partner to him. Even you can be cured of your disease becuase the GIVER and curer of diseases is your lord medications are just a channel.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

                        Originally posted by Repentantgirl View Post
                        Salaam,
                        My mother knows and she has been supportive. She has done HIV work before so she understands better. She encourages me to stay positive.
                        Apart from her, I cannot tell anyone as they will freak out. I do not know what else to do. Alhamdollillah I am in great health, but just knowing I have this thing kills me inside- Allah knows best.
                        Not everyone will freak out, you'll be surprised. Have someone help you find a husband so they will use hikmah in vetting those who they should reveal your case to.

                        Again, you'll be surprised.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

                          be strong sister we are all sinners Allah is so compassionate !!! inshallah you will find a suitable match !! i will make dua for you my sister , may allah make everything easy for you inshallah ameen.
                          "EVERY SAINT HAD A PAST ,EVERY SINNER HAS A FUTURE"

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

                            وَالَّذِينَ لا يَدْعُونَ مَعَ اللَّهِ إِلَهًا آخَرَ وَلا يَقْتُلُونَ النَّفْسَ الَّتِي حَرَّمَ اللَّهُ إِلا بِالْحَقِّ وَلا يَزْنُونَ وَمَنْ يَفْعَلْ ذَلِكَ يَلْقَ أَثَامًا (٦٨)يُضَاعَفْ لَهُ الْعَذَابُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَيَخْلُدْ فِيهِ مُهَانًا (٦٩)إِلا مَنْ تَابَ وَآمَنَ وَعَمِلَ عَمَلا صَالِحًا فَأُولَئِكَ يُبَدِّلُ اللَّهُ سَيِّئَاتِهِمْ حَسَنَاتٍ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ غَفُورًا رَحِيمًا (٧٠)وَمَنْ تَابَ وَعَمِلَ صَالِحًا فَإِنَّهُ يَتُوبُ إِلَى اللَّهِ مَتَابًا (٧١)


                            68. and those who invoke not any other Il‚h (God) along with All‚h, nor kill such life as All‚h has forbidden, except for just Cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does This shall receive the punishment.
                            69. the torment will be doubled to Him on the Day of Resurrection, and He will abide therein In disgrace;
                            70. except those who repent and believe (in Isl‚mic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, for those, All‚h will change their sins into good deeds, and All‚h is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
                            71. and Whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds, Then Verily, He repents towards All‚h with true repentance.

                            1) Do what's in the ayah#70, the highlighted part.

                            2) and then ask this dua, in this hadeeth, to Allah as much as possible.

                            Umm Salamah RadiyAllaahu 'anhaa reported that Allah's Messenger salalAllaahu 'alayhi wasallam said:
                            "Whenever an affliction strikes a muslim and he says, as Allah commanded him, "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiun. Allahumma ajirni fi musibati, wa akhlif li khayran minha - To Allah we belong, and to Him will we return - O Allah, reward me for my affliction and replace it for me with that which is better," Allah will then surely replace it for him with that which is better."

                            The dua in arabic:
                            إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون، اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي وأخلف لي خيرا منها

                            3) Sister I would say it's better to get involved in meaningful things and keep making the above dua. Nothing to despair of. InshaAllah Allah will help u in a way u will be amaze. a sis who posted in this thread does a lot of meaningful charity work. Work with her in those type of service. InshaAllah you will find meaning in your life.

                            May Allah make your affairs easy for you, grant you the highest success first and foremost in akhirah and then in this life as well.

                            Last edited by Musaaafir; 27-08-13, 06:36 PM. Reason: Addes some more
                            ďVerily, I constantly renew my Islam until this very day, as up to now, I do not consider myself to have ever been a good Muslim.Ē Sheikh Al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (Narrated by Ibn-al Qayyim in ĎMadarij as-SalikinĒ 1/218)

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: HIV + Sisters out there who have married with this problem

                              Just find some bloke who fooled around when they were unmarried and young and now have HIV because of it.

                              I remeber a brother with an HIV trying to find a wife a couple of years back and I think he was talking to me about some forum with guys and gals with HIV. I can't assure you will find a Practicing Muslim man there because of the nature of HIV and people with HIV ( Most people there are swingers, and some kind of sex freaks) but it's a possbility because generally people are ashamed to talk about this stuff IRL so they depend on online stuff.

                              Or just try googling Muslim men with HIV or something..

                              Also, I would advise you against having kids. Sorry sis. This might be the biggest punishment in dunya for you...Having kids while being HIV postive is one of the most selfish things one could ever do. so forget about that..but do google Muslim me with HIV trying to find wife or something.
                              Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

                              If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

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