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What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

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  • #31
    Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

    Originally posted by Khano View Post
    By western women I mean Muslim women brought up and raised in the West whove been affected by feminism to some degree. The kind that wants her husband to spend on her (as is her Islamic right) while neglecting her half of the marriage. The kind that refuses to cook and clean and think its demeaning to her although her own mother handled the affairs of the household without any complaints. The kind that expects you to pull in a good salary and come home tired and hungry while she's upset and grumpy although she hasnt done a single thing all day. The kind that expects you to overlook her many glaring faults but god help you if she sees one thing she dislikes in you. That kind of spoiled brat, diva western woman.
    I know the type. Some of us were married to them so you've seen this as well. All I can say is marry someone poor, the people of paradise are miskeen. These career women end up alone or married to someone off a boat in their 40s. Serves them right.

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    • #32
      Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

      Originally posted by Khano View Post
      Maybe so but my experience with this corrupt mentality is limited to only western women. Is it not true that many sisters in the West have this idea that piety is something abstract and separate from listening and obeying the husband and being a good wife. As if one can be a good muslimah while disobeying and angering her husband. Thats like claiming to be a good muslim while trampling upon the rights of the people and having atrocious manners.
      I get what you're saying and agree with it but the generalisation of western sisters doesn't sit well with me.

      This isn't something limited to our geographical location which for then most part is out of our control. So you can't blame qadr for sisters being in the west. It's all about how close or far we are from Allah and this deen. Nothing else. You think eastern sisters are any better if their commitment to islam isn't strong? Do you think southern or northern sisters are any better if their commitment to islam isn't strong?

      I agree with what you're saying, I've seen it and am very familiar with it but please don't paint us all with the same brush.

      Make dua and know what you seek. Then when the time is right :insha: Allah will give it to you.

      There are some reasons why the whole cooking and cleaning and obeying thy husband aspects don't sit well with some sisters but I feel this is to do with our commitment to islam (or lack of) and or awareness.

      لا تفكر كثيرا
      بل استغفر كثيرا

      -------------------------------------------------------
      The children need your prayers more than anyone else
      -------------------------------------------------------
      www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

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      • #33
        Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

        Originally posted by BitterMo View Post
        Working hard is very different to building a career then looking for a spouse with a professional background. Western women don't realise or appreciate men have more responsibilities, eldest sons especially. They have to support their parents then marry and support a second family. Why do you think so many brothers have modest jobs? Because they need to work, they need to put food on the table. It's much easier for sisters to concentrate on their studies because they usually don't have these responsibilities before marriage and that's exactly why we have a 'spinster' crisis in the west. Career women looking for career men who generally don't exist.
        Another factor is there are far more practicing women than there are men. Go to any Islamic event and compare the sheer size difference. Last I checked, sisters arent getting shot up or arrested or dropping out of secondary school cause they are ignoramuses running towards the thug life.
        Might people are a scourge upon the planet. See what this intelligent man has to say: [url]http://youtu.be/XPehqF1Dg3I[/url]

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        • #34
          Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

          Originally posted by BitterMo View Post
          I know the type. Some of us were married to them so you've seen this as well. All I can say is marry someone poor, the people of paradise are miskeen. These career women end up alone or married to someone off a boat in their 40s. Serves them right.
          It's about compatibility and commitment to the deen not wealth or geography.

          لا تفكر كثيرا
          بل استغفر كثيرا

          -------------------------------------------------------
          The children need your prayers more than anyone else
          -------------------------------------------------------
          www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

            Originally posted by BitterMo View Post
            Working hard is very different to building a career then looking for a spouse with a professional background. Western women don't realise or appreciate men have more responsibilities, eldest sons especially. They have to support their parents then marry and support a second family. Why do you think so many brothers have modest jobs? Because they need to work, they need to put food on the table. It's much easier for sisters to concentrate on their studies because they usually don't have these responsibilities before marriage and that's exactly why we have a 'spinster' crisis in the west. Career women looking for career men who generally don't exist.
            Perhaps women are intelligent hence why they want to study and it is not easy studying. Women have responsibilities too. They too have to look after their parents, siblings and put food on the table.
            "Try to distance yourself from everything that causes you worry and sadness, so that you may always live with peace of mind and an open and tranquil heart, seeking Allah and His worship and working on your worldly and otherworldly matters, for if you try this, you will find rest.

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

              Originally posted by BitterMo View Post
              I know the type. Some of us were married to them so you've seen this as well. All I can say is marry someone poor, the people of paradise are miskeen. These career women end up alone or married to someone off a boat in their 40s. Serves them right.
              I read your story in another thread. Subhanallah what you went through made me reconsider if it was a good idea to even get married period.
              Might people are a scourge upon the planet. See what this intelligent man has to say: [url]http://youtu.be/XPehqF1Dg3I[/url]

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                Originally posted by Green786 View Post
                Perhaps women are intelligent hence why they want to study and it is not easy studying. Women have responsibilities too. They too have to look after their parents, siblings and put food on the table.
                Sorry but there's nothing difficult about cooking or cleaning. Most men in my family can cook, even my dad! Looking after parents and siblings isn't the same as having to be financially responsible for two families. Most women are not in that position so have no idea how difficult it is then have ridiculous expectations of their husbands. Cooking and cleaning and working and studying and looking after family, that's difficult - and I still haven't gone bald or grey so top that! Raising children on the other hand is difficult and that's where a pharmacy degree from Oxford and Cambridge is about as usual as a chocolate teapot.
                Last edited by BitterMo; 21-07-13, 10:56 PM.

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                • #38
                  Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                  Originally posted by Khano View Post
                  I don't considerate your secular education or your career or any other dumb measurement of success used by feminists as having any value. If you are currently single and work, you just made the role of a husband as the breadwinner redundant. If you can't cook and clean or refuse to do so, what exactly would be the point of marrying you. And if you dont want children and arent willing to have frequent sex as many women hold out against their spouse, why in the world are you even thinking about marriage. So in my opinion, its pretty straightforward. If you as a woman cant/wont do the 5 above things I've mentioned, what exactly will be your contribution to a marriage?
                  Assalam walaikum, brother. You started strong but you completely lost me in this stanza. These measurements of success weren't invented by feminists, my brother. Regardless of whether you like or not, these measurements of success are important and worthy even in the site of ALLAH. ALLAH urges us to attain knowledge and education and make a difference in the Dunya; use our knowledge for the betterment of the Ummah and mankind as a whole. If your wife is immersed into doing such, you should be proud of her!

                  Islam does lay out gender roles, brother. BUT these gender roles are not the usual "Women must stay in the kitchen, men must work the garage." Wallahi, NO! Our Prophet (peace be upon him) used to fight wars, convey the message of Islam, take care of Medina, help build mosques, etc but at home he washed his own thobe and assisted his wives with the cooking and cleaning. If you can do the same for your wife and your wife is able to do the same for you, that is, work outside and then return home with you and work at home in conjunction with you, then Subhan Allah! You'll have a magical partnership that'll last you all the way till the Akhira and beyond, insha'Allah. Both men and women can be breadwinners for the family and work at home together. You should see NO problem with that. If she can't cook or clean but you can, then help her learn and work at it WITH her.

                  Islam makes it mandatory on the man to be breadwinner and physical guardian of the wife but that doesn't mean Islam forbids women from doing so. God, no. Not at all. Islam makes it optional for the women and an obligation for the men. And if you don't believe women can be the physical protector of a man then please read this story:

                  http://muslimgirl.net/6659/the-empowered-warrior/

                  And if you don't believe measures of knowledge and education adds value to the worth of a woman then please read this:

                  http://muslimgirl.net/6554/the-perso...-muslim-woman/

                  Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu wa jazak Allahu khayran.

                  Allahu Alim wa Allah Hafez.
                  Last edited by F_Ferdous; 21-07-13, 11:14 PM.

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                  • #39
                    Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                    Originally posted by BitterMo View Post
                    Sorry but there's nothing difficult about cooking or cleaning. Most men in my family can cook, even my dad! Looking after parents and siblings isn't the same as having to be financially responsible for two families. Most women are not in that position so have no idea how difficult it is then have ridiculous expectations of their husbands. Cooking and cleaning and working and studying and looking after family, that's difficult - and I still haven't gone bald or grey so top that!
                    Brother, are you serious! We do all the things you just mentioned you don't hear us complaining.
                    "Try to distance yourself from everything that causes you worry and sadness, so that you may always live with peace of mind and an open and tranquil heart, seeking Allah and His worship and working on your worldly and otherworldly matters, for if you try this, you will find rest.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                      Originally posted by Green786 View Post
                      Brother, are you serious! We do all the things you just mentioned you don't hear us complaining.
                      Since when do men complain? Or much less share their emotions. It's called a nagging wife for a reason.
                      Might people are a scourge upon the planet. See what this intelligent man has to say: [url]http://youtu.be/XPehqF1Dg3I[/url]

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                        Folks. I have a few sub questions:

                        why do men complain that women nagg during marriage? I can understand a few disagreements, but really, WHY does this have to happen?
                        Cant u just go your own way and they theres. Ya'ani , you excuse each other. It's not very difficult.

                        Secondly, I know marriage isnt a bed full of roses, but surely cant it be like that most of the time? like you make each other feel good and happy?

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                        • #42
                          Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                          Originally posted by Khano View Post
                          I read your story in another thread. Subhanallah what you went through made me reconsider if it was a good idea to even get married period.
                          Learn from the mistakes of others. Marry poor. Marry an orphan if you can. If I knew of Muslim orphanages in England I'd be banging on their doors.

                          I don't have a degree yet but will this time next year Inshallah but even then I will not lower myself to marrying a professional woman because these same women won't give men like me the time of day. The best brothers I know drive taxis or work in pizza shops. These are the brothers who are strongest in their deen, these are the brothers who sweat blood for their families, work and teach in mosques, follow Qur'an and Sunnah, these are the brothers that put the so called professional people to shame and these are the brothers that will earn our lord's favour on the day of judgement :insha: Any women who wants more than a roof over her head and food on the table is asking for too much.

                          Narrated Ibn Abbas:

                          After Ishmael's mother had died, Abraham came after Ishmael's marriage in order to see his family that he had left before, but he did not find Ishmael there. When he asked Ishmael's wife about him, she replied, 'He has gone in search of our livelihood.' Then he asked her about their way of living and their condition, and she replied, 'We are living in misery; we are living in hardship and destitution,' complaining to him. He said, 'When your husband returns, convey my salutation to him and tell him to change the threshold of the gate (of his house).' When Ishmael came, he seemed to have felt something unusual, so he asked his wife, 'Has anyone visited you?' She replied, 'Yes, an old man of so-and-so description came and asked me about you and I informed him, and he asked about our state of living, and I told him that we were living in a hardship and poverty.' On that Ishmael said, 'Did he advise you anything?' She replied, 'Yes, he told me to convey his salutation to you and to tell you to change the threshold of your gate.' Ishmael said, 'It was my father, and he has ordered me to divorce you. Go back to your family.' So, Ishmael divorced her and married another woman from amongst them (i.e. Jurhum).

                          Then Abraham stayed away from them for a period as long as Allah wished and called on them again but did not find Ishmael. So he came to Ishmael's wife and asked her about Ishmael. She said, 'He has gone in search of our livelihood.' Abraham asked her, 'How are you getting on?' asking her about their sustenance and living. She replied, 'We are prosperous and well-off (i.e. we have everything in abundance).' Then she thanked Allah' Abraham said, 'What kind of food do you eat?' She said. 'Meat.' He said, 'What do you drink?' She said, 'Water." He said, "O Allah! Bless their meat and water." The Prophet added, "At that time they did not have grain, and if they had grain, he would have also invoked Allah to bless it." The Prophet added, "If somebody has only these two things as his sustenance, his health and disposition will be badly affected, unless he lives in Mecca." The Prophet added," Then Abraham said Ishmael's wife, "When your husband comes, give my regards to him and tell him that he should keep firm the threshold of his gate.' When Ishmael came back, he asked his wife, 'Did anyone call on you?' She replied, 'Yes, a good-looking old man came to me,' so she praised him and added. 'He asked about you, and I informed him, and he asked about our livelihood and I told him that we were in a good condition.' Ishmael asked her, 'Did he give you any piece of advice?' She said, 'Yes, he told me to give his regards to you and ordered that you should keep firm the threshold of your gate.' On that Ishmael said, 'It was my father, and you are the threshold (of the gate). He has ordered me to keep you with me.'

                          Bukhari Book 4 Volume 55 Hadith 583
                          Last edited by BitterMo; 22-07-13, 01:25 AM.

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                          • #43
                            Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                            Originally posted by Khano View Post
                            Brother this topic is not about wives working where appropriate. Certainty there are fields where women are needed.

                            As for her being righteous, that is something commendable, but it benefits her primarily and its something that should be expected. Im not interested in women that have no religious commitment. If a woman is pious, her piety should lead her to obeying her husband but many western women are too proud and stubborn when it comes to that.

                            No I would not reject a sister if she couldnt cook/clean because she can always learn, but I would outright reject her if she refused to do so. I am seeking a wife; Im not looking for a roommate. If i want to continue doing chores as I currently am, whats the purpose of me getting married? Might as well spend that money elsewhere.
                            Brother, that was just an example of how wives can be more useful than just "cooking and cleaning." Women are more than just that. However, your posts doesn't appear to acknowledge that.

                            As for being righteous, it benefits the whole family. And, saying that should be expected, I think you are taking righteous sisters for granted. There are way more unpracticing sisters and brothers out there, so I think to say "that's expected" is not really proper. It's expected for Muslims to be not even praying their 5 daily salaah in these times.

                            As for stubborn and proud, that's not limited to any West or East or any race, color, nationality, or even gender or religion. You'll find stubborn and pious people in every corner of the world, so no point in making Western women a focus here. If that's the case, then I can guarantee you you can find some humble and sincere Western sisters as well.

                            And, your last point of "spend that money elsewhere" is just wrong. You are not "buying" a woman to cooka nd clean for you. if that's your mentality, then I think it's better you "spend that money elsewhere" and not get married. Sorry to say, but sisters are better of with brothers who think like that...
                            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                            • #44
                              Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                              Originally posted by Green786 View Post
                              Brother, are you serious! We do all the things you just mentioned you don't hear us complaining.
                              "Don't put too much salt or spices in the dinner" was greeted with "**** off" so I learned to cook. Do the hoover, wash the clothes, tidy up was greeted with the same response so I learned to clean and wash-up and that's on top of my role as the provider so that's why we complain. Husbands want wives to keep their end of the bargain, to fulfil their obligations. That is what this brother is asking and he's clearly seen what I've seen so it's not as isolated as you think. This sense of entitlement exists especially among sisters in the West. Unmarried sisters outnumber unmarried men so it's no good trying to blame us for this mess. The west has empowered women and emasculated men and unfortunately sisters in the West subscribe to Western ideals about what makes a good husband. The type of wife you describe, a wife who fulfils her obligations is like a fairy story, a myth and in modern society doesn't exist or is married to a wife beating moron. All I see here and elsewhere is sister's making excuses for other sisters, apparently sisters aren't fussy or it's the fault of their parents. It's easier to blame someone else than to take a look at yourselves. This is a problem which sisters need to resolve. Don't blame us for your unrealistic expectations and demanding nature.
                              Last edited by BitterMo; 22-07-13, 02:04 AM.

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                              • #45
                                You know the mods really need to ban threads about western sisters. These threads are slander against muslim women. Its spreading fitna and bickering .

                                To the op. You don't know every muslim sister in the west. There are a lot of muslim sisters in the west who want to be homemakers. And you find sisters in the east who want to be a career woman.

                                Stop generalizing your muslim sisters. Its ramadan for goodness sakes stop creating fitna and slandering your sisters in islam .
                                Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.”
                                (Surah Az Zumar, (Chapter 39: Verse 53)

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