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What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

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  • What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

    Salams

    Im having difficulty understanding western women's mentality when it comes to marriage so id really appreciate it if the sisters here can shed some light on this topic and explain it to me. I dont mean to offend or anything so please dont attack me unjustly. Plz lets have mature discussion and leave emotions out of it.

    We all want to get married cause its sunnah and half our imaan but theres more to marriage than that. It was clearly understood the role of man and woman in marriage but western ideology and feminism have skewed our perception of marriage. Now people are confused on what their contribution to a marriage is.

    As a man in a marriage, I hope to assume all financial responsibility over a woman, take care of her physically by protecting her from harm, n live a harmonious life together working towards Jannah. What do I as a man want out of a spouse? A woman to:
    • be attractive and pleasant both aesthetically and personality-wise
    • fulfill my desires in the only legislated halaal manner
    • provide emotional support and spiritual encouragement
    • provide children and help me raise them on Islam
    • manage the household affairs

    I don't considerate your secular education or your career or any other dumb measurement of success used by feminists as having any value. If you are currently single and work, you just made the role of a husband as the breadwinner redundant. If you can't cook and clean or refuse to do so, what exactly would be the point of marrying you. And if you dont want children and arent willing to have frequent sex as many women hold out against their spouse, why in the world are you even thinking about marriage. So in my opinion, its pretty straightforward. If you as a woman cant/wont do the 5 above things I've mentioned, what exactly will be your contribution to a marriage?
    Might people are a scourge upon the planet. See what this intelligent man has to say: [url]http://youtu.be/XPehqF1Dg3I[/url]

  • #2
    Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

    What do a western women contribute to a marriage?
    creativity
    Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

      This post is so sexist its unbelievable and offensive.

      There's more value to a woman than (a) how "good" she looks and (b) how well she can cook and clean.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

        Originally posted by InTheBegining View Post
        creativity
        And drama...

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

          :salams

          Your five bullet points are OK, and that's something most brothers would look for in a wife. However, the last paragraph is saying something else.

          Some sisters work in places where it's appropriate for them to work, so that doesn't mean she's the breadwinner or made her husband redundant. Secondly, marriage is a lot more than "If you can't cook or clean, then what's your worth?"

          Her not being able to cook and clean doesn't reduce from the fact that she might be a pious Muslimah (which in of itself is worth so much because there are millions and millions of Muslim women out there who are astray). She should be cherished just for that - for being able to help you in your religion, raise righteous kids, help your parents, respect you and obey you, have a great character, have a desire to help and better the Ummah, not have love for the materialistic dunya, work towards her akhirah, etc.

          Are these thing not worth more than her cooking and cleaning? Would you reject a sister if she has all the above qualities, but she can't cook and clean (so, what's she worth)? I really hope not.
          Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

          "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
          - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

            Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
            This post is so sexist its unbelievable and offensive.

            There's more value to a woman than (a) how "good" she looks and (b) how well she can cook and clean.
            salaams to all

            please explain

            the bro laid it out quite clearly
            he was a bit blunt but his points are all islamically sound & valid

            islam has outlined the roles of men & women

            he works & does the stuff that needs to be done OUT of the home
            and she takes care of the kids & the stuff that needs to be done IN the home

            and Allah ta'ala knows best
            jazakallah
            Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
            very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

              Interesting topic...I will comment after iftar inshaAllah
              "Try to distance yourself from everything that causes you worry and sadness, so that you may always live with peace of mind and an open and tranquil heart, seeking Allah and His worship and working on your worldly and otherworldly matters, for if you try this, you will find rest.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                Originally posted by msmoorad View Post
                salaams to all

                please explain

                the bro laid it out quite clearly
                he was a bit blunt but his points are all islamically sound & valid

                islam has outlined the roles of men & women

                he works & does the stuff that needs to be done OUT of the home
                and she takes care of the kids & the stuff that needs to be done IN the home

                and Allah ta'ala knows best
                jazakallah
                ur jz being unfair now .... we all know women dont need to do anything when it comes to things IN the home ... of course assuming shes the daughter of bill gates.



                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                  Originally posted by InTheBegining View Post
                  creativity
                  Pls elaborate on creativity? What do you mean?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                    Its the month of Ramadan, yet we have people creating fitnah by provoking sisters- Now this thread I must say is a classic example.

                    Your argument or question is insulting to western sisters, NOT all sisters are feminists and I have to add is that every woman is different whether one is from the east or west and there is nothing wrong with getting an education or working.

                    You have said that you don't want to be attacked, however you then precede to come across as arrogant especially your last paragraph.

                    I highly suggest that instead of focusing on western sisters and stereotyping them, you should ponder on what YOU as a husband have to offer.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                      I think this thread is turning towards the wrong direction so for that reason I would rather not comment.
                      All I will say is that choose a partner you feel comfortable with and leave the rest with Allah. Please do not generalise Eastern and Western Muslim women.
                      "Try to distance yourself from everything that causes you worry and sadness, so that you may always live with peace of mind and an open and tranquil heart, seeking Allah and His worship and working on your worldly and otherworldly matters, for if you try this, you will find rest.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                        Originally posted by Khano View Post
                        I don't considerate your secular education or your career or any other dumb measurement of success used by feminists as having any value. If you are currently single and work, you just made the role of a husband as the breadwinner redundant. If you can't cook and clean or refuse to do so, what exactly would be the point of marrying you.
                        While I think career driven women in the west are ruining the ummah you post suggests lots of cultural baggage. First of all Khadija was a career women and the breadwinner, she supported the prophet :saw: financially not the other way round. If you're too proud to think a woman should not support a man or work you have issues. Second we know for a fact the prophet helped around the house and not just in looking after his children, he helped with the chores so again if you're too proud to cook and clean, if you think it's beneath you good luck finding a wife in the West because you're going to need it. In my experience the men that are so concerned about their wives cooking end up fat and there's nothing more embarrassing than fat men waddling around with slim wives in niqab or hijab.
                        Last edited by BitterMo; 21-07-13, 10:53 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                          Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
                          This post is so sexist its unbelievable and offensive.

                          There's more value to a woman than (a) how "good" she looks and (b) how well she can cook and clean.
                          My intention was not to offend. I apologize for my lack of eloquence. Can you explain what value women have in a marriage if they refuse to make themselves attractive for their husbands and assist with household maintenance?

                          Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                          :salams

                          Your five bullet points are OK, and that's something most brothers would look for in a wife. However, the last paragraph is saying something else.

                          Some sisters work in places where it's appropriate for them to work, so that doesn't mean she's the breadwinner or made her husband redundant. Secondly, marriage is a lot more than "If you can't cook or clean, then what's your worth?"

                          Her not being able to cook and clean doesn't reduce from the fact that she might be a pious Muslimah (which in of itself is worth so much because there are millions and millions of Muslim women out there who are astray). She should be cherished just for that - for being able to help you in your religion, raise righteous kids, help your parents, respect you and obey you, have a great character, have a desire to help and better the Ummah, not have love for the materialistic dunya, work towards her akhirah, etc.

                          Are these thing not worth more than her cooking and cleaning? Would you reject a sister if she has all the above qualities, but she can't cook and clean (so, what's she worth)? I really hope not.
                          Brother this topic is not about wives working where appropriate. Certainty there are fields where women are needed.

                          As for her being righteous, that is something commendable, but it benefits her primarily and its something that should be expected. Im not interested in women that have no religious commitment. If a woman is pious, her piety should lead her to obeying her husband but many western women are too proud and stubborn when it comes to that.

                          No I would not reject a sister if she couldnt cook/clean because she can always learn, but I would outright reject her if she refused to do so. I am seeking a wife; Im not looking for a roommate. If i want to continue doing chores as I currently am, whats the purpose of me getting married? Might as well spend that money elsewhere.

                          Originally posted by umm aiman123 View Post
                          Its the month of Ramadan, yet we have people creating fitnah by provoking sisters- Now this thread I must say is a classic example.

                          Your argument or question is insulting to western sisters, NOT all sisters are feminists and I have to add is that every woman is different whether one is from the east or west and there is nothing wrong with getting an education or working.

                          You have said that you don't want to be attacked, however you then precede to come across as arrogant especially your last paragraph.

                          I highly suggest that instead of focusing on western sisters and stereotyping them, you should ponder on what YOU as a husband have to offer.
                          My intention wasnt to create fitnah nor abuse anybody. We are just having an honest open mature discussion on a topic. If certain users cant handle themselves, then its best that they stay out of it.

                          Youre right not all sisters are feminists and not all western women are bad, but since I reside in the West, of course im going to be basing my outlook of women on the ones in my community. Again you are correct that there is nothing wrong with education or working and this topic is not about that.

                          As for what do I offer as a husband, well its not for one to brag but Im a young professional with a well-paying career, I have an easy going humorous personality and I try my best to observe the limits of Allah. I am capable of financially maintaining a wife and helping her with her religious obligations, and in return I need someone to take care of me sexually/emotionally and manage the affairs of the household, otherwise what exactly is her contribution to the marriage? Im not looking for a roommate.
                          Might people are a scourge upon the planet. See what this intelligent man has to say: [url]http://youtu.be/XPehqF1Dg3I[/url]

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                            The title should read what does a western woman contribute to a marriage, or what do western women contribute to a marriage.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: What do a western women contribute to a marriage?

                              Originally posted by BitterMo View Post
                              While I think career driven women in the west are ruining the ummah you post suggests lots of cultural baggage. First of all Khadija was a career women and the breadwinner, she supported the prophet :saw: financially not the other way round. If you're too proud to think a woman should not support a man or work you have issues. Second we know for a fact the prophet helped around the house and not just in looking after his children, he helped with the chores so again if you're too proud to cook and clean, if you think it's beneath you good luck finding a wife in the West because you're going to need it.
                              I hear often from westerners that Khadijah was a career women but can anyone substantiate that with proof? Khadijah passed away before hijrah and much of the shari laws came down afterwards, so you cant really use her as a basis for your argument.

                              I honestly dont care if my wife works as long as its in an area where women are needed (although it is unnecessary since I make enough money and am prepared to spend on her to the point of spoiling her). She just needs to understand that the maintenance of the household is her duty and that I will assist from time to time, but its not my responsibility. My job is handling all the finances and looking after the well-being of the family.

                              Looks like western women want to have their cake and eat it too. If western girls are too stubborn to accept that, then Im more than prepared to look elsewhere and keep in mind that there are far less decent men and no shortage of muslimahs.
                              Last edited by Khano; 21-07-13, 11:03 PM.
                              Might people are a scourge upon the planet. See what this intelligent man has to say: [url]http://youtu.be/XPehqF1Dg3I[/url]

                              Comment

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