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Pious man for pious woman? Really?

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    Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    I am very surprised to know that one of brother, who I think is really pious. He always posts article about Islam. He oftenly joins Islamic lecture. He even joins in one Islamic party. He is getting married to a muslimah, of course. But what I am wondering is that that sister does not wear proper hijab. Her scarf does not cover her chest. She even still wears tight clothes and still does make up. She is beautiful, indeed. To be honest, I am questioning the Iman level of this brother. I am only trying to give an example, that this phenomenon does happen. There are many pious and practicing men out there who turn out that they are attracted to only the physical attributes of their wife to be. Sometimes, brother who is not pretty pious, or practicing, is longing for a pious muslimah instead. Is that what is called opposite attraction? I am just afraid that many pious single muslimah will be difficult to find pious husband, because of the preferences of those "pious men". Just kidding :D

    #2
    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    I'd be getting into endless arguments if I had a wife dressed in such a manner because it would make me question where her heart is in the Deen is which would only bring unrest in my heart. A spouse is suppose to bring peace to your heart, this kind of women would far from bring any peace to my heart. That being said she may still be a good Muslimah in other aspect Allahu 'Alim but I personally will judge a women by her modesty because she may say she does everything a muslim does but there is some sort of pride in her saying she is not required to observe modesty because she does the rest and that is not enough for me..

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      #3
      Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

      beauty is in the eye of the beholder
      some 'pious men' think that a woman that is uncovered and wears tight clothes and make up is attractive
      some 'pious men' think that a woman covered from head to toe is attractive
      i think their wrong in both sitiuations they should look at the beauty of the heart and not looks, and deen ofcourse

      for example the uncoverd woman might be a good muslimah , she practices and prays and does dua and dhikr but she doesnt wear the scarf ofcourse im fully aware that a good muslimah is one that follows ALL the rules in islam but may the brother marrying her wants to marry her so that he may guide onto the right path and help her improve in her deen so he can make her a better muslimah

      while the full covered woman doesn't pray, or do dhikr or any of that so she hids behind her veil, and little did the brother that is taking her know but he thinks 'oh well she a niqabi she's fully covered she must be pious and practacing' no thats's not always the deal

      in reality people shouldn't be judged based on their looks but on their deen and the beauty of their hearts



      Comment


        #4
        Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

        Maybe that's what he wants in a wife even though he appears deeni. People often arent what they appear to be
        You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

        ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

          Do you know what she is beyond her appearance? Do you as well know how pious this man is beyond what you see? Sometimes appearance can be very deceiving. Besides, if they do end marrying, it was allah's plan remember that. And just to reassure you, there are more than enough pious men for pious sisters.
          Last edited by Bismiliah; 20-05-13, 09:27 AM.

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            #6
            Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

            That's what I was going to say, who knows how that couple really is behind closed doors? Allahu alim, that girl who appears to be unconvered and immodest probably has better deen than all of us. Outward appearance isn't always everything. One can't pas a judgement on outward appearance for Allah really knows the hearts of people.

            I'm not accusing you or bashing anyone for expressing an opinion, I just wanted to state a point.
            Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

              A trait of a munafiq.

              Say or appear as one thing. do another.

              why act suprised over it?

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

                Who are you to judge? What if you don't know the whole picture of what's going on?

                Only Allah (swt) knows best.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

                  Originally posted by Dinobot View Post
                  A trait of a munafiq.

                  Say or appear as one thing. do another.

                  why act suprised over it?
                  What if he doesn't appear as one but does other on purpose. What if people assume he is such and such but he has not intention of showing that? I knew a guy that appared pious/practicing/good because he spent his spare time in masjid & seem to have the character of good muslim. But he always claimed he isn't "that good" people assumed he is just being humble. I later found out he has many bad side & hence seeking allah's guidance but he is far from pious. People just assume he is

                  Regarding opposite attracts, i have seen this often. Most practicing brother have very good looking wife who isn't as practicin & to be honest they can't help it. Many feel they need to be rewarded for years of holding off. others in arrange route don't get to know a sisters character. They are forced to judge a sister by her look. My own brother, spoke of pious humble girl, but was always attracted to loud mouth, opinionated, full of makeup, in to fashion. His wife was just like that & they had lot of issue on 1st year but now she listens to him & he takes her to islamic event all the time. The mindset many of these brothers have is that they can change the women to be good muslim after marriage. So they dont mind marrying less pious girl.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

                    You are stressing over nothing. Insha'Allah you will find a pious man to marry. Whoever any other brother chooses to marry is their business and has nothing to do with anyone really...
                    "I love the righteous, though I’m not one of them,
                    Perhaps I will gain their mediation for me.
                    And I hate those whose trade is sin,
                    Though we may both have the same merchandise!" Imam Al Shafi'i

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

                      I wouldn't judge based on outer appearance. So many Muslim sisters who wear similar to what you describe promise before the wedding that they will wear proper hijaab afterwards. From there three things happen. Either she gets married, once he's been ensnared, she goes back to her old ways. Or she does wear it for a while, but then reverts back to her old ways when her Imaan dips. Or, she does wear it, and she sticks with it with the blessing of Allah (swt).

                      So for that reason, if you see a "bad" sister who married a "good" brother, you can assume this probably happened.

                      Now regarding a good woman marrying a non-pious brother, I would advise against that every time. He's going to be the source of influence, and his evil has great potential to harm her in very bad ways. So really the sister should play it safe, far more so than the male should. Plus it's so typical of a male to say he will change if he really desires a girl, but I do not believe the opposite is true as often, wallahu a`lam.
                      والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                      "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

                        Originally posted by علي View Post
                        I wouldn't judge based on outer appearance. So many Muslim sisters who wear similar to what you describe promise before the wedding that they will wear proper hijaab afterwards. From there three things happen. Either she gets married, once he's been ensnared, she goes back to her old ways. Or she does wear it for a while, but then reverts back to her old ways when her Imaan dips. Or, she does wear it, and she sticks with it with the blessing of Allah (swt).

                        So for that reason, if you see a "bad" sister who married a "good" brother, you can assume this probably happened.

                        Now regarding a good woman marrying a non-pious brother, I would advise against that every time. He's going to be the source of influence, and his evil has great potential to harm her in very bad ways. So really the sister should play it safe, far more so than the male should. Plus it's so typical of a male to say he will change if he really desires a girl, but I do not believe the opposite is true as often, wallahu a`lam.
                        Brother, I agree with you on the second opinion. Alhamdulillah, I had once been saved from a proposal from a non-practicing muslim. I could finally find out the evil in his character. And I thanked Allah so much that He showed me the black and white. So, yes, a woman tends to get an influence from a man. Therefore, they should have been more picky to choose a pious and a man with a good character. Vice versa for men as well, I suppose. Heart and character is something that we can't change easily.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

                          Yeah that's why in the sticky in the marriage section, it says do not marry someone hoping they will change, as there is simply no guarantee they will.

                          The reason I stated that first opinion though (stating most sisters will agree to wear good hijaab if they do not already) is because in my misadventures trying to get married, I have experienced that phenomenon many times.
                          والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

                          "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

                            to add wat everyone has said, we have no clue is her respect for him allows her to slowly change herself ya know.. her clothes getting loser, hijab covering more... etc... people grow, people change... the most pious person can go through a rough patch in life and veer off the str8 path a little bit.. who knows! it could be for 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 yr.. only allah knows.. but this muslimah can grow/learn etc...

                            we also dont know the brothers intention.. he probably saw something in her that was pious about her and wants to do everything in his power to bring her even closer to islam... I find it no different than a person raised muslim marrying a new revert. He might know ten times more than this revert, but respects her dedication, excitement and willingness to learn... he might not deny her just cuz she doesnt know as much as him, but also inshallah banking on the fact that she will continue to row , gain knowledge and strive to be a better muslimah everyday
                            Raindrops.hail.ouch

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

                              Originally posted by veetha View Post
                              I am very surprised to know that one of brother, who I think is really pious. He always posts article about Islam. He oftenly joins Islamic lecture. He even joins in one Islamic party. He is getting married to a muslimah, of course. But what I am wondering is that that sister does not wear proper hijab. Her scarf does not cover her chest. She even still wears tight clothes and still does make up. She is beautiful, indeed. To be honest, I am questioning the Iman level of this brother. I am only trying to give an example, that this phenomenon does happen. There are many pious and practicing men out there who turn out that they are attracted to only the physical attributes of their wife to be. Sometimes, brother who is not pretty pious, or practicing, is longing for a pious muslimah instead. Is that what is called opposite attraction? I am just afraid that many pious single muslimah will be difficult to find pious husband, because of the preferences of those "pious men". Just kidding :D

                              Yes it does happen ........ no need to be surprised at all.

                              Look , the basic thing is men are attracted by looks...... even though many men would deny this but the fact they are. Its just like most men would like to marry fair women. The thing is that they will not be bold enough to say this on face.

                              But from islamic point of view a husband is accountable for what his wife is wearing .......... she should wear modest clothes.

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