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Processing of getting married is brutal...

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    Processing of getting married is brutal...

    I find it soo confidence sapping when I get rejected after seeing a potential, probably because I think I got rejected based on my looks (I'm a brother btw).

    Guessing it must be worse for sisters as brothers take looks into account more than them.

    #2
    Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

    u know theres so much more to it than looks. sometimes u might meet someone and u just dont feel comfortable with them, they can be the most "classicly " handsome/beautiful person in the world but theres just no connection there when u sit with them, or speak with them.

    So dont feel down it just wasnt meant to be, say Alhamdulillah because you want your wife to love to be in your company, not just look at you and think " masha Allah hes all that "

    good looks arent the only basis for the marriage, a beautiful people soon start looking ugly if u cant get along with them. its not big deal bro, Allah ta ala has someone better in store for you, its just not your time yet.

    keep making duaa and keep on looking for your wife. shes out there somewhere insha Allah.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet :saw: said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

      Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
      u know theres so much more to it than looks. sometimes u might meet someone and u just dont feel comfortable with them, they can be the most "classicly " handsome/beautiful person in the world but theres just no connection there when u sit with them, or speak with them.

      So dont feel down it just wasnt meant to be, say Alhamdulillah because you want your wife to love to be in your company, not just look at you and think " masha Allah hes all that "

      good looks arent the only basis for the marriage, a beautiful people soon start looking ugly if u cant get along with them. its not big deal bro, Allah ta ala has someone better in store for you, its just not your time yet.

      keep making duaa and keep on looking for your wife. shes out there somewhere insha Allah.
      JazakAllah for your wise words.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

        Requires a lot of patient bro. When I was in your situation I kinda felt like that too but keep your trust in Allah and Allah will open the doors for you when you least expect it. Always be contempt with the decree of Allah (aza Wajjal) since he is The All Knowing and Wise.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

          Originally posted by wisdom-17 View Post
          I find it soo confidence sapping when I get rejected after seeing a potential, probably because I think I got rejected based on my looks (I'm a brother btw).

          Guessing it must be worse for sisters as brothers take looks into account more than them.
          hmmm...i dont know what to say!

          well... i know many sisters who said they are tired being rejected and they said if at al they knew the process of arrange marriage can leave them with lowest self esteem then they would go for love marriage....The process of getting married is harsher for pious brothers and sisters.
          Last edited by Rapunzel; 16-03-13, 04:45 PM.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

            Originally posted by *asiya* View Post
            u know theres so much more to it than looks. sometimes u might meet someone and u just dont feel comfortable with them, they can be the most "classicly " handsome/beautiful person in the world but theres just no connection there when u sit with them, or speak with them.
            That's where I believe I'll fail, and I'm not handsome just average.

            My problem is I'm naturally shy and quite, if I be myself it would be very awkward but if I step outside the box and engage with her firstly I would need a script but she would later find that I'm this quite guy and be upset about it.

            Either way I'm screwed lol ...But if Allah (swt) wills it, it will happen nonetheless

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

              I agree the marriage process is tough. I don't really have the problem with being rejected, rejecting others can be really difficult though.

              My issue is more like every time a potential comes around I find myself having to examine my values and think about if such and such thing I never put much thought into is really important or not. It's stressful, but it helps me get a clearer vision of what's important to me. Make dua for me.
              Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                Naa I don't think it's brutal or even hard per se, it's all qadr and Allah each with their other half soon. Sometimes it's us the hinderance, we got work to do with Allah and then He will grant it

                لا تفكر كثيرا
                بل استغفر كثيرا

                -------------------------------------------------------
                The children need your prayers more than anyone else
                -------------------------------------------------------
                www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                  Originally posted by wisdom-17 View Post
                  I find it soo confidence sapping when I get rejected after seeing a potential, probably because I think I got rejected based on my looks (I'm a brother btw).

                  Guessing it must be worse for sisters as brothers take looks into account more than them.
                  dont worry when you meet the one that is meant for you, she will accept all of you

                  and trust me girls who reject feel bad for rejecting

                  ive even prayed for guys ive rejected and asked Allah to give them the best and many of them have gone on to marry

                  the whole process of meeting and getting to know is a nightmare, trust me we all go through it

                  do u ever get feedback?
                  My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                  ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                  “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                    Originally posted by Fairy View Post
                    dont worry when you meet the one that is meant for you, she will accept all of you

                    and trust me girls who reject feel bad for rejecting

                    ive even prayed for guys ive rejected and asked Allah to give them the best and many of them have gone on to marry

                    the whole process of meeting and getting to know is a nightmare, trust me we all go through it

                    do u ever get feedback?
                    :rotfl: feedback? Sorry that just made me laugh. They should write reports with WWW and EBI

                    لا تفكر كثيرا
                    بل استغفر كثيرا

                    -------------------------------------------------------
                    The children need your prayers more than anyone else
                    -------------------------------------------------------
                    www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                      Originally posted by F_R View Post
                      :rotfl: feedback? Sorry that just made me laugh. They should write reports with WWW and EBI
                      I dont get what that means?
                      My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                      ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                      “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                        Originally posted by Fairy View Post
                        I dont get what that means?
                        WWW= what went well EBI= even better if

                        They used to put our feedback at school as that ^^^

                        لا تفكر كثيرا
                        بل استغفر كثيرا

                        -------------------------------------------------------
                        The children need your prayers more than anyone else
                        -------------------------------------------------------
                        www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                          Originally posted by F_R View Post
                          WWW= what went well EBI= even better if

                          They used to put our feedback at school as that ^^^
                          wow what kind of school did u got to

                          the hard knocks of abbreviation
                          My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                          ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                          “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                            Originally posted by Fairy View Post
                            wow what kind of school did u got to

                            the hard knocks of abbreviation
                            Lol they do that at all schools here don't they we had a detention system where you got a slip and were isolated onto a bridge part lol. That was our suspension, watching the rest of the kids play whilst we were looking from the prisons of the bridge window

                            LailaTheMuslim will know what I'm on about lol.

                            لا تفكر كثيرا
                            بل استغفر كثيرا

                            -------------------------------------------------------
                            The children need your prayers more than anyone else
                            -------------------------------------------------------
                            www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                              Originally posted by F_R View Post
                              Lol they do that at all schools here don't they we had a detention system where you got a slip and were isolated onto a bridge part lol. That was our suspension, watching the rest of the kids play whilst we were looking from the prisons of the bridge window

                              .
                              wow and i thought I went to an awful school
                              My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
                              ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
                              “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

                              Comment

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