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Processing of getting married is brutal...

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    #76
    Processing of getting married is brutal...

    How do you even know if you’ve found the right potential partner?
    إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

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      #77
      Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

      Originally posted by has75 View Post
      I think people have too much criteria nowadays. I have 3 daughters who are still young but when they are adults and if a brother asks for one of my daughters for their son I will make istikhara make some quick enquries about the brothers character and that he regularly attends the masjid and if my daughter is attracted/accepts then I will go ahead inshaAllah. It should be that straight forward. Questions like income and dunia stuff shouldn't come into it. Lets see what happens when it comes to the crunch, inshaAllah I will go ahead as planned.

      Then youíll be successful inshallah.

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        #78
        Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

        Originally posted by Rapunzel View Post
        hmmm...i dont know what to say!

        well... i know many sisters who said they are tired being rejected and they said if at al they knew the process of arrange marriage can leave them with lowest self esteem then they would go for love marriage....The process of getting married is harsher for pious brothers and sisters.
        100% agree. I would definitely used my time in uni more wisely in the relationship sense had I known what I knew now. Lol. If I had children, it would be difficult to deny them this stigma ridden route over the more conservative method I chose.

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          #79
          Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

          Originally posted by wisdom-17 View Post
          I find it soo confidence sapping when I get rejected after seeing a potential, probably because I think I got rejected based on my looks (I'm a brother btw).

          Guessing it must be worse for sisters as brothers take looks into account more than them.
          Iíve done absolutely loads. Looks can play a huge factor but trust me itís not always about that. Wealth or ambition for it plays a huge factor like owning your own home or size of your current one and area. Income can be very important in certain circumstances if you end up visiting someone from a well of background. The class system is inherent within British Muslim culture.
          And these are things that you can seldom help. So donít let it weigh on your shoulders. Itíll leave you feeling sad and you shouldnít because you havenít done anything wrong if youíve tried your upmost to prioritise the important criteria over issues which are relatively insignificant when you take into account the akirah.

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            #80
            Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

            Originally posted by Magic. View Post
            Let me try to put into perspective. If people consider one good looking, they'll treat you differently, because you look that way- whether it be men or women.

            But, that's the issue, it's shallow. And appearances can be deceptive.
            Thatís very true

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              #81
              Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

              Originally posted by tracingspirals View Post
              Hah I don't know what it'll be like for me.
              I hate lies and superficiality and so I hate to pretend to be someone I am not just for the sake of pleasing someone.
              I'm generally quite shy and even awkward at times. I don't talk much as I hate gossip and that's what I find most people talk about these days. I suppose I have a tendency of pushing people away from me not long after they spend some time with mentor whatever reason. Neither am I physically what women tend to find attractive. I supposed I am doomed when its gonna come to finding a wife!

              But then I've learned to not let people get me and move on. Only thing is I sometimes wonder if I'll stay single forever. Well, i'll go with whatever Allah (swt) decreed for me.
              Lol.
              Totally agree.
              Iíve gone past that threshold of wanting to and of actually looking because Iíve been looking for years and just got rejected on really stupid reasons. Iím with you bro. Trust me it ainít that bad.
              I donít have to conform to a certain way to improve my chances of getting a meet etc. Since Iíve made that decision Iíve decided to go back to uni to study history masters ( something Iíve always wanted to do) even though Iím in a respected health care professional field for many years (because we all had to go be doctors or pharmacists right) which looks amazing on a marriage cv. Lol. I doubt something like history which I absolutely love just for the knowledge, would get a second look nowadays. But after going through this marriage, you start valuing your happiness much more rather than conform to other peopleís. Good luck in the future pal.

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                #82
                Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                Originally posted by Inquisitive10 View Post
                Your rejection was based on your lack of self-believe, you were intimated, over compensated, pedestalized her, which is all interpreted as you having low value, had she been some fat unattractive lard you would have behaved differently. This lack of self-believe is evident in your post, you probably had the negative mind-set before you even turned up to the meeting, in which case you failed before you even left your house. Unless of course you really do look like king kong
                I donít believe thatís the case. You canít determine the OP was walking in head sunk in shoulders looking down and barely smiling and only yes/no answers from what he has written in op. No one wants to be lonely. And although the process can be nerve racking for some, everyone looks forward to the idea of finding a partner to spend the rest of their lives with.

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                  #83
                  Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                  Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                  I really should start looking asap then. I don't want to get married at 30 tbh.
                  If you donít I wouldnít rely solely on the arranged meet route. Youíll have to look yourself too.

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                    #84
                    Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                    Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
                    The whole process is so emotionally exhausting. I feel like giving up. Is marriage even worth it?

                    Donít think itís the be all and end all. At the end of the day, as long as you know you have defo tried hard and followed the guidance set and given it ample time say 7 years for example, then what else are you to do?
                    Itís a very draining process and like you said exhaustive. Donít think about it too much and get on with what you wanna do in life. Take up the thing youíve wanted to always do and prepare for the akirah. And Iím sure someone will fall on your lap.

                    My opinion only. Please donít bash me for having an opinion.

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                      #85
                      Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                      Originally posted by practicingbrthr View Post
                      If you don’t I wouldn’t rely solely on the arranged meet route. You’ll have to look yourself too.
                      What do you mean by "looking yourself."

                      Comment


                        #86
                        Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                        Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
                        The whole process is so emotionally exhausting. I feel like giving up. Is marriage even worth it?
                        It is very exhausting and of course it is a huge slap across the face when you finally think you found someone normal is far from it

                        Who would have thought this simple sunnah would be such a horrible never ending nightmare
                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                          #87
                          Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                          Be grateful for what you have.

                          You might not have the looks but you have a good job.
                          You might not have a good job but you have the looks, so on and so forth.

                          Some people have nothing at all and they persevere after all those brutal rejections and experiences of searching for a spouse.
                          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                            #88
                            Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                            Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
                            The whole process is so emotionally exhausting. I feel like giving up. Is marriage even worth it?
                            Anything worth it requires effort.

                            What did Rasul صلى الله عليه و سلم day about the importance of marriage?
                            http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                            "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                            Ė Imam al-Shafiíi (Rahimahullah)

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                              #89
                              Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                              Originally posted by wisdom-17 View Post
                              Guessing it must be worse for sisters as brothers take looks into account more than them.
                              yeah it is because a lot of them are openly very childish and mean about it. a cousin of mine rejected a girl and then posted the reason why on Facebook afterwards, mocking her looks and repeating what his dad said about her. this is why i hate my dads side of the family, they're all like that

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                                #90
                                Re: Processing of getting married is brutal...

                                Originally posted by aruzo4 View Post
                                yeah it is because a lot of them are openly very childish and mean about it. a cousin of mine rejected a girl and then posted the reason why on Facebook afterwards, mocking her looks and repeating what his dad said about her. this is why i hate my dads side of the family, they're all like that

                                makes me wonder how many people have seen mine

                                :rotfl:



                                :
                                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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