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  • Will I be able to get married with a condition...

    Salaam to everyone on this Ummah Forum...

    I have not been on here in some time, but have been generally reading posts and well marriage springs up in my mind and not too sure where to go with this.

    I will keep this very short.

    Im in my mid 20's and have a decent job and obviously parents keep talking to me or hinting to me about marriage in the future and so forth. Now this is where it gets all tricky, I have Eczema on my body not whole body but I do have it where it makes the skin dark brown/reddish.

    I have started taking something for it and I can see it is making a difference, but my parents keep telling me with your condition no girl or family will want to see you or marry you.

    Now this is the other part. My brother had a girflriend, he told out parents as they wanted to get married, was a long battle. My brother is a year younger and in a better position career wise.

    End of the day parents said no and that was that.

    Now recently my mum has been looking and my younger sister has been telling me cos i have no idea what is going on, I just go to work and come home and thats it. Not much else goes on in my life.

    My sister goes to an Arabic teacher to learn Tajweed and the teacher has a younger sister, when my sis told my dad, my dad asked what she looked like as you would normal, but then when my sis told my dad she has curly hair, dad said nope not having any girl with curly hair.

    So I'm thinking is my dad really picky as he doesnt want me or my bro to get married from back home as I'm sure you all know what happens in that scenario.

    Just recently my dad was talking to family from back home and they were telling them that their sons getting married to some girls, so they showed pictures of the girls to my dad and he critised how the girls look, i.e being chubby or not looking right.

    So I'm thinking how on earth will or if I will get married with my dad being picky and me having a skin condition.

    Because I can see my bro will get married sooner than me as he is a year younger and alot more financially stable.

    Btw my dad said they wont start looking until I have normal skin only Allah knows if that will ever happen. This marriage hoopla is on my mind bcos im not getting any younger and wondering how I will cope with it all. I have been happy doing things on my own and not depending on anyone. I've stayed away from all the teenage stuff and just kept my self to my self.

    Recently I have started to read my namaz and the Quran..

    So question is What do I do or shouldn't do in this case...

    Any advice would be helpful, has been eating me up not able to tell anyone as I don't have any friends. I like my own company
    Last edited by Muslim-Guy; 13-01-13, 07:37 PM. Reason: Mistake

  • #2
    Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

    I would say dont worry

    you said you are in your teens, when your parents start introducing you to people, thats when you can say yes or no and decide

    and dont worry about your skin condition, if you have a good personality, they will see beyond the outer
    My ♥ only lets الله‎ in

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

      I meant mid 20's sorry for the mistake.

      Well they wont do any of that until my skin is normal looking like everyone else, because first thing girl and her family will see are my looks, and based on that wont go any further into marriage..

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

        Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
        I meant mid 20's sorry for the mistake.

        Well they wont do any of that until my skin is normal looking like everyone else, because first thing girl and her family will see are my looks, and based on that wont go any further into marriage..
        Say Alhamdulillah that you're a man because women are more likely to be willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and overlook your skin condition.

        However, I'm not sure if it was the other way round (the woman has a skin condition) that men would be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

        Women are not as shallow as men, so don't worry :)

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

          Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
          I meant mid 20's sorry for the mistake.

          Well they wont do any of that until my skin is normal looking like everyone else, because first thing girl and her family will see are my looks, and based on that wont go any further into marriage..
          normal? what if it stays like that for the next 10 years...

          I think you need to talk to your parents
          My ♥ only lets الله‎ in

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

            Well that's the other part of the convos me and parents have, if the stuff I am taking doesnt work, then I will remain how I am and just be single, like not everyone in Dunya gets married right?

            Even if I was to get married don't know how I would cope being with someone as I've only done things by my self.

            I have Eczema all my life, when I was younger was on and off but since I was 13 up until now I have got it. So yeah

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

              Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
              Well that's the other part of the convos me and parents have, if the stuff I am taking doesnt work, then I will remain how I am and just be single, like not everyone in Dunya gets married right?

              Even if I was to get married don't know how I would cope being with someone as I've only done things by my self.

              I have Eczema all my life, when I was younger was on and off but since I was 13 up until now I have got it. So yeah
              there are people who are deaf, blind, in wheelchairs, disabilities that get married and you have a skin condition and you are giving up?

              insha Allah you will get married, not everyone is that shallow

              have u changed your diet, kept away from things that make it worse

              what is your skin like?? red and bumpy?
              Last edited by Fairy; 31-05-13, 01:18 AM. Reason: LEARN TO SHUT UP
              My ♥ only lets الله‎ in

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

                I have eczema too and when it flares up it looks horrific but it doesn't bother my partner lol. He said its strange, if he saw it on any other woman he'd be disgusted, but because its on me, it dosnt bother him. When i say it looks horrific it really does look bad, i mean water oozes out of the skin (sorry for the description). Im sure youll find somebody who see's past your eczema and accepts it as part of who you are. Also, i find it strange your dad is rejecting women because they have curly hair. Your parents are telling you nobody willl marry you because of a skin condition, but they dont consider women because of their hair?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

                  Originally posted by Fairy View Post
                  there are people who are deaf, blind, in wheelchairs, disabilities that get married and you have a skin condition and you are giving up?

                  insha Allah you will get married, not everyone is that shallow

                  have u changed your diet, kept away from things that make it worse

                  what is your skin like?? red and bumpy?

                  one of my cousins had/has eczema but only around her wrists ...didnt look bad but as a kid she would get it everywhere altho it improved as she got older

                  and shes happily married, but then again shes stunning so finding a man wasnt a prob for her lol
                  Well I already have because if anyone has this condition its a nightmare to live with and you dont think of your self as being normal, that's how I see it to be honest.

                  Yup i've sorted my diet and all of that stuff and it is improving but I just don't know. Tried so many other methods and nothing has worked.

                  Is this a punishment from Allah or a test from Allah.. I don't know any more..

                  I'll see where life takes me but I dont have any hopes on finding anyone to be honest

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

                    Originally posted by Rainyday View Post
                    I have eczema too and when it flares up it looks horrific but it doesn't bother my partner lol. He said its strange, if he saw it on any other woman he'd be disgusted, but because its on me, it dosnt bother him. When i say it looks horrific it really does look bad, i mean water oozes out of the skin (sorry for the description). Im sure youll find somebody who see's past your eczema and accepts it as part of who you are. Also, i find it strange your dad is rejecting women because they have curly hair. Your parents are telling you nobody willl marry you because of a skin condition, but they dont consider women because of their hair?
                    Yup that's true, obviously my dad didn't tell me up front, my little sister told me and I was thinking how on earth will I find anyone if my dad is this picky.

                    I know where you are comming from but parents say no girl will even look at me or their family. Because they probably don't want a guy with a skin condition to marry their daughter and all of that stuff.

                    But I don't know or probably won't know becuase they wont start looking for me until I have normal clear skin so only Allah knows whats gonna happen then.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

                      Bro,


                      I'm in my 20s, unmarried as well, have some physical problems, and engulfed in all this talk of marriage with my judgmental desi parents. So in a lot of ways I can feel you. The problem I noticed with myself and others is that we worry too much about if you can get married or not. Live in the moment bro, if you get married alhamdullilah if not then still alhamdullilah. Our primary object in life isn't to find our true love much like society would like us to believe. It's to worship Allah. It is truly a beautiful thing when you can get a spouse to share this with you but this should always be the goal.

                      My parents and I are opposites in our requirements and personalities so it seems kind of unlikely that I will ever get married is what I used to tell myself. I used to tell myself if I was in a compatible girl's shoes I would see many red flags with trying to get married with someone who carries as much baggage as me. But then I realized what use is life if you just mope around and think like that. You aren't doing yourself any favors, wont make anyone like you. What you should do is pray to Allah that you get fixed with someone who is the best for you and your parents in this life and the next.

                      I have eczema too and the topical steroids are a nice temporary fix for it. But that stuff apparently is really unhealthy so I try to use it as little as possible. Have you tried some natural remedies like apple cider vinegar +baking soda? Apparently that works for some people. Try to apply regular lotion as much as possible, have a bottle near your computer or wherever you spend the most time.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

                        Asalamu Alaikum,

                        Gotta be honest with you but you gotta man up and take things in your own hands. Start looking for a spouse for yourself by asking friends/imams/brothers in the community. I don't see the point of having your dad choose a spouse based on what he likes. Youre the one getting married not him.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

                          You said you just started praying and reading quran? Wondeful! Keep working on becoming a better Muslim and make Dua to Allah. Allah always listens to the duas of a believer in some way.
                          Nothing is impossible with Allah:o

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

                            Your dad has no say in who you as a man should marry. If he has ignorance issue then ignore it. Do you have this condition on your face?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Will I be able to get married with a condition...

                              Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
                              I meant mid 20's sorry for the mistake.

                              Well they wont do any of that until my skin is normal looking like everyone else, because first thing girl and her family will see are my looks, and based on that wont go any further into marriage..
                              Brother do not worry about this things. These things, apart from the fact that it cause you physical discomfort, are not significant in the sense that it won't affect a person 's respect and likeness for your nature and personality.

                              My husband has Psoriasis, and it really get flared up in summers. His arms , hands and any exposed areas get really inflammed. But it did not stop my father from liking and respecting him and it did not cause me any problem in accepting him.

                              But yes your father's overly picky and critical attitude is a problem. I hope he gets mellowed.

                              Comment

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