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HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

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  • #16
    Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

    As we have referred to above, some people reject the suitors who come to propose marriage to the women over whom Allaah has given them guardianship, even though they are compatible, but the girl may be too shy to go to the qaadi (judge) to ask him to arrange her marriage. This is something that really happens. But the woman should weigh up the pros and cons, and see which is worse: staying without a husband and letting this guardian who fools about and is careless control her life, then when she grows old and has no desire for marriage, he marries her off, or approaching the qaadi with a request to arrange her marriage, which is her shar’i right.

    more info http://islamqa.info/en/ref/98110/par...ing%20marriage
    Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

    -Quran (57:20)

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    • #17
      Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

      :salams
      :start:

      These matters are very fragile.I do not endorse betraying your parents for marriage.They have spent a lot of their life upon you.It will hurt them a lot if you marry someone they might not agree with.It is best to pursue your parents to agree.Show maturity, assuming you are only 20 years old.Consider showing maturity and a mature discussion can change the decision.
      صلى الله على حبيبه محمد و على آله و أصحابه و سلم
      Al-Muslimeen

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      • #18
        Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

        Originally posted by zahra59 View Post
        Salam, I am a 20 year old sister and there is a brother whom was a very good friend, but slowly we realised that we really liked one another and would really like to get married. In order to avoid any temptations, almost a year ago we decided it would be best to tell our families that we were ready to get married, his family agreed however mine would not due to the fact that he is from a 'lower caste'. We are both practicing muslims of bangladeshi decent and very well know that to judge one like this is haram but my family are making it very difficult for me and I just have no idea what to do. On one hand its heartbreaking to see my parents are so upset about me 'killing the family honour' by marrying into this caste but I want to fight for this as I know that their views are not right. I dont want to see them hurt but I dont want to me doing haram myself either as they have told me that marrying someone without their acceptance is not right, but i dont know how much of that is true. Should I get married and maybe lose my family or stick to what they believe in and give up on this. Could I just get married without their consent? Would be ever so grateful for some advice.
        i dont get this....

        so sister 'a' finds a MUSLIM brother who she wants 2 marry.
        OK? no!
        he has 2 b from the same country.
        but thats not all; he has to b from the same area
        but thats not all; he has to be from the same cast/tribe
        but thats not all; he has to b a non-outsider.
        but thats not all; he has to be earning such and suc.
        but thats not all; he has 2 have his own house/
        but thats not all; it depends if our cousins will like him.
        but thats not all; it depends what other random ppl may think. ppl who we only see once a year!

        for some parents, what OTHER ppl wil think means more 2 thm then the hapiness of their own son/daughter. My Allaah guide such parents

        in reality, such scenarios mean the child has no choice. marriage is the son/daughters choice,not the parents.yes parents can advice, but thats all. they can say no if they see an ISLAMIC valid reason, tho this scenario sems void of any valid reason.
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        • #19
          Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

          a bro i know, wanted 2 get married to a sis who is on deen, parents said no, so he just we pakistan,got married 2 a sis on deen (from the neighbourhood), rang his mum and told him he's married. She cudnt do much but just accept.

          tho i guess sisters cannot do this.
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          • #20
            Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

            also if u marry someone who ur parents choose then if/when u argue with ur spouse then ur parents wi te thier side.

            but if u marry who u want going against ur parent's decision, then if/when u argue with ur spouse ur parents will say things like 'oh u see, i was right wasnt i?' and other such headache argumnts 2 u.... it'll only make ur sadness go more knowing ur parents r not doing anything except rubbing it in....

            best option; stay single.
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            • #21
              Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

              Originally posted by TheAuthenticBase View Post
              i dont get this....

              so sister 'a' finds a MUSLIM brother who she wants 2 marry.
              OK? no!
              he has 2 b from the same country.
              but thats not all; he has to b from the same area
              but thats not all; he has to be from the same cast/tribe
              but thats not all; he has to b a non-outsider.
              but thats not all; he has to be earning such and suc.
              but thats not all; he has 2 have his own house/
              but thats not all; it depends if our cousins will like him.
              but thats not all; it depends what other random ppl may think. ppl who we only see once a year!

              for some parents, what OTHER ppl wil think means more 2 thm then the hapiness of their own son/daughter. My Allaah guide such parents

              in reality, such scenarios mean the child has no choice. marriage is the son/daughters choice,not the parents.yes parents can advice, but thats all. they can say no if they see an ISLAMIC valid reason, tho this scenario sems void of any valid reason.
              Subhanallah, this is sad but true. May Allah make it easy for those who wish to get married but are going through this. Ameen.
              ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

              ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

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              • #22
                Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

                Originally posted by shahpesh View Post
                In Islam there is also no such thing like friendship of a male and a female , if they could be friends before marriage then most obviously we can't just take her words and give her any such advice as if her parents are wrong and she is on the right path , It is a serious matter and her parents know her better that in what kind of family she can be happy with. Parents usually make such excuses of caste or colour just to discourage such a marriage where they see no or less compatibility ! Don't encourage her by telling her that her parents are ignorant when you don't know the point of view of her parents !
                I understand that in Islam there is no such thing as a male and a female friendship but I have known this brother from a young age at school and we both went on to study at the same universities so please just advice from what I have written without trying to judge.

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                • #23
                  Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

                  keep trying to convince your parents. this is so wrong, and has nothing to do with Islam, the guy is even Bangledashi what more do they want. i would be okay if my daughter wanted to marry someone as long as he is a good practicing muslim, the rest is not as impt.

                  just my 2 cents :)

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                  • #24
                    Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

                    You need to assess your situation financially, are you able to support yourself financially without their support if they were to severe ties with you? Coping emotionally is not a problem and comes with time.

                    In a situation like this, I would give my parents 6months to bring an acceptable alternative their happy with, if they are not able to and I am financially stable I would go ahead and marry. You only live once, you'll be in the grave alone and on the day of Judgement all these relationships you stress about mean absolutely nothing.

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