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HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

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  • HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

    Salam, I am a 20 year old sister and there is a brother whom was a very good friend, but slowly we realised that we really liked one another and would really like to get married. In order to avoid any temptations, almost a year ago we decided it would be best to tell our families that we were ready to get married, his family agreed however mine would not due to the fact that he is from a 'lower caste'. We are both practicing muslims of bangladeshi decent and very well know that to judge one like this is haram but my family are making it very difficult for me and I just have no idea what to do. On one hand its heartbreaking to see my parents are so upset about me 'killing the family honour' by marrying into this caste but I want to fight for this as I know that their views are not right. I dont want to see them hurt but I dont want to me doing haram myself either as they have told me that marrying someone without their acceptance is not right, but i dont know how much of that is true. Should I get married and maybe lose my family or stick to what they believe in and give up on this. Could I just get married without their consent? Would be ever so grateful for some advice.
    Last edited by zahra59; 27-11-12, 10:17 PM.

  • #2
    Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

    :salams
    :start:

    Could you please elaborate on what is the caste and the difference?
    صلى الله على حبيبه محمد و على آله و أصحابه و سلم
    Al-Muslimeen

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    • #3
      Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

      his caste is something which i believe they call 'maymal' which means that his ancestors were once fishmongers whereas my family came from educated backgrounds. However the brother whom i wish to marry is one who is studying and comes from a very educated background and aside from the different caste, my parents have no other reason as to why we cannot get married.

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      • #4
        Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

        :salams
        :start:

        May Allah help you.

        There is no caste in Islam nor will it ever be inshallah.I request you to purse your parents with patience and in best manner.Inshallah they will accept it.In the end the happiness of parents is in the happiness of children.
        صلى الله على حبيبه محمد و على آله و أصحابه و سلم
        Al-Muslimeen

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

          Originally posted by zahra59 View Post
          Salam, I am a 20 year old sister and there is a brother whom was a very good friend, but slowly we realised that we really liked another and would really like to get married. In order to avoid any temptations we decided it would be best to tell our families that we were ready to get married, his family agreed however mine would not due to the fact that he is from a 'lower caste'. We are both practicing muslims of bangladeshi decent and very well know that to judge one like this is haram but my family are making it very difficult for me and I just have no idea what to do. On one hand its heartbreaking to see my parents are so upset about me 'killing the family honour' by marrying into this caste but I want to fight for this as I know that their views are not right. I dont want to see them hurt but I dont want to me doing haram myself either as they have told me that marrying someone without their acceptance is not right, but i dont know how much of that is true. Should I get married and maybe lose my family or stick to what they believe in and give up on this? Would be ever so grateful for some advice.
          You are both bangladeshi's so I see no reason why you shouldn't get married, it's not like he is from a different country.

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          • #6
            Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

            lower caste? That still exists??

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            • #7
              Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

              I wish it was that simple, its been almost a year since I told them and it is still extremely difficult trying to convince them to let us go through with this marriage.

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              • #8
                Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

                I never heard of castes in Bangladeshi society although people still do discriminate on social and educational classes. But Bangladeshi Muslims don't have a set caste system like Punjabi muslims seem to have.

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                • #9
                  Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

                  Originally posted by zahra59 View Post
                  Salam, I am a 20 year old sister and there is a brother whom was a very good friend, but slowly we realised that we really liked one another and would really like to get married. In order to avoid any temptations, almost a year ago we decided it would be best to tell our families that we were ready to get married, his family agreed however mine would not due to the fact that he is from a 'lower caste'. We are both practicing muslims of bangladeshi decent and very well know that to judge one like this is haram but my family are making it very difficult for me and I just have no idea what to do. On one hand its heartbreaking to see my parents are so upset about me 'killing the family honour' by marrying into this caste but I want to fight for this as I know that their views are not right. I dont want to see them hurt but I dont want to me doing haram myself either as they have told me that marrying someone without their acceptance is not right, but i dont know how much of that is true. Should I get married and maybe lose my family or stick to what they believe in and give up on this. Could I just get married without their consent? Would be ever so grateful for some advice.
                  caste! are you lot hindus or something? damn yep their views are not right and i think you need to make a point :) keep trying to convince them to agree
                  Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

                  -Quran (57:20)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

                    Originally posted by illuminated 1 View Post
                    You are both bangladeshi's so I see no reason why you shouldn't get married, it's not like he is from a different country.
                    Even if they from a different county it shouldnt really matter, aslong as there muslims

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                    • #11
                      Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

                      I guess you should find some person whom your parents respect, so he/she can convince them to let you get married..

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

                        Don't go against your parents' wishes even if they are wrong,there will be no blessing in the marriage no matter if your love for each other is true. Ask those who have done that !

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                        • #13
                          Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

                          Originally posted by shahpesh View Post
                          Don't go against your parents' wishes even if they are wrong,there will be no blessing in the marriage no matter if your love for each other is true. Ask those who have done that !
                          Why should she suffer because of her parents ignorance. Sister you should find a respected member of the community or someone in your family who can talk to your parents. In Islam there is no such thing as a caste system. Have patience sister and inshallah your parents will agree.
                          ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

                          ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

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                          • #14
                            Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

                            Originally posted by Hannahk92 View Post
                            Why should she suffer because of her parents ignorance. Sister you should find a respected member of the community or someone in your family who can talk to your parents. In Islam there is no such thing as a caste system. Have patience sister and inshallah your parents will agree.
                            In Islam there is also no such thing like friendship of a male and a female , if they could be friends before marriage then most obviously we can't just take her words and give her any such advice as if her parents are wrong and she is on the right path , It is a serious matter and her parents know her better that in what kind of family she can be happy with. Parents usually make such excuses of caste or colour just to discourage such a marriage where they see no or less compatibility ! Don't encourage her by telling her that her parents are ignorant when you don't know the point of view of her parents !

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                            • #15
                              Re: HELP my parents wont let me get married to the one I love!

                              Originally posted by shahpesh View Post
                              In Islam there is also no such thing like friendship of a male and a female , if they could be friends before marriage then most obviously we can't just take her words and give her any such advice as if her parents are wrong and she is on the right path , It is a serious matter and her parents know her better that in what kind of family she can be happy with. Parents usually make such excuses of caste or colour just to discourage such a marriage where they see no or less compatibility ! Don't encourage her by telling her that her parents are ignorant when you don't know the point of view of her parents !
                              I'm going by what is written. The sister said this is the only reason why the brother was rejected. They chose to do the right thing by deciding to marry instead of keeping a haram relationship. Some parents would happily marry their offspring off just to keep the community and themselves happy whilst the child is suffering.
                              ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

                              ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

                              Comment

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