Those people who carry a baggage from the past don't find it easy to share it with anyone , but at some point in life you become ready to leave all the baggage from past and give it a new start...
so here's is my story
When I was 24, I fell in love with a very pretty girl , we wanted to marry each other but our parents opposed that marriage. We tried hard to convince our parents but found no way so we eloped and got registered our marriage in court. We told our parents about court marriage , they became very angry but atlast agreed to this marriage reluctantly. Our families were not happy with this marriage but my father still supported me and let me rent a separate house in a posh area with his money but my wife was not happy with that rented house , she belonged to a landlord family , she wanted all those luxuries which she used to enjoy in her father’s home. I tried my best whatever I could to fulfill her wishes but she was not happy. One day we had a fight and she left home and sent her father with divorce papers , for my signature, after a few weeks. I talked to her, begged her , cried a lot but she was adamant to that decision. I reluctantly signed divorced papers but was so badly hurt that I couldn’t do anything for one year.
It was that incident in my life which turned me towards Allah swt. I did every thing to please my wife but she left me so I realized i got what I deserved because Allah swt has given me everything but I am doing nothing to please Him. I started praying regularly , I left running after latest fashions and bought a few very simple shalwaar kameez, grew a long beard and became a bit practicing. I asked my family to find me a practicing muslima , I really didn’t need anything else , all I wanted from her to be a house wife. I had my plans and perhaps Allah swt wanted to test my imaan again. Then whatever happened I already told you in another thread .
I didn’t want to tell anyone about me but I have no one else to ask what’s wrong with me or what should I do to make my life normal. I am 37 now and I have only been in married life for almost a year and a few months in last 2 marriages. My family is forcing me to marry again but when I think about my only 5 years old daughter who is living with my ex-wife I leave the idea of marriage or perhaps it’s because I am too afraid to think about marriage again.
In last few months I did try to find a woman for marriage from a muslim matrimonial website , when I wrote the truth about my last two marriages(not all my story) in my profile no one contacted me then I made another profile and just told about my second marriage , many girls contacted me even some never married women. I left that website idea because if someone cannot accept me being truthful then i can’t feel like marrying one. Today my sister told me that one of her acquaintance family have seen me and introduced her with a divorced girl. My sister has done istikhara twice for her and asked me to do istikhara myself. I have read many marriage threads on this forum and found out there is no fool-proof way to find out about a marriage prospect other than istikhara. I’ll definitely do it but before that I want to know why things are going wrong with me again and again. I have seen both extremes in married life , most of the time I blamed myself , but when my first wife got divorced in her second marriage she sent me an email telling me it was her biggest mistake to leave my house like that and ask for divorce then I thought perhaps not the first but in the second marriage I was wrong.
Anyways , I have decided to try my luck again but I am too afraid to say yes to anyone. What should I do ? Should I go for another try ? Should I remain like that and live my life for my one and only child who is not with me at the moment ? Should I do Istikhara and leave the rest on Allah swt ?
so here's is my story
When I was 24, I fell in love with a very pretty girl , we wanted to marry each other but our parents opposed that marriage. We tried hard to convince our parents but found no way so we eloped and got registered our marriage in court. We told our parents about court marriage , they became very angry but atlast agreed to this marriage reluctantly. Our families were not happy with this marriage but my father still supported me and let me rent a separate house in a posh area with his money but my wife was not happy with that rented house , she belonged to a landlord family , she wanted all those luxuries which she used to enjoy in her father’s home. I tried my best whatever I could to fulfill her wishes but she was not happy. One day we had a fight and she left home and sent her father with divorce papers , for my signature, after a few weeks. I talked to her, begged her , cried a lot but she was adamant to that decision. I reluctantly signed divorced papers but was so badly hurt that I couldn’t do anything for one year.
It was that incident in my life which turned me towards Allah swt. I did every thing to please my wife but she left me so I realized i got what I deserved because Allah swt has given me everything but I am doing nothing to please Him. I started praying regularly , I left running after latest fashions and bought a few very simple shalwaar kameez, grew a long beard and became a bit practicing. I asked my family to find me a practicing muslima , I really didn’t need anything else , all I wanted from her to be a house wife. I had my plans and perhaps Allah swt wanted to test my imaan again. Then whatever happened I already told you in another thread .
I didn’t want to tell anyone about me but I have no one else to ask what’s wrong with me or what should I do to make my life normal. I am 37 now and I have only been in married life for almost a year and a few months in last 2 marriages. My family is forcing me to marry again but when I think about my only 5 years old daughter who is living with my ex-wife I leave the idea of marriage or perhaps it’s because I am too afraid to think about marriage again.
In last few months I did try to find a woman for marriage from a muslim matrimonial website , when I wrote the truth about my last two marriages(not all my story) in my profile no one contacted me then I made another profile and just told about my second marriage , many girls contacted me even some never married women. I left that website idea because if someone cannot accept me being truthful then i can’t feel like marrying one. Today my sister told me that one of her acquaintance family have seen me and introduced her with a divorced girl. My sister has done istikhara twice for her and asked me to do istikhara myself. I have read many marriage threads on this forum and found out there is no fool-proof way to find out about a marriage prospect other than istikhara. I’ll definitely do it but before that I want to know why things are going wrong with me again and again. I have seen both extremes in married life , most of the time I blamed myself , but when my first wife got divorced in her second marriage she sent me an email telling me it was her biggest mistake to leave my house like that and ask for divorce then I thought perhaps not the first but in the second marriage I was wrong.
Anyways , I have decided to try my luck again but I am too afraid to say yes to anyone. What should I do ? Should I go for another try ? Should I remain like that and live my life for my one and only child who is not with me at the moment ? Should I do Istikhara and leave the rest on Allah swt ?
Comment