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  • #31
    Re: Decisions decisions!

    Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
    why do you have such a big problem with women doing the cooking/houseworketc. if a brother even mentions cooking/housework and women in one sentence you start getting angry talking about how it's not a obligation, men can do it themselves, women have better things to do etc.

    what is wrong with women serving their husbands and families. there is nothing better for a women than to do this. you should be encouraging women to take up that role instead of talking about how it's not an obligation. seriously when your looking to get married are you going to tell him "my dad cooked for us in my home, that is what i'm used so i expect you to do all the cooking or buy me cooked food"! subhanallah whats he going to think.
    Fatima (RA) the daughter of the prophet :saw:, the best of women used to cook and clean till the skin on her hands became harsh. she is our role model.


    She's a feminist and we all know what they think of men, I would be suprised if she's married.

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    • #32
      Re: Decisions decisions!

      Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
      why do you have such a big problem with women doing the cooking/houseworketc. if a brother even mentions cooking/housework and women in one sentence you start getting angry talking about how it's not a obligation, men can do it themselves, women have better things to do etc.

      what is wrong with women serving their husbands and families. there is nothing better for a women than to do this. you should be encouraging women to take up that role instead of talking about how it's not an obligation. seriously when your looking to get married are you going to tell him "my dad cooked for us in my home, that is what i'm used so i expect you to do all the cooking or buy me cooked food"! subhanallah whats he going to think.
      Fatima (RA) the daughter of the prophet :saw:, the best of women used to cook and clean till the skin on her hands became harsh. she is our role model.
      Mashallah great post sis :up:
      ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

      ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

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      • #33
        Originally posted by drmo92:4937444
        Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
        why do you have such a big problem with women doing the cooking/houseworketc. if a brother even mentions cooking/housework and women in one sentence you start getting angry talking about how it's not a obligation, men can do it themselves, women have better things to do etc.

        what is wrong with women serving their husbands and families. there is nothing better for a women than to do this. you should be encouraging women to take up that role instead of talking about how it's not an obligation. seriously when your looking to get married are you going to tell him "my dad cooked for us in my home, that is what i'm used so i expect you to do all the cooking or buy me cooked food"! subhanallah whats he going to think.
        Fatima (RA) the daughter of the prophet :saw:, the best of women used to cook and clean till the skin on her hands became harsh. she is our role model.
        You (and MANY muslim men) seem to forget to mention that at the same time the prophet himself also cleaned his house. It's not a womans obligation to clean and cook (unless the man works 8+ hours a day and the woman does not). Women have two hands and 5 fingers on each, and guess what; so do men.. The sister is just simply pointing out that it's not the womans responsebility only, but a a daily task the the man too has to give attention to. It's called teamwork, and does not include the man sitting on the couch, directing the wife as far as what food to make goes.. I'm a guy btw..
        And she is a girl btw, faatima ,does it ring a bell?

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Massilia:4936957
          Originally posted by Curious George View Post
          thats quite rude women are required to cook if theyre able to do so
          Actually no , i have the right to ask the same treatment as I had when my dad was living with us and HE was cooking. And indeed i have the right to ask for cooked food. Next

          And no what is rude is seeing people acting like disabled when there are actually disabled people with amputated hands who'd give a kidney to have one hand back. If Allah has given you full members, use them
          Please tell ur potentials that, maybe one of them might break Usain bolt's record.

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: Decisions decisions!

            Originally posted by cooldog View Post
            Please tell ur potentials that, maybe one of them might break Usain bolt's record.
            Lol

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Decisions decisions!

              Originally posted by cooldog View Post
              Please tell ur potentials that, maybe one of them might break Usain bolt's record.
              :rotfl: sorry I had to laugh at the example.
              ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

              ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: Decisions decisions!

                Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
                why do you have such a big problem with women doing the cooking/houseworketc. if a brother even mentions cooking/housework and women in one sentence you start getting angry talking about how it's not a obligation, men can do it themselves, women have better things to do etc.

                what is wrong with women serving their husbands and families. there is nothing better for a women than to do this. you should be encouraging women to take up that role instead of talking about how it's not an obligation. seriously when your looking to get married are you going to tell him "my dad cooked for us in my home, that is what i'm used so i expect you to do all the cooking or buy me cooked food"! subhanallah whats he going to think.
                Fatima (RA) the daughter of the prophet :saw:, the best of women used to cook and clean till the skin on her hands became harsh. she is our role model.
                maashaaAllaah...
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                • #38
                  Re: Decisions decisions!

                  Originally posted by drmo92 View Post
                  You (and MANY muslim men) seem to forget to mention that at the same time the prophet himself also cleaned his house. It's not a womans obligation to clean and cook (unless the man works 8+ hours a day and the woman does not). Women have two hands and 5 fingers on each, and guess what; so do men.. The sister is just simply pointing out that it's not the womans responsebility only, but a a daily task the the man too has to give attention to. It's called teamwork, and does not include the man sitting on the couch, directing the wife as far as what food to make goes.. I'm a guy btw..
                  Yeah and it's important to remind our muslims bros and sis that Ali ra didnt sit on a couch ordering her around. His back was hurting him because of all the hard work he used to do, bringing water etc (thats what I heard in an audio) Allah knows best. If your husband works hard for you you should take care of the house. If he sits on the couch, sits with him though :p lol
                  but if you're worring over food then check your iman because if your life revolves around good dish then your stomach controls you...which would be quite pathetic to me.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Decisions decisions!

                    Originally posted by wisdom-17 View Post
                    Part of me tells me that because it is my first face to face meeting that I shouldn't settle at the first one and that I should see more people but another part of me tells me that what if I don't see people that are as nice as this girl?
                    Feel the same way. It feels weird to to marry the first person you meet, but that is not exactly a reason to reject someone if they are good and you like them.
                    Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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                    • #40
                      Re: Decisions decisions!

                      Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
                      why do you have such a big problem with women doing the cooking/houseworketc. if a brother even mentions cooking/housework and women in one sentence you start getting angry talking about how it's not a obligation, men can do it themselves, women have better things to do etc.

                      what is wrong with women serving their husbands and families. there is nothing better for a women than to do this. you should be encouraging women to take up that role instead of talking about how it's not an obligation. seriously when your looking to get married are you going to tell him "my dad cooked for us in my home, that is what i'm used so i expect you to do all the cooking or buy me cooked food"! subhanallah whats he going to think.
                      Fatima (RA) the daughter of the prophet :saw:, the best of women used to cook and clean till the skin on her hands became harsh. she is our role model.
                      You could have answered the op with your own input, but apparently, this day was boring for you so you went after my post, why not, this is a supposedly free country, so i'll try to be short :

                      you are your own person, you do what you want i don't care one dime. Nothing says i have to cook, KHALAS, end of it, game over, everybody is still alive, wow we escaped the end of the world

                      If it doesn't please mister, there are plenty of fishes in the world, im not dying to get married or whining every week 'why can't i get married", and considering your picture of it, alhamdullilah i am single. It does bother me to be mean and reject potentials, but but, frankly, i am not interested.
                      I have slightly more interesting and fulfilling stuff to do than cooking frying chicken


                      Please tell ur potentials that, maybe one of them might break Usain bolt's record.
                      Potentials are male, therefore their first criteria are not their first criteria if you see what i mean.
                      Second, if this potential is ready to "ditch" me for that, then i have nothing to do with an incapable
                      My Blog http://historyeyesopened.tumblr.com/ Watch out sister Nousername
                      Ummah forum mentality depiction by BBC (warning) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

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                      • #41
                        Re: Decisions decisions!

                        :wswrwb:

                        Originally posted by wisdom-17 View Post
                        We've seen and spoke to each other once.

                        I'm not exactly sure what the process is in how we communicate our decisions to each other. Is the onus on the side that decides that they don't want to go any further? So this way any awkwardness is avoided. I'm not entirely sure.

                        I'm going to request a second meeting with her to ask some questions I forgot to ask the first time around and will also try to get to know her personality a bit more. But obviously this all depends on if she wants to continue.
                        I think that's a wise decision, you should definitely consider a couple of more meetings or enough until you feel comfortable in whatever decision you want to go through with.

                        I'm not sure, but I'd presume the person that doesn't want to go through with any further meetings is the one who should let the other side know. That seems to be the most logical route, anyway.

                        Re. the comments in your first post:

                        It seems like you want to marry someone who wants to continue educating herself and I think if this is something very important to you, you ought to communicate that to her and get an appreciation of what her views are on this. I think what you want is reasonable, to a degree, the only compromise you might have to consider in this regard is someone still undertaking 'aalimah studies or who is still in further education. If this is as important to you as it seems, then I'd recommend you find someone who has already taken some efforts to study because it shows this matters to her and she already wants to do what it is she's doing without you being the main influence. I'm sure discussing this will also give you both more insight into how you both think, what you consider important, what you're willing to compromise over or not, etc.

                        As for the long answers, maybe that was just her nerves, she wanted to cover what she considered important, wasn't sure how to word what she wanted, etc. - there could be a number of reasons and is it really that big of an issue from one meeting?

                        I hope this goes well for you, or that Allah grants you something better, just don't rush.
                        Last edited by Soliloquy; 20-11-12, 12:03 AM.
                        Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                        O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                        We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: Decisions decisions!

                          Originally posted by Massilia View Post
                          You could have answered the op with your own input, but apparently, this day was boring for you so you went after my post, why not, this is a supposedly free country, so i'll try to be short :

                          you are your own person, you do what you want i don't care one dime. Nothing says i have to cook, KHALAS, end of it, game over, everybody is still alive, wow we escaped the end of the world

                          If it doesn't please mister, there are plenty of fishes in the world, im not dying to get married or whining every week 'why can't i get married", and considering your picture of it, alhamdullilah i am single. It does bother me to be mean and reject potentials, but but, frankly, i am not interested.
                          I have slightly more interesting and fulfilling stuff to do than cooking frying chicken




                          Potentials are male, therefore their first criteria are not their first criteria if you see what i mean.
                          Second, if this potential is ready to "ditch" me for that, then i have nothing to do with an incapable
                          All I can say is Alhamduliallah for the male gender you are single, please keep it that way.

                          Also, as u get older , u will see a shift in criterion if u know what I mean.
                          Last edited by cooldog; 20-11-12, 07:39 AM.

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                          • #43
                            Re: Decisions decisions!

                            Originally posted by wisdom-17 View Post
                            I don't expect my wife to do all the cooking 24/7.

                            Massilia, you're right, alhamdulillah I am not disabled and I would happily learn to cook for my family when I'm married. I'm living at home with my parents and siblings but my preference is to have my own accommodation with my wife as soon as possible. As neither of us know how to cook, it means we'll have to stay with my family in the short term until it we can stand on our two feet.

                            She is working full time and she made it clear that she doesn't really have any long term career plans and will most like switch to part time or quit when she has children.


                            I'm not saying its set in stone that a woman has to be able to cook, but I'm assuming in a lot of marriages it will make more sense in the long term for the wife to know how to cook because inevitably she will be spending more time at home due to children than the husband who will be working.
                            Brother, don't worry. These words says it all. She will try to be a good wife. From cooking to looking after children and family. She seems a family and wife material. Go for it.

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                            • #44
                              Re: Decisions decisions!

                              Originally posted by faatima18 View Post
                              why do you have such a big problem with women doing the cooking/houseworketc. if a brother even mentions cooking/housework and women in one sentence you start getting angry talking about how it's not a obligation, men can do it themselves, women have better things to do etc.

                              what is wrong with women serving their husbands and families. there is nothing better for a women than to do this. you should be encouraging women to take up that role instead of talking about how it's not an obligation. seriously when your looking to get married are you going to tell him "my dad cooked for us in my home, that is what i'm used so i expect you to do all the cooking or buy me cooked food"! subhanallah whats he going to think.
                              Fatima (RA) the daughter of the prophet :saw:, the best of women used to cook and clean till the skin on her hands became harsh. she is our role model.
                              Love your response.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: Decisions decisions!

                                Last week I didnt cook for almost a week.

                                We still ate well. My husband was happy and more importantly, the world didnt end.
                                https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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